Mel’s 5 Second Review: Witchboard

Witchboard (1986)
Todd Allen, Tawny Kitaen, Stephen Nichols, Kathleen Wilhoite, Burke Byrnes, James W Quinn, JP Luebsen
Directed by: Kevin Tenney

I was in the mood for a fun, cheesy horror movie last night, and noticed this was on Shudder, so I put it on. And while it lacked a bit of that 80’s charm, it was still pretty good.

When a woman becomes terrorized by a spirit after using a Ouija board by herself, her fiancé and her ex, who used to be his best friend, must join forces to find out how to save her.

This is one of the few “bigger” horror B movies from the 80’s that I hadn’t seen yet. After hearing about it from Daniel over at The Cobwebs Channel, I decided to take the plunge. It was lacking a bit on the fun and even the cheese. It takes itself pretty seriously (except maybe with the character of Zarabeth) and therefor lacked a bit. But what I did get was a pretty good haunting/possession film (not good enough to edge out any of the top 15 I did, hehe). Tawny Kitaen, otherwise known as a “Video Vixen“, was surprisingly good in the role of the terrorized woman, and although she’s drop dead gorgeous, her hair… oh my god. It’s SOO fried, like too much bleach and teasing fried. I know it was the 80’s, but damn! Use some conditioner! Her fiancé was played well by Todd Allen. The character is aloof and a bit of an asshole but still you’re rooting for him. And the ex best friend, whoa those eyeballs! So green! There weren’t a lot of effects, just one decapitation that looks a little funny. And what little makeup effects we got were done well. All in all, it’s a good time.

Do I recommend it? Sure, if you enjoy 80’s films. If you don’t, I’d advise against it. I give it a good 7.5/10.

M.

This film is currently streaming on Shudder.

My Top 15 Possession Films

Supernatural horror is my favourite category of horror films (and books for that matter), and in that subgenre, possession films (and books) are my favourites. I’ve seen and read so many that they tend to blur together, but a few of them really stand out. Here are my top 15 possession films. You’ll notice, when called for, I put “true story” in quotations. I definitely don’t believe any of this stuff happened for real, with the exception of two court cases for numbers 7 and 2. But everything surrounding them, that’s a big no. Enjoy!

Number 15

Title: Prey for the Devil
Year: 2022
Starring: Jacqueline Byers, Christian Navarro, Posy Taylor, Colin Salmon, Nicholas Ralph, Virginia Madsen, Ben Cross, Debora Zhecheva
Directed by: Daniel Stamm
Plot: A nun prepares to perform an exorcism and comes face to face with a demonic force with mysterious ties to her past.
Why I love it: This is the film that I’ve seen most recently, and I have to say, I was quite impressed. It didn’t reinvent the wheel or anything, but it was a good time.

Number 14

Title: Late Night with the Devil
Year: 2023
Starring: David Dastmalchian, Laura Gordon, Ingrid Torelli, Ian Bliss, Fayssal Bazzi, Rhys Auteri, Georgina Haig, Josh Quong Tart
Directed by: Cameron Cairnes, Colin Cairnes
Plot: A late night tv host in 1977, in an effort to save his dying show, has on a girl who is supposedly possessed in a live broadcast that goes horribly wrong.
Why I love it: This was quite a unique film, and they did an amazing job recreating the vibe of a cheesy 70’s talk show. It might have been higher on my list, but I wasn’t a big fan of the ending.

Number 13

Title: The Possession of Michael King
Year: 2014
Starring: Shane Johnson, Ella Anderson, Cara Pifko, Julie McNiven, Tomas Arana, Patricia Healy, Cullen Douglas, Jed Rees, Dale Dickey
Directed by: David Jung
Plot: Michael is an atheist who recently lost his wife in an unfortunate accident. After confronting his late wife’s “spiritual adviser” (a tarot card reader), he decides to make a documentary featuring what he believes will be proof that the supernatural doesn’t exist.
Why I love it: This little film is so much better than it had any right being. As someone who hates found footage, I found this film so good that I was able to look past it.

Number 12

Title: Evil Dead
Year: 2013
Starring: Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, Jessica Lucas, Lou Taylor Pucci, Elizabeth Blackmore, Inca the Dog
Directed by: Fede Alvarez
Plot: Five friends head to a remote cabin to help one of them kick a drug habit, where the discovery of a Book of the Dead leads them to unwittingly summon up demons living in the nearby woods.
Why I love it: I hated the original, but this remake/sequel is pretty awesome. So much more gory than I usually like my films, but it was very well done, so I was able to enjoy it despite that.

Number 11

Title: The Blackcoat’s Daughter
Year: 2015
Starring: Kiernan Shipka, Lucy Boynton, Emma Roberts, James Remar, Lauren Holly, Greg Ellwand
Directed by: Osgood Perkins
Plot: During winter break, two students stay in an all-girls boarding school in the company of a terrifying presence.
Why I love it: Wonderful, quiet, and weird. I loved it. What a gut-punch of an ending.

Number 10

Title: The Vatican Tapes
Year: 2015
Starring: Olivia Taylor Dudley, Michael Peña, Dougray Scott, John Patrick Amedori, Peter Andersson, Djimon Hounsou, Kathleen Robertson
Directed by: Mark Neveldine
Plot: A priest and two Vatican exorcists must do battle with an ancient satanic force to save the soul of a young woman.
Why I love it: I really wasn’t expecting much when I picked this up in a Walmart bargain bin. Imagine my surprise when I actually loved it! Just a fun, good time.

