Thine Ears Shall Bleed (2024) Andrew Hovelson, Hannah Cabell, Lucas Near-Verbrugghe, Lea Zawada, Duke Huston Directed by: Ben Bigelow
I found out about this movie from mistylane over at Cinema Scminema and thought it sounded at least somewhat interesting, so I went over to Tubi and found it. And, oh boy…
In the 1860’s American West, a minister and his family are traveling in a covered wagon when they hear a mysterious sound coming from the woods. Believing the sound to be God, they worship it, until they start to discover the sound might be something much more sinister.
I don’t often use Tubi, only as a last resort really, if what I’m looking for is there and nowhere else, cause Tubi has ads, and ads give me toothaches. But this sounded intriguing enough that I decided to watch it anyways. And while it wasn’t god-awful, it wasn’t great either. I believe mistylane was of the same opinion.
So first, the acting. It was bad. And the dialogue, worse. People just don’t talk like that, even in the 1860’s. The acting wasn’t quite bad enough to make my ears bleed (eh eh), but really, it wasn’t far. The son in particular was really bad. Which is too bad cause he was kinda cute. Maybe? It was actually hard to tell cause he kept making weird faces.
As for the story, it was an interesting concept. But a good part of the movie is just plain dull. Now, I do love me a good slow burn, but it still has to be interesting, the characters engaging, and this was neither. The first half is basically the characters just walking around. There had to be a better way to do this. Now the second half was much better than the first, but really, the bar was set real low. But there were actually some interesting things happening. And the twist, if it can be called that, was good, even if I did see it coming a mile away. They might have explored other mythologies to make it more interesting, but whatever, it was fine.
SPOILERS INCOMING
But the ending is where I have my biggest gripe. So Mr Booker, who we now know is Lucifer, is looking for a pure soul so he can escape the woods (ok? But why is he stuck in the woods in the first place?). The daughter was not, apparently because she wanted more in life than playing an organ in a tiny church. The wife was not because, and this is great, she sinned in independence. The father was not because he pridefully wanted a bigger flock to come to his church. He was also tricked into killing his wife, so definitely not pure. So that leaves the son. But he also killed. Booker told him he’d make him blind again if he didn’t shoot his father. And so he did. But how does this make him pure? Wouldn’t choosing to kill over being blind make him impure? Wouldn’t purity have been sacrificing his sight to save his father? And then, of course, he loses his sight again anyways as soon as they leave the woods, Booker telling him that he wouldn’t need it to enjoy what was coming, so it really was just another trick. But again, how is Luke pure after killing, but the father is not? I guess maybe I’m thinking about it too hard? Meh..
So, do I recommend it? No, not really. There’s the bare bones of a good story here, but all of the dressing isn’t great. I give it a ho-hum 4.5/10.
M.
This movie is currently streaming on Tubi and Fawesome.
The 2010’s saw a significant decline in the number of movies and shows I was watching. I was mostly watching science, history, and nature documentaries at this time. But I still managed to watch some bangers, so here are the 30 best films I saw in the 2010’s.
Number 30
Title:Before I Wake Year: 2016 Plot: After tragically losing their own son, a man and his wife welcome an eight-year-old foster child into their lives, and soon discover he has a strange ability. Starring: Kate Bosworth, Thomas Jane, Jacob Tremblay, Annabeth Gish, Topher Bousquet, Dash Mihok Directed by: Mike Flanagan Based on: An original screenplay written by Mike Flanagan and Jeff Howard. Notes: After seeing The Haunting of Hill House, I decided that Mike Flanagan was the one to watch, and promptly watched almost everything he did from that point on. Before I Wake is just a lovely dark fairy tale with just enough creep in it to call it a horror movie.
Number 29
Title:The Blackcoat’s Daughter Year: 2015 Plot: During winter break, two students stay in an all-girls boarding school in the company of a terrifying presence. Starring: Emma Roberts, Kiernan Shipka, Lucy Boynton, James Remar, Lauren Holly, Greg Ellwand, Elana Krausz, Heather Tod Mitchell Directed by: Osgood Perkins Based on: An original screenplay written by Osgood Perkins. Notes: Oz Perkins (son of the legendary Anthony Perkins) is definitely another one to watch, at least some of the time. I’ve seen only 3 of his films, but have loved 2 of them (I am the Pretty Thing that Lives in the House is a total snore-fest). They’re twisty-turny, and you’re never quite sure where he’s going with the story. I’ve been meaning to watch his 4 other films, but haven’t gotten around to it yet.
Number 28
Title:World War Z Year: 2013 Plot: Former United Nations employee Gerry Lane traverses the world in a race against time to stop a zombie pandemic that is toppling armies and governments and threatens to destroy humanity itself. Starring: Brad Pitt, Mireille Enos, Daniella Kertesz, James Badge Dale, Ludi Boeken, Matthew Fox, Fana Mokoena, David Morse, Peter Capaldi Directed by: Marc Forster Based on: The book World War Z written by Max Brooks. Notes: Now, I never read the book this film is based on. I’ve been told that had I read it, this movie would have insulted me. As it is, I found it a fun, popcorny good time.
Number 27
Title:Eli Year: 2019 Plot: A boy receiving treatment for his auto-immune disorder discovers that the house he’s living in isn’t as safe as he thought. Starring: Charlie Shotwell, Kelly Reilly, Max Martini, Lili Taylor, Sadie Sink, Deneen Tyler, Katia Gomez Directed by: Ciarán Foy Based on: An original screenplay written by David Chirchirillo. Notes: This one surprised me. I thought I was in for a standard haunted house fare, which isn’t a bad thing, but then it flipped the switch and became something totally unexpected. Quite a good little film. Even my boyfriend liked it, and he doesn’t do horror.
Number 26
Title:Ouija: Origin of Evil Year: 2016 Plot: In 1967 Los Angeles, a young girl tries to communicate with her late father through a Ouija board, but unleashes a demon instead. Starring: Elizabeth Reaser, Lulu Wilson, Annalise Basso, Henry Thomas, Parker Mack, Halle Charlton, Alexis G Zall, Doug Jones Directed by: Mike Flanagan Based on: An original screenplay written by Mike Flanagan and Jeff Howard. Notes: There’s some really bad cgi in this, but on the whole it’s really quite good. So much better than the first Ouija film. Mike Flanagan was really starting to show what an awesome filmmaker he is here. The Haunting of Hill House came soon after, and that show just blew me away.
Number 25
Title:The Innkeepers Year: 2011 Plot: During the final days at the Yankee Pedlar Inn, two employees determined to reveal the hotel’s haunted past begin to experience disturbing events as old guests check in for a stay. Starring: Sara Paxton, Pat Healy, Kelly McGillis, Alison Bartlett, Jake Ryan Directed by: Ti West Based on: An original screenplay written by Ti West, based on his real-life experiences at the supposedly haunted Yankee Pedlar Inn. Notes: This is definitely a slow burn, but unlike West’s other film House of the Devil, this one actually goes somewhere. There’s a nice, creepy atmosphere, an empty hotel is always a good choice for a haunting.
Number 24
Title:The Vatican Tapes Year: 2015 Plot: A priest and two Vatican exorcists must do battle with an ancient satanic force to save the soul of a young woman. Starring: Olivia Taylor Dudley, Michael Peña, Dougray Scott, John Patrick Amedori, Peter Andersson, Djimon Hounsou, Kathleen Robertson Directed by: Mark Neveldine Based on: An original screenplay written by Christopher Borrelli and Michael C Martin. Notes: I wasn’t expecting much when I pulled this out of the bargain bin at WalMart. Imagine my surprise when I actually loved it! No, it doesn’t reinvent the wheel, but it’s a fun, creepy good time.
Number 23
Title:Legion Year: 2010 Plot: An out-of-the-way diner becomes the unlikely battleground for the survival of the human race. When God loses faith in humankind, he sends his legion of angels to bring on the Apocalypse. Humanity’s only hope lies in a group of strangers trapped in a desert diner with the fallen Archangel Michael. Starring: Paul Bettany, Dennis Quaid, Adrianne Palicki, Charles S Dutton, Lucas Black, Tyrese Gibson, Kevin Durand, Doug Jones Directed by: Scott Stewart Based on: An original screenplay written by Scott Stewart and Peter Schink. Notes: A great idea executed very well, besides a little bit of questionable cgi. And how hot was Paul Bettany in this era? Whew! fans self
Number 22
Title:Evil Dead Year: 2013 Plot: Five friends head to a remote cabin to help one of them get clean, where the discovery of a Book of the Dead leads them to unwittingly summon up demons living in the nearby woods. Starring: Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, Jessica Lucas, Lou Taylor Pucci, Elizabeth Blackmore Directed by: Fede Alvarez Based on: An original screenplay written by Fede Alvarez and Rodo Sayagues, which is a soft reboot of the film The Evil Dead written and directed by Sam Raimi. Notes: I loved this film, but I will probably never watch it again. The gore is much more gory than I usually like it, but they did a really good job with this film. I hated the original, so I was hesitant to see this one, but was pleasantly surprised to see that all the silliness of the original was gone, replaced by a dour, bleak atmosphere.
Number 21
Title:Europa Report Year: 2013 Plot: An international crew of astronauts undertakes a privately funded mission to search for life on Jupiter’s fourth largest moon. Starring: Sharlto Copley, Michael Nyqvist, Christian Camargo, Embeth Davidtz, Daniel Wu, Karolina Wydra, Anamaria Marinca, Isiah Whitlock Jr Directed by: Sebastián Cordero Based on: An original screenplay written by Philip Gelatt. Notes: Some minor technical issues aside, this film is refreshingly accurate when it comes to science fiction. There was a great attention to detail, and it paid off. Very well done.
Number 20
Title:The Void Year: 2016 Plot: Shortly after delivering a patient to an understaffed hospital, a police officer experiences strange and violent occurrences seemingly linked to a group of mysterious hooded figures. Starring: Aaron Poole, Kathleen Munroe, Ellen Wong, Kenneth Welsh, Art Hindle, Stephanie Belding, James Millington Directed by: Jeremy Gillespie, Steven Kostanski Based on: An original screenplay written by Steven Kostanski and Jeremy Gillespie, although they were heavily inspired by HP Lovecraft’s Cthulhu Mythos. Notes: When cosmic horror is done right, it can be really awesome. When done wrong, it’s silly and dumb. This movie falls into the former category. So good. And the practical effects were really great. It’s always good to see filmmakers who don’t rely too heavily on cgi.
