Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Fourth Kind

The Fourth Kind
(2009) Milla Jovovich, Will Patton, Hakeem Kae-Kazim, Corey Johnson, Enzo Cilenti, Elias Koteas, Eric Loren, Mia McKenna-Bruce, Raphaël Coleman and Charlotte Milchard

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So, this is a pretty big meh. Had a few good scenes, but nothing spectacular. Also the “actual footage” thing only works when said footage is real. The “real” Dr Taylor is played by an actress named Charlotte Milchard. That kinda kills the whole credibility thing. I had heard that the film was really scary, so my expectations were pretty high when I started watching it. Needless to say, my expectations were nowhere near met. A very disappointing 5/10.

This movie is currently streaming on Netflix, if you don’t wanna take my word for it.

M.

Fishiest Queens on RuPaul’s Drag Race (Seasons 1 to 4)

Have no idea what a fishy queen is? Let me explain. A drag queen described as “fishy” is a drag queen who looks like a woman so much that she could easily be mistaken for the real thing. The ladies in this list are the fishiest queens from seasons 1 to 4 of RuPaul’s Drag Race. This is not to say that these were my favourite contestants on the show, just the girliest. A good half of my favourites aren’t going to be in this list because, while totally fierce, you can still tell there’s a man under all that makeup. So here they are, my fishy queens, in alphabetical order (cause I’m too lazy to take the time to rank them in order of fishiness :-p ).

 

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We unfortunately didn’t get to see much of Alisa, she was the first to be sent home in season 4. She’s incredibly beautiful, but unfortunately the judges weren’t wowed by her “post-apocalyptic couture”, and she got the boot. Too bad, I’d have liked to see more of her.

 

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Carmen is dumber than a sack of bricks, and I felt like smacking her around a few times, but she really is gorgeous. Her first runway look of season 3 almost literally took my breath away. How a boy got blessed with a body like that is crazy (and unfair!! hehe).

 

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One of my top 5 queens, Chad is a stunner. Put her side to side (in full drag) with Cher, and it’d be mighty hard to tell the two apart!

 

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At the beginning of the season she was a little rough around the edges, but after a little grooming from Ru and the judges, she became one of the fiercest of the season. She beautiful, and it’s very easy to forget she’s really a man.

 

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Little Kenya! What she lacked in height, she certainly made up for in beauty. Absolutely stunning, and so fishy that even out of drag it’s hard to tell that she’s a boy.

 

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Definitely not one of my favourite queens, but it’s undeniable that she’s fishy. She’s got very soft, feminine features, it’s just too bad that, in fierceness, she was just so… meh.

 

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Abrasive the moment she opens her mouth, it was hard to root for her to take the crown (not that I was anyways, but that’s not the point :-p ). But she’s definitely beautiful, there’s no denying that. She’s feminine even out of drag, so once in drag it’s almost impossible to tell that she’s a he.

 

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I didn’t particularly like Mariah, despite her fishiness. She was a little stand-offish and cold, and always looked slightly bored. She’s definitely a dude out of drag, but the makeup completely transforms her, making it very easy to mistake her for the real thing.

 

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Oh Phi Phi. I spent most of season 4 just wanting her to go away, but drama gets the ratings (lord only knows why, ugh), so I had to put up with her till the very last episode of the season. She’s not always fishy, especially when she “drags too much” (puts on too much makeup, which I didn’t even know was a thing in the drag world), but when she tones it down and really tries for that real girl look, she nails it.

 

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Another queen who’s not always fishy (especially when she’s got that 5 o’clock shadow showing), but when she gets her makeup and hair just right, you can hardly tell that she’s a he.

 

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As beautiful as she is, I’d completely forgotten about her by the time I started making this post. Being that forgettable is a big no-no when you’re trying to be any kind of star, but most especially for a drag performer. But if fishiness was the only qualification needed, she’d definitely have been in the top.

 

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Stacy was all kinds of awesome. Such a kind, soft person, she almost doesn’t belong in the drag world. While she may not be many people’s definition of beauty, she is definitely one of the fishiest queens in the history of the show. Even out of drag, even naked, she still looked like a woman.

 

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I could never decide if I liked Tatianna or not. She’s undeniably beautiful, even more so than most women (bitch!), but she could be so annoying. And bitchy! Oh my god, so bitchy! I suppose that’s what happens when you’re that gorgeous… :-p

 

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I was so looking forward to a season with this quirky, fun performer, but unfortunately she failed to impress the judges, and was sent home first. I really don’t understand why. Yes, her “christmas couture” was a little busy, but I really liked it. And she looked stunning.

 

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With her eccentric look, Yara was one of my favourites. She wasn’t always fishy, but when she got it right, she got it damn right!

 

And that’s my list! I’ll eventually get around to watching the later seasons, and I’ll do an updated version of this post when I do, and I’ll also do a post of my favourite queens, the ones I was rooting for. But, till then, bye bye!! 🙂

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Stigmata

Stigmata
(1999) Patricia Arquette, Gabriel Byrne, Jonathan Pryce, Nia Long, Thomas Kopache, Rade Serbedzija, Dick Latessa, Portia de Rossi, and Enrico Colantoni

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The critics hated this film, audiences were torn (it’s one of those love it or hate it types), and me? I was on the love it side, all the way. In fact, I loved it so much that I named one of my cats Frankie! hehe There isn’t anything I didn’t like about the film. The actors were great (not Daniel Day-Lewis or Meryl Streep great, but still very good), the story was interesting, the visuals were beautiful, and, to top it all off, it’s got a bitchin’ soundtrack, featuring Chumbawamba (no, not that song), Massive Attack, Björk and David Bowie, and with a score written in part by The Smashing Pumpkins’ Billy Corgan. It’s a great movie with a great message. Plus, it’s got Gabriel Byrne playing a disturbingly sexy priest. He alone would have made the movie, so the fact that it’s awesome is just plain gravy, hehe. So, obviously, it gets a big ol’ 10/10 from me.

This movie is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy! 🙂

 

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Sleepy Hollow

Sleepy Hollow
(1999) Johnny Depp, Christina Ricci, Miranda Richardson, Michael Gambon, Jeffrey Jones, Casper van Dien, Richard Griffiths, Michael Gough, Marc Pickering, Lisa Marie, Ian McDiarmid and Christopher Walken

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I absolutely adore this film. This is Burton and Depp at their very best, when the creative mojo was still mojoing, and they were still making terrific pictures together. The scenery is dark and brooding, the characters are all captivating, and Johnny Depp is, of course, absolutely gorgeous (as is his co-star Christina Ricci). I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve watched this film, but I wouldn’t even be surprised if it was in the three figures. And my enjoyment of it has never faded. If you haven’t seen this and and are looking for an atmospheric horror flick, but don’t like a lot of splatter, then I reccomend this to you very highly. It walks that tightrope line of bringing some dark humour to the film, without making it silly. Harder to do than you might think, judging the number of really effective horror comedies out there (not that this is a comedy, but anyways..). If I could give it an 11, I would, but as it is, it gets 10/10.

This film is currently on Netflix. Enjoy!

 

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Frailty

Frailty
(2001)Bill Paxton, Matthew McConaughey, Matt O’Leary, Jeremy Sumpter, Luke Askew and Powers Boothe

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I wasn’t sure what to expect when I first popped this film into the machine. I hadn’t seen a trailer and was just going by what was written on the box. I’m happy to report that it blew all of my expectations (or lack thereof) right out of the water. It was absolutely brilliant. Well written, incredibly acted, a wonderfully creepy story with a killer twist, before twists were a dime a dozen. If you haven’t seen this little gem, I highly reccomend it. It gets a 10/10 from me. Just wonderful.

This movie is currently on Netflix. Enjoy! 🙂

 

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Monsters University

Monsters University
(2013) Billy Crystal, John Goodman, Steve Buscemi, Peter Sohn, Joel Murray, Sean Hayes, Dave Foley, Charlie Day, Alfred Molina, Nathan Fillion and Helen Mirren

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Definitely not as good as the first one, but I wasn’t really expecting it to be, since Monsters Inc is one of Pixar’s very best. But it was still very enjoyable, and has a few good laugh-out-loud scenes. My son and I had a very good time watching it, and it’s always a good sign when a film can keep both an adult and a child completely engrossed. A solid 8/10.

I’m pretty sure this film is on Netflix, so enjoy! 🙂

 

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Maniac

Maniac
(2013) Elijah Wood, Nora Arnezeder, Megan Duffy, Jan Broberg Felt, Joshua de la Garza, America Olivo, Liane Balaban, and Genevieve Alexandra

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The “see through the eyes of the killer” aspect was interesting, and well done, but unfortunately it was the only thing this picture had going for it. I spent the majority of my time humming and hawing. Elijah Wood was amazing, as usual, but I dunno. The film just didn’t grip me. I didn’t care about the characters, and, biggest turn off of all I guess, I just don’t really like these “violence for nothing” films. Which is a little strange, considering how much true crime stuff I watch, but in movies, I just really need a reason more than just insanity. So for me, it gets 3/10, and that’s cause I’m feeling generous, and I like Elijah Wood.

This movie is currently on Netflix. Watch at your own peril.

 

M.