Number 9

Title: Ouija: Origin of Evil
Year: 2016
Starring: Elizabeth Reaser, Lulu Wilson, Annalise Basso, Henry Thomas, Parker Mack, Halle Charlton, Kate Siegel, Doug Jones
Directed by: Mike Flanagan
Plot: In 1967 Los Angeles, a girl tries to communicate with her late father through a Ouija board, but unleashes a demon instead.
Why I love it: I had no intention of watching it, since the first one was awful. But the trailer intrigued me enough that I gave it a chance. And I’m glad I did. Mike Flanagan can really do no wrong.

Number 8

Title: Fallen
Year: 1998
Starring: Denzel Washington, John Goodman, Donald Sutherland, Embeth Davidtz, James Gandolfini, Elias Koteas, Gabriel Casseus, Robert Joy
Directed by: Gregory Hoblit
Plot: Homicide detective John Hobbes witnesses the execution of serial killer Edgar Reese. Soon after the execution, the killings start again, and they are very similar to Reese’s style. He is then taunted by an entity that can jump from body to body.
Why I love it: This is such an under-rated gem, I rarely hear people talking about it, which is a real shame. It’s a great story with a stacked cast. It’s not a conventional possession movie, but still fits the category.

Number 7

Title: The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It
Year: 2021
Starring: Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga, Ruairi O’Connor, Sarah Catherine Hook, Julian Hilliard, John Noble, Eugenie Bondurant, Shannon Kook, Steve Coulter
Directed by: Michael Chaves
Plot: Arne Cheyenne Johnson stabs and murders his landlord, claiming to be under demonic possession while Ed and Lorraine Warren investigate the case and try to prove his innocence.
Why I love it: I may be in the minority here, but this is my second favourite Conjuring movie. I just love the characters so much (as long as I separate them from their real-life counterparts), and I love spending time with them. Based on a “true story”, based on The Devil in Connecticut by Gerald Brittle.

Number 6

Title: The Exorcist
Year: 1973
Starring: Ellen Burstyn, Linda Blair, Jason Miller, Max von Sydow, Lee J Cobb, Kitty Winn, Jack MacGowran, William O’Malley
Directed by: William Friedkin
Plot: When a mysterious entity possesses a young girl, her mother seeks the help of two Catholic priests to save her life.
Why I love it: I mean, it’s the OG, how could I not love it? I feel like I should apologize for not having it higher, but my top 5 are really, really good, hehe. A wonderful case study in faith and despair. Based on The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty.

Number 5

Title: Stigmata
Year: 1999
Starring: Patricia Arquette, Gabriel Byrne, Jonathan Pryce, Nia Long, Thomas Kopache, Enrico Colantoni, Rade Serbedzija, Dick Latessa
Directed by: Rupert Wainwright
Plot: When a young woman becomes afflicted by stigmata, a priest is sent to investigate her case, which may have severe ramifications for his faith and for the Catholic church itself.
Why I love it: My lifelong crush on Gabriel Byrne aside, this is just an awesome movie. I must have seen it over 20 times!

Number 4

Title: The Exorcist III
Year: 1990
Starring: George C Scott, Ed Flanders, Brad Dourif, Jason Miller, Nicol Williamson, Scott Wilson, Nancy Fish
Directed by: William Peter Blatty
Plot: A police lieutenant uncovers more than he bargained for as his investigation of a series of murders, which have all the hallmarks of the deceased Gemini serial killer, leads him to question the patients of a psychiatric ward.
Why I love it: It may upset some people that this one is higher than the first one, but I simply like this one more. George C Scott was born to play this role, and Brad Dourif is absolutely electric as the Gemini killer. And it has the best jump scare in movie history, full stop. Based on Legion by William Peter Blatty.

Number 3

Title: Deliver Us From Evil
Year: 2014
Starring: Eric Bana, Edgar Ramírez, Joel McHale, Olivia Munn, Sean Harris, Chris Coy, Lulu Wilson, Olivia Horton, Dorian Missick, Mike Houston
Directed by: Scott Derrickson
Plot: A detective and a priest join forces to stop an ancient evil that is spreading across New York.
Why I love it: As soon as I saw it was directed by Scott Derrickson, I knew I would love it. It’s got great characters, good mystery, some tense scenes, and a killer exorcism. What else could you want? Based on a “true story”, based on Beware the Night by Ralph Sarchie.

Number 2

Title: The Exorcism of Emily Rose
Year: 2005
Starring: Laura Linney, Tom Wilkinson, Jennifer Carpenter, Campbell Scott, Colm Feore, Shohreh Aghdashloo, Joshua Close, JR Bourne, Mary Beth Hurt
Directed by: Scott Derrickson
Plot: A lawyer takes on a negligent homicide case involving a priest who performed an exorcism on a young girl.
Why I love it: Scott Derrickson again, I know. I didn’t plan it like this, I swear! This film is at times poignant, at times tense, and at times downright scary. Based on a “true story”, based on The Exorcism of Anneliese Michel by Dr Felicitas Goodman.

Number 1

Title: The Conjuring
Year: 2013
Starring: Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga, Lili Taylor, Ron Livingston, Joey King, Shanley Caswell, Shannon Kook, John Brotherton, Hayley McFarland, Mackenzie Foy, Kyla Deaver, Sterling Jerins, Joseph Bishara
Directed by: James Wan
Plot: Paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren work to help a family terrorized by a dark presence in their farmhouse.
Why I love it: This is my comfort movie. When I don’t feel well, if I’m in the hospital, or if I simply don’t know what to do with myself, I’ll throw this film on and I’ll immediately feel better. Based on a “true story”, based on House of Darkness House of Light by Andrea Perron.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Weapons

Weapons (2025)
Julia Garner, Josh Brolin, Alden Ehrenreich, Benedict Wong, Amy Madigan, Cary Christopher, Austin Abrams, Scarlett Sher (v.o.)
Directed by: Zach Cregger

This film was on a lot of people’s Best Of lists for 2025. And I gotta say, I don’t understand the hype.

When all the children save one in a teacher’s classrom leave their houses in the middle of the night and vanishes, a small town is thrust into a mystery where anyone and every one are suspects.

So this is a film by Zach Cregger. Had I known that going in, maybe my expectations would have been more tempered. I didn’t hate Barbarian, but I didn’t love it either. I have to say, I enjoyed the first act. The mystery, the suspense, it was all great. The characters are imperfect, just like real life. But then the second act, where we find out what’s actually going on (which I won’t spoil in case anyone still has yet to see it and wants to), I was left very cold. I was like “Oh, It’s (redacted). Is that it?” And then the third act, holy shit. It was so silly, so over the top. People in the cinema with me were laughing out loud, and so was I, but not in a good way. Had it have been comedic all the way through, then maybe it wouldn’t have been so jarring.

But, I have to give credit where credit is due. The film looked beautiful. There were a few creepy moments. And all the acting was superb, and I’m not mad that Amy Madigan got an Oscar nod. Actually, horror is doing well at the Oscars this year, and I’m here for it. Now to see if they actually win any… But I digress. I just feel like Cregger picked the low hanging fruit as his reveal. I’m not saying I could have written it better, but he should have.

Now for the hard part. Do I recommend it? No… and yes. Knowing how many people adored this thing, I would say “I didn’t care for it, but so many others loved it, so give it a shot.” As for me, I give this a 5/10.

M.

Ranking Stephen King Adaptations (that I’ve seen)

It’s no secret that I love Stephen King books. I’ve read a good number of them and I don’t think I’ve ever been disappointed. The adaptations, however… not always so much. I’ve seen 38 of them so here’s my ranking from worst to best. There won’t be any derivative works, nothing not directly based on the books. So no Pet Sematary 2, no Return to Salem’s Lot, etc. Enjoy!

NUMBER 38

Title:  The Lawnmower Man
Directed by:
Brett Leonard
Year:
1992
Starring:
Jeff Fahey, Pierce Brosnan, Jenny Wright, Mark Bringelson, Geoffrey Lewis, Jeremy Slate, Austin O’Brien
Notes: I can’t express just how bad this film is. Worst part is, there’s actors in this that can actually act, not that you can tell by watching this turd.

NUMBER 37

Title: Salem’s Lot
Directed by:
Gary Dauberman
Year:
2024
Starring:
Lewis Pullman, Makenzie Leigh, Jordan Preston Carter, Alfre Woodard, Bill Camp, John Benjamin Hickey, Nicholas Crovetti, Spencer Treat Clark, Alexander Ward
Notes:
I was very much looking forward to this film. Then I watched it and… holy crap is this a piece of shit. It insulted my intelligence.

NUMBER 36

Title: Needful Things
Directed by:
Fraser C Heston
Year:
1993
Starring:
Max von Sydow, Ed Harris, Bonnie Bedelia, Amanda Plummer, JT Walsh, Ray McKinnon, Duncan Fraser, Valri Bromfield
Notes:
I honestly don’t remember much about this one because I saw it when it first played on tv in 1993 (I was 12). But what I do remember is that it sucked. Stick to the book. It was great.

NUMBER 35

Title: The Night Flier
Directed by:
Mark Pavia
Year:
1997
Starring:
Miguel Ferrer, Julie Entwisle, Dan Monahan, Michael H Moss, John Bennes, Beverly Skinner
Notes: Another one that I don’t remember much about except for the fact that I hated it. But I’ve recently heard a few YouTubers saying that it’s worth another viewing. Maybe I will.

NUMBER 34

Title: In the Tall Grass
Directed by:
Vincenzo Natali
Year: 2019
Starring:
Laysla De Oliveira, Avery Whitted, Patrick Wilson, Will Buie Jr, Harrison Sloan Gilbertson, Rachel Wilson
Notes: I haven’t read the book, which King co-authored with his son, Joe Hill. It has to be better than this drivel. It has to be.

NUMBER 33

Title: The Shining
Directed by:
Stanley Kubrick
Year:
1980
Starring:
Jack Nicholson, Shelley Duvall, Danny Lloyd, Scatman Crothers, Barry Nelson, Philip Stone
Notes:
I know many, many people are going to disagree with me here, but I absolutely hated this film. The acting is laughable, even by 80’s standards. But I can stand strong in my opinion knowing that King himself hated it.

NUMBER 32

Title: Thinner
Directed by:
Tom Holland
Year:
1996
Starring:
Robert John Burke, Joe Mantegna, Lucinda Jenney, Bethany Joy Lenz, Michael Constantine, Terence Kava, Kari Wuhrer
Notes:
Another one I don’t remember much. What I do remember is feeling really bored.

NUMBER 31

Title: Cujo
Directed by:
Lewis Teague
Year:
1983
Starring:
Dee Wallace, Danny Pintauro, Daniel Hugh Kelly, Christopher Stone, Ed Lauter, Moe and Cubby the dogs
Notes: The performances in the film are great. But holy boring. The book can tell you what’s going on in Donna’s head, so it’s very good. But the film can’t do that (unless they add cheesy narration), so it just ends up being mostly dull.

NUMBER 30

Title: Salem’s Lot
Directed by:
Tobe Hooper
Year:
1979
Starring:
David Soul, James Mason, Lance Kerwin, Bonnie Bedelia, Lew Ayres, Julie Cobb, Elisha Cook Jr, George Dzundza
Notes:
I really don’t get all the hype around this movie. It was sooooo boring…

NUMBER 29

Title: Christine
Directed by:
John Carpenter
Year:
1983
Starring:
Keith Gordon, John Stockwell, Alexandra Paul, Robert Prosky, Harry Dean Stanton, Christine Belford, Roberts Blossom
Notes:
I just found the acting in this to be terrible, especially the lead. Ho-boy….

NUMBER 28

Title: Dreamcatcher
Directed by:
Lawrence Kasdan
Year:
2003
Starring:
Damian Lewis, Jason Lee, Thomas Jane, Timothy Olyphant, Morgan Freeman, Tom Sizemore, Donnie Wahlberg
Notes:
This was already a silly concept as a book, but to actually see it on screen? Yikes. And it actually has a really stacked cast! How on earth did they convince all these great actors to do a film based around aliens that explode out of your anus??

NUMBER 27

Title: The Langoliers
Directed by:
Tom Holland
Year:
1995
Starring:
Patricia Wettig, Tom Holland, Kate Maberly, Mark Lindsay Chapman, Bronson Pinchot, David Morse, Dean Stockwell
Notes:
Interesting premise, but laughable 90’s cgi really ruins it.

NUMBER 26

Title: The Tommyknockers
Directed by:
John Power
Year:
1993
Starring:
Jimmy Smits, Marg Helgenberger, John Ashton, Allyce Beasley, Robert Carradine, Joanna Cassidy, Cliff De Young, Traci Lords
Notes:
I don’t remember much about this except people pulling their own teeth out. But I remember liking it ok. As a side note, Stephen King has said that The Tommyknockers was the product of a mountain of cocaine. So there’s that.

NUMBER 25

Title: Carrie
Directed by:
Brian De Palma
Year:
1976
Starring:
Sissy Spacek, Piper Laurie, Amy Irving, William Katt, John Travolta, Nancy Allen, Betty Buckley, PJ Soles
Notes:
Good Idea, competently filmed, but it just left me a little cold. It was a little boring for most of the runtime.

NUMBER 24

Title: Storm of the Century
Directed by:
Craig R Baxley
Year:
1999
Starring:
Tim Daly, Colm Feore, Casey Siemaszko, Debrah Farentino, Dyllan Christopher, Jeffrey DeMunn, Julianne Nicholson
Notes:
I only saw this once, when it aired on tv, and I remember nothing about it except that it was alright. Well, I remember the overall concept, and how it ended, so I guess that’s not exactly nothing.

NUMBER 23

Title: The Dead Zone
Directed by:
David Cronenberg
Year:
1983
Starring:
Christopher Walken, Brooke Adams, Tom Skerritt, Herbert Lom, Anthony Zerbe, Colleen Dewhurst, Martin Sheen
Notes:
I absolutely loved the book, but the movie was pretty meh. Not awful, but definitely not something I’d watch again.

NUMBER 22

Title: Secret Window
Directed by:
David Koepp
Year:
2004
Starring:
Johnny Depp, John Turturro, Maria Bello, Timothy Hutton, Charles S Dutton, Len Cariou, John Dunn-Hill
Notes:
Interesting idea, and most of the film was good, but the ending was a little silly. Gotta love messy-haired Johnny, though!

NUMBER 21

Title: Pet Sematary
Directed by:
Kevin Kölsch, Dennis Widmyer
Year:
2019
Starring:
Jason Clarke, Amy Seimetz, John Lithgow, Jeté Laurence, Hugo and Lucas Lavoie, Obssa Ahmed, Alyssa Brooke Levine
Notes:
It wasn’t god-awful, but it wasn’t good either. It just felt very unnecessary.

NUMBER 20

Title: The Dark Tower
Directed by:
Nikolaj Arcel
Year:
2017
Starring:
Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey, Tom Taylor, Dennis Haysbert, Claudia Kim, Jackie Earle Haley, Fran Kranz, Katheryn Winnick
Notes:
*Dreaming about what could have been* *Wakes up* “Oh…” *sigh*

NUMBER 19

Title: The Shining
Directed by:
Mick Garris
Year:
1997
Starring:
Steven Weber. Rebecca De Mornay, Courtland Mead, Wil Horneff, Melvin Van Peebles, Stanley Anderson, Elliott Gould
Notes:
I know a lot of people didn’t really like this one, but it’s much better than the original (imho), and much closer to the real story.

