Tag Archives: movie reviews

Dec 14 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Desolation of Smaug

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
(2013) Martin Freeman, Richard Armitage, Ian McKellen, Benedict Cumberbatch, Orlando Bloom, Evangeline Lilly, Aidan Turner, Luke Evans, Lee Pace, Ken Stott, Dean O’Gorman, Sylvester McCoy, Stephen Fry, and Cate Blanchett

THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG

So, I finally got around to seeing this film. I had originally wanted to see it at the cinema, but after I missed my chance, I just never got into the mood to watch it at home. I’m at my mom’s house right now, and she decided to put it on, and despite not being in the mood to watch tv, I got sucked into it. I unfortunately missed a lot of the early dialogue, even though the sound was pretty loud, I dunno, it was weird, like the talking was at a frequency that I couldn’t hear. The acting was all top notch, as expected, and all the extra stuff they added, while unnecessary to the story, was still good. The effects however… I have to admit to being disappointed. They decided to go hardcore CGI, and I felt like it took away from the film. The Lord of the Rings trilogy had just as many orcs and other baddies, but most of them were actors in makeup, and I think that made all the difference. It’s pretty bad to say that films made almost 15 years ago look better than films made now, but they really do. And speaking of CGI, what the hell is up with Orlando Bloom’s face?? Am I the only one that noticed how computerized it was? Did the actor age so horribly that they had to smooth out his face with CGI? It’s really bad, so bad that it was distracting me from the film, and that’s never a good thing. They also went way overboard on some of the action scenes, even more implausible than in the first film. I caught myself saying “oh, come on!” with an eye roll more than once. On the plus side, Smaug was awesome, and the whole final act was nail-bitingly awesome. Thankfully, my memory of the book is hazy at best (I read it in grade school), so all the extra stuff doesn’t bother me as much as it might have had it been fresh in my mind. All in all, it was a fun watch, I give it a good 8/10. I’ll try to see the next film sooner this time, hehe.

M.

Nov 28 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Dream House

Dream House
(2011) Daniel Craig, Rachel Weisz, Naomi Watts, Marton Csokas, Elias Koteas, Taylor Geare, Claire Geare, Rachel G Fox, and Jane Alexander

Dream-House

Despite the excellent performances, I just didn’t get into this film. I’d been expecting a generic haunted house film, so when the big reveal happened mid-way through the film, I was genuinely surprised. Unfortunately, my interest took a pretty sharp nose dive right after, since I figured out exactly what was going to happen at the end. I had to fight myself not to skip to the end just to see if I was right. It was an interesting idea, but the final product ultimately failed to impress. I just spent a lot of time bored, even allowing myself to play a little game on my phone while I watched. Never a good sign. But I made it to the end, which, it turns out, I was right about. Yay me. I give this film an uninspired 6/10.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix.

 

M.

Nov 26 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Last Days on Mars

The Last Days on Mars
(2013) Liev Schreiber, Elias Koteas, Romola Garai, Olivia Williams, Johnny Harris, Goran Kostic, and Tom Cullen

last-days-of-mars

I’m not the biggest fan of indie sci-fi, but I’d been pleasantly surprised by Europa Report, so I decided to go ahead and give this one a try. What an awful, awful mistake that was. The film starts, and already everyone is on edge and acting strange. One of the leads keeps getting weird flashbacks, another is a mega-bitch who doesn’t even blink when the first body is found, asking instead if they will announce their findings. After 31 minutes of having characters telling each other to fuck off, still having no explanation as to how this crack team got to Mars in the first place (guess they went to the same Academy as the Prometheus crew), and a ridiculous amount of heavy breathing, I couldn’t do it anymore. I don’t often stop movies before they’re done, but I really couldn’t subject my brain to any more of this crap. 0/10.

This movie is currently streaming on Netflix, but do yourself a favour and don’t bother. Watch Europa Report instead. I’m not even going to go look for a trailer :-p

M.

Nov 16 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Hellbound – Hellraiser II

Hellbound: Hellraiser II
(1988) Ashley Laurence, Clare Higgins, Kenneth Cranham, Imogen Boorman, Sean Chapman, William Hope, Barbie Wilde, and Doug Bradley

Hellbound-Hellraiser-II

I was sure I had seen this film ages ago, at around the same time that I saw the first one. But about 30 minutes in, after not recognizing anything, I realized that I had never seen it after all. And really, I wasn’t missing all that much. It wasn’t bad, it had some good plot devices and some cool practical effects, but man, what on earth were the film makers smoking?? From the moment Kirsty enters the Hell dimension, things start to get weird, and they just keep getting stranger as the film goes on. There’s a sadistic doctor who wants to see the Hell dimension, there’s a very Escher-like labyrinth, crazy looking Cenobytes, an incestuous uncle, and no one can seem to keep their skin on. Everything is very, err, moist. Those who like blood (and other fluids usually regulated to the inside of the body) will appreciate this. Those that don’t will likely spend a lot of the time with wrinkled noses, like I did. All in all, it wasn’t a complete waste of time, I don’t want my 97 minutes back, but I won’t ever be spending another 97 minutes on it. It gets a not bad 5.5/10.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. There’s also a version on YouTube, but it’s dubbed in Spanish.

