Tag Archives: horror

Nov 16 2025

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Nosferatu

Nosferatu (2024)
Lily-Rose Depp, Nicholas Hoult, Bill Skarsgård, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Willem Dafoe, Ralph Ineson, and Emma Corrin
Directed by: Robert Eggers

So, I’ve been meaning to write about this one since I saw it in the cinema when it came out. But I’ve been really bad at blogging these days, so I never got around to it. I’m trying to break the cycle now, so here it is.

Newly-wed Ellen is haunted by an evil vampire who is infatuated with her. When her husband goes to the vampire’s castle to settle the agreement of buying a new house in Germany, he becomes a prisoner while the vampire is free to pursue Ellen.

I went into this very hesitantly. Nosferatu (1922) is, of course, a classic, and I absolutely adore Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992). I didn’t think that this movie would show me anything new while remaining faithful to the source material. I also am not a huge fan of Robert Eggers as a director. Well, I was very wrong. I absolutely adored this film. At 2 hours and 12 minutes, it’s quite long for a horror film, but it didn’t feel long to me. I found the pacing, while, yes, a little slow, perfect, and I was never bored. Didn’t look at my watch once!

I know that Eggers is a stickler for detail, and wants everything in a period piece to be perfect. So I was not surprised at how beautiful the film is. The costuming, the sets, the setting, everything was on point. The one tiny nit-pick I have is why do the characters all have British accents when this film takes place in Germany. I was quite surprised at that. But otherwise this film is near perfect. Bill Skarsgård already proved that he was able to portray a monster in It, and he does it again here. He absolutely oozes evil from every pore. And I was rather surprised at Lily-Rose Depp. I honestly didn’t think much of her besides the fact that she’s Johnny’s daughter (nepo-baby!!). But she embraced this role whole-heartedly and really gave it her all. She was wonderful. The rest of the main cast I already knew were going to be great.

So do I recommend it? Absolutely, with a caveat. If you’re (very) easily bored, or are not a fan of horror, then no. I tried to show this to my mom and she made it only a quarter of the way through, saying it’s boring. But me? 9.5/10. Very nearly perfect!

M.

This film is currently streaming on Prime.

May 26 2025

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Wolf Man

Wolf Man (2025)
Christopher Abbott, Julia Garner, Matilda Firth, Sam Jaeger, Zac Chandler, and Benedict Hardie
Directed by: Leigh Whannell


So I’ve been wanting to see this since it came out, but due to all the negative reviews I’d seen about it, I was apprehensive about spending any money on it. But it’s now streaming on Prime, so I decided to jump in. And you know, I wouldn’t have been mad about spending a few bucks on it.

A family at a remote farmhouse is attacked by an unseen animal, and as the night stretches on, the father begins to transform into something unrecognizable.

I really don’t understand all the hate this film got. No, it’s not reinventing the wheel, but it’s a good time. It has a few good, tense moments, and I actually quite enjoyed the POV shots changing between the family and the infected Blake. It’s a good idea that I don’t remember seeing before. The make-up effects were well done, even if the wolf design was slightly underwhelming. Christopher Abbott does a great job conveying a man who’s desperately trying to hold on to his humanity even as he feels it slipping away. Everyone was great, actually, except maybe Matilda Firth as daughter Ginger. She wasn’t as horrible as I’ve seen others accuse her of, but she wasn’t great. I don’t like being too hard on child actors, though. It’s a tough gig. The cinematography was stunning, as were the locales, but that happens when you film in New Zealand. I do wish they’d gone for a different ending, though. It felt very predictable and safe.

So if you’ve been on the fence about this one because of the reviews, I’d suggest just seeing it for yourself. You never can tell what you’re going to like based on what other people have thought. I know I definitely can’t. I often end up liking things others hated, or hating things others loved. This one gets a 7.5/10 from me.

M.

This film is currently streaming on Amazon Prime.

Apr 25 2025

Mel’s 5 Second Review Double Feature: Superdeep & The Cleansing Hour

Superdeep (Kolskaya Sverhglubokaya) (2020)
Milena Radulovic, Nikita Dyuvbanov, Kirill Kovbas, Vadim Demchog, and Sergey Ivanyuk
Directed by: Arseniy Sukhin


So, I watched this one on a whim. I’d heard of the borehole, and the supposed recordings that came from it, and I thought that it made a good concept for a movie. Well, let me tell you, this was definitely not what I was expecting!