NUMBER 18

Title: Apt Pupil
Directed by:
Bryan Singer
Year:
1998
Starring:
Brad Renfro, Ian McKellen, Joshua Jackson, Ann Dowd, Bruce Davison, David Schwimmer, Elias Koteas
Notes:
Now we’re getting into the ones that I really liked. This film was beyond disturbing, but it was very well done. Plus, 17 year old me had a massive crush on Brad Renfro (rip).

NUMBER 17

Title: Firestarter
Directed by:
Mark L Lester
Year:
1984
Starring:
Drew Barrymore, David Keith, George C Scott, Heather Locklear, Martin Sheen, Louise Fletcher, Freddie Jones, Moses Gunn
Notes:
Not a great movie by any means, but I always have fun with it. George C Scott (rip) is awesome, as always!

NUMBER 16

Title: The Dark Half
Directed by:
George A Romero
Year:
1993
Starring:
Timothy Hutton, Beth Grant, Amy Madigan, Patrick Brannan, Larry John Meyers, Robert Joy, Kent Broadhurst
Notes:
I should re-visit this one. I remember liking it a whole lot, but I haven’t seen it in literal decades, so I don’t remember much.

NUMBER 15

Title: Salem’s Lot
Directed by:
Mikael Salomon
Year:
2004
Starring:
Rob Lowe, Andre Braugher, Donald Sutherland, Samantha Mathis, Dan Byrd, Rutger Hauer, James Cromwell, Robert Mammone
Notes:
Finally, a version of Salem’s Lot that I actually liked! With it being a two parter, they really had more time to flesh out the story.

NUMBER 14

Title: It Chapter 2
Directed by:
Andy Muschietti
Year:
2019
Starring:
James McAvoy, Jessica Chastain, Bill Hader, Isaiah Mustafa, Jay Ryan, James Ransone, Andy Bean, Bill Skarsgård
Notes:
While not a bad movie, it’s definitely not nearly as good as the first one. The original miniseries had that same trouble. Part 2 was good but kinda lacking. And I could have used less cgi and more practical effects. It almost always looks better.

NUMBER 13

Title: Stand By Me
Directed by:
Rob Reiner
Year:
1986
Starring:
Wil Wheaton, River Phoenix, Corey Feldman, Jerry O’Connell, Kiefer Sutherland, Casey Siemaszko, Gary Riley
Notes:
I haven’t seen this film in years, but parts of it still live in my head. And I had such a crush on River Phoenix that started here and lasted til his untimely death (rip). Based on The Body.

NUMBER 12

Title: Misery
Directed by:
Rob Reiner
Year:
1990
Starring:
James Caan, Kathy Bates, Richard Farnsworth, Frances Sternhagen, JT Walsh, Misery the Pig
Notes:
Such a great film. That hobbling scene lives rent-free in my head, ugh. Kathy Bates won a very well-earned Oscar for her role.

NUMBER 11

Title: The Green Mile
Directed by:
Frank Darabont
Year:
1999
Starring:
Tom Hanks, Michael Clarke Duncan, David Morse, Bonnie Hunt, James Cromwell, Michael Jeter, Graham Greene, Barry Pepper, Sam Rockwell
Notes:
An absolutely start-studded cast are amazing in this film. Get out your Kleenex, you’re gonna need it!!

NUMBER 10

Title: 1408
Directed by:
Mikael Håfström
Year:
2007
Starring:
John Cusack, Samuel L Jackson, Mary McCormack, Tony Shalhoub, Len Cariou, Isiah Whitlock Jr, Jasmine Jessica Anthony
Notes:
I wasn’t sure about this film the first time I saw it, but the more often I watch it, the more I love it.

NUMBER 9

Title: The Boogeyman
Directed by:
Rob Savage
Year:
2023
Starring:
Sophie Thatcher, Chris Messina, Vivien Lyra Blair, David Dastmalchian, Marin Ireland, Madison Hu
Notes:
I’m not sure if I’m in the minority (again), but I really loved this thing. It kinda got to me, maybe cause I’m afraid of the dark, hehe.

NUMBER 8

Title: The Mist
Directed by:
Frank Darabont
Year:
2007
Starring:
Thomas Jane, Marcia Gay Harden, Laurie Holden, Nathan Gamble, Andre Braugher, Toby Jones, William Sadler, Jeffrey DeMunn
Notes:
Bad cgi monsters aside, this film is amazing. Everyone gives great performances, and that gut-punch of an ending? Holy shit!

NUMBER 7

Title: Silver Bullet
Directed by:
Daniel Attias
Year:
1985
Starring:
Corey Haim, Gary Busey, Everett McGill, Megan Follows, Robin Groves, Terry O’Quinn, Leon Russom, Bill Smitrovich
Notes:
I had a MASSIVE crush on Corey Haim (rip) growing up, and so I watched absolutely everything with him in it. This was one of the first ones I saw, and I was surprised at how much I liked it. Based on Cycle of the Werewolf.

NUMBER 6

Title: Rose Red
Directed by:
Craig R Baxley
Year:
2002
Starring:
Nancy Travis, Matt Keeslar, Kimberly J Brown, Melanie Lynskey, Julian Sands, Matt Ross, David Dukes, Judith Ivey, Julia Campbell, Emily Deschanel
Notes:
Besides my lifelong crush on Julian Sands (rip), this is just a really good haunted house story. It’s surprisingly creepy for something that was made for tv.