Number 19
Title:Insidious Year: 2010 Plot: Josh and Renai Lambert move into their new home with their three children. As a mysterious accident leaves their boy, Dalton, in a science-defying coma for months, blood-chilling occurrences in the house can only mean one thing: something evil has set its sights on robbing the Lamberts of what they hold dear. Starring: Patrick Wilson, Rose Byrne, Ty Simpkins, Lin Shaye, Leigh Whannell, Angus Sampson, Barbara Hershey, Joseph Bishara Directed by: James Wan Based on: An original screenplay written by Leigh Whannell. Notes: A creepy story written by Leigh Whannell, masterfully directed by James Wan, and a moody-ass, string-heavy score by Joseph Bishara, there was no way this film was going to be bad. I did find the last 20 minutes or so a little silly, but it was still very well done.
Number 18
Title:Incarnate Year: 2016 Plot: A scientist with the ability to enter the subconscious minds of the possessed must save a young boy from the grips of a demon with powers never seen before, while facing the horrors of his past. Starring: Aaron Eckhart, Carice van Houten, David Mazouz, Catalina Sandino Moreno, Keir O’Donnell, Matt Nable, Emily Jackson, Paul Vincent O’Connor Directed by: Brad Peyton Based on: An original screenplay written by Ronnie Christensen. Notes: I never see anyone talk about this movie, and it’s a damned shame. The idea is so good, I’m surprised I haven’t seen more like this. Aaron Eckhart was great as the broken scientist who’s still doing good in the world despite himself.
Number 17
Title:A Quiet Place Year: 2018 Plot: A family struggles for survival in a world invaded by blind alien creatures with ultra-sensitive hearing. Starring: Emily Blunt, John Krasinski, Millicent Simmonds, Noah Jupe, Cade Woodward Directed by: John Krasinski Based on: An original screenplay written by Bryan Woods, Scott Beck, and John Krasinski. Notes: Such a great idea and executed almost perfectly. Even the cgi aliens didn’t bother me so much, they were really well done.
Number 16
Title:Star Trek Into Darkness Year: 2013 Plot: After the crew of the Enterprise find an unstoppable force of terror from within their own organization, Captain Kirk leads a manhunt to a war-zone world to capture a one-man weapon of mass destruction. Starring: Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Zoe Saldaña, Karl Urban, Simon Pegg, John Cho, Benedict Cumberbatch, Anton Yelchin, Bruce Greenwood, Leonard Nimoy Directed by: JJ Abrams Based on: An original screenplay written by Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman, and Damon Lindelof. Based on characters created by Gene Roddenberry. Notes: I know I’m probably in the minority here, but I really loved this movie. It’s just a fun, action packed good time. Now, would I have loved it as much without Benedict? Hm, hard to say…
Number 15
Title:Devil Year: 2010 Plot: A group of strangers are trapped in an elevator while a detective watches them via the elevator’s security cameras. Soon it becomes clear that they aren’t alone in there, and they begin dying, one by one. Starring: Chris Messina, Logan Marshall-Green, Caroline Dhavernas, Bokeem Woodbine, Jenny O’Hara, Bojana Novakovic, Geoffrey Arend, Jacob Vargas, Matt Craven Directed by: John Erick Dowdle Based on: An original screenplay written by M Night Shyamalan and Brian Nelson. Notes: Another one that doesn’t get talked about enough. Such a simple premise, but it’s executed flawlessly. It’s always a gamble to have your entire film set in one location, but this was never boring.
Number 14
Title: Winter’s Tale Year: 2014 Plot: One night in winter, Peter Lake, orphan and master-mechanic, attempts to rob a fortress-like mansion on the Upper West Side. Though he thinks the house is empty, the daughter of the house is home. Thus begins the love between Peter and Beverly Penn, a young lady who is dying. Starring: Colin Farrell, Jessica Brown Findlay, Russell Crowe, William Hurt, Jennifer Connelly, Ripley Sobo, Scott Grimes, Graham Greene, Kevin Durand, Finn Wittrock, Will Smith, Novelisto D (Listo) the Horse Directed by: Akiva Goldsman Based on: The book Winter’s Tale written by Mark Helprin. Notes: Movies don’t get much more schmoopy than this, folks. Disgustingly romantic, filmed beautifully, with a haunting score by Hans Zimmer, this movie is simply beautiful. And bring a whole box of Kleenex. You’re gonna need it!
Number 13
Title:Sinister Year: 2012 Plot: A controversial true-crime writer finds a box of Super 8 home movies in his new home, revealing that the murder case he is currently researching could be the work of an unknown serial killer whose legacy dates back to the 1960s. Starring: Ethan Hawke, Juliet Rylance, Michael Hall D’Addario, Clare Foley, James Ransone, Vincent D’Onofrio, Fred Thompson, Nicholas King Directed by: Scott Derrickson Based on: An original screenplay written by Scott Derrickson and C Robert Cargill. Notes: This movie got a 6.8 on IMDb, which is amazing for a horror film. Ethan Hawke gives an amazing performance under Scott Derrickson’s masterful direction. It was a match made in heaven.
Number 12
Title:The Cabin in the Woods Year: 2011 Plot: Five young people visit a remote cabin and explore its cellar, finding strange items. When Dana reads from a book there, she unleashes zombie killers. But the situation is more complex than it appears. Starring: Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth, Anna Hutchison, Fran Kranz, Jesse Williams, Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford, Brian White, Amy Acker, Tom Lenk, Dan Payne, Jodelle Ferland Directed by: Drew Goddard Based on: An original screenplay written by Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard. Notes: I had no intention of seeing this film after watching the trailer. Meh, I thought, another teen slasher, no thanks. But then I saw it: “written by Joss Whedon”. And that changed everything. I was already a huge fan of his from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, so I had to see it. And boy, am I glad I did. This movie is the perfect balance of comedy and horror, and the idea is just so damn good. Sure, Joss Whedon is a piece of shit, but he knows how to write!
Number 11
Title:The Autopsy of Jane Doe Year: 2016 Plot: Sheriff Burke delivers an unidentified body to Tommy and Austin Tilden. As they perform an autopsy, impossible discoveries emerge. Each new finding deepens a mystery that threatens their survival. Starring: Brian Cox, Emile Hirsch, Olwen Catherine Kelly, Ophelia Lovibond, Michael McElhatton, Sydney the Cat Directed by: André Øvredal Based on: An original screenplay written by Ian Goldberg and Richard Naing. Notes: I had to wait so long to watch this film because it wasn’t available on any platform in Canada. Finally, I was able to buy it on YouTube, and let me tell you, it was worth all the trouble. This film is tense from start to finish, each new layer more interesting than the next.
Number 10
Title:Warm Bodies Year: 2013 Plot: After a highly unusual zombie saves a still-living girl from an attack, the two form a relationship that sets in motion events that might transform the entire lifeless world. Starring: Nicholas Hoult, Teresa Palmer, John Malkovich, Analeigh Tipton, Rob Corddry, Dave Franco, Cory Hardrict Directed by: Jonathan Levine Based on: The book Warm Bodies written by Isaac Marion, with some inspiration taken from William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. Notes: Parts funny, parts romantic, and parts tense, this film really delivers. Anyone saying it’s just Twilight with zombies has obviously never seen the film. The book is also good, albeit a bit darker.
Number 9
Title:Warcraft Year: 2016 Plot: As an Orc horde invades Azeroth using a magic portal, a few human heroes and dissenting Orcs must attempt to stop the true evil behind this war. Starring: Travis Fimmel, Paula Patton, Dominic Cooper, Toby Kebbell (v.o.), Ben Schnetzer, Ben Foster, Robert Kazinsky (v.o.), Ruth Negga, Daniel Wu (v.o.), Clancy Brown (v.o.), Anna Galvin (v.o.), Callum Keith Rennie, Burkely Duffield Directed by: Duncan Jones Based on: The Warcraft game series created by Blizzard Entertainment. Notes: As an avid player of World of Warcraft, I was super excited when this was announced. I waited with bated breath and when it finally came out, I went to see it on opening night, which I never do. And it did not disappoint. Besides engaging characters and clever dialog, this film looks beautiful. I generally don’t like when there’s too much cgi, but they really spared no expense making this movie, and you can see it. The Orcs look absolutely stunning, and the magic is suitably showy. Just wonderful.
Number 8
Title:The Avengers Year: 2012 Plot: Earth’s mightiest heroes must come together and learn to fight as a team if they are going to stop the mischievous Loki and his alien army from enslaving humanity. Starring: Robert Downey Jr, Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Hemsworth, Jeremy Renner, Tom Hiddleston, Clark Gregg, Cobie Smulders, Stellan Skarsgård, Samuel L Jackson, Gwyneth Paltrow, Paul Bettany (v.o.) Directed by: Joss Whedon Based on: The comic book series The Avengers created by Stan Lee for Marvel Comics. Notes: Before superhero fatigue set in, I was all about the Marvel films, and this first Avengers movie remains the best of them. Written and directed by Joss Whedon, it’s a fun, quippy, action packed good time.
Number 7
Title:Dracula Untold Year: 2014 Plot: As his kingdom is being threatened by the Turks, young prince Vlad Tepes must become a monster feared by his own people in order to obtain the power needed to protect his family, and the families of his kingdom. Starring: Luke Evans, Dominic Cooper, Sarah Gadon, Art Parkinson, Charles Dance, Diarmaid Murtagh, Paul Kaye, William Houston, Noah Huntley Directed by: Gary Shore Based on: A character from the book Dracula written by Bram Stoker (origin story). Notes: Absolutely wonderful. They did a great job with the origin story of Dracula as Vlad the Impaler. I very much doubt he was as loving and kind as he was portrayed in the film, but that’s besides the point. My only gripe with the film is Dominic Cooper, who’s quite white, as a Turk. Other than that, it’s almost perfect.
Number 6
Title:The Martian Year: 2015 Plot: An astronaut stranded on Mars must rely on his ingenuity to survive and arrange a potential rescue. Starring: Matt Damon, Jessica Chastain, Kristen Wiig, Jeff Daniels, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Sean Bean, Michael Peña, Kate Mara, Sebastian Stan, Benedict Wong, Mackenzie Davis, Donald Glover Directed by: Ridley Scott Based on: The book The Martian written by Andy Weir. Notes: I was very apprehensive about this movie. The book was one of the best I’d read in a long time, and I didn’t want Hollywood to ruin it. I also wasn’t thrilled at the casting of Matt Damon. Nothing against him, I just didn’t think he could pull off nerdy. Well, I had nothing to worry about. I think this has to be one of the best adaptations I’ve ever seen. Sure, there are parts missing, but that’s to be expected when you want to tell a story in or under 2 hours. Simply marvelous!