The Kola Superdeep borehole is the largest Russian secret facility. In 1984, at the depth of 12 kilometers below the surface, unexplained sounds were recorded, resembling screams and moans from hell. Since these events, the facility has been closed. A small research team of scientists and military personnel go down below the surface to find the secret hidden all these years.

So first, I watched this on Shudder, and they only had the English dub available. I usually don’t watch movies if they’ve been dubbed, so I’m not sure why I watched this one, but here it is. The actors they got for the dub were horrible. Simply wretched. The lead actress conveyed all the emotion of a stale scone. No matter what she was supposed to be doing or feeling, she had the same tone of voice. And the fact that the lips don’t move along with the voice drives me nuts.

The concept also didn’t seem to fit with what was advertised. “Sounds of hell” to me seems like it would involve demons, maybe ghosts, something in that line. What I got instead was a massive, cordyceps-like parasite. (If you don’t know what cordyceps are, they’re parasites that take over an ant’s nervous system, walks it back to its nest, or up to a high spot, and then spores will explode from the ant’s body, infecting everything around. Pretty creepy stuff.) In any case, it was still an interesting concept, so I kept watching. And while I don’t fully regret it, I can’t say it’s a great movie. It’s over-long, clocking in at 115 minutes. Half an hour could have easily been shaved off this thing to make it more palatable. It felt disjointed and the characters seemed like caricatures. What I will praise the film for is the practical effects. The make-ups were beautiful. And the creature, holy shit was that thing creepy! Just thinking about it gives me the willies.

All in all, I didn’t hate it, but I definitely didn’t love it. Maybe it’d have gotten a higher score had I seen it in its original Russian, but as it is, it gets a 5/10.

…

The Cleansing Hour (2020)
Ryan Guzman, Kyle Gallner, Alix Angelis, Chris Lew Kum Hoi, Daniel Hoffmann-Gill, and Emma Holzer
Directed by: Damien LeVeck


This one has been on my to-watch list since it came out, and I’ve just now got around to it. I’m glad I finally did.

Max and Drew are millennial entrepreneurs who’ve made themselves famous with a webcast they created called “The Cleansing Hour,” which streams live exorcisms. The catch? Each exorcism is elaborately staged. Until today, when Drew’s fiancé, today’s actress in the chair, turns out to actually be possessed!

Unlike Superdeep, this was very much exactly what I was expecting it to be. No shade intended! Sometimes the simplest ideas are the best ones. All the acting was great, especially Kyle Gallner, but no surprise there, he’s wonderful. The makeup and vfx were nothing special, but not awful, either. This was very overt, though. No “is she really possessed?” kind of thing, they make it known right from the get-go that she is. So I missed that sense of mystery a bit. It was also very loud, the sound design was a little jarring. But I suppose that’s to be expected from a film that’s basically one long exorcism. But in the end, I had a good time watching it, so it gets a solid 7.5/10.

M.

Both these films are currently on Shudder.

Apr 6 2025

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Skinamarink

Skinamarink (2023)
Lukas Paul, Dali Rose Tetreault, Ross Paul, and Jaime Hill
Directed by: Kyle Edward Ball

I was apprehensive going in to this film because of the mixed reviews. I generally try to go in as blind as I can to films, so there’s no spoilers. And while nothing was spoiled for me, I did notice how polarizing the film seemed to be. People were either raving about it, or saying it was a piece of shit. I decided to give it a shot.

The setup was simple enough. A brother and sister wake in the middle of the night to find their parents are missing, as are all the doors and windows out. They put the tv on in the living room to distract themselves, but soon realize they aren’t alone any more.