NUMBER 5

Title: Pet Sematary
Directed by:
Mary Lambert
Year:
1989
Starring:
Dale Midkiff, Denise Crosby, Fred Gwynne, Miko Hughes, Brad Greenquist, Michael Lombard, Blaze Berdahl, Andrew Hubatsek
Notes:
Denise Crosby’s atrocious acting aside, this movie is amazing. It’s just so unbelievably creepy. And it’s a pretty good adaptation of the book as well. Bonus points!

NUMBER 4

Title: It
Directed by:
Tommy Lee Wallace
Year:
1990
Starring:
Jonathan Brandis, Richard Thomas, Emily Perkins, Annette O’Toole, Brandon Crane, John Ritter, Seth Green, Harry Anderson, Adam Faraizl, Dennis Christopher, Marlon Taylor, Tim Reid, Ben Heller, Jarred Blancard, Olivia Hussey, Tim Curry
Notes:
I saw this when it first aired on tv in 1990. I was 9 years old. Probably too young, but there you have it. Tim Curry is unbelievably creepy as Pennywise, and fueled my lifelong fear of clowns.

NUMBER 3

Title: The Stand
Directed by:
Mick Garris
Year:
1994
Starring:
Gary Sinise, Molly Ringwald, Jamey Sheridan, Ruby Dee, Adam Storke, Rob Lowe, Laura San Giacomo, Bill Fagerbakke, Corin Nemec, Miguel Ferrer, Ossie Davis, Matt Frewer, Bridgit Ryan, Shawnee Smith
Notes:
Clocking in at 6 hours, this is a massive piece of film. And needed all that time because the book is a literal brick! I love this film so much. I give it a re-watch every year or 2 years. I’m actually due, it’s been a while.

NUMBER 2

Title: The Shawshank Redemption
Directed by:
Frank Darabont
Year:
1994
Starring:
Tim Robbins, Morgan Freeman, Bob Gunton, William Sadler, Clancy Brown, Gil Bellows, James Whitmore, Mark Rolston
Notes:
With an IMDb score of 9.3/10, I don’t really think I need to explain why this one is so good. The acting, the writing, the filming, everything is amazing. Based on Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption.

NUMBER 1

Title: It
Directed by:
Andy Muschietti
Year:
2017
Starring:
Jaeden Martell, Finn Wolfhard, Sophia Lillis, Jeremy Ray Taylor, Chosen Jacobs, Jack Dylan Grazer, Wyatt Oleff, Nicholas Hamilton, Jackson Robert Scott, Bill Skarsgård
Notes:
I never thought I’d end up loving this film as much as I do, more than the 90’s version. I mean, Tim Curry defined the role as Pennywise, but Bill Skarsgård really knocks it out of the park. This is a perfect film. Too bad the sequel didn’t hit the bar that this one set.

And that’s my list! Agree? Disagree? Let me know!

M.

p.s. There are a few notable films that are missing that I just haven’t gotten around to yet. The Monkey, The Long Walk, and Doctor Sleep are all on my to-watch list. I also want to watch Welcome to Derry, but it wouldn’t have been on this list anyways cause it’s derivative from King’s books, not really based on them.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Conjuring – Last Rites

The Conjuring: Last Rites (2025)
Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga, Mia Tomlinson, Ben Hardy, Steve Coulter, Rebecca Calder, Elliot Cowan, Beau Gadsdon, and Kíla Lord Cassidy
Directed by: Michael Chaves

The 4th and supposed final film in the wildly popular Conjuring franchise, I had high hopes for this film, seeing how much I loved the others. And while it’s not a bad movie by any means, it is the least good of the bunch.

Ed and Lorraine find themselves this time facing an entity that hits a little too close to home when it reaches out to attack their daughter, Judy.

I was so excited for this film that I did something I never do: I bought the film as soon as it was available on YouTube for either 25 or 30 bucks. I’m not exactly swimming in the dough, so I generally wait til it’s at least down to 15. And while I’m not entirely mad for spending the money, it really could have waited. Ah well.

First the good. It had a banger of an opening. Very atmospheric, very creepy. I was all in at that point. After that, however, things just got a little… formulaic I guess you could say. I can picture the producers sitting around the table smoking cigarettes and saying “just do what the others did and, oh, add tons of jumpscares and creepy smiles. People like those, right?” I really don’t know why every single entity has to smile these days. Sure, once can be creepy, if it’s done right. But all of them? All the time? Nah. The Conjuring had zero creepy smiles and was so much creepier. But I digress.

Everything in the film looked good. Most of the effects and makeup were very well done, as usual. It’s a little gorier than the previous entries, but it was done well. I even had to look away once (I’m not a huge fan of gore, it tends to make me cringe and look away). The acting was all good, but it has been consistently good for these films, so I wasn’t too surprised there. There were a few good, creepy set pieces, but unfortunately most of them ended with a “graaaahhhh!” jumpscare (cue over-dramatic musical sting here).

So do I recommend it? Yes? I guess? If you loved the series as I do, you’ll likely have a good time with it. It’s definitely not bad, just a little underwhelming as a final curtain film. I give it a decent 7/10.

M.