Number 5
Title:The Woman in Black Year: 2012 Plot: A young solicitor travels to a remote village where he discovers that the vengeful ghost of a scorned woman is terrorizing the locals. Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Ciarán Hinds, Janet McTeer, Shaun Dooley, Mary Stockley, Jessica Raine, Liz White Directed by: James Watkins Based on: The book The Woman in Black written by Susan Hill. Notes: Now this is how you do period piece horror! Dripping with atmosphere, it’s suspenseful and sometimes scary. It’s a great ghost story. I haven’t read the book, but I hear this was a good adaptation.
Number 4
Title:Crimson Peak Year: 2015 Plot: A new bride investigates ghostly visions at a remote gothic mansion that holds dark secrets. Starring: Mia Wasikowska, Tom Hiddleston, Jessica Chastain, Charlie Hunnam, Jim Beaver, Burn Gorman, Doug Jones Directed by: Guillermo del Toro Based on: An original screenplay written by Guillermo del Toro and Matthew Robbins. Notes: I actually wasn’t thrilled with this one the first time I saw it, mostly because it wasn’t entirely what I expected. But subsequent viewings changed my mind, and now I think it’s wonderful. The locations, the costumes, and yes, the actors, are all stunning.
Number 3
Title: Deliver Us from Evil Year: 2014 Plot: New York police officer Ralph Sarchie begins investigating a series of disturbing and inexplicable crimes. He joins forces with an unconventional priest schooled in the rituals of exorcism, to combat the frightening and demonic possessions that are terrorizing their city. Starring: Eric Bana, Edgar Ramírez, Olivia Munn, Joel McHale, Sean Harris, Chris Coy, Dorian Missick, Lulu Wilson, Olivia Horton Directed by: Scott Derrickson Based on: The book Beware the Night written by Ralph Sarchie and Lisa Collier Cool. Notes: I absolutely love this movie. It’s dripping with atmosphere (literally, it’s always raining), it’s tense and scary. All the actors do a standout job.
Number 2
Title: It Year: 2017 Plot: In the summer of 1989, a group of bullied kids band together to destroy a shape-shifting monster, which disguises itself as a clown and preys on the children of Derry, their small Maine town. Starring: Jaeden Martell, Finn Wolfhard, Sophia Lillis, Jeremy Ray Taylor, Jack Dylan Grazer, Chosen Jacobs, Wyatt Oleff, Nicholas Hamilton, Owen Teague, Jackson Robert Scott, Bill Skarsgård Directed by: Andy Muschietti Based on: The book It written by Stephen King. Notes: I have nothing but love for the original 1990 miniseries, Tim Curry was the bomb as Pennywise. But this is clearly the superior film. It’s tense, it’s scary, and it’s heartwarming all at the same time. The characters are wonderfully written (which is no surprise considering they’re Stephen King characters). And Bill Skarsgård really made the character his own and did an amazing job at it.
Number 1
Title:The Conjuring Year: 2013 Plot: Paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren work to help a family terrorized by a dark presence in their farmhouse. Starring: Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga, Lili Taylor, Ron Livingston, Shanley Caswell, Joey King, Hayley McFarland, Kyla Deaver, Shannon Kook, John Brotherton, Mackenzie Foy, Sterling Jerins, Steve Coulter, Joseph Bishara Directed by: James Wan Based on: The book House of Darkness, House of Light by Andrea Perron. Notes: Over the years, this has become my comfort movie. Whenever I’m not feeling well, or if I don’t know what to do with myself, I’ll throw this film on. It’s so well done, we really care about the family since they spend time getting to know them. Whatever your thoughts on the real Ed and Lorraine Warren are (cough frauds cough), there’s no denying that their stories make for excellent films!
And that’s it! I hope you enjoyed my list. What are your favourites of the 2010’s? Let me know!
Undertone (2025) Nina Kiri, Adam DiMarco (v.o.), Michèle Duquet, Keana Lyn Bastidas (v.o.), Jeff Yung (v.o.) Directed by: Ian Tuason
So, it’s no secret that I have nothing but disdain for A24. I find their movies boring and pretentious. But the premise for this one was so good that I couldn’t help myself. I made sure to stay away from the hype machine, and I tempered my expectations. And you know what? I was pleasantly surprised.
The host of an ‘all-things-creepy’ podcast moves into her dying mother’s house to be her primary caregiver. When her podcast is sent 10 audio recordings of a young pregnant couple experiencing paranormal noises, she realizes the woman’s story is a mirror of her own and each new recording scratches at her sanity, drawing her into a fate she seemingly cannot escape.
The story of the film is very simple, but it’s the execution where this film really succeeds. Since our main character Evy is the only actor you actually see on screen (besides her mother’s comatose form), they lean real heavily on the sound design, which was the whole gimmick of the film. The recordings become more and more creepy and strange things begin happening in her house. The camera work is slow, even in the tensest times, giving the whole thing a dream-like quality. The acting was quite good, both from our main character but also everyone we hear but don’t see. The fact that we don’t see anyone else besides Evy’s mother really drives home her sense of isolation and loneliness and the almost despair she feels at not having anyone help her care for her mother.
Now for the big question: is it scary? It was marketed as “the most terrifying film ever heard”, and I think they did a pretty good job at living up to that. It’s a mostly quiet film that has you straining your ears to see if you can hear something weird in the recordings, they don’t necessarily tell you everything that you should be hearing. There’re also moments of tremendous silence which were almost as creepy. The feeling of dread is heavy almost from the first frame and doesn’t let up for the whole film. There’re parts of the film where the screen is just black and you’re just listening and it actually freaked me out so much that I had to turn on a small lamp (I’m afraid of total darkness), and I can’t remember the last time a film did that to me. So yes, at least for me, it was scary.
So, do I recommend it? I do, as long as you don’t mind quiet, slow films. Action packed this is not. I give it a very good 8/10.
M.
This film isn’t streaming anywhere yet but is available for rent or purchase on Amazon Prime and YouTube.
Night Patrol (2025) RJ Cyler, Justin Long, Jermaine Fowler, Freddie Gibbs, Nicki Micheaux, YG, Flying Lotus, Phil Brooks, Nick Gillie, Dermot Mulroney
Ok, so.. I.. wow. And not a good wow. A “why did I actually sit through that whole piece of shit” kinda wow. Oh my gods…
An LAPD cop discovers a local task force is hiding a secret that puts the residents of his childhood neighborhood in danger.
Usually, I try and find at least one good thing to say about a film before I trash it. Maybe there’s good makeups, some decent acting, some little interesting thing that might save it. And ok, it had an interesting premise (otherwise I just wouldn’t have started the film at all), but it does literally nothing with it. So I might as well get into it.
So. First, the language. I have no idea what it’s like to be in a gang. I won’t pretend I know what it’s like to be black. But if I had a dollar for every time the N word was used, I’d be a rich lady. It was so over-used. And black stereotypes? All there.
The basic premise is there’s a special task force of the LAPD that are known as the “Night Patrol”, and they’re supposedly on gang watch. What it really is, is a bunch of neo-nazi vampires who just kill black people who live in the projects indiscriminately. Ok, so we have the evil LAPD officers against the “trash” that lives in the projects. Got it. OMG how did they convince black actors to star in this?? If I were black, I’d have taken one look at that script and told them to go fuck themselves. It makes me question what kind of people the white actors who were in this are. Yes, it’s that bad.
SPOILER WARNING (in case anyone wants to watch this turd)
So, our hero is a gangbanger named Wazi. His brother Xavier is an LAPD officer who wants to get into the Night Patrol, but we know he never will cause he’s black. Wazi’s girlfriend is killed by an initiate of the Night Patrol, an officer named Hawkins, who’s partner is Xavier. It’s being drilled into our heads that Hawkins is a good guy, even though he’s done some truly awful stuff (besides killing Wazi’s girlfriend, he’s also responsible for some war crimes that got swept under the rug). He eventually confides in his partner that he’s going into the Night Patrol cause he believes that they killed his father. But lo and behold, when he’s finally initiated into the Night Patrol, he finds his father leads them. The vampires then go after the people that live in the projects, put them in cages, newly turned Hawkins kills Xavier, then tries to resist, but he JUST CAN’T you guys! Did I mention that the only thing that stopped them was some Zulu mysticism? Oh yeah, that’s in there. So Wazi manages to kill Hawkins, then gets thrown in a room with the vampires, manages to kill Hawkins senior, throws himself into the pile of vampires surrounding him and we fade to black. Did you get all that? God, it was bad.
Now for the more technical stuff, I guess. The acting was bad. Really bad. Justin Long and Dermot Mulroney, who I both usually like, were AWFUL. Everyone was overacting. And not in a fun, “chewing the scenery” kinda way. The dialog was forced and just plain stupid. People just don’t talk like that. There weren’t extensive makeups, but everything that could have been done by makeup was done with cgi. Cgi bullet wounds (I miss squibs), cgi fire, cgi blood spurts, everything. The camerawork was all over the place, it was almost nauseating sometimes.
So do I recommend it? Good god, no. Absolutely not. Nope. Nope from space. This gets a 1/10 from me. What a waste of time.
M.
This movie is streaming on Shudder and AMC+ should you feel the need to watch the trainwreck for yourselves. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Until Dawn (2025) Ella Rubin, Michael Cimino, Odessa A’zion, Ji-young Yoo, Belmont Cameli, Maia Mitchell, Peter Stormare Directed by: David F Sandberg
I didn’t play the game much, but I did enjoy the vibe of it. I can’t really speak to how accurately the film follows the story of the game, but I had quite a good time with it.
One year after her sister Melanie mysteriously disappeared, Clover and her friends head into the remote valley where she vanished in search of answers. Exploring an abandoned visitor center, they find themselves stalked by a masked killer and horrifically murdered one by one…only to wake up and find themselves back at the beginning of the same evening. They soon realise that they must survive the entire night to get out of the time loop.
Reading reviews left on IMDb, I can see now that this was not a very faithful adaptation of the game. And I saw lots of people say they’d have liked it more had it not had the Until Dawn label on it and I can’t really say I understand that. You either liked the film or you didn’t. Warcraft wasn’t a frame-by-frame recreation of the Warcraft universe (Warcraft 1, 2, and 3, and World of Warcraft) and as an avid player of the game, I still adored that film. But I digress. How about I get to how I liked this film?
I actually quite liked it. No, it didn’t reinvent the wheel or anything, but I thought it was a solid film. The plot might be simple, but it was fun seeing the characters try to live through the same night over and over and, yes, even fun seeing them die. I’m not generally a huge fan of gore, but this one did it in a way that didn’t bother me. There were quite a few jumpscares but, really, this kind of film just calls for them. This isn’t a slow-burn, dread-filled affair, it’s a film about kids dying in a time loop. It knew exactly what it was and what it needed to do to be successful. The characters aren’t super deep, mostly cause we don’t really spend any time with them before the shit hits the fan. The actors did a fine job with what they were given.