M.

Nov 14 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Hellraiser – HellWorld

Hellraiser: HellWorld
(2005) Katheryn Winnick, Christopher Jacot, Lance Henriksen, Henry Cavill, Khary Payton, Anna Tolputt, Stelian Urian, and Doug Bradley

Hellraiser Hellworld

So, I’m not sure what exactly prompted me to watch this film. I’ve never really been a Hellraiser fan, and, until recently, I’ve always hated it, save for the fourth installment, Bloodline. But I decided to give the first film a try again after many years, and I found that it isn’t all that bad. It’s still not as great as a lot of people say, but it’s not bad. That said, I’ve seen one or two of the other sequels, number 3 and number 5, if I’m not mistaken, and they were god awful. Beyond god awful. So I really had no intention of ever watching another one. And yet, here I am. The good? It had a slightly more intriguing story, different from the “usual”. Lance Henriksen does a good, creepy job, as usual, although to be honest, he’s more than a little wasted in this picture. And there’s plenty of eye candy, including a very young Henry Cavill. The bad? Everything else. Almost all the actors are dreadfully bad, the characters make the stupidest decisions, and Pinhead, who should be one of the main players, is relegated to a few hazy scenes. It tries to play the “is it real, or isn’t it?” card, but it doesn’t manage very well. The ending was rather interesting, reminding me of Criminal Minds and Hannibal, but then they kinda ruined it by “ending” the film like four times. Just when you’re sure the credits are going to start rolling, there’s one more scene. Then another. And another. It was quite aggravating. All in all, it wasn’t completely awful, but it wasn’t very good, either. I give it a mediocre 4.5/10. And that’s mainly for the eye candy :-p

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy, at your own risk, hehe.

M.

Nov 14 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Ward

The Ward
(2010) Amber Heard, Mamie Gummer, Danielle Panabaker, Laura-Leigh, Lyndsy Fonseca, Mika Boorem, Jared Harris, Susanna Burney, Dan Anderson, and Jillian Kramer

ward

A surprisingly good haunted asylum flick. It had been on my to-watch list ever since it arrived on Netflix, and I finally got around to watching it. I really wasn’t expecting all that much from it, so I was plesantly surprised when it turned out to be quite good. Strong acting all round, some good ideas, even a few scares make this movie fun to watch. The ending I found to be a bit of a cop out, but I didn’t figure it out until close to the end, so that’s saying something. All in all, it was a fun watch, and it gets a 7.5/10 from me.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy!

 

M.

Sep 19 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Spiderwick Chronicles

The Spiderwick Chronicles
(2008) Freddie Highmore, Sarah Bolger, Mary-Louise Parker, Martin Short, Seth Rogan, Nick Nolte, Joan Plowright, David Strathairn, and Andrew McCarthy

The Spiderwick Chronicles

Greatly under-rated, this film should be at the top with the other great fantasy films. But, and I’m not sure why, it was mostly overlooked when it came out. Most of the time if I mention it, I get a response of “The what? What’s that?” And that shouldn’t be. It’s a wonderful story with family ties at its core, but it doesn’t come off as preachy or saccharine. The acting is all wonderful and the creatures are all fun, with only Martin Short over-doing the voice work, which he always does anyways. If you like fantasy films, I highly reccomend this one. I give it a wonderful 9/10.

This film isn’t currently on Netflix, nor did I find a full version on YouTube, but it’s more than worth the price of a rental or buy. Enjoy! 🙂

M.

Sep 12 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Frankenweenie

Frankenweenie
(2012) Charlie Tahan, Catherine O’Hara, Martin Short, Martin Landau, Winona Ryder, Atticus Shaffer, Robert Capron, James Hiroyuki Liao, and Conchata Ferrell

?????????????