This film is currently for rent or purchase on YouTube and Prime.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: A Dark Song

A Dark Song (2016)
Catherine Walker and Steve Oram
Directed by: Liam Gavin

I didn’t know what to expect with this one. All I’d really heard about it is that it was slow and amazing to some people, and awful to others. I’m glad I went in blind though, if I’d heard anything, it’d have ruined the experience. So I’ll try not say too much about it, in case someone else wants to see it.

A young woman who has recently lost her son to ritual murder enlists the help of an occultist to undergo a gruelling year-long ritual that will grant her deepest wish.

I always try to not formulate an opinion about a film before I see it, which is very hard in a day where trailers and people who say their own feelings about the film/movie/book exists. Luckily I’d never seen a trailer for this film. All I knew about it is that it was very polarizing. Some people loved it, other found it dull. Me? I’m in the former category. I kinda loved this thing.

First the good. It looked beautiful. The cinematography is on point. It feels very claustrophobic, even when there’s light streaming in through the windows. The writer/director Liam Gavin builds the tension wonderfully, so that even when it seems like not much is happening, you can feel the dread permeate the atmosphere. While there weren’t that many visual and makeup effects, the bit that we did get (mostly in the third act) were surprisingly great for such a small film. The budget, depending on the source, is said to have been between $25,000 and $50,000, which is crazy to me. It looked so good that I would expect it to be much higher. The acting was incredible from both leads. You might think a film with basically just two people in a house would be boring, but I was never bored. And it all culminates in an ending that I’m not afraid to say was poignant and oddly heartwarming, almost like it belonged in a different film. But it works, all of it. And the bad? Nothing really, this film was wonderful.

So do I recommend it? Absolutely, IF you enjoy slow burn films. If you need constant action, then maybe skip this one. I give it an 8.5/10.

M.

This film is currently streaming on Shudder.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Abraham’s Boys

Abraham’s Boys (2025)
Titus Welliver, Brady Hepner, Judah Mackey, Jocelin Donahue, Aurora Perrineau, and Jonathan Howard
Directed by: Natasha Kermani

This one popped up on Shudder the other day, and being the vampire fanatic that I am, I was excited and put it on as soon as I had time. And… oh boy.

Years after defeating Dracula, Abraham Van Helsing and his wife Mina are raising their 2 sons on a seculded ranch. After finding a woman locked up under the house, the boys are told that the evil has followed them, and the monsters must be erradicated. But who’s the real monster?

SPOILERS INCOMING

Now listen. The concept is amazing. 10/10. It’s based on a story written by Joe Hill, so I’m not overly surprised. But the execution… eh. I’ll start with the acting, which ranged from mediocre to laughably bad. I don’t like to harp on child actors, cause it’s a tough gig, but man. There are good child actors out there. The movie looked decent. They got a suitably creepy old house to film in (not sure if it’s “new old” or “old old”), and the dusty, desolate landscape just adds to the ambiance they were going for.

The idea that Van Helsing is simply a murderer that tricked people into thinking there were real vampires is actually really solid. I guessed it from the beginning of the film, but that’s because I’ve seen movies before. I know how they work (most of the time. I still get surprised every so often.) I tried to track down the source material, but could not find it for the life of me. Should anybody read this and knows where to find it, please let me know. The pacing was all over the place, sometimes so slow that you wonder if anything is happening at all, and other times almost frenetic with its movements. I’m not sure what they were going for, but whatever it was, they failed.

So do I recommend it? Eh. Not really. Unless you’re a diehard fan of vampires. But then again, there were no vampires in this vampire movie. Vampire adjacent? Yeah, that’s it. 5/10

M.

This film is currently on Shudder.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Nosferatu

Nosferatu (2024)
Lily-Rose Depp, Nicholas Hoult, Bill Skarsgård, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Willem Dafoe, Ralph Ineson, and Emma Corrin
Directed by: Robert Eggers

So, I’ve been meaning to write about this one since I saw it in the cinema when it came out. But I’ve been really bad at blogging these days, so I never got around to it. I’m trying to break the cycle now, so here it is.

Newly-wed Ellen is haunted by an evil vampire who is infatuated with her. When her husband goes to the vampire’s castle to settle the agreement of buying a new house in Germany, he becomes a prisoner while the vampire is free to pursue Ellen.

I went into this very hesitantly. Nosferatu (1922) is, of course, a classic, and I absolutely adore Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992). I didn’t think that this movie would show me anything new while remaining faithful to the source material. I also am not a huge fan of Robert Eggers as a director. Well, I was very wrong. I absolutely adored this film. At 2 hours and 12 minutes, it’s quite long for a horror film, but it didn’t feel long to me. I found the pacing, while, yes, a little slow, perfect, and I was never bored. Didn’t look at my watch once!

I know that Eggers is a stickler for detail, and wants everything in a period piece to be perfect. So I was not surprised at how beautiful the film is. The costuming, the sets, the setting, everything was on point. The one tiny nit-pick I have is why do the characters all have British accents when this film takes place in Germany. I was quite surprised at that. But otherwise this film is near perfect. Bill Skarsgård already proved that he was able to portray a monster in It, and he does it again here. He absolutely oozes evil from every pore. And I was rather surprised at Lily-Rose Depp. I honestly didn’t think much of her besides the fact that she’s Johnny’s daughter (nepo-baby!!). But she embraced this role whole-heartedly and really gave it her all. She was wonderful. The rest of the main cast I already knew were going to be great.

So do I recommend it? Absolutely, with a caveat. If you’re (very) easily bored, or are not a fan of horror, then no. I tried to show this to my mom and she made it only a quarter of the way through, saying it’s boring. But me? 9.5/10. Very nearly perfect!

M.

This film is currently streaming on Prime.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Wolf Man

Wolf Man (2025)
Christopher Abbott, Julia Garner, Matilda Firth, Sam Jaeger, Zac Chandler, and Benedict Hardie
Directed by: Leigh Whannell


So I’ve been wanting to see this since it came out, but due to all the negative reviews I’d seen about it, I was apprehensive about spending any money on it. But it’s now streaming on Prime, so I decided to jump in. And you know, I wouldn’t have been mad about spending a few bucks on it.

A family at a remote farmhouse is attacked by an unseen animal, and as the night stretches on, the father begins to transform into something unrecognizable.

I really don’t understand all the hate this film got. No, it’s not reinventing the wheel, but it’s a good time. It has a few good, tense moments, and I actually quite enjoyed the POV shots changing between the family and the infected Blake. It’s a good idea that I don’t remember seeing before. The make-up effects were well done, even if the wolf design was slightly underwhelming. Christopher Abbott does a great job conveying a man who’s desperately trying to hold on to his humanity even as he feels it slipping away. Everyone was great, actually, except maybe Matilda Firth as daughter Ginger. She wasn’t as horrible as I’ve seen others accuse her of, but she wasn’t great. I don’t like being too hard on child actors, though. It’s a tough gig. The cinematography was stunning, as were the locales, but that happens when you film in New Zealand. I do wish they’d gone for a different ending, though. It felt very predictable and safe.

So if you’ve been on the fence about this one because of the reviews, I’d suggest just seeing it for yourself. You never can tell what you’re going to like based on what other people have thought. I know I definitely can’t. I often end up liking things others hated, or hating things others loved. This one gets a 7.5/10 from me.

M.

This film is currently streaming on Amazon Prime.

Mel’s 5 Second Review Double Feature: Superdeep & The Cleansing Hour

Superdeep (Kolskaya Sverhglubokaya) (2020)
Milena Radulovic, Nikita Dyuvbanov, Kirill Kovbas, Vadim Demchog, and Sergey Ivanyuk
Directed by: Arseniy Sukhin


So, I watched this one on a whim. I’d heard of the borehole, and the supposed recordings that came from it, and I thought that it made a good concept for a movie. Well, let me tell you, this was definitely not what I was expecting!

The Kola Superdeep borehole is the largest Russian secret facility. In 1984, at the depth of 12 kilometers below the surface, unexplained sounds were recorded, resembling screams and moans from hell. Since these events, the facility has been closed. A small research team of scientists and military personnel go down below the surface to find the secret hidden all these years.

So first, I watched this on Shudder, and they only had the English dub available. I usually don’t watch movies if they’ve been dubbed, so I’m not sure why I watched this one, but here it is. The actors they got for the dub were horrible. Simply wretched. The lead actress conveyed all the emotion of a stale scone. No matter what she was supposed to be doing or feeling, she had the same tone of voice. And the fact that the lips don’t move along with the voice drives me nuts.

The concept also didn’t seem to fit with what was advertised. “Sounds of hell” to me seems like it would involve demons, maybe ghosts, something in that line. What I got instead was a massive, cordyceps-like parasite. (If you don’t know what cordyceps are, they’re parasites that take over an ant’s nervous system, walks it back to its nest, or up to a high spot, and then spores will explode from the ant’s body, infecting everything around. Pretty creepy stuff.) In any case, it was still an interesting concept, so I kept watching. And while I don’t fully regret it, I can’t say it’s a great movie. It’s over-long, clocking in at 115 minutes. Half an hour could have easily been shaved off this thing to make it more palatable. It felt disjointed and the characters seemed like caricatures. What I will praise the film for is the practical effects. The make-ups were beautiful. And the creature, holy shit was that thing creepy! Just thinking about it gives me the willies.

All in all, I didn’t hate it, but I definitely didn’t love it. Maybe it’d have gotten a higher score had I seen it in its original Russian, but as it is, it gets a 5/10.

The Cleansing Hour (2020)
Ryan Guzman, Kyle Gallner, Alix Angelis, Chris Lew Kum Hoi, Daniel Hoffmann-Gill, and Emma Holzer
Directed by: Damien LeVeck


This one has been on my to-watch list since it came out, and I’ve just now got around to it. I’m glad I finally did.

Max and Drew are millennial entrepreneurs who’ve made themselves famous with a webcast they created called “The Cleansing Hour,” which streams live exorcisms. The catch? Each exorcism is elaborately staged. Until today, when Drew’s fiancé, today’s actress in the chair, turns out to actually be possessed!

Unlike Superdeep, this was very much exactly what I was expecting it to be. No shade intended! Sometimes the simplest ideas are the best ones. All the acting was great, especially Kyle Gallner, but no surprise there, he’s wonderful. The makeup and vfx were nothing special, but not awful, either. This was very overt, though. No “is she really possessed?” kind of thing, they make it known right from the get-go that she is. So I missed that sense of mystery a bit. It was also very loud, the sound design was a little jarring. But I suppose that’s to be expected from a film that’s basically one long exorcism. But in the end, I had a good time watching it, so it gets a solid 7.5/10.

M.

Both these films are currently on Shudder.