First off, this film is VERY artsy. If that’s not your bag, skip this one. The weird camera angles give the whole thing a surreal, dreamlike quality, which I imagine is what the filmmaker was going for. The sense of hopelessness and dread is very heavy through the whole film, and even though nothing is shown, the imagination takes over (did that shadow just move??). I generally am not fond of art house films, I tend to think they’re pretentious bullshit. And yet, with this one, I couldn’t look away. MILD SPOILERS, MAYBE? My theory is that this isn’t something that’s literally happening. This, to me, seems like what a neglected and/or abused child would feel, trapped in a nightmare they can’t escape. I give it 6/10 because, while I applaud what they were trying to do, in the end, artsy films just aren’t for me.

M.

This is currently streaming on Shudder.

Jun 25 2024

Mel’s 5 Second First Impressions: Guillermo del Toro’s Cabinet of Curiosities

Guillermo del Toro’s Cabinet of Curiosities (2022)
Tim Blake Nelson, David Hewlett, Ben Barnes, Rupert Grint, Lize Johnston, Kevin Keppy, Essie Davis, Peter Weller, F Murray Abraham, Kate Micucci, Crispin Glover, Andrew Lincoln, Martin Starr, Sebastian Roché, Ismael Cruz Cordova, Dan Stevens, DJ Qualls, and Nia Vardalos

Cabinet of Curiosities

So I’ve been meaning to watch this since it came out. I was immediately intrigued by the Netflix blurb, and the fact that there’s so many actors that I know and like in it. I put it in my to-watch list… and immediately forgot about it, as I do. I finally got around to watching the first 2 episodes the other night, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.

It’s an 8 episode anthology show, that seems to be all horror from what I’ve seen. In the first episode, a cranky old man who owes money to a shady individual buys a storage locker to sell its contents and gets a whole lot more than he bargained for. In the second episode, a graverobber thinks he’s going to have a great haul after a wealthy man passes away, only to find that the “graveyard rats” already have a plan for him.

First the good, and there’s quite a bit of it. It looks really good. The cinematography, production, and atmosphere are all on point. The acting in the first 2 episodes was great, although I can’t say if it stays good all the way through, since I haven’t seen the rest. It’s definitely movie-quality. The bad: I can’t say I loved it. The first episode did a good job at building tension and while the payoff was good, the episode just kind of ended with so many questions left unanswered. The second episode ended better, and had a more complete story, and while it wasn’t bad, it was just kind of “meh”. I’m not sure it gripped me enough to get me to watch the rest of the episodes. There are actors I’m looking forward to seeing (Ben Barnes *cough*), so maybe that’ll be enough to get me to sit down to it again. As it is right now, though, it only gets a 6.5/10.

M.

This is currently streaming on Netflix.

Jan 29 2024

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Talk to Me

Talk to Me (2022)
Sophie Wilde, Alexandra Jensen, Miranda Otto, Joe Bird, Zoe Terakes, and Cookie the Dog
Directed by: Danny and Michael Philippou

Talk to Me

So I’ve been sitting here staring blankly at the screen for about half an hour. That’s never a good sign. I had heard such good things about this film from my Horror Movies Addicts Facebook page, so I decided to give it a go. I should have known better, I really should have.

Mia and Jade hear about a group of kids doing “possession parties” using an embalmed hand. They go and soon see that it’s very real. But soon Mia begins seeing things even when not in contact with the hand, and her life begins to spiral.

First the good, I suppose. It looked real nice. The sets, makeup, and cinematography were all on point. It had some good ideas, I’ve never seen a possession film quite like this one, so there’s that. The acting was mostly good, but that leads us into the not so good as well. The characters are mostly so thoroughly unlikable that it’s really hard to care if anything happens to them. I know they’re teenagers, and teens are hard to like anyways sometimes, but surely they’re not all the same? And the mom. As much as I like Miranda Otto, I could not like her here, nor get behind her parenting. I mean really.

I knew I was in for something I wouldn’t like as soon as I saw the second (of about a million, my goodness) production company logo: A24. That made movies like Hereditary, which I also hated. Such pretentious bullshit. But all in all, it had the worst sin any movie can have, not just horror: It was boring. I kept on fighting the urge to look at my phone the whole time, and that’s definitely not good.

I give it a 4/10. Watch only if you’re a big fan of A24 stuff. You’re allowed :-p

M.

Nov 17 2023

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Last Voyage of the Demeter

The Last Voyage of the Demeter (2023)
Corey Hawkins, Aisling Franciosi, Liam Cunningham, David Dastmalchian, Woody Norman, Chris Walley, Stefan Kapicic, Jon Jon Briones, Martin Furulund, Nikolai Nikolaeff, and Javier Botet
Directed by: André Øvredal

Demeter

Ok, so I went into this not knowing what to expect. I can tell you what I was hoping for though. A genuinely scary vampire film. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the various tame Dracula‘s, or even the Twilight‘s, but I wanted to be scared this time. And let me tell you, this film is almost there. Almost. The Nosferatu-esque makeup is genuinely creepy, and it moves with the creep factor that only Javier Botet (or Doug Jones, for that matter, but it’s Botet in this film) can bring. It does a good job of making the story feel claustrophobic and atmospheric. Having the whole film take place on a ship might’ve been risky, especially since it runs at 2 hours, but I was never bored. I was actually nervous for the characters, which is probably because they do a good job of setting them up, and the actors do an excellent job of portraying them.

Despite all this, the ultimate scare factor just wasn’t there. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, maybe I’ve just seen so many horror films that they leave me cold in the scares department. Or maybe it was that the kills were mostly done with cgi. The blood just doesn’t fall right when it’s not really there. I miss practical effects, but cgi can be a good companion to it when used sparingly. Unfortunately, it was not used sparingly in this film. I was still horrified at the burning scenes, but I think that has more to do with me being inherently afraid of fire than of it looking good. When makeup was really used, it was done very well, so why didn’t they… ah, never mind. Cgi is the thing now, I guess I should just get used to it.

In the end, though, I did quite enjoy the film, and would recommend it to anyone who loves vampire films like I do (Marilyn Manson’s If I Was Your Vampire popped up quite randomly on my Spotify as I write this, I’m amused). I give it a very respectable 7.5/10. 

M.

This film is available for rent or buy on YouTube and Amazon Prime.

Apr 30 2023

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Smile

Smile (2022)
Sosie Bacon, Kyle Gallner, Jessie T Usher, Robin Weigert, Gillian Zinser, Jack Sochet, Rob Morgan, Caitlin Stasey, and Kal Penn
Directed by: Parker Finn

smile

Have you seen It Follows? Have you seen The Ring? Then you’ve seen Smile.

Rose Cotter is a seemingly workaholic therapist in an emergency mental hospital. Once day she gets a severely disturbed young lady as a patient who tells Rose that something is following her, smiling at her, telling her she’s going to die. Then she kills herself right in front of Rose, while smiling. From that point on, Rose herself becomes convinced that whatever had been following her patient is now following her.

I can’t tell you the amount of times I almost turned this film off. After a long spell of nothing happening. After the 20th jump-scare. But I decided to go through to the end, and while it did slowly get a bit better, I still feel like I wasted my time. Speaking of time, the film was just shy of 2 hours long, but to me, it felt like I was watching it for 6 hours. 30 minutes could have easily been shaved off this thing to make it more palatable. 

SPOILERS INCOMING

My biggest problem with this was probably the acting. Most of it was ok, but the lead was atrocious. And if I’d played a drinking game for every time she licked her lips, I’d have gotten alcohol poisoning. There’s also the famous suspension of disbelief, which already needs to be high for a horror movie, but come on. A string 20 people long of person witnesses suicide-person commits suicide in front of someone-that person commits suicide in front of someone-that person commits… you get my point. And no one noticed? No cops, no doctors, no reporters, no one? I also knew what was going to happen in the end, way before it happened. I had a thought that maybe she was going to defeat it by killing herself while she was alone, but then I thought, nah, this is a “bad guy wins” kinda film. And what do you know, I was right. And as a metaphor for childhood trauma, btw, having the bad guy win just says you can’t ever get over trauma and it’ll destroy you.

So. I didn’t absolutely hate it, but I didn’t really like it either. Which is a shame, cause it had the beginnings of a good idea. I’ll give it a 4.5/10, that little extra going to Kyle Gallner, who I’ve liked in everything I’ve seen him in.

M.

This film is available for rent and purchase on YouTube and Amazon Prime.

Mar 13 2023

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Jeepers Creepers Reborn

Jeepers Creepers Reborn (2022)
Sydney Craven, Imran Adams, Jarreau Benjamin, Ocean Navarro, Peter Brooke, Matt Barkley, Alexander Halsall, Georgia Goodman, Jodie Mcmullen, Gary Graham, and Dee Wallace
Directed by: Timo Vuorensola

Jeepers-Creepers-Reborn

Oh boy. I’ve got to stop making spur of the second decisions on what to watch, especially when they’re based on a sequel. Cause when I do, I end up watching movies like this one.

Laine and her boyfriend Chase are headed to a horror convention. While there, they “win” an evening in an escape room that’s supposed to be Creeper themed, based on the area’s urban legend. Little do they know that the Creeper is very real and wants Laine for a specific reason.

SPOILERS INCOMING because then you won’t have to watch this. You’re welcome.

The film opens with what’s essentially the opening of the first film, but with an old couple (one of whom is Dee Wallace. I guess everyone has bills to pay). But that’s just a video Chase is watching. He’s apparently obsessed with the legend of the Creeper, so much so that he’s dragging his girlfriend to a horror convention. She pulls over to throw up, and we’re introduced to a character who’s supposed to meet them there, I guess? She tells him on the phone to call her when he gets to the hotel. Then she never mentions him again. He, of course, is the first victim. So then there’s a creepy voodoo store lady who somehow knows that Laine is pregnant, and is apparently going to feed her to the Creeper. She rigs the contest to win the escape room, so off they go to the haunted house. What follows after that is a standard locked-in-a-house-with-a-maniac scenario.

First the good. The acting is not that bad. A few of the actors actually seem to know what they’re doing. And it looks like a film. meaning it’s pretty competently shot and filmed. And that concludes our section on the good. The Creeper makeup was awful. The teeth were so white, and they looked like they were going to fall right out of the face. The cgi was terrible, with oh-so-obvious green screen in a few shots that they should really be embarrassed about. And the story is so unbelievably silly, it hurt my brain. Cultists and visions and baby-eating monsters, oh my. I kept on wanting to turn it off, but then I figured it would make a good topic to rant about here, so I stuck with it. Thankfully, it’s not that long, clocking in at 1 hour 28 minutes. I might not have made it otherwise. Do yourself a favour: skip this one. It’s a (very generous) 2.5/10.

M.

This movie, should you really feel like watching it even after my warning, is on Amazon Prime.

Nov 8 2022

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Barbarian

Barbarian (2022)
Georgina Campbell, Bill Skarsgård, Justin Long, Jaymes Butler, Richard Brake, and Matthew Patrick Davis
Directed by: Zach Cregger

Barbarian

So, I hadn’t really planned on watching this one. I’d heard of it, seen it mentioned a few times in my Facebook horror groups, but I didn’t really know what it was about, save the vague synopsis of the beginning of the film. But my mom started it last night (then walked away cause she doesn’t do horror), so I figured I may as well. And boy, what a ride.

Tess gets to the Airbnb she rented just to find out another person has also been booked for the same time. Against her better judgement, she decides to stay the night. She soon finds out that may not have been the best idea, since the house is not what it seems.

I’m not 100% sure how I feel about this film. Don’t get me wrong, it was very well done. Everything was great. Acting, atmosphere, makeup, all pretty stellar. But it was off-the-wall bonkers. And pretty gory, which I’m not a huge fan of. It’s a little slow in the beginning, but definitely not a slog. The characters are engaging, so even when they’re not doing much of anything, it’s still at least mildly interesting to watch them. At least until they do truly idiotic things, which, unfortunately, is a lot of the time. I was watching with my sister and dad, and the main thing that kept coming out of our mouths is “Why would you do that…?” There was also one laugh-out-loud moment that I won’t spoil, but if you’ve seen it, you’ll probably know what I’m talking about (it comes near the end). Now I’m not sure if it was intentionally funny, or if they were trying to be scary. If they were, it didn’t work. There was also the ENORMOUS suspension of disbelief that had to happen to get this story to happen at all. All I’ll say is: all those years. How?? It just doesn’t make sense. All in all, I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t love it. It gets a 7/10 from me.

M.

This film is currently streaming on Disney+