Tag Archives: movie reviews

Feb 3 2015

Mel’s 5 Second Review: At the Devil’s Door

At the Devil’s Door (also known as Home)
(2014) Catalina Sandino Moreno, Naya Rivera, Ashley Rickards, Mark Steger, and Ava Acres

at-the-devils-door

Pleasantly surprised by this one. I was just flipping through Netflix the other night, not sure what to watch, when on a whim, I decided to try this one out. I almost turned it off as soon as it started, but I’m glad I didn’t. The acting was surprisingly good for such an unknown cast and small production, which sadly doesn’t happen much. The story was quite interesting, and every time I thought I had it all figured out, something different happened. That also sadly doesn’t happen often. It’s a little slow at times, but the wait is well worth it, with some nice, creepy things a-happening. It’s not very scary as a whole, but there are some good suspenseful moments nonetheless. All in all, it gets a good 7.5/10 from me.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy! 🙂

M.

Jan 27 2015

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Taking of Deborah Logan

The Taking of Deborah Logan
(2014) Jill Larson, Anne Ramsay, Michelle Ang, Ryan Cutrona, Anne Bedian, Brett Gentile, Jeremy DeCarlos, Tonya Bludsworth, and Julianne Taylor

the-taking-of-deborah-logan

SPOILERS AHEAD

Let me start by stating that I had absolutely no intention of watching this film when I found out it was a found-footage style film. I can count on one hand the number of these films I’ve enjoyed, I just don’t see the appeal. They’re supposed to be more frightening since it’s “more real”, I guess, but really all it is is annoying. The shaky camera, especially when the characters are running (and they always do at some point), is nothing except nausea inducing. You can’t even see what’s happening. It’s a genre that has long over-stayed it’s welcome, and I for one will be happy to see it go away. Alright, so, this film. After reading a few reviews, here and on movie sites, saying how good it was, I decided to go ahead and give it a watch, fully expecting to turn it off halfway. And I have to admit, it was pretty good. Jill Larson turned in a marvelous and rather creepy performance as Deborah, which is good since the rest of the cast is pretty mediocre. It was a little slow in some parts, but it built good suspense, so that was ok. That was the good. Now the bad. The ending left much to be desired. It had everything I mentioned I hated about found footage films, and then some. Running, incoherent yelling, the camera light flicking on and off, the image snowing in and out, tons of static, and it lasted for a good 20 minutes. So that knocked a point off its score. The main film student, Mia, was painfully stupid sometimes, so that knocked off another point. And then there was the whole snake thing, culminating in that moronic head-eating scene, and that squeezed another point off. For a film that had been good and scary, that ending was very much a disappointment. But everything before that was quite impressive, enough that it still manages a score of 7/10.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix and, despite its problems, I still reccomend it. Enjoy!

M.

Jan 25 2015

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Killer Inside Me

The Killer Inside Me
(2010) Casey Affleck, Kate Hudson, Jessica Alba, Ned Beatty, Elias Koteas, Tom Bower, Simon Baker, Brent Briscoe, Liam Aiken, Matthew Maher, and Bill Pullman

killer inside me

I had such high hopes for this one. There were a few really good actors in it, the story was interesting, but damn was this movie boring. It started out well enough, but after a while it just sort of petered out, as if the story got lost in the woods. And some of the characters really had no point, like Elias Koteas’ Joe. What was his point? He did nothing to further the story, nor did anything from his story turn out to be relevant to the plot of the film. He’s just sort of… there, to remind the audience that Lou is full of shit. Bullshit, for the birds, which he repeats no less than 5 times. The story was good though, so maybe I’ll track down the book and see if it’s any better than the film. Quite disappointing, I give this film a very mediocre 5/10.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. But don’t say I didn’t warn you :-p

M.