So I finally saw this film. It’s been months now that I hardly watch movies anymore. I used to watch a few a week, now I’m lucky to watch one a month. But I digress… This film is a breath of fresh air coming from Tim Burton. His films have just been so tired lately, all style and no substance, so despite how cute the trailers for this film looked, I was reluctant to watch. But I’m glad I finally did, because it was quite fun. It’s a touching story of a boy and his dog… his undead dog, hehe. There are winks to classic horror films all over the film, from the obvious main plot and character names, to smaller things, like the way the science teacher looks and sounds like Vincent Price. Like the Asian kid making a giant reptile who stomps on cars. Like the poodle with Bride of Frankenstein fur. And etc, and etc. It had a few really sad scenes, and I actually laughed out loud a few times, they got some good gags in there. All in all, a fun little film, I reccomend it if you like weird stuff. And if you don’t, well, I reccomend it anyways. Who knows, you may be surprised! I give it a solid 8/10.

This film is not currently on Netflix, nor did I find it on YouTube. But if you’ve got Video on Demand, it’s playing there. Enjoy! 🙂

M.

Sep 5 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Warm Bodies

Warm Bodies
(2013) Nicholas Hoult, Teresa Palmer, Analeigh Tipton, Rob Corddry, Dave Franco, and John Malkovich

warm-bodies

So, I’m not the biggest fan of zombie movies. I’ve seen the original Night of the Living Dead, and while I enjoyed it, it’s definitely not my favorite anything. I just find the whole genre a little dumb. It has to be really good, and contain a lot more than just shambling dead folks to keep my attention. When I saw the trailers for Warm Bodies, I almost peed myself. A zombie comedy that also has a love story? I definitely had to see this. It was way funnier than I had even expected, while still managing to have some good, tense moments, and the romance, while really being the whole point of the “humanizing” that’s happening to the shufflers, is not shoved in your face. Anyone saying that this is just Twilight with zombies needs to shut up and actually go see the movie. It was well written, well acted, and well filmed. And it was really awesome to be able to pick out Montreal landmarks! Had I known it was being filmed in my home town, I may have enjoyed hanging around to catch a glimpse of the zombies in action. All in all, it’s a very entertaining film, and I give it two enthusiastic thumbs up! (And 10/10, hehe.)

This film isn’t currently on Netflix, nor did I find a version on YouTube, but it’s more than worth the price of a rental, or even to buy. The novel it’s based on, by Isaac Marion, is also worth your time. Enjoy!

 

M.

Sep 1 2014

Mel’s (Slightly Longer Than) 5 Second(s) Review: Epic

Epic
(2013) Amanda Seyfried, Josh Hutcherson, Colin Farrell, Christoph Waltz, Aziz Ansari, Chris O’Dowd, Steven Tyler, Jason Sudeikis, Pitbull, and Beyoncé Knowles

Epic

First off, let me just say that I watched this film with my son at the in-law’s place, so I saw it in the Québec french version, which means the cast looks a little less like the names I wrote above, and a little more like this: Stéfanie Dolan, Xavier Dolan, Martin Watier, Denis Gravereaux, Sébastien Reding, Alexis Lefebvre, Garou, and Geneviève Désilets. Also, as is very often the case with translated movies, a lot of the jokes and subtleties are lost in translation, so much so that translated films lose much of their original charm, which is why I always prefer to watch films in their original language. Not to mention the fact that the voices never quite seem to fit with the character’s look and lip movement, and that drives me insane. It’s a bit less distracting in an animated film, but I do prefer hearing the original version, even if it’s in a language that I don’t know. I can read, and that’s what subtitles are for. I speak and understand almost perfectly in french, but sometimes they talk too fast, or use slang that I’m unfamiliar with, and I’m apt to lose bits and pieces here and there.

Alright, now that that’s out of the way, on to the review! The story reminds me a lot of Arthur and the Invisibles, which is not a bad thing at all, since I loved that film. Epic isn’t quite as good as that one, but it’s not far behind. The animation is lovely, in a slightly different style than we’re used to seeing, and the voice-acting, in the french version anyways, is good. It’s a wonderful tale of fighting to preserve nature, kinda reminiscent of Ferngully: The Last Rainforest, which is also not a bad thing. My son loved it (he’s the reason I sat down to watch it in the first place, he absolutely wanted mommy snuggles while watching the film, so I put aside my dislike of translated films to please him, hehe), and I enjoyed it enough that I’m going to go ahead and watch the original version, to catch all the things I may have missed in the translation. The characters are all likable, and there were a few laugh out loud scenes that had both my son and I guffawing. I was a little disappointed at the end of the film, (SPOILER ALERT!!) because I really wanted MK to stay with the little people. Actually, what I was hoping for was that she and her father would be welcomed into their world. The new queen didn’t even ask if she wanted to stay or not, and so MK and Nod had to say their goodbyes super fast, and only got a single kiss because of it. The romantic in me felt gypped, hehe. But all in all, it was a very entertaining film, and I give it a solid 7.5/10. And who knows, maybe once I see it in english, the rating will go up a bit 🙂

The film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy!

 

M.