Tag Archives: quick reviews

Mar 26 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: 30 Days of Night

30 Days of Night
(2007) Josh Hartnett, Melissa George, Danny Huston, Ben Foster, Mark Boone Jr, Mark Rendall, Amber Sainsbury, Manu Bennett, Elizabeth Hawthorne and Craig Hall

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This movie could have been so good, it’s really a shame. The premise was excellent, but the final product was seriously lacking. The vampires spent half their time shrieking, even when trying to be stealthy, the blood on their faces was always wet, even when there’s supposedly no more people to eat for days at a time, the acting was occasionally painful, and the ending was way too predictable. All these things on their own might have been forgivable, but when they start piling up on top of each other, well… what a shame :-p It gets a very meh score of 5/10.

I don’t believe this film is currently on Netflix, but apparently by clicking the link on this video, you can watch it free online. I dunno if it’s true, I’m too scared to click it. You never know where strange links will lead… dun dun DUN!! hehe

M.

Mar 24 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Evil Dead

Evil Dead
(2013) Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, Lou Taylor Pucci, Jessica Lucas, Liz Blackmore, Jim McLarty, Randal Wilson and Inca the Dog

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So, I’m not a fan of the original Evil Dead, or it’s sequel. Army of Darkness, on the other hand, I loved, but that’s off topic. I found the original silly at it’s best, and downright boring at it’s worst. Even the scenes that were supposed to shock got nothing more than a sigh and an eye-roll from me. So I wasn’t sure what to expect when I went to see this reboot. It was hard to tell from the previews if it was going to be as dumb as the original, so I decided to take a chance and saw it in the cinema. I’m glad I did. The story, what little there is, is basically unchanged. Five young people head to a cabin in the woods, they find a weird book, shit hits the fan. The difference is, this one is actually scary. It made my skin crawl at some points, and that’s not an easy thing to do. A solid 8/10.

The movie is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy!

 

M.

Mar 8 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Chernobyl Diaries

Chernobyl Diaries
(2012) Ingrid Bolsø Berdal, Dimitri Diatchenko, Olivia Taylor Dudley, Devin Kelley, Jesse McCartney, Nathan Phillips and Jonathan Sadowski

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So, I went into this not too sure what to expect. I thought it was another one of those found footage films that are all over the place these days, and was pleasantly surprised when I was wrong. And I’m happy to report that the film itself was quite good. Starts off light and fun, lags a little bit round the halfway point, then picks up again and doesn’t let up till the end of the film. The acting was surprisingly good for this genre of movie, and while the story won’t get any originality points, it was still well done and well put together. If I had to gripe about something, it would be the fact that we don’t really get an explanation for what’s going on, and why what happened at the end of the film happened. But other than that, it was quite enjoyable, and subtly creepy. I give it a 7.5/10.

The film unfortunately isn’t on Netflix, nor is there a full version on YouTube. But if you can get your hands on it, it’s well worth a gander.

 

M.

Feb 27 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Unrest

Unrest
(2006) Corri English, Joshua Alba, Scot Davis, Jay Jablonski, Marisa Petroro and Derrick O’Connor

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To start with the obvious, the acting wasn’t great. The male lead wasn’t too bad, but the girl… yee. The story is interesting, yet very, very disorganized. Things just keep happening and the characters react in such a way that seems very… unhuman? I dunno. A roomful of doctors (and that psychologist in particular, where on earth she’d get her degree? Miskatonic U? jeez…) taking it at face-value that there’s an angry spirit in the hospital doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Even in a movie in which we’re actually talking about spirits to begin with. And that Aztec music, really, it was driving me nuts. So all in all, it had a few good scenes, but was mostly just a jumble of wtf. 5.5/10, the extra .5 of a point goes to the pretty boy.

The film is currently streaming on Netflix. There’s also a full version on YouTube, but it’s got (what looks like Vietnamese) subtitles.

 

M.

Feb 26 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Bathory

Bathory
(2008) Anna Friel, Karel Roden, Hans Matheson, Vincent Regan, Deana Jakubiskova, Bolek Polivka and Antony Byrne

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The film is absolutely beautiful, with gorgeous costumes, stunning locations and the statuesque Anna Friel in the lead role. It’s a rather long film, clocking in at 2h15, and unfortunately, you start to feel that time about an hour and a half in. Up until that laggy point, the film is excellent, a wonderful historical biopic, but it looses it’s steam during the second act, before picking up again for the last 15 minutes. A shame, really. The story is told from a slightly different historical standpoint, as if Erzsebet Bathory weren’t the blood hungry Countess history claims she is, but the victim of the government and other nobles trying to gain her lands (she owned more land than the King, about 1/3rd of the country). It’s really hard to tell, with these larger than life villains, how much is real, and how much was propaganda. The same could be said for Vlad the Impaler. He was a vicious warlord, and he did indeed impale people, but more and more evidence is unearthed that shows that he was no more vicious than the next warlord of those times, and what he did, he did to protect his country. There is no record in her own words (nor Vlad’s) about what happened, and the stories inevitably warp and change over the centuries. Was Erzsebet Bathory the most prolific serial killer of (almost) all time? Or just another victim? Impossible to know for sure, but we’re certainly drawn to her story.

The film is not currently on Netflix, nor is it on YouTube (not in english, anyways), but there is another film about Bathory’s life called The Countess, with Julie Delpy, and that one is streaming. It’s also pretty good, though this one claims that she was indeed a villain, not a victim. Both are worth tracking down.

 

M.