Mel’s 5 Second Review: Good Boy

Good Boy (2025)
Indy the Dog, Shane Jensen, Arielle Friedman, Larry Fessenden, Stuart Rudin
Directed by: Ben Leonberg

I’ve been meaning to watch this film since it came out last year, but due to my weird moods, I hadn’t gotten around to it til now. I need to watch EXACTLY the right thing when I want to watch tv, otherwise I just won’t like it. It’s very weird, and annoying, cause that means I can flip endlessly through the streaming services to find something. But last night I just opened Shudder to see the new releases and decided, in record time, to watch Good Boy. And now I wish I’d seen it sooner.

A loyal dog moves to a rural family home with his owner, only to discover supernatural forces lurking in the shadows. As dark entities threaten his human companion, the brave pup must fight to protect the one he loves most.

First, let me say that Indy the dog is a good boy. A real good boy. In fact, he was such a good boy that he won the Astra Award for Best Actor in a Horror or Thriller Movie. He arrived at the ceremony in his little tie, and I almost lost it. Most of the time in films that use animals, more than one animal is used to play the same character because they’re trained in different things. But Indy did everything in this film. No, he didn’t do any circus tricks, but it was still impressive.

The story was almost excessively simple and bare bones, but that’s not a bad thing. The film is told in perspective of the dog, so it’s normal that we don’t get the whole view of things. The camera-work is slow and methodical, following our furry hero around the scary house. The sense of dread is heavy throughout, and focusing on Indy’s fear instead of his owner’s makes the film feel emotionally raw. I knew exactly what was happening throughout the film, having guessed it at the very beginning, but that didn’t dull the pain of what inevitably happened at the end of the film, and I’m not afraid to say that the tears flowed freely. I haven’t cried for a movie in 8 years, but this one got me.

So, do I recommend it? Yes, absolutely. Even if horror movies aren’t your bag, I think you’ll enjoy this movie. It gets an absolutely wonderful 9/10 from me. It might have gotten a 10, but it did drag a bit once or twice, but really, I’m nit-picking.

M.

This movie is currently streaming on Shudder and Crave in Canada, and on Shudder, AMC+, and Hulu in the States, and is available for rent or purchase on YouTube and Amazon Prime.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The First Omen vs Immaculate

Two years ago, in 2024, two movies came out that were so similar in plot that many people wondered what the point was. I wonder how that happens. Cause they had to be in production at the same time, so it’s not like one came out and the other copied it. It’s not the first time something like this has happened. A Quiet Place and The Silence came out a year apart. I didn’t even bother seeing The Silence since the plot was so similar. But after I saw The First Omen, I’d heard some good things about Immaculate and that it was doing its own thing, so I decided to watch it.

The First Omen (2024)
Nell Tiger Free, Ralph Ineson, Sonia Braga, Tawfeek Barhom, Maria Caballero, Charles Dance, Bill Nighy, Andrea Arcangeli
Directed by: Arkasha Stevenson

A young American woman is sent to Rome to begin a life of service to the church, but encounters a darkness that causes her to question her faith and uncovers a terrifying conspiracy that hopes to bring about the birth of evil incarnate.

First, to get it out of the way, Nell Tiger Free is a total babe. Like, whoa nelly! Her newest IMDb picture makes me sad, though, she went blonde. Not sure if that’s her natural hair colour, but she looks stunning with dark hair. Besides her looks, she’s got some serious talent. She did an amazing job in the role of a sweet but naïve nun in training. The rest of the cast also do a great job. The film also looks beautiful, the cinematography is on pointe. Filmed mostly in Italy, the locations are stunning. There are also some quite striking visuals that have now been seared into my brain (vagina hand, anyone?) The story was great. I was actually surprised at how much I liked this, seeing as I hated The Omen. Both the original and the sad 2006 remake. I’m glad that they did mostly their own thing, though, so they weren’t overly constrained with what they could do. Die hard fans were a little scandalized at that, though.

Immaculate (2024)
Sydney Sweeney, Álvaro Morte, Simona Tabasco, Benedetta Porcaroli, Giorgio Colangeli, Dora Romano, Giulia Heathfield Di Renzi
Directed by: Michael Mohan

Cecilia, a woman of devout faith, is warmly welcomed to the picture-perfect Italian countryside where she is offered a new role at an illustrious convent. But it becomes clear to Cecilia that her new home harbors dark and horrifying secrets when she becomes pregnant, seemingly by immaculate conception.

I had no intention of seeing this one after The First Omen. But I’d heard good things, so I put it on thinking, how similar could it really be? Very. The stories are basically the same. They’re even both set in Italy. Sydney Sweeney did a good job as the young nun in training. I didn’t know her before seeing this film, she’s in the kind of stuff that doesn’t interest me. But I had heard that people were sure that she’d be crap, mostly because she often plays a certain type of character and she dares show some skin, so people were thinking that that’s all she was. And while she wasn’t amazing, she did a perfectly serviceable job that hopefully shut people up. It was filmed in the same areas as The First Omen, so the locations were also gorgeous. It was a little slow in the first half but picked up nicely in the second. And the end went places I really wasn’t expecting, which is almost all there was from making it a carbon copy of The First Omen.

So, which one do I prefer? The First Omen, hands down. Immaculate had its moments, but The First Omen was engaging the whole way through. And of the two, it’ll be the only one I’m likely to revisit.

The First Omen gets a 9/10. Simply wonderful.
Immaculate gets a 7/10. A good time.

M.

The First Omen is streaming on Disney+ and Crave (in Canada) and on Hulu (in the States), and is available to rent or purchase on Amazon Prime and YouTube.
Immaculate is streaming on Netflix (in the States only), and is available for rent or purchase on Amazon Prime and YouTube.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Exhuma

Exhuma (2024)
Kim Go-eun, Choi Min-sik, Lee Do-hyun, Yoo Hai Jin, Kim Jae-cheol, Kim Sun-young, Lee Jong-goo, Lee Yeong-ran
Directed by: Jang Jae-hyun

This one’s been in my to-watch list since it came out 2 years ago, and I finally got around to it. And while I’m left slightly confused, I did enjoy my time with it.

After tracing a strange ailment to a remote grave site, a team of supernatural experts soon discovers what happens when you mess with the wrong grave.

So, this one was special. I can confidently say I’ve never seen anything quite like it. But honestly, that’s because this film leans heavily on Korean and Japanese folklore, so I had no idea what was going on half the time. The run time was also a little daunting, clocking in at 2 hours and 14 minutes. I’d say it was a little excessive, but really, it didn’t feel that long. It’s definitely a slow burn, but everything that’s in there kinda needs to be. I’d have been even more confused if anything had been left out.

On a technical level, this film is gorgeous. The colours, the camera work, everything worked in its favour. The acting was all around terrific, especially from our leading lady. I almost didn’t watch it cause when I put it on, on Prime, it was dubbed and I was like nope, I’m out. But then I thought to check the audio settings, and I changed it to original, and put English subtitles on and voila! No more awful dubbing. And from the little I heard, the dubbing was truly awful. And, because I’m contractually obligated to say so, the most beautiful Asian man I’ve ever seen is in this film (Lee Do-hyun as Yoon Bong-gil). I mean, holy hell…

So, do I recommend it? If you don’t mind experiencing other cultures, and slow burns don’t bother you, then yes, absolutely. I give it a pretty great 8/10. Now to go hunt down Lee Do-hyun’s other work…

M.

This film is currently streaming on Amazon Prime, AMC+, and Shudder.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: La Llorona

La Llorona (2019)
Sabrina De La Hoz, Margarita Kenéfic, Julio Diaz, Ayla-Elea Hurtado, María Mercedes Coroy, María Telón, Juan Pablo Olyslager
Directed by: Jayro Bustamante

Shudder has a tendency to dub movies that aren’t in English and I absolutely hate it. I’ll actually stop it, no matter how much I want to see it. I’ll pick the actor’s real voice every time, even if I don’t speak the language. Anyways, I was happy to see that this film wasn’t dubbed. And, oh boy, was it one of the very few things I actually liked about it.

Retired general Enrique and his family must face the truth of his actions and the sense that a supernatural force is targeting them for his crimes during the Mayan genocide.

This movie does have some good going for it. The story is actually excellent, although I seem to remember the La Llorona story being something quite different. Hold, let me go look it up… Ok, yes, it is different. Here’s what Google had to say about it: “La Llorona, or the Weeping Woman, is a famous ghost in Hispanic and Mexican folklore. The legend says a heartbroken or angry woman named Maria drowns her children in a river after her husband leaves her. She then kills herself. Cursed to wander the earth, her ghost cries out for her lost children near water.” (If a version of this sounds familiar, it’s because Supernatural’s pilot episode was about this, except they called her a Woman in White.) Water still features prominently in the story, just not quite in this way.

This, in my opinion, would have made a fantastic short film, maybe half an hour long. But there are just so many long shots of little to nothing happening that I was begging for something to happen. I spoke out loud to my tv, “something, anything, please, just stub your toe, even, come on”. I do enjoy a good slow burn, but this was glacial. The acting was mostly pretty good, and it did have some good looking shots.

I actually knew nothing of the real-world events that inspired this film. I thought that this was going to be a period piece, set during conquest. I was actually quite upset that it wasn’t! Looking it up after the fact and boy, do humans ever suck. Wouldn’t it really be nice for vengeful ghosts to come around and take care of these people?

So, do I recommend it? No, not really. It’s slow and mostly boring. It’s got a good final 10 minutes, but it’s not enough to save it. I give it a (generous) 4/10.

M.

This film is currently streaming on Shudder and AMC+.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Thine Ears Shall Bleed

Thine Ears Shall Bleed (2024)
Andrew Hovelson, Hannah Cabell, Lucas Near-Verbrugghe, Lea Zawada, Duke Huston
Directed by: Ben Bigelow

I found out about this movie from mistylane over at Cinema Scminema and thought it sounded at least somewhat interesting, so I went over to Tubi and found it. And, oh boy…

In the 1860’s American West, a minister and his family are traveling in a covered wagon when they hear a mysterious sound coming from the woods. Believing the sound to be God, they worship it, until they start to discover the sound might be something much more sinister.

I don’t often use Tubi, only as a last resort really, if what I’m looking for is there and nowhere else, cause Tubi has ads, and ads give me toothaches. But this sounded intriguing enough that I decided to watch it anyways. And while it wasn’t god-awful, it wasn’t great either. I believe mistylane was of the same opinion.

So first, the acting. It was bad. And the dialogue, worse. People just don’t talk like that, even in the 1860’s. The acting wasn’t quite bad enough to make my ears bleed (eh eh), but really, it wasn’t far. The son in particular was really bad. Which is too bad cause he was kinda cute. Maybe? It was actually hard to tell cause he kept making weird faces.

As for the story, it was an interesting concept. But a good part of the movie is just plain dull. Now, I do love me a good slow burn, but it still has to be interesting, the characters engaging, and this was neither. The first half is basically the characters just walking around. There had to be a better way to do this. Now the second half was much better than the first, but really, the bar was set real low. But there were actually some interesting things happening. And the twist, if it can be called that, was good, even if I did see it coming a mile away. They might have explored other mythologies to make it more interesting, but whatever, it was fine.

SPOILERS INCOMING

But the ending is where I have my biggest gripe. So Mr Booker, who we now know is Lucifer, is looking for a pure soul so he can escape the woods (ok? But why is he stuck in the woods in the first place?). The daughter was not, apparently because she wanted more in life than playing an organ in a tiny church. The wife was not because, and this is great, she sinned in independence. The father was not because he pridefully wanted a bigger flock to come to his church. He was also tricked into killing his wife, so definitely not pure. So that leaves the son. But he also killed. Booker told him he’d make him blind again if he didn’t shoot his father. And so he did. But how does this make him pure? Wouldn’t choosing to kill over being blind make him impure? Wouldn’t purity have been sacrificing his sight to save his father? And then, of course, he loses his sight again anyways as soon as they leave the woods, Booker telling him that he wouldn’t need it to enjoy what was coming, so it really was just another trick. But again, how is Luke pure after killing, but the father is not? I guess maybe I’m thinking about it too hard? Meh..

So, do I recommend it? No, not really. There’s the bare bones of a good story here, but all of the dressing isn’t great. I give it a ho-hum 4.5/10.

M.

This movie is currently streaming on Tubi and Fawesome.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Jack’s Back

Jack’s Back (1988)
James Spader, Cynthia Gibb, Jim Haynie, Robert Picardo, Rod Loomis, Rex Ryon, Chris Mulkey, Wendell Wright, John Wesley
Directed by: Rowdy Herrington

I remember seeing this in the video store back in the day, and I was always interested in seeing it. I had a massive crush on James Spader, and it was a Jack the Ripper adjacent film, so I’m really surprised I never actually picked it up. Well, I’ve finally rectified that.

A serial killer in Los Angeles celebrates Jack the Ripper’s 100th birthday by committing similar murders.

I’ve been staring blankly at the screen for a few minutes now, trying to decide if I’m going to include spoilers for the film because there is a rather significant twist about 20 minutes in that I’d hate to spoil for anyone who hasn’t seen the film and wants to. Ok, I’ll try do this with no spoilers.

First and foremost, James Spader, besides being an absolute hunnie, has charisma in spades (I didn’t do that on purpose, I swear!) and does a great job with the material. Cynthia Gibb as a potential love interest is also adorable, even in her giant glasses. The story is twisty-turney but never nonsensical, which can happen in these sorts of films. Seriously, every time I thought I had it all figured out, something else happened. The film seems more interested in the characters rather than the story at times, and in so doing makes us really care about them and what happens to them. The score is nice and moody, as it should be for this type of picture. The only real criticism I have of the film is that the whole thing lacks any sort of motivation. I’m sure they thought having a serial killer “celebrate” the Whitechapel murders would make for a good movie, but seemed to forget to add a why. Why did this person decide to do this? But that’s all the bad I have to say about it. It’s good otherwise. But I really am having trouble finding things to say without spoilers, so let’s make this a “real” 5 second review and end it here.

So, do I recommend it? Sure, if you don’t mind 80’s films. The 80’s literally threw up all over this movie, lol. As for me, I give this a pretty good 7.5/10.

M.

This movie is currently streaming on Amazon Prime, Plex, and Tubi. Enjoy!

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Undertone

Undertone (2025)
Nina Kiri, Adam DiMarco (v.o.), Michèle Duquet, Keana Lyn Bastidas (v.o.), Jeff Yung (v.o.)
Directed by: Ian Tuason

So, it’s no secret that I have nothing but disdain for A24. I find their movies boring and pretentious. But the premise for this one was so good that I couldn’t help myself. I made sure to stay away from the hype machine, and I tempered my expectations. And you know what? I was pleasantly surprised.

The host of an ‘all-things-creepy’ podcast moves into her dying mother’s house to be her primary caregiver. When her podcast is sent 10 audio recordings of a young pregnant couple experiencing paranormal noises, she realizes the woman’s story is a mirror of her own and each new recording scratches at her sanity, drawing her into a fate she seemingly cannot escape.

The story of the film is very simple, but it’s the execution where this film really succeeds. Since our main character Evy is the only actor you actually see on screen (besides her mother’s comatose form), they lean real heavily on the sound design, which was the whole gimmick of the film. The recordings become more and more creepy and strange things begin happening in her house. The camera work is slow, even in the tensest times, giving the whole thing a dream-like quality. The acting was quite good, both from our main character but also everyone we hear but don’t see. The fact that we don’t see anyone else besides Evy’s mother really drives home her sense of isolation and loneliness and the almost despair she feels at not having anyone help her care for her mother.

Now for the big question: is it scary? It was marketed as “the most terrifying film ever heard”, and I think they did a pretty good job at living up to that. It’s a mostly quiet film that has you straining your ears to see if you can hear something weird in the recordings, they don’t necessarily tell you everything that you should be hearing. There’re also moments of tremendous silence which were almost as creepy. The feeling of dread is heavy almost from the first frame and doesn’t let up for the whole film. There’re parts of the film where the screen is just black and you’re just listening and it actually freaked me out so much that I had to turn on a small lamp (I’m afraid of total darkness), and I can’t remember the last time a film did that to me. So yes, at least for me, it was scary.

So, do I recommend it? I do, as long as you don’t mind quiet, slow films. Action packed this is not. I give it a very good 8/10.

M.

This film isn’t streaming anywhere yet but is available for rent or purchase on Amazon Prime and YouTube.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Shrouds

The Shrouds (2024)
Vincent Cassel, Diane Kruger, Guy Pearce, Sandrine Holt, Elizabeth Saunders, Jennifer Dale, Jeff Yung
Directed by: David Cronenberg

This was a weird one, you guys. And not at all what I thought it was going to be. By the description given on Crave and IMDb, I thought this was going to be a nice haunting, ghosty story. I was very wrong. Also, I just had foot surgery and in a really unfair amount of pain, so I’ll try to be coherent as I write this, but it’s a little hard to focus, so forgive me.

Karsh, an innovative businessman and grieving widower, builds a device to connect with the dead inside a burial shroud. (See, doesn’t that sound supernatural??)

So this is a joined Canada/France production by David Cronenberg (who is Canadian). That should have at least prepared me for what was to come. I was very unprepared. French films are already super weird, but to add Cronenberg to the equation just upped the weird factor. So the story is actually about a man who invents a special kind of burial shroud that hooks to a screen in the grave marker that allows the mourners to actually see the body in the grave as it’s decaying. Why anyone would want that is beyond me, but apparently it comforts our main character. So while looking at his deceased wife’s skull one day, he notices what looks like tiny growths in her bones. Then comes the journey of trying to figure out what they are and where they came from.

Being a Cronenberg film I expected body horror, and while there’s less than one might expect from this director, the stuff that is there is pretty disturbing. I’m also actually surprised that he found an actress who would still do full nudity these days (and one of the most hardcore sex scenes I’ve seen in a film in a long time!). But that just added to the whole surrealness of the images. Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure a good amount of the effects were cgi and not practical which is what Cronenberg is kinda known for. It’s kind of a shame.

The acting was pretty good across the board. And it was filmed very well, but I expected that. Where the film suffered is in it’s telling of this story. It was so twisty-turny that it was hard to follow sometimes. I can’t really say anything more about the film without spoiling it, and I do feel this film needs to be experienced at least once. I mean, what’s a little incoherence amongst friends? It’s odd and slightly off-putting, but it’s not without its charm. The ending is pretty ambiguous, but I’m pretty sure I figured it out.

So, do I recommend it? Yes, with the caveat that you have to like weird films. Having seen a few French films already will help you get ready for this one, hehe. As for me, I give it a pretty good 7/10.

M.

This film is currently streaming on Crave, and is available for rent or purchase on Amazon Prime and YouTube.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Night Patrol

Night Patrol (2025)
RJ Cyler, Justin Long, Jermaine Fowler, Freddie Gibbs, Nicki Micheaux, YG, Flying Lotus, Phil Brooks, Nick Gillie, Dermot Mulroney

Ok, so.. I.. wow. And not a good wow. A “why did I actually sit through that whole piece of shit” kinda wow. Oh my gods…

An LAPD cop discovers a local task force is hiding a secret that puts the residents of his childhood neighborhood in danger.

Usually, I try and find at least one good thing to say about a film before I trash it. Maybe there’s good makeups, some decent acting, some little interesting thing that might save it. And ok, it had an interesting premise (otherwise I just wouldn’t have started the film at all), but it does literally nothing with it. So I might as well get into it.

So. First, the language. I have no idea what it’s like to be in a gang. I won’t pretend I know what it’s like to be black. But if I had a dollar for every time the N word was used, I’d be a rich lady. It was so over-used. And black stereotypes? All there.

The basic premise is there’s a special task force of the LAPD that are known as the “Night Patrol”, and they’re supposedly on gang watch. What it really is, is a bunch of neo-nazi vampires who just kill black people who live in the projects indiscriminately. Ok, so we have the evil LAPD officers against the “trash” that lives in the projects. Got it. OMG how did they convince black actors to star in this?? If I were black, I’d have taken one look at that script and told them to go fuck themselves. It makes me question what kind of people the white actors who were in this are. Yes, it’s that bad.

SPOILER WARNING (in case anyone wants to watch this turd)

So, our hero is a gangbanger named Wazi. His brother Xavier is an LAPD officer who wants to get into the Night Patrol, but we know he never will cause he’s black. Wazi’s girlfriend is killed by an initiate of the Night Patrol, an officer named Hawkins, who’s partner is Xavier. It’s being drilled into our heads that Hawkins is a good guy, even though he’s done some truly awful stuff (besides killing Wazi’s girlfriend, he’s also responsible for some war crimes that got swept under the rug). He eventually confides in his partner that he’s going into the Night Patrol cause he believes that they killed his father. But lo and behold, when he’s finally initiated into the Night Patrol, he finds his father leads them. The vampires then go after the people that live in the projects, put them in cages, newly turned Hawkins kills Xavier, then tries to resist, but he JUST CAN’T you guys! Did I mention that the only thing that stopped them was some Zulu mysticism? Oh yeah, that’s in there. So Wazi manages to kill Hawkins, then gets thrown in a room with the vampires, manages to kill Hawkins senior, throws himself into the pile of vampires surrounding him and we fade to black. Did you get all that? God, it was bad.

Now for the more technical stuff, I guess. The acting was bad. Really bad. Justin Long and Dermot Mulroney, who I both usually like, were AWFUL. Everyone was overacting. And not in a fun, “chewing the scenery” kinda way. The dialog was forced and just plain stupid. People just don’t talk like that. There weren’t extensive makeups, but everything that could have been done by makeup was done with cgi. Cgi bullet wounds (I miss squibs), cgi fire, cgi blood spurts, everything. The camerawork was all over the place, it was almost nauseating sometimes.

So do I recommend it? Good god, no. Absolutely not. Nope. Nope from space. This gets a 1/10 from me. What a waste of time.

M.

This movie is streaming on Shudder and AMC+ should you feel the need to watch the trainwreck for yourselves. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Until Dawn

Until Dawn (2025)
Ella Rubin, Michael Cimino, Odessa A’zion, Ji-young Yoo, Belmont Cameli, Maia Mitchell, Peter Stormare
Directed by: David F Sandberg

I didn’t play the game much, but I did enjoy the vibe of it. I can’t really speak to how accurately the film follows the story of the game, but I had quite a good time with it.

One year after her sister Melanie mysteriously disappeared, Clover and her friends head into the remote valley where she vanished in search of answers. Exploring an abandoned visitor center, they find themselves stalked by a masked killer and horrifically murdered one by one…only to wake up and find themselves back at the beginning of the same evening. They soon realise that they must survive the entire night to get out of the time loop.

Reading reviews left on IMDb, I can see now that this was not a very faithful adaptation of the game. And I saw lots of people say they’d have liked it more had it not had the Until Dawn label on it and I can’t really say I understand that. You either liked the film or you didn’t. Warcraft wasn’t a frame-by-frame recreation of the Warcraft universe (Warcraft 1, 2, and 3, and World of Warcraft) and as an avid player of the game, I still adored that film. But I digress. How about I get to how I liked this film?

I actually quite liked it. No, it didn’t reinvent the wheel or anything, but I thought it was a solid film. The plot might be simple, but it was fun seeing the characters try to live through the same night over and over and, yes, even fun seeing them die. I’m not generally a huge fan of gore, but this one did it in a way that didn’t bother me. There were quite a few jumpscares but, really, this kind of film just calls for them. This isn’t a slow-burn, dread-filled affair, it’s a film about kids dying in a time loop. It knew exactly what it was and what it needed to do to be successful. The characters aren’t super deep, mostly cause we don’t really spend any time with them before the shit hits the fan. The actors did a fine job with what they were given.

Now for what is truly the centerpiece of the film: the makeup and gore effects. And those were stellar. The killers were suitably creepy, the visuals were amazing. The film really looked stunning, if blood and guts can be described as stunning. (Oh, and speaking of stunning, Odessa A’zion as Nina? fans self) There was great care taken to make sure things looked as good as possible with minimal use of cgi. I’ll take actors in masks and makeups over cgi monsters any day.

So do I recommend it? Sure, unless you’re crazy devoted to the game and won’t accept anything but a 100% recreation of the game. If that’s you, maybe skip this one. Me? I give it a solid 8/10. Fine popcorn fun!

M.

This film is currently streaming on Crave. You can also rent or buy on Amazon Prime or YouTube.

ps, my 5 Second Reviews are slowing becoming longer and longer. I may have to change the name of the series! hehe