Think of goth. Think hard. What’s the first thing to come to mind? Is it this?

This is the first thing that came up on Google search. Maybe a bit much? How about this?

Hmm. This was the second picture Google had for me. Ok, what about this?

Ok, I’m seeing a pattern here. Let me explain something. This is not goth. Ok, it kinda is. Let me reiterate. This is not all goth is. Yes, some people dress like this, but (mostly) not on a daily basis. The boys and girls in these pictures aren’t going out for coffee. The first one at the top seems to be a shot taken in a nightclub, the other two are photo shoots.

I am goth. I guess I always have been. Although my clothes, even in my extreme days, weren’t as “bad” as those in the third picture. Yes, I wore leather and pvc and fishnets and dark eye makeup, but I never liked the black lipstick, and I dunno, maybe it’s me, but I like wearing pants. Or at least a skirt. Let me show you a little something.

This is what a real goth party looks like. That’s me in the front with the glasses (hi!) and the cutie in the fishnet behind me (yelling like a banshee, hehe) is my dear husband. And while I’ll admit we’re not the most colourful bunch, it’s a far cry from what’s in the top pictures. “But ok, Mel,” you say, “but what about at a nightclub. like the first guy? Surely that’s how it is?”

Sure. There are a few. But the key word is few. But mostly?

No. That’s me (hi again!) and two of my friends on my 25th birthday. Ah, good times… And look! What’s that?? Is that…..

A tan??? You mean, goths don’t hide from the sun?? No, we certainly don’t! (Well, I do, now, but that’s due to illness, and is a whole other story…) And notice something else? We’re all smiling. That’s right, smiling. We’re having fun. We do know what it is.

I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve had to “explain goth” to people. “Well, there must be something wrong with you!” Oh yes, I’ve actually been told that. “I just thought you were smarter than that.” This gem from my father, after seeing some pictures of me and my friends at a club. I wanted to murder him. He’s grown since then, thankfully. Goths weren’t big in my high school, I think I was actually the closest thing to a real goth it had, and at that point it was mostly in my movie and book and music choices more than clothes (my mom wouldn’t buy me goth stuff. My little sister’s a lucky bitch, she inherited all my goth clothes now that I’m too fat for them, having a baby and getting sick will do that to a girl. So she gets to have everything I didn’t in school. Bitter, who me? Anyways…)

So, you know what I learned while hanging out with others “just like me” after school? While there are exceptions, most of them really were just like me. Kids who happen to like a certain type of music, a certain type a dress, a certain life-style. Now, most goths are promiscuous, that’s a fact. A lot of them are drama queens. But death-obsessed, depressed, sado-macho sad sacks who cut themselves while smoking cloves, writing bad poetry and crying? There may be some, but on the whole? No. None of my friends are like that. And I’m certainly not like that.

You know what else we aren’t? Violent. You want to know the number of times I saw a fight break out in a goth club? (And I used to go out a lot.) Zero, that’s how many times. We had a bouncer, but he spent most of his nights propped up by the bar, because there was nothing for him to do. No, that’s a lie. I remember he had to calm some guy getting rowdy once, but you know what? He was a “normal” (as my friends and I jokingly called non-goths) trying to stir shit up. He got shown the door quickly. Men will also not grope random women on the dance floor (or anywhere for that matter), without being invited first. I have a few friends who are “normals”, I’ve been to a “normal” club. Almost every time I went, I saw at least one fight, and had to physically move guys hands off me, more than once. Where this sense of entitlement these jerks have comes from, I have no idea.

I like industrial music, but I also like other stuff too: rock, alternative, electro, hell, even a few pop songs. I’m a horror movie fan, but I also love chick flicks and cartoons (which is good, since I have a 3 year old. No, 4! It was his birthday yesterday, happy birthday, AngelFace!). I also read horror books, but I like thrillers and mysteries and fantasy as well. I’m also, like a lot of goths, a geek. Star Trek, Doctor Who, Supernatural, Buffy, Angel, Dexter… those are my shows. Some may be “snobbish” (as I like to say) about the stuff they like, but in general we like what we like, no matter the genre.

And really, in the end, am I so wrong for thinking that this:

..is hotter than this..?

Yeee. If I am, then I don’t want to be right.

M.

p.s. Shout-out to ellemorrigan for inspiring this post! 🙂