Jan 20 2015

Mel’s 5 Second Review: My Little Pony – Equestria Girls

My Little Pony: Equestria Girls
(2013) Tara Strong, Ashleigh Ball, Andrea Libman, Tabitha St Germain, Cathy Weseluck, Rebecca Shoichet, Nicole Oliver, Vincent Tong, and Britt McKillip

my-little-pony-equestria-girls

I never really got into My Little Pony as a kid, so I didn’t even give this film a second glance when it arrived on Netflix some time last year. But my 4 year old son discovered the (new) show on his Netflix about 6 months ago, so we’ve been watching them almost every day. A few episodes are pretty bad, but on the whole it’s a fun show, and the little man loves it, especially Rainbow Dash. After having gone through all 4 seasons twice, I decided to see if he’d be interested in this film. I wasn’t sure, since the plot is about the ponies becoming human girls, I didn’t think he’d be that interested. But he was, very much so, so I put it on. Surprisingly (thankfully), it was actually quite good. Gabriel loved seeing each of the ponies transform into girls, and it was very amusing to watch Twilight Sparkle try to figure out how to behave like a human. Their motto, friendship is magic, is very important in this film, and of course it has a very saccharine ending, but I was expecting that, so it’s ok. There aren’t too many songs, either, which is definitely good. I have a theory about the number of songs in a film (that’s not supposed to be a musical) is directly related to how good or bad a film is (my best example being The Land Before Time and it’s thousand sequels, in which the first film has zero songs except during the credits, and is amazing, compared to the sequels which are 70% song, and suck balls… but I’m babbling again, aren’t I?) All in all, it’s fine family fun, and gets a very good 8/10 from me.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy! 🙂

M.

Dec 24 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Babadook

The Babadook
(2014) Essie Davis, Noah Wiseman, Daniel Henshall, Barbara West, and Tim Purcell

Babadook

So, I’d really been looking forward to this film, since I’d heard about it. The trailer was awesome, and I’d heard generally only good things about it. It was really just my own apathy that was stopping me from watching it. I’ve been really bad the last 2-3 years or so, in keeping up with shows and movies. No matter how good it looks, or how much I already like a series, I can’t seem to get myself to care enough to watch. But anyways, I’m babbling again… So I finally got around to watching this last week, and by that time, my expectations for the film were very high, with all the positive reviews I’d heard. Ultimately too high, I think. It wasn’t a bad film, but it was nowhere near as good as I was expecting. It was only 93 minutes long, but it felt like 3 hours. It had a few really good, tense scenes, but it wasn’t quite enough to keep me totally engrossed. I’m also of the idea that less is more when it comes to movie villains, especially ghostly things, and I feel that we saw too much of the creature, and that made it much less scary, and actually a little silly. And that ending… it was one of the more ridiculous things I’ve seen. And don’t get all high and mighty on me, telling me I didn’t get it. I get mental illness, believe me. But that was ridiculous. In the end, it was a good idea that just kinda got lost along the way. It gets a decent 7/10 from me.

This film is not currently on Netflix, nor is there a copy on YouTube. But if you wait a bit, I’m sure it’ll come on soon.

M.

Dec 14 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Desolation of Smaug

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug
(2013) Martin Freeman, Richard Armitage, Ian McKellen, Benedict Cumberbatch, Orlando Bloom, Evangeline Lilly, Aidan Turner, Luke Evans, Lee Pace, Ken Stott, Dean O’Gorman, Sylvester McCoy, Stephen Fry, and Cate Blanchett

THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG

So, I finally got around to seeing this film. I had originally wanted to see it at the cinema, but after I missed my chance, I just never got into the mood to watch it at home. I’m at my mom’s house right now, and she decided to put it on, and despite not being in the mood to watch tv, I got sucked into it. I unfortunately missed a lot of the early dialogue, even though the sound was pretty loud, I dunno, it was weird, like the talking was at a frequency that I couldn’t hear. The acting was all top notch, as expected, and all the extra stuff they added, while unnecessary to the story, was still good. The effects however… I have to admit to being disappointed. They decided to go hardcore CGI, and I felt like it took away from the film. The Lord of the Rings trilogy had just as many orcs and other baddies, but most of them were actors in makeup, and I think that made all the difference. It’s pretty bad to say that films made almost 15 years ago look better than films made now, but they really do. And speaking of CGI, what the hell is up with Orlando Bloom’s face?? Am I the only one that noticed how computerized it was? Did the actor age so horribly that they had to smooth out his face with CGI? It’s really bad, so bad that it was distracting me from the film, and that’s never a good thing. They also went way overboard on some of the action scenes, even more implausible than in the first film. I caught myself saying “oh, come on!” with an eye roll more than once. On the plus side, Smaug was awesome, and the whole final act was nail-bitingly awesome. Thankfully, my memory of the book is hazy at best (I read it in grade school), so all the extra stuff doesn’t bