Monthly Archives: January 2015

Jan 27 2015

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Taking of Deborah Logan

The Taking of Deborah Logan
(2014) Jill Larson, Anne Ramsay, Michelle Ang, Ryan Cutrona, Anne Bedian, Brett Gentile, Jeremy DeCarlos, Tonya Bludsworth, and Julianne Taylor

the-taking-of-deborah-logan

SPOILERS AHEAD

Let me start by stating that I had absolutely no intention of watching this film when I found out it was a found-footage style film. I can count on one hand the number of these films I’ve enjoyed, I just don’t see the appeal. They’re supposed to be more frightening since it’s “more real”, I guess, but really all it is is annoying. The shaky camera, especially when the characters are running (and they always do at some point), is nothing except nausea inducing. You can’t even see what’s happening. It’s a genre that has long over-stayed it’s welcome, and I for one will be happy to see it go away. Alright, so, this film. After reading a few reviews, here and on movie sites, saying how good it was, I decided to go ahead and give it a watch, fully expecting to turn it off halfway. And I have to admit, it was pretty good. Jill Larson turned in a marvelous and rather creepy performance as Deborah, which is good since the rest of the cast is pretty mediocre. It was a little slow in some parts, but it built good suspense, so that was ok. That was the good. Now the bad. The ending left much to be desired. It had everything I mentioned I hated about found footage films, and then some. Running, incoherent yelling, the camera light flicking on and off, the image snowing in and out, tons of static, and it lasted for a good 20 minutes. So that knocked a point off its score. The main film student, Mia, was painfully stupid sometimes, so that knocked off another point. And then there was the whole snake thing, culminating in that moronic head-eating scene, and that squeezed another point off. For a film that had been good and scary, that ending was very much a disappointment. But everything before that was quite impressive, enough that it still manages a score of 7/10.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix and, despite its problems, I still reccomend it. Enjoy!

M.

Jan 25 2015

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Killer Inside Me

The Killer Inside Me
(2010) Casey Affleck, Kate Hudson, Jessica Alba, Ned Beatty, Elias Koteas, Tom Bower, Simon Baker, Brent Briscoe, Liam Aiken, Matthew Maher, and Bill Pullman

killer inside me

I had such high hopes for this one. There were a few really good actors in it, the story was interesting, but damn was this movie boring. It started out well enough, but after a while it just sort of petered out, as if the story got lost in the woods. And some of the characters really had no point, like Elias Koteas’ Joe. What was his point? He did nothing to further the story, nor did anything from his story turn out to be relevant to the plot of the film. He’s just sort of… there, to remind the audience that Lou is full of shit. Bullshit, for the birds, which he repeats no less than 5 times. The story was good though, so maybe I’ll track down the book and see if it’s any better than the film. Quite disappointing, I give this film a very mediocre 5/10.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. But don’t say I didn’t warn you :-p

M.

Jan 20 2015

My Top 11 Onscreen Incarnations of the Devil

Movies featuring the devil are numerous, but there’s really only a small amount of them that are good. With such a high schlock content, a lot of films about or starring the devil are awful, either being boring or stupid, or even both. But when done right, the devil can be downright terrifying, or as is the case in a few of my entries, really funny.

I’ll only be including films in which the devil is a physical manifestation, so no possession films (there’s one exception, because there’s possession and a physical being). I’ll likely do another post dedicated to that sub-genre, since there are so many. So without any further ado, let’s get this show on the road. Oh, and spoiler alert, as usual.

NUMBER 11

The Devil, Bedazzled

11 The Devil - Bedazzled

“Fair? Who do you think you’re talking to? I don’t recall anybody ever accusing me of being fair before. I think I’m insulted.”

Played by: Elizabeth Hurley
Scary or sexy: Sexy
His Goal: Getting Elliot’s soul after granting him his 7 wishes.
Alive at the end?: Yes
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

NUMBER 10

Old Woman, Devil

10 The Devil - Devil

“You think you can make some kind of bargain?”
“Take me instead.”
“STOP SAYING THAT!!”

Played by: Jenny O’Hara
Scary or sexy: Scary
His Goal: To collect the souls of four evil-doers trapped in an elevator.
Alive at the end?: Yes
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

NUMBER 9

Hades, Hercules

9 Hades - Hercules

“We dance, we kiss, we schmooze, we carry on, we go home happy. What do you say? Come on.”

Played by: James Woods
Scary or sexy: Scary
His Goal: To kill Hercules so he can’t mess up his plan of unleashing the Titans on Olympus.
Alive at the end?: Yes, but is trapped in the River Styx.
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

NUMBER 8

Randall Flagg, The Stand

8 Randall Flagg - The Stand

“Pleased to meet you, Lloyd. Hope you guessed my name.”
“Hunh?”
“Oh. Nothing. Just a little classical reference.”

Played by: Jamey Sheridan
Scary or sexy: Both
His Goal: To kill all the remaining good people left in the world after an apocalyptic flu kills almost everyone.
Alive at the end?: No
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: Blown up by a nuclear bomb brought in by Trashcan Man, and set off by the ghostly hand of Mother Abigail.

NUMBER 7

Satan, End of Days

7 Lucifer - End of Days

“You think I came here to hurt you? I didn’t come here to hurt you. I came here to love you. Give yourself to me.”

Played by: Gabriel Byrne
Scary or sexy: Sexy
His Goal: To impregnate a chosen young woman with the Anti-Christ.
Alive at the end?: Yes, but is trapped in Hell for the next thousand years.
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

NUMBER 6

John Milton, The Devil’s Advocate

6 Milton - The Devil's Advocate

“Free will. It’s like butterfly wings: once touched, they never get off the ground. No, I only set the stage. You pull your own strings.”

Played by: Al Pacino
Scary or sexy: Scary (sorry Pacino fans, this dude’s one scary mo-fo)
His Goal: To have his son, Kevin, impregnate his daughter, Christabella, with the Anti-Christ.
Alive at the end?: Yes
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

NUMBER 5

The Beast, Doctor Who

5 The Beast - Doctor Who

“This is the darkness. This is my domain. You little things that live in the light, clinging to your feeble suns, which die in the end… only the darkness remains.”

Played by: Will Thorp, Gabriel Woolf
Scary or sexy: Scary
His Goal: To get free of the planet prison that has been holding him for millennia.
Alive at the end?: No
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: The Doctor smashes the bonds holding the planet prison in orbit around a black hole so he’ll be sucked into it, at the same time Rose throws the possessed Toby out into space and towards the black hole.

NUMBER 4

Lucifer, Constantine

4 Lucifer - Constantine

“No. You will live, John Constantine. You will live so you will have the chance to prove that your soul truly belongs in hell. Oh, you will live. You will live.”

Played by: Peter Stormare
Scary or sexy: Scary
His Goal: To collect John Constantine’s soul.
Alive at the end?: Yes
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

NUMBER 3

Lucifer, The Prophecy

3 Lucifer - The Prophecy

“Little Tommy Daggett. How I loved listening to your sweet prayers every night. And then you’d jump in your bed, so afraid I was under there. And I was!”

Played by: Viggo Mortensen
Scary or sexy: A little of both, I’d say. Viggo’s an attractive man, but he’s so freaking creepy in this role!
His Goal: To stop the archangel Gabriel from stealing the Dark Soul and unleashing a second Hell. He also wants to collect Thomas and Katherine’s souls for his trouble.
Alive at the end?: Yes
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

NUMBER 2

Lucifer, Supernatural

2 Lucifer - Supernatural

“I’m sorry. It must be painful. Speaking to me in this… shape. But it had to be your brother. It had to be.”

Played by: Mark Pellegrino, Jared Padalecki
Scary or sexy: Both
His Goal: To use Sam as his vessel and bring about the apocalypse.
Alive at the end?: Yes and no
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: After allowing him into his body, Sam is able to retake control long enough to throw himself (with Lucifer still inside him) back into his Hell-prison.

NUMBER 1

Darkness, Legend

1 Darkness - Legend

“You think you have won! What is light without dark? What are you without me? I am a part of you all. You can never defeat me. We are brothers eternal!”

Played by: Tim Curry
Scary or sexy: Scary
His Goal: To kill the last remaining unicorn to envelop the world in eternal night. He also desires Lily.
Alive at the end?: No
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: Jack impales him with the unicorn horn, and he’s sucked into the void.

And that’s my list! Which onscreen incarnations of the devil are your favourites? Let me know in the comments, and stay tuned for more! 🙂

M.

Jan 20 2015

Mel’s 5 Second Review: My Little Pony – Equestria Girls

My Little Pony: Equestria Girls
(2013) Tara Strong, Ashleigh Ball, Andrea Libman, Tabitha St Germain, Cathy Weseluck, Rebecca Shoichet, Nicole Oliver, Vincent Tong, and Britt McKillip

my-little-pony-equestria-girls

I never really got into My Little Pony as a kid, so I didn’t even give this film a second glance when it arrived on Netflix some time last year. But my 4 year old son discovered the (new) show on his Netflix about 6 months ago, so we’ve been watching them almost every day. A few episodes are pretty bad, but on the whole it’s a fun show, and the little man loves it, especially Rainbow Dash. After having gone through all 4 seasons twice, I decided to see if he’d be interested in this film. I wasn’t sure, since the plot is about the ponies becoming human girls, I didn’t think he’d be that interested. But he was, very much so, so I put it on. Surprisingly (thankfully), it was actually quite good. Gabriel loved seeing each of the ponies transform into girls, and it was very amusing to watch Twilight Sparkle try to figure out how to behave like a human. Their motto, friendship is magic, is very important in this film, and of course it has a very saccharine ending, but I was expecting that, so it’s ok. There aren’t too many songs, either, which is definitely good. I have a theory about the number of songs in a film (that’s not supposed to be a musical) is directly related to how good or bad a film is (my best example being The Land Before Time and it’s thousand sequels, in which the first film has zero songs except during the credits, and is amazing, compared to the sequels which are 70% song, and suck balls… but I’m babbling again, aren’t I?) All in all, it’s fine family fun, and gets a very good 8/10 from me.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy! 🙂

M.