Now for what is truly the centerpiece of the film: the makeup and gore effects. And those were stellar. The killers were suitably creepy, the visuals were amazing. The film really looked stunning, if blood and guts can be described as stunning. (Oh, and speaking of stunning, Odessa A’zion as Nina? fans self) There was great care taken to make sure things looked as good as possible with minimal use of cgi. I’ll take actors in masks and makeups over cgi monsters any day.
So do I recommend it? Sure, unless you’re crazy devoted to the game and won’t accept anything but a 100% recreation of the game. If that’s you, maybe skip this one. Me? I give it a solid 8/10. Fine popcorn fun!
M.
This film is currently streaming on Crave. You can also rent or buy on Amazon Prime or YouTube.
ps, my 5 Second Reviews are slowing becoming longer and longer. I may have to change the name of the series! hehe
Before I start, I have to right a horrible wrong in my 90’s list. I don’t know how, but there are 2 glaring omissions that would be in the list. 1995’s Copycat, starring Sigourney Weaver. And 1992’s Batman Returns, starring Michael Keaton. They would both be pretty high on the list, and I have no idea how I forgot them. There’s also one that would be in the honourable mentions, 1996’s Freeway, starring Reese Witherspoon. Seriously, my brain is a sieve sometimes. Ok, now that that’s out of the way, here we go.
By the 2000’s I had already started to watch less movies, so this list was a little easier to make. I still have a few honourable mentions, but not nearly as many as the 90’s list. So without any further ado, here are my top 30 films of the 2000’s.
Number 30
Title:Underworld Year: 2003 Plot: Selene, a vampire warrior, is entrenched in a conflict between vampires and werewolves, while falling in love with Michael, a human who is sought by werewolves for unknown reasons. Starring: Kate Beckinsale, Scott Speedman, Shane Brolly, Michael Sheen, Bill Nighy, Sophia Myles, Erwin Leder, Wentworth Miller, Kevin Grevioux Directed by: Len Wiseman Based on: An original screenplay written by Danny McBride. Notes: The 2000’s saw the beginning of the “slick horror” films, and this is a perfect example of that. It’s a goth’s wet dream, all latex and straps and beautiful people. It’s definitely a case of style over substance, but it’s still a fun popcorn movie.
Number 29
Title: The Count of Monte Cristo Year: 2002 Plot: A young man, falsely imprisoned by his jealous “friend”, escapes and uses a hidden treasure to exact his revenge. Starring: Jim Caviezel, Guy Pearce, Dagmara Dominczyk, Richard Harris, Luis Guzmán, Henry Cavill, James Frain, Patrick Godfrey, Michael Wincott Directed by: Kevin Reynolds Based on: The book Le Comte de Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. Notes: What a wonderful retelling of an already wonderful book. Plus, tiny 17 year old Henry Cavill is almost too adorable for words.
Number 28
Title:Zodiac Year: 2007 Plot: Between 1968 and 1983, a San Francisco cartoonist becomes an amateur detective obsessed with tracking down the Zodiac Killer, an unidentified individual who terrorizes Northern California with a killing spree. Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Robert Downey Jr, Mark Ruffalo, Anthony Edwards, Brian Cox, John Carroll Lynch, Chloë Sevigny, Elias Koteas, Dermot Mulroney Directed by: David Fincher Based on: The non-fiction books Zodiac and Zodiac Unmasked by Robert Graysmith. Notes: David Fincher proves yet again how good he with this type of film. Tense from start to finish, it’s an unflinching look at the horrors perpetrated by the Zodiac killer, and the toll it took on the detectives who worked the case. And after going through all the evidence myself, I have to agree with the film’s conclusion that Arthur Leigh Allen was the killer.
Number 27
Title:Silent Hill Year: 2006 Plot: Rose Da Silva takes her adopted daughter, Sharon, to the town of Silent Hill in an attempt to cure her of her ailment. After a violent car crash, Sharon disappears and Rose begins a horrific journey to get her back. Starring: Radha Mitchell, Laurie Holden, Sean Bean, Jodelle Ferland, Deborah Kara Unger, Kim Coates, Tanya Allen, Alice Krige Directed by: Christophe Gans Based on: The Silent Hill video game series created by Konami. Notes: This is one of those films that you only watch once, even though it’s really good. At least it is for me, and I’ll tell you why. Little girl barbeque *intense shudder*. But all the best elements of the game are beautifully, and horrifyingly, brought to life. It’s tense, it’s creepy, and better acted than other video game adaptations.
Number 26
Title: Shrek Year: 2001 Plot: A mean lord exiles fairytale creatures to the swamp home of a grumpy ogre, who must go on a quest and rescue a princess for the lord in order to get his land back. Starring: Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz, John Lithgow, Conrad Vernon, Vincent Cassel, Jim Cummings Directed by: Andrew Adamson, Vicky Jenson Based on: The children’s picture book Shrek! by William Steig. Notes: This film is so much fun. Mike Myers and Eddie Murphy play off each other perfectly, and the result is hilarious. There’s also a ton of slightly off colour jokes that adults will get but not the kids, so it’s fun for all ages.
Number 25
Title: The Mothman Prophecies Year: 2002 Plot: A recently widowed reporter goes to a small town to investigate strange, possibly supernatural, happenings. Starring: Richard Gere, Laura Linney, Will Patton, Lucinda Jenney, Yvonne Erickson, David Eigenberg, Debra Messing Directed by: Mark Pellington Based on: The non-fiction book The Mothman Prophecies by John Keel. Notes: A total hidden gem, I never hear people talk about this film, and it’s a real shame. It’s so good, very well acted, and tense. A good time.
Number 24
Title: Gladiator Year: 2000 Plot: A former Roman General sets out to exact vengeance against the corrupt emperor who murdered his family and sent him into slavery. Starring: Russell Crowe, Joaquin Phoenix, Connie Nielsen, Oliver Reed, Richard Harris, Derek Jacobi, Djimon Hounsou, Spencer Treat Clark Directed by: Ridley Scott Based on: While not based on a true story, it is historical fiction that uses real figures and settings to tell a fictional tale. Notes: Ancient history is something I eat right up, so even a fictional story set in ancient times is something I’ll likely love (unless they fuck it up completely).
Number 23
Title:Queen of the Damned Year: 2002 Plot: The vampire Lestat becomes a rock star whose music wakes up the equally beautiful and monstrous queen of all vampires. Starring: Stuart Townsend, Aaliyah, Marguerite Moreau, Vincent Perez, Paul McGann, Lena Olin, Matthew Newton, Claudia Black, Christian Manon, Bruce Spence, Tiriel Mora Directed by: Michael Rymer Based on: The books The Vampire Lestat and Queen of the Damned by Anne Rice (more or less…) Notes: Yes, I’m aware how bad this movie is. But that’s part of its charm! It’s only very loosely based on Anne Rice’s amazing novels, and while I wish they had gotten the same lush treatment that Interview did, I’m not at all upset with how this turned out. The soundtrack is absolutely killer, standouts being David Draiman’s Forsaken and Jay Gordon’s Slept So Long.
Number 22
Title:Jeepers Creepers Year: 2001 Plot: Trish and Darry are driving home for spring break when they encounter a being who eats parts of his victims to reshape its own body. Starring: Gina Philips, Justin Long, Jonathan Breck, Patricia Belcher, Eileen Brennan, Brandon Smith Directed by: Victor Salva Based on: While not a true story, the opening scene where Trish and Darry witness a man dumping a body is heavily influenced by a case in 1990. Ray and Marie Thornton witnessed Dennis DePue disposing of his wife’s body behind an abandoned schoolhouse. DePue subsequently chased the siblings in his van. Notes: Ok, I had no idea that the opening scene was based on a true story! It’s amazing what you can find out with a little research, hehe. But this film is so much fun, silly title aside. The Creeper is such a fun villain, and how cute was Justin Long in this??
Number 21
Title: Ice Age Year: 2002 Plot: Manny the mammoth, Sid the loquacious sloth, and Diego the sabre-toothed tiger go on a comical quest to return a human baby back to his father, across a world on the brink of an ice age. Starring: Ray Romano, John Leguizamo, Denis Leary, Goran Visnjic, Jack Black, Cedric the Entertainer, Stephen Root, Diedrich Bader, Alan Tudyk, Jane Krakowski Directed by: Carlos Saldanha, Chris Wedge Based on: An original screenplay written by Michael Berg, Michael J Wilson, and Peter Ackerman Notes: This has to be one of my very favourite animated films. It’s absolutely hilarious and heart-warming at the same time. It’s animated beautifully and has a simple yet wonderful message of love and acceptance.
Number 20
Title: Identity Year: 2003 Plot: Stranded at a desolate Nevada motel during a nasty rain storm, ten strangers become acquainted with each other when they realize that they’re being killed off one by one. Starring: John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Ray Liotta, John Hawkes, Alfred Molina, Clea DuVall, John C. McGinley, William Lee Scott, Jake Busey, Pruitt Taylor Vince, Rebecca De Mornay, Bret Loehr Directed by: James Mangold Based on: The book And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie (while not a direct adaptation, it adopts the same “ten strangers in an isolated location” premise and kills them off one by one, incorporating a modern twist). Notes: The film is so tense, so good, with a killer (pun totally intended) twist before twists were a dime a dozen. The only part of the film I dislike is the very last scene. It’s just over a minute long, and undoes everything the film was trying to do. I always turn it off just before this scene. It doesn’t exist to me.
Number 19
Title: Harry Potter(s) Year: 2001, 2002, 2004, 2005, 2007, 2009 Plot: The trials and tribulations of Harry Potter and his friends at a wizarding school while they try fight a villain long thought dead. Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson, Robbie Coltrane, Alan Rickman, Maggie Smith, Tom Felton, Matthew Lewis, Gary Oldman, James Phelps, Oliver Phelps, Bonnie Wright, Kenneth Branagh, John Cleese, Michael Gambon, Ralph Fiennes, Jason Issacs, Julie Walters, David Bradley, Mark Williams, Toby Jones (v.o.), Richard Harris, Helena Bonham Carter, Timothy Spall, David Thewlis, Emma Thompson, Warwick Davis, Brendan Gleeson, Robert Pattinson, Katie Leung, Clémence Poésy, Fiona Shaw, Evanna Lynch, Natalia Tena, Imelda Staunton, Richard Griffiths, Helen McCrory Directed by: Chris Columbus, Alfonso Cuarón, Mike Newell, David Yates Based on: The first 6 books in the Harry Potter series by JK Rowling (Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince) Notes: Ok, so maybe I’m cheating here, but I didn’t want a good chunk of the list to be Harry Potter films, so I lumped them all into one. Sure, the author is problematic, but HP Lovecraft was a raging racist. That doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy their work.
Number 18
Title:Mr Brooks Year: 2007 Plot: Mr Brooks is a well respected businessman who highlights as a serial killer. When he’s photographed at his latest murder site, he must do as the photographer says or he’ll be turned in to police. Starring: Kevin Costner, Demi Moore, William Hurt, Dane Cook, Danielle Panabaker, Marg Helgenberger, Ruben Santiago-Hudson, Lindsay Crouse Directed by: Bruce A Evans Based on: An original screenplay written by Bruce A Evans and Raynold Gideon. Notes: I’m a sucker for serial killer films, and I think this is one of the great ones. Except for the last two minutes. They change an otherwise cool and collected character into a blubbering mess, and I hate it. Another one I shut off before the end.
Number 17
Title:A Knight’s Tale Year: 2001 Plot: After his master dies, a peasant squire, fueled by his desire for food (and glory), creates a new identity for himself as a knight and enters jousting competitions. Starring: Heath Ledger, Mark Addy, Shannyn Sossamon, Paul Bettany, Laura Fraser, Alan Tudyk, Rufus Sewell, James Purefoy Directed by: Brian Helgeland Based on: While not a direct adaptation of a specific book, it is heavily inspired by Geoffrey Chaucer’s 14th-century work The Knight’s Tale from The Canterbury Tales. Notes: Melding middle ages with hints of the modern age, this film is so much fun. Heath Ledger made me absolutely swoon as William Thatcher, the squire who dreams of greatness. The jousting sequences are absolutely amazing!
Number 16
Title:1408 Year: 2007 Plot: Author Michael Enslin, who specializes in debunking paranormal occurrences, checks into the fabled room 1408 in the Dolphin Hotel in New York City and soon confronts genuine terror. Starring: John Cusack, Samuel L Jackson, Mary McCormack, Tony Shalhoub, Jasmine Jessica Anthony, Len Cariou, Isiah Whitlock Jr Directed by: Mikael Håfström Based on: The short story 1408 by Stephen King Notes: I actually wasn’t crazy about this film the first time I watched it. I’m not sure why I watched it again, but I’m glad I did. I quite love it now.
Number 15
Title:Pitch Black Year: 2000 Plot: A transport ship crashes and leaves its crew stranded on a desert planet inhabited by bloodthirsty creatures that come out during an eclipse. Starring: Vin Diesel, Radha Mitchell, Cole Hauser, Keith David, Lewis Fitz-Gerald, Rhiana Griffith, Claudia Black, John Moore Directed by: David Twohy Based on: An original screenplay written by David Twohy, Ken Wheat, and Jim Wheat. Notes: I might be in the minority here, but I absolutely love this film. It’s such an awesome, tense film with some great characters (plus a few throw away ones, but I suppose that’s par for the course for a horror movie).
Number 14
Title:Wall-E Year: 2008 Plot: In a future where humans have temporarily abandoned Earth, a trash-compacting robot falls in love with a flying droid and helps her on her quest to restore hope to mankind. Starring: Ben Burtt, Elissa Knight, Jeff Garlin, John Ratzenberger, Kathy Najimy, Sigourney Weaver, MackInTalk Digital Performer Directed by: Andrew Stanton Based on: An original screenplay written by Andrew Stanton and Jim Reardon. Notes: Who knew a film with so little dialog could be so engaging? I recently rewatched this and I loved it just as much as I did back then. Literally perfect film.
Number 13
Title: Signs Year: 2002 Plot: A widowed former reverend living with his children and brother on a Pennsylvania farm finds mysterious crop circles in their fields, which suggests something more frightening to come. Starring: Mel Gibson, Joaquin Phoenix, Rory Culkin, Abigail Breslin, Cherry Jones, M Night Shyamalan, Patricia Kalember, Merritt Wever Directed by: M Night Shyamalan Based on: An original screenplay written by M Night Shyamalan. Notes: I love this film. Sometimes heart-warming, sometimes spooky, it’s so well done. And it has one of the best jumpscares ever.
Number 12
Title:The Eye (Gin Gwai) Year: 2002 Plot: A blind musician receives a corneal transplant, only to discover she can see ghosts and terrifying supernatural visions, leading her to investigate the donor’s past. Starring: Lee Sin-Je, Lawrence Chou, Candy Lo, Chutcha Rujinanon, Yut Lai So, Edmund Chen, Yin Ping Ko, Wisarup Annuar Directed by: Danny Pang, Oxide Chun Pang Based on: An original screenplay written by the Pang brothers. They were inspired by a newspaper report they read about a girl who committed suicide after a corneal transplant. Notes: Forget the awful American remake with Jessica Alba, this Hong Kong/Singapore film is where it’s at. Tense and sometimes genuinely terrifying, this one will have you leery of elevators for years!
Number 11
Title:Repo! The Genetic Opera Year: 2008 Plot: A worldwide epidemic encourages a biotech company to launch an organ-financing program similar in nature to a standard car loan. The repossession clause is a killer, however. Starring: Alexa PenaVega, Anthony Stewart Head, Terrance Zdunich, Sarah Brightman, Paul Sorvino, Paris Hilton, Bill Moseley, Kevin ‘ohGr’ Ogilvie, Sarah Power Directed by: Darren Lynn Bousman Based on: A 2002 stage musical of the same name (originally titled The Necromerchant’s Debt) written and composed by Darren Smith and Terrance Zdunich. Notes: I generally am not a fan of musicals. The only exceptions, I guess, are animated films, but they don’t really fall under the umbrella of “musical”. But when I saw this, a goth musical starring a bunch of people I knew, I had to give it a try. And boy did I not regret it! This film is absolutely awesome, and all of the songs are amazing! Everyone did a great job with it, even, surprisingly, Paris Hilton.
Number 10
Title:X-Men, X2: X-Men United, X-Men: The Last Stand Year: 2000, 2003, 2006 Plot: In a world where mutants (evolved super-powered humans) exist and are discriminated against, two groups form for an inevitable clash: the supremacist Brotherhood, and the pacifist X-Men. Starring: Patrick Stewart, Hugh Jackman, Ian McKellen, Famke Janssen, James Marsden, Halle Berry, Anna Paquin, Rebecca Romijn, Brian Cox, Alan Cumming, Aaron Stanford, Shawn Ashmore, Kelsey Grammer, Ben Foster, Elliot Page, Cameron Bright Directed by: Bryan Singer, Brett Ratner Based on: The Marvel comic books created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby. The superhero team first appeared in The X-Men #1 in 1963, later becoming famous for the long-running Uncanny X-Men series and numerous spin-offs. Notes: I’m cheating again here by putting 3 films in one spot, but if I didn’t, there’d be 3 entries for X-Men in the list because I loved all three of these films. Yes, even the much maligned third one. I thought it was fun, didn’t get the adverse reaction it got.
Number 9
Title:Center Stage Year: 2000 Plot: A group of dancers from various backgrounds enroll at the American Ballet Academy in New York to make it as ballet dancers and each one deals with the problems and stress of training and getting ahead in the world of dance. Starring: Amanda Schull, Sascha Radetsky, Ethan Stiefel, Zoe Saldaña, Susan May Pratt, Peter Gallagher, Ilia Kulik, Donna Murphy, Eion Bailey Directed by: Nicholas Hytner Based on: An original screenplay written by Carol Heikkinen. Notes: I love dance movies, even bad ones, simply cause I love the dancing. This one is about ballet, and they hired actual ballet dancers to star in the film. And surprisingly, the acting doesn’t suffer for it. The dance sequences are amazing, and all the characters are engaging. Simply wonderful.
Number 8
Title:Frailty Year: 2001 Plot: A mysterious man arrives at the offices of an FBI agent and recounts his childhood: how his religious fanatic father received visions telling him to destroy people who were in fact “demons.” Starring: Bill Paxton, Matthew McConaughey, Matt O’Leary, Jeremy Sumpter, Powers Boothe, Luke Askew, Levi Kreis, Derk Cheetwood Directed by: Bill Paxton Based on: An original screenplay written by Brent Hanley, although he was heavily inspired by the real-life 70’s serial killer Joseph Kallinger. Kallinger was a religious fanatic who believed he was on a divine mission and forced his young son to help him kidnap and murder people. Notes: This is such an underrated gem of a film. It’s so tense, so disturbing, and everyone turns in amazing performances. I highly recommend seeing this film if you haven’t already!
Number 7
Title:From Hell Year: 2001 Plot: In 1888 London, a Scotland Yard investigator searches for Jack the Ripper, and a conspiracy begins to unfold. Starring: Johnny Depp, Heather Graham, Robbie Coltrane, Katrin Cartlidge, Susan Lynch, Ian Holm, Ian Richardson, Jason Flemyng, Terence Harvey, Lesley Sharp, Annabelle Apsion, Joanna Page Directed by: Albert Hughes, Allen Hughes Based on: The historical-fiction graphic novel From Hell by Alan Moore and Eddie Campbell. Both the movie and the book are based on a specific, largely discredited theory about the Ripper’s identity, which was popularized by Stephen Knight’s 1976 book, Jack the Ripper: The Final Solution. Notes: I actually didn’t love this movie the first time I saw it, although I couldn’t tell you why. It has everything I love in a good serial killer film, plus Johnny Depp to boot. But I love it now, even if this particular theory about the Ripper is horseshit. Crazy conspiracy theories make good cinema, however.
Number 6
Title:The Haunting in Connecticut Year: 2009 Plot: After a family is forced to relocate for their son’s health, they begin experiencing supernatural behavior in their new home and uncover a sinister history. Starring: Kyle Gallner, Virginia Madsen, Martin Donovan, Elias Koteas, Amanda Crew, Sophi Knight, Ty Wood Directed by: Peter Cornwell Based on: The book In a Dark Place: The Story of a True Haunting by Ray Garton and famous paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren. Supposedly based on a “true story”, and I put that in heavy quotations. Notes: This is only a loose retelling of the Warrens’ book, it’s got a lot of stuff added to it, and the Warrens themselves aren’t even in this movie. But it’s such a great little film. It’s spooky, atmospheric, and very well acted. This is a definite horror gem of the 2000’s. Plus, Kyle Gallner. Meow.
Number 5
Title:Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl Year: 2003 Plot: An intrepid blacksmith teams up with an eccentric pirate captain to save his love from an undead pirate crew. Starring: Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, Jack Davenport, Jonathan Pryce, Lee Arenberg, Mackenzie Crook, Zoe Saldaña Directed by: Gore Verbinski Based on: The classic Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney theme parks. The screenwriters Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio took the theme park ride’s atmosphere, iconic animatronic scenes, and pirate lore, and built an original swashbuckling adventure around them. Notes: When I heard they were making a movie based on a ride at a Disney theme park, I almost died laughing. “They’ve really hit rock bottom” I thought. But then I saw the film and I took it all back. It’s so much fun! Johnny Depp made one of the most iconic characters of the 21st century.
