Tag Archives: Mel’s 5 Second Review

Nov 28 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Dream House

Dream House
(2011) Daniel Craig, Rachel Weisz, Naomi Watts, Marton Csokas, Elias Koteas, Taylor Geare, Claire Geare, Rachel G Fox, and Jane Alexander

Dream-House

Despite the excellent performances, I just didn’t get into this film. I’d been expecting a generic haunted house film, so when the big reveal happened mid-way through the film, I was genuinely surprised. Unfortunately, my interest took a pretty sharp nose dive right after, since I figured out exactly what was going to happen at the end. I had to fight myself not to skip to the end just to see if I was right. It was an interesting idea, but the final product ultimately failed to impress. I just spent a lot of time bored, even allowing myself to play a little game on my phone while I watched. Never a good sign. But I made it to the end, which, it turns out, I was right about. Yay me. I give this film an uninspired 6/10.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix.

 

M.

Nov 26 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Last Days on Mars

The Last Days on Mars
(2013) Liev Schreiber, Elias Koteas, Romola Garai, Olivia Williams, Johnny Harris, Goran Kostic, and Tom Cullen

last-days-of-mars

I’m not the biggest fan of indie sci-fi, but I’d been pleasantly surprised by Europa Report, so I decided to go ahead and give this one a try. What an awful, awful mistake that was. The film starts, and already everyone is on edge and acting strange. One of the leads keeps getting weird flashbacks, another is a mega-bitch who doesn’t even blink when the first body is found, asking instead if they will announce their findings. After 31 minutes of having characters telling each other to fuck off, still having no explanation as to how this crack team got to Mars in the first place (guess they went to the same Academy as the Prometheus crew), and a ridiculous amount of heavy breathing, I couldn’t do it anymore. I don’t often stop movies before they’re done, but I really couldn’t subject my brain to any more of this crap. 0/10.

This movie is currently streaming on Netflix, but do yourself a favour and don’t bother. Watch Europa Report instead. I’m not even going to go look for a trailer :-p

M.

Nov 18 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Awakening

The Awakening
(2011) Rebecca Hall, Dominic West, Imelda Staunton, Isaac Hempstead Wright, Shaun Dooley, and Joseph Mawle

THE AWAKENING

Despite the good acting and atmospheric location, I couldn’t quite get into this film. It seemed, to me anyways, that it was just trying so hard to be dark and moody that it forgot about doing a lot of other stuff, like making us care for the characters. The lead actress just wasn’t very likable, nor was anyone else, for that matter. And, to be perfectly honest, it got a little confusing at times, especially around the end. Are they all dead? Are they all alive? Who can see who, and why? It just got a little too twisty turney for my liking. Reminded me of Demi Moore’sĀ Half Light and that’s not really a good thing. Still, it had a decent story, so it wasn’t a complete waste of time. It gets an average 6/10 from me.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy! šŸ™‚

M.

Nov 16 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Hellbound – Hellraiser II

Hellbound: Hellraiser II
(1988) Ashley Laurence, Clare Higgins, Kenneth Cranham, Imogen Boorman, Sean Chapman, William Hope, Barbie Wilde, and Doug Bradley

Hellbound-Hellraiser-II

I was sure I had seen this film ages ago, at around the same time that I saw the first one. But about 30 minutes in, after not recognizing anything, I realized that I had never seen it after all. And really, I wasn’t missing all that much. It wasn’t bad, it had some good plot devices and some cool practical effects, but man, what on earth were the film makers smoking?? From the moment Kirsty enters the Hell dimension, things start to get weird, and they just keep getting stranger as the film goes on. There’s a sadistic doctor who wants to see the Hell dimension, there’s a very Escher-like labyrinth, crazy looking Cenobytes, an incestuous uncle, and no one can seem to keep their skin on. Everything is very, err, moist. Those who like blood (and other fluids usually regulated to the inside of the body) will appreciate this. Those that don’t will likely spend a lot of the time with wrinkled noses, like I did. All in all, it wasn’t a complete waste of time, I don’t want my 97 minutes back, but I won’t ever be spending another 97 minutes on it. It gets a not bad 5.5/10.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. There’s also a version on YouTube, but it’s dubbed in Spanish.

M.

Nov 14 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Hellraiser – HellWorld

Hellraiser: HellWorld
(2005) Katheryn Winnick, Christopher Jacot, Lance Henriksen, Henry Cavill, Khary Payton, Anna Tolputt, Stelian Urian, and Doug Bradley

Hellraiser Hellworld

So, I’m not sure what exactly prompted me to watch this film. I’ve never really been a Hellraiser fan, and, until recently, I’ve always hated it, save for the fourth installment, Bloodline. But I decided to give the first film a try again after many years, and I found that it isn’t all that bad. It’s still not as great as a lot of people say, but it’s not bad. That said, I’ve seen one or two of the other sequels, number 3 and number 5, if I’m not mistaken, and they were god awful. Beyond god awful. So I really had no intention of ever watching another one. And yet, here I am. The good? It had a slightly more intriguing story, different from the “usual”. Lance Henriksen does a good, creepy job, as usual, although to be honest, he’s more than a little wasted in this picture. And there’s plenty of eye candy, including a very young Henry Cavill. The bad? Everything else. Almost all the actors are dreadfully bad, the characters make the stupidest decisions, and Pinhead, who should be one of the main players, is relegated to a few hazy scenes. It tries to play the “is it real, or isn’t it?” card, but it doesn’t manage very well. The ending was rather interesting, reminding me of Criminal Minds and Hannibal, but then they kinda ruined it by “ending” the film like four times. Just when you’re sure the credits are going to start rolling, there’s one more scene. Then another. And another. It was quite aggravating. All in all, it wasn’t completely awful, but it wasn’t very good, either. I give it a mediocre 4.5/10. And that’s mainly for the eye candy :-p

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy, at your own risk, hehe.

M.

Nov 14 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Ward

The Ward
(2010) Amber Heard, Mamie Gummer, Danielle Panabaker, Laura-Leigh, Lyndsy Fonseca, Mika Boorem, Jared Harris, Susanna Burney, Dan Anderson, and Jillian Kramer

ward

A surprisingly good haunted asylum flick. It had been on my to-watch list ever since it arrived on Netflix, and I finally got around to watching it. I really wasn’t expecting all that much from it, so I was plesantly surprised when it turned out to be quite good. Strong acting all round, some good ideas, even a few scares make this movie fun to watch. The ending I found to be a bit of a cop out, but I didn’t figure it out until close to the end, so that’s saying something. All in all, it was a fun watch, and it gets a 7.5/10 from me.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy!

 

M.