Number 4
Title:Constantine Year: 2005 Plot: Detective Angela approaches Constantine, a demon hunter, to help her investigate her twin sister’s mysterious death. As he digs deeper, he realizes that demons are trying to enter the human world. Starring: Keanu Reeves, Rachel Weisz, Shia LaBeouf, Pruitt Taylor Vince, Tilda Swinton, Gavin Rossdale, Djimon Hounsou, José Zúñiga, Peter Stormare Directed by: Francis Lawrence Based on: The Hellblazer graphic novels by Alan Moore, Steve Bissette, and John Totleben. Notes: I saw the movie before reading any of the comics, so imagine my surprise when I saw how different the film actually was. While I did enjoy the books, it’s the movie that I actually revisit. It’s just so good, everyone giving great performances, Keanu’s stoic nature actually perfect for this character.
Number 3
Title:The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King Year: 2001, 2002, 2003 Plot: A meek Hobbit from the Shire and eight companions set out on a journey to destroy the powerful One Ring and save Middle-earth from the Dark Lord Sauron. Starring: Elijah Wood, Ian McKellen, Viggo Mortensen, Orlando Bloom, Sean Astin, Cate Blanchett, Billy Boyd, Dominic Monaghan, John Rhys-Davies, Liv Tyler, Hugo Weaving, Christopher Lee, Ian Holm, Andy Serkis (v.o.), Sean Bean, Miranda Otto, Karl Urban, Bernard Hill, Brad Dourif, David Wenham, John Noble, Sala Baker Directed by: Peter Jackson Based on:The Lord of the Rings trilogy by JRR Tolkien Notes: I’m not really cheating here, since this is one long story that was actually filmed all at the same time. But what can I say about this? It’s so very good, the New Zealand landscape looking the part of a magical, lush, beautiful world. Every single character from the mains to the extras are doing their absolute best, and you can really see their dedication. Just amazing.
Number 2
Title:The Exorcism of Emily Rose Year: 2005 Plot: A lawyer takes on a negligent homicide case involving a priest who performed an exorcism on a young lady that resulted in her death. Starring: Laura Linney, Tom Wilkinson, Jennifer Carpenter, Campbell Scott, Colm Feore, Shohreh Aghdashloo, Joshua Close, JR Bourne, Mary Beth Hurt Directed by: Scott Derrickson Based on: The book The Exorcism of Anneliese Michel by Dr Felicitas Goodman. Also based on a “true story”. Notes: This film is at times poignant, at times tense, and at times downright scary. Jennifer Carpenter gives a tour-de-force performance as the possessed girl.
Number 1
Title: The Ring Year: 2002 Plot: A journalist must investigate a mysterious videotape which seems to cause the death of anyone seven days after they view it. Starring: Naomi Watts, Martin Henderson, David Dorfman, Brian Cox, Rachael Bella, Amber Tamblyn, Daveigh Chase Directed by: Gore Verbinski Based on: The book Ring written by Koji Suzuki. It is also a remake of the Japanese film Ringu. Notes: Finally, my absolute favourite film of the decade, The Ring is tense, scary, with buckets of atmosphere. The actors all do a great job. As a side note, the original dvd had a copy of the video that the characters watch in its entirety that you literally could not stop. They made it so that you couldn’t press stop, couldn’t pause, and I almost had a heart attack. I know it’s just a movie, but I really didn’t want to see the full video, haha.
Honourable mentions:
Troy Ginger Snaps Donnie Darko The Dark Knight Saw The Grudge Stardust Session 9 Inkheart The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Save the Last Dance Juno
And that’s it! Are your favourites on the list? Let me know, and stay tuned for the next (and last) in this series, the 30 best of the 10’s. I’ve got a list started for the 20’s, but I won’t be doing it til 2030, so I’ve got some time to think about it, lol. Or maybe I’ll do 2020 – 2025, then 2026 – 2029 when the time comes. We’ll see.
As Above, So Below (2014) Perdita Weeks, Ben Feldman, François Civil, Edwin Hodge, Marion Lambert, Ali Marhyar, Cosme Castro Directed by: John Erick Dowdle
This movie has been on my radar for a good while now, but I never quite got around to it. I generally don’t like found footage films, so that was probably the big reason I didn’t see it. But after seeing a YouTuber I like watching gush about it a few times, I decided to give it a go. And boy, do I kinda feel dumb now.
A team of explorers ventures into the forbidden areas of the Catacombs of Paris looking for the fabled Philosopher’s Stone and come to realize that not all is as it seems.
First, I gotta get the bad out of the way. There were some severely shaky cam moments that I really didn’t enjoy. A lot of shaky cam makes me nauseous. Thankfully, there wasn’t too much of it. And really, that’s all the bad I can say about this film. It was pretty awesome. The acting is usually pretty sketchy in these types of movies, but the cast all did a really good job. The film was actually filmed in the Catacombs, which is both awesome and creepy at the same time. I’d love to visit that one of these days. As a cool bit of trivia, this was the first ever production that secured permission from the French government to film in the Paris Catacombs, both in the public and in the off-limits area. They got permission the night before shooting began.
SPOILERS INCOMING
So after the group actually finds the stone, and a lot of other treasure, it triggers a trap that causes a cave in. The group are forced to go even deeper into the underground, and that’s when shit really starts to get weird. I loved the slowly unravelling mystery of what was going on, and when we finally see the inscription “Abandon all hope ye who enter here” I knew I was in for something special. And let me tell you, it did not disappoint. Hell has been depicted many ways over the decades, but I’ve never seen anything like this before. It’s such a great idea, being literally what’s in the title of the film. The idea that you’re in a hell of your own making, and only facing your trauma can set you free has been done before (very well in the wonderful film What Dreams May Come), but not quite like this. So if the only thing keeping you from watching this is the fact that it’s a found footage film, I can assure you that it’s such a good film that it makes the found footage element barely an issue.
So, do I recommend it? In case I haven’t made it clear yet, yes yes yes. Absolutely wonderful, it gets a 9/10 from me. It might have been a 10 if it hadn’t been found footage. Go watch it, now!
M.
This film is not currently streaming anywhere, but is available for rental or purchase on YouTube or Amazon Prime.
Color Out of Space (2019) Nicolas Cage, Madeleine Arthur, Joely Richardson, Brendan Meyer, Julian Hilliard, Elliot Knight, Tommy Chong, Josh C Waller Directed by: Richard Stanley
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see this one, which I guess is why it took so long for me to decide to watch. But I’m very glad I did.
The Gardner family lives on a remote farm. One night a meteor falls from the sky in a flash of light. The consequences of this might just be apocalyptic.
I’m generally not a fan of Nic Cage going nuts. I read the story this movie was based on, and didn’t think it would benefit from a Cage-ian meltdown (or 5). But I’m glad I finally watched it, it was quite good. Cage actually delivers what, for him, is a very subdued performance… for the first half anyways. He gets progressively more unhinged as the movie goes on, but in context, it really works. He’s supposed to be slowly losing his mind, and no one does that better than Cage.
The film looks beautiful. They decided on a stunning shade of pink for the actual colour, and it’s not a colour generally found in nature, so it gave everything a surreal, dreamlike quality when it was flying around. I have to give the movie major props for not trying to explain the colour, either. Lovecraft’s work is mostly about the unknown and unknowable, and this movie beautifully captured this. The colour simply was, no explanation needed. Actually, this movie has to be the most Lovecraftian Lovecraft adaptation I’ve ever seen, and that’s impressive.
Everything in the film is quite well done. The pacing, while a little slow at first, really finds its footing in the second half. The acting is all pretty good, the characters believable. The makeup and gore effects were pretty amazing, too. I won’t go too much into it, just in case anyone else hasn’t seen it yet and my review helps them wants to, but suffice to say the practical effects are on full glorious display and I was totally there for it.
So, do I recommend it? If you’re a fan of Lovecraft, yes, absolutely. If you need explications for things, you may not like it. Me? I give it a very good 8/10.
M.
This movie isn’t streaming anywhere (in Canada) right now, but it’s available for rent or purchase on Amazon Prime and YouTube.
ps: it was really hard for me to write the title as “Color”…
Annabelle Comes Home (2019) Mckenna Grace, Madison Iseman, Katie Sarife, Michael Cimino, Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson Directed by: Gary Dauberman
I was so excited when the first Annabelle movie came out because I’m such a big fan of the Conjuring franchise. And then I saw it and all the wind came out of my sails cause it sucked. Bad. So when this one came out, I had no intentions of watching yet another crappy spin-off. But I’m glad I finally did. It’s a good time.
Ed and Lorraine Warren bring the evil Annabelle doll to their house to contain the evil inside a glass case. But when the Warrens leave for the weekend and leave their young daughter Judy with a babysitter, the evil is accidentally unleashed to wreak havoc on the unsuspecting teens.
I had zero expectations going into this film. And while it doesn’t recreate the wheel or anything, it’s still fun. All the acting was good, which is always a bonus in horror movies. The plot, while slightly predictable and formulaic, was still good. It takes a while setting up the characters, so you actually care about them when shit starts to go south. There’s some decent atmosphere going on and, while not really scary, it’s still fun in its intensity. And they got me once with a very loud jump-scare. Usually I can tell they’re coming from a mile away, but this one got me, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. Well played, Annabelle Comes Home, well played. I will dock them a point for reusing a scare from The Conjuring 2, though. It would have been effective had we not seen it before.
Everything else was on par with what I’ve come to expect from a Conjuring movie. The makeup was really well done, it had some creepy set pieces, and it was nicely shot. And Joseph Bishara played the hell out of his strings, as per usual.
So, do I recommend it? Sure, with the caveat that you have to be a fan of the franchise. I’m not sure how much enjoyment one would get out of it if they weren’t already familiar with the characters and the world since the film doesn’t take much time to explain it. As for me, I give it a good 7/10. I had fun with it. Grab your popcorn and enjoy!
M.
This movie is not currently streaming anywhere (in Canada), but you can purchase or rent it from Amazon Prime or YouTube.
I didn’t remember just how many amazing movies were made in the 90’s. I must have made a list of 50 films I loved and then had to pair it down to 30. I was not happy. And then just as I thought I was finished the list, a movie that I forgot came to mind and I had to shift everything. But I finally decided upon 30, so here they are, my 30 favourite films of the 90’s.
Number 30
Title:Scream Year: 1996 Plot: In the small town of Woodsboro, California, a masked killer begins murdering high school students, and a group of friends must use their knowledge of horror movies to unmask the killer. Starring: Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox, David Arquette, Skeet Ulrich, Rose McGowan, Matthew Lillard, Jamie Kennedy, Drew Barrymore, Roger Jackson (v.o.) Directed by: Wes Craven Based on: An original screenplay written by Kevin Williamson, although he was heavily inspired by the true story of the “Gainesville Ripper”, Danny Rolling, who murdered several college students in 1990. Notes: So, I know, why is Scream all the way at number 30? Because I sometimes have weird tastes and there’s just 29 movies I love more, that’s why! But yes, of course, this movie is a modern classic. I’m generally not a fan of slashers, but this one is great.
Number 29
Title:The Iron Giant Year: 1999 Plot: A young boy befriends a giant robot from outer space that a paranoid government agent wants to destroy. Starring: Eli Marienthal, Harry Connick Jr, Jennifer Aniston, Vin Diesel, Christopher McDonald, John Mahoney, M Emmet Walsh, Cloris Leachman Directed by: Brad Bird Based on: The book The Iron Man by Ted Hughes. Notes: This has to be one of my favourite animations ever. It’s both hilarious and heartwarming. Keep some kleenex close, you’re gonna need it!
Number 28
Title:Practical Magic Year: 1998 Plot: Two witch sisters, raised by their eccentric aunts in a small town, face closed-minded prejudice and a curse which threatens to prevent them ever finding lasting love. Starring: Sandra Bullock, Nicole Kidman, Stockard Channing, Dianne Wiest, Aidan Quinn, Goran Visnjic, Evan Rachel Wood, Alexandra Artrip Directed by: Griffin Dunne Based on: The book Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman. Notes: The perfect blend of chick flick and supernatural. And how disgustingly beautiful were Sandra and Nicole?? My goodness..
Number 27
Title:The Matrix Year: 1999 Plot: When a beautiful stranger leads computer hacker Neo to a forbidding underworld, he discovers the shocking truth: the life he knows is the elaborate deception of an evil cyber-intelligence. Starring: Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss, Hugo Weaving, Joe Pantoliano, Marcus Chong, Gloria Foster, Matt Doran, Julian Arahanga, Anthony Ray Parker Directed by: Lana Wachowski, Lilly Wachowski Based on: An original script written by the Wachowski’s, but they admitted to being heavily inspired by the philosophical book Simulacra and Simulation by Jean Baudrillard. Notes: This movie is, in a word, iconic. Never mind the slew of sequels that got progressively worse, this movie was so good. Great ideas paired with top-notch action scenes; it was a must-see of the 90s.
Number 26
Title:The Craft Year: 1996 Plot: After transferring to a Los Angeles high school, Sarah finds that her telekinetic gift appeals to a group of three wannabe witches, who happen to be seeking a fourth member for their rituals. Starring: Robin Tunney, Fairuza Balk, Neve Campbell, Rachel True, Skeet Ulrich, Breckin Meyer, Christine Taylor, Assumpta Serna Directed by: Andrew Fleming Based on: An original screenplay written by Peter Filardi and Andrew Fleming. Notes: The other movie that came out in ’96 starring Neve Campbell and Skeet Ulrich, I personally prefer this one. Maybe it’s because I identified more with the outcast goth girls? Probably. But this is just a fun witchcraft movie that I can still enjoy even though I’m no longer a teen.
Number 25
Title:Dragonheart Year: 1996 Plot: The last living dragon and a disillusioned dragon-slaying knight must unite to stop an evil king, who was granted partial immortality. Starring: Dennis Quaid, Sean Connery (v.o.), Dina Meyer, David Thewlis, Pete Postlethwaite, Jason Isaacs, Brian Thompson Directed by: Rob Cohen Based on: An original screenplay written by Charles Edward Pogue and Patrick Read Johnson. Notes: I haven’t watched this since the early 2000s I’d wager, so I can’t be sure if the cgi holds up. But I remember it being pretty great.
Number 24
Title: The Prophecy Year: 1995 Plot: Archangel Gabriel is searching for the soul of a supremely evil human to win a war that’s raging between angels and bring hell on earth. Starring: Christopher Walken, Elias Koteas, Virginia Madsen, Eric Stoltz, Viggo Mortensen, Amanda Plummer, Adam Goldberg, Moriah Shining Dove Snyder Directed by: Gregory Widen Based on: An original screenplay written by Gregory Widen. Notes: Viggo as Lucifer is one of the most unsettling, even downright scary, things you’ll ever see. Holy crap.
Number 23
Title:To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar Year: 1995 Plot: Three drag queens travel cross-country until their car breaks down, leaving them stranded in a small town where they turn the resident’s lives upside down. Starring: Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes, John Leguizamo, Stockard Channing, Jason London, Jennifer Milmore, Blythe Danner, Beth Grant, Alice Drummond, Chris Penn, Arliss Howard Directed by: Beeban Kidron Based on: An original screenplay written by Douglas Carter Beane. Notes: I absolutely love this film and can watch it over and over. It’s so funny and heartwarming at the same time. And how beautiful is John Leguizamo as Chi Chi? My goodness..
Number 22
Title:The Mummy Year: 1999 Plot: At an archaeological dig in the ancient city of Hamunaptra, an American serving in the French Foreign Legion accidentally awakens a mummy who begins to wreak havoc as he searches for the reincarnation of his long-lost love. Starring: Brendan Fraser, Rachel Weisz, John Hannah, Arnold Vosloo, Kevin J O’Connor, Oded Fehr, Erick Avari, Jonathan Hyde, Patricia Velasquez, Omid Djalili Directed by: Stephen Sommers Based on: An original screenplay written by Stephen Sommers, although it is a re-imagining of the 1932 Universal film of the same name. Notes: Is this movie really only number 22? Wow, there were great movies in this decade! This film is so fun and of course I eat up anything even remotely about ancient Egypt. And 90’s Brendan Fraser? Yes please!
Number 21
Title: Ever After Year: 1998 Plot: Danielle de Barbarac is a spirited young woman forced into servitude by her wicked stepmother after her father’s death, who falls in love with Prince Henry after a chance meeting. Starring: Drew Barrymore, Anjelica Huston, Dougray Scott, Melanie Lynskey, Megan Dodds, Patrick Godfrey, Lee Ingleby, Kate Lansbury, Walter Sparrow, Matyelok Gibbs, Judy Parfitt, Timothy West, Jeroen Krabbé Directed by: Andy Tennant Based on: An original screenplay written by Susannah Grant, Andy Tennant, and Rick Parks, inspired by the 1697 Cinderella fairy tale written by Charles Perrault. Notes: One of my very favourite chick flicks. Such a beautiful story and stupidly romantic, Danielle is actually a good role model for women and girls to follow.
Number 20
Title:House on Haunted Hill Year: 1999 Plot: An amusement park mogul offers a group of diverse people $1,000,000 to spend the night in a haunted house with a horrifying past. Starring: Geoffrey Rush, Famke Janssen, Ali Larter, Taye Diggs, Peter Gallagher, Chris Kattan, Bridgette Wilson-Sampras, Max Perlich, Jeffrey Combs Directed by: William Malone Based on: An original screenplay written by Robb White and Dick Beebe. It is a loose remake of the 1959 movie of the same name starring Vincent Price. Notes: Now, I love Vincent Price, but gods was the original boring! And I have trouble with plastic skeletons on wires, I’ll be honest. This remake is slick and scary, perfectly updated for modern audiences.
Number 19
Title:Stargate Year: 1994 Plot: An Egyptologist and a retired US Army Colonel unlock an ancient ring-shaped device discovered in Giza. They travel through a wormhole to the desert planet Abydos, where they discover a human civilization enslaved by the alien Ra, who poses as a god, and work to overthrow him to return home. Starring: James Spader, Kurt Russell, Jaye Davidson, Alexis Cruz, Mili Avital, Erick Avari, Viveca Lindfors, Leon Rippy, John Diehl, Djimon Hounsou, Gianin Loffler Directed by: Roland Emmerich Based on: An original screenplay written by Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich, inspired in part by ancient astronaut theory, notably Chariots of the Gods by Erich Von Däniken. Notes: Marrying ancient Egyptian-like culture and space travel? Sign me up! It also doesn’t hurt that James Spader was an absolute fox.
Number 18
Title:Empire Records Year: 1995 Plot: A tight-knit group of record store employees are fighting to save their independent shop from becoming a corporate chain store in a single, chaotic day. Starring: Anthony LaPaglia, Rory Cochrane, Liv Tyler, Johnny Whitworth, Renée Zellweger, Robin Tunney, Ethan Embry, Debi Mazar, Maxwell Caulfield, Brendan Sexton III, Coyote Shivers, James ‘Kimo’ Wills Directed by: Allan Moyle Based on: An original screenplay written by Carol Heikkinen, based on her personal experiences working at a Tower Records in Phoenix, Arizona. Notes: I can’t even explain how much I love this film. I saw it when it first came out (I was 14), and I fell instantly in love with it, and have been ever since. Thankfully, it still holds up well today, and I give it a watch every once in a while, and it never fails to make me smile.
Number 17
Title:Seven Year: 1995 Plot: Two detectives try to track down a serial killer who chooses his victims based on the seven deadly sins. Starring: Morgan Freeman, Brad Pitt, Gwyneth Paltrow, R Lee Ermey, Richard Roundtree, Reg E Cathey, Peter Crombie, John Cassini, Kevin Spacey Directed by: David Fincher Based on: An original screenplay written by Andrew Kevin Walker. Notes: Such a brilliant piece of film. Well written, well acted, with a gut-punch of an ending that will stick with you long after the movie is done.
Number 16
Title:The Silence of the Lambs Year: 1991 Plot: A young FBI rookie is sent to ask the help of brilliant cannibalistic killer Dr Hannibal Lecter in catching another killer who kidnaps his victims, holds them for many days, then skins them to make a ‘woman suit’. Starring: Jodie Foster, Anthony Hopkins, Scott Glenn, Ted Levine, Anthony Heald, Frankie Faison, Brooke Smith, Lawrence T Wrentz, Diane Baker Directed by: Jonathan Demme Based on: The book The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris. Notes: This is, quite possibly, my favourite serial killer movie of all time. No surprises there, it’s such a classic. Did you know, despite having top billing, Anthony Hopkins only has about 18 minutes of screen time?
Number 15
Title:Stigmata Year: 1999 Plot: When a young woman becomes afflicted by stigmata, a priest is sent to investigate her case, which may have severe ramifications for his faith and for the Catholic church itself. Starring: Patricia Arquette, Gabriel Byrne, Jonathan Pryce, Nia Long, Thomas Kopache, Enrico Colantoni, Rade Serbedzija, Dick Latessa Directed by: Rupert Wainwright Based on: An original screenplay written by Tom Lazarus and Rick Ramage. Notes: My lifelong crush on Gabriel Byrne aside, this is just an awesome movie. I must have seen it over 20 times, maybe even more! I love religious horror when it’s done right.
Number 14
Title:It Year: 1990 Plot: In 1960, seven pre-teen outcasts fight an evil demon who poses as a child-killing clown. Thirty years later, they reunite to stop the demon once and for all when it returns to their hometown. Starring: Tim Curry, Richard Thomas, Jonathan Brandis, Annette O’Toole, Emily Perkins, Harry Anderson, Seth Green, Dennis Christopher, John Ritter Directed by: Tommy Lee Wallace Based on: The book It by Stephen King Notes: I watched this when it came out, which meant I was 9 years old. Pennywise traumatized the crap out of me, and I’ve hated clowns ever since. But despite all this, I loved it and still do. Part two is not nearly as good as part one, which is why it’s not higher on the list.
Number 13
Title:Hackers Year: 1995 Plot: Teenage hackers discover a criminal conspiracy with plans to use a computer virus that will capsize five oil tankers unless a ransom is paid. Starring: Jonny Lee Miller, Angelina Jolie, Jesse Bradford, Matthew Lillard, Renoly Santiago, Fisher Stevens, Laurence Mason, Lorraine Bracco, Marc Anthony, Wendell Pierce, Alberta Watson Directed by: Iain Softley Based on: An original screenplay written by Rafael Moreu. Notes: It was one of the first films to really get me interested in computers. And even though I was very disappointed to find out real hacking is nothing like what is shown in this film, I’ve always had my own computer since then. So much fun, so much eye candy, and to top it all off, a totally bitchin’ soundtrack.
Number 12
Title:The Crow Year: 1994 Plot: The night before his wedding, musician Eric Draven and his fiancée are brutally murdered by members of a violent gang. On the anniversary of their death, Eric rises from the grave and assumes the mantle of the Crow, a supernatural avenger. Starring: Brandon Lee, Michael Wincott, Rochelle Davis, Ernie Hudson, Bai Ling, Anna Thomson, David Patrick Kelly, Angel David, Laurence Mason, Michael Massee, Jon Polito, Tony Todd Directed by: Alex Proyas Based on: The graphic novel The Crow by James O’Barr Notes: I’m generally not a huge fan of action movies, but this was a huge exception. With its gothic esthetic and supernatural elements, this became one of my all-time favourite movies.
Number 11
Title:Event Horizon Year: 1997 Plot: A rescue crew is tasked with investigating the mysterious reappearance of a spaceship that had been lost for seven years. It did not come back alone. Starring: Laurence Fishburne, Sam Neill, Joely Richardson, Kathleen Quinlan, Jason Isaacs, Jack Noseworthy, Richard T Jones, Sean Pertwee Directed by: Paul WS Anderson Based on: An original screenplay written by Philip Eisner. Notes: This film scared the snot out of me when I first saw it when it came out (I was 16), and still manages to give me goosebumps today. A sign of a job well done!
Number 10
Title:The Exorcist III Year: 1990 Plot: As a police lieutenant mourns on the anniversary of his friend’s death (Father Karras, from the first film), a serial killer strikes whose MO is eerily similar to a killer’s who’s been dead for 15 years. Starring: George C Scott, Ed Flanders, Brad Dourif, Jason Miller, Nicol Williamson, Scott Wilson, Nancy Fish, and George DiCenzo Directed by: William Peter Blatty Based on: The book Legion by William Peter Blatty. Notes: This is the only sequel that The Exorcist should of had, instead of the abomination that was made (seriously, what the hell was that??) It’s a great story, and has real scares, with none of the camp that 90’s horror was so famous for. A real, under-rated gem. It also has the best jumpscare ever.
Number 9
Title:The Stand Year: 1994 Plot: After a man-made super flu kills 99% of the people on earth, the survivors band together into two groups, one drawn by dreams of a kind old lady, the others by an evil dark man. Starring: Gary Sinise, Molly Ringwald, Jamey Sheridan, Adam Storke, Laura San Giacomo, Ruby Dee, Rob Lowe, Corin Nemec, Matt Frewer, Miguel Ferrer, Ray Walston Directed by: Mick Garris Based on: The book The Stand by Stephen King. Notes: I saw this at 13 when it first aired on tv, and I hadn’t read the book yet, which was probably a good thing, since it allowed me to love the mini-series, and not continuously compare it to the book. When I read the book a few years later, I was amazed at how much extra stuff was in it, but my love of the show was already cemented. It’s hopelessly dated, but it’s still a fun watch.
Number 8
Title:Interview with the Vampire Year: 1994 Plot: A man who has lost his wife and baby in childbirth is offered immortality by a charming but ruthless vampire. We follow him through his centuries of life as he tells his story to a young writer. Starring: Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, Kirsten Dunst, Antonio Banderas, Christian Slater, Stephen Rea, Domiziana Giordano, Indra Ové, Thandie Newton Directed by: Neil Jordan Based on: The book Interview with a Vampire by Anne Rice. Notes: So beautiful and sumptuous. Incredibly acted and written, it follows the book quite closely (which is to be expected when the author writes the screenplay). A lot of the actors don’t look like their book counterparts, but the movie is so well done that I was able to forgive this.
Number 7
Title:Only You Year: 1994 Plot: As a teen, Faith was told that her destiny is with a man named Damon Bradley. Years later, when she’s about to marry someone else, a Damon Bradley calls to wish them well, and Faith blows off her wedding to follow Damon to Italy. Starring: Marisa Tomei, Robert Downey Jr, Bonnie Hunt, Joaquim de Almeida, Fisher Stevens, Billy Zane, Adam LeFevre, Siobhan Fallon Hogan Directed by: Norman Jewison Based on: An original screenplay written by Malia Scotch Marmo. Notes: Films don’t get much more schmoopy than this, folks. This is the very definition of romantic. My heart flutters a little every time I see it.
Number 6
Title:Clueless Year: 1995 Plot: Popular, rich girls Cher and Dionne decide to take a new, frumpy student under their wing and give her a makeover, while their love lives run amok. Starring: Alicia Silverstone, Stacey Dash, Brittany Murphy, Paul Rudd, Donald Faison, Elisa Donovan, Breckin Meyer, Jeremy Sisto, Justin Walker, Julie Brown, Twink Caplan, Wallace Shawn, Dan Hedaya Directed by: Amy Heckerling Based on: The book Emma by Jane Austen (loosely based). Notes: My favourite teen movie of all time. It’s over the top and ridiculous in so many ways, but the actors are all perfect in their roles, and the film comes off as completely sweet and charming instead of grating and self-indulgent, as rich teens probably actually are.
Number 5
Title:Jurassic Park Year: 1993 Plot: An industrialist invites some experts to visit his theme park of cloned dinosaurs. After a power failure, the creatures run loose, putting everyone’s lives, including his grandchildren’s, in danger. Starring: Sam Neill, Laura Dern, Jeff Goldblum, Richard Attenborough, Ariana Richards, Joseph Mazzello, Bob Peck, Martin Ferrero, Samuel L Jackson, Wayne Knight, BD Wong Directed by: Steven Spielberg Based on: The book Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton. Notes: The first, the original, and still the best. The effects more than hold up today.
Number 4
Title:Sleepy Hollow Year: 1999 Plot: A slightly eccentric Constable is sent to the small town of Sleepy Hollow to investigate killings that the locals are sure were committed by a ghostly headless horseman. Starring: Johnny Depp, Christina Ricci, Miranda Richardson, Michael Gambon, Jeffrey Jones, Casper van Dien, Richard Griffiths, Michael Gough, Marc Pickering, Lisa Marie, Ian McDiarmid, Christopher Walken Directed by: Tim Burton Based on: The book The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving. Notes: This is Burton and Depp at their very best, when the creative mojo was still mojoing, and they were still making terrific pictures together. The scenery is dark and brooding, the characters are all captivating, and Johnny Depp is, of course, absolutely gorgeous. Simply wonderful.
Number 3
Title:The Shawshank Redemption Year: 1994 Plot: A wrongfully convicted banker forms a close friendship with a hardened convict over a quarter century while retaining his humanity through simple acts of compassion. Starring: Tim Robbins, Morgan Freeman, Bob Gunton, William Sadler, Clancy Brown, Gil Bellows, James Whitmore, Mark Rolston Directed by: Frank Darabont Based on: The novella Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption by Stephen King. Notes: With an IMDb score of 9.3/10, I don’t really think I need to explain why this one is so good. The acting, the writing, the filming, everything is amazing. A wonderful story about the resilience of the human spirit.
Number 2
Title:The Sixth Sense Year: 1999 Plot: After being shot by a resentful former patient whom he failed to help, a Philadelphia child psychologist seeks redemption by treating a young boy with a disturbing secret. Starring: Bruce Willis, Haley Joel Osment, Toni Collette, Olivia Williams, Trevor Morgan, Mischa Barton, Donnie Wahlberg Directed by: M Night Shyamalan Based on: An original screenplay written by M Night Shyamalan Notes: I do love me a good old haunting. I remember when I saw this for the first time, I went to see it at the cinema with my cousin. We were both so blown away by that ending, we went back to see it again right after, just to see if we could spot any mistakes that would have the twist make no sense. We couldn’t. And thankfully, unlike a lot of films with such twists, this film is so good that even knowing what’s going to happen doesn’t take any enjoyment away from the film.
Number 1
Title:Bram Stoker’s Dracula Year: 1992 Plot: After seeing a photograph of a woman who resembles his long-dead wife, a centuries old vampire travels to England to find her. Starring: Gary Oldman, Winona Ryder, Anthony Hopkins, Keanu Reeves, Sadie Frost, Cary Elwes, Richard E Grant, Tom Waits, Monica Bellucci Directed by: Francis Ford Coppola Based on: The novel Dracula by Bram Stoker. Notes: I won’t deny the effect that the classics have had on modern film. Without the original Universal monsters, we might not have near as many great movies as we do. But it stands that I have trouble with old timey films. So I much prefer this one to the original. So lush, so beautiful, romantic, sometimes creepy. Simply put, perfect. Besides Keanu’s accent, of course! haha
And here are a few of the films that almost made the list, but not quite:
The Truth About Cats & Dogs While You Were Sleeping Stir of Echoes Cruel Intentions The Relic From Dusk Till Dawn The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert 10 Things I Hate About You Twister The Good Son The Lion King Get Real The Witches Army of Darkness Romeo + Juliet Little Women Fried Green Tomatoes Benny & Joon The Cutting Edge Dazed and Confused Dark City Total Recall Can’t Hardly Wait Cry-Baby Merlin The Frighteners The Pit and the Pendulum Subspecies Darkman
And there it was, my top 30 films of the 90’s! What are some of your favourites? Let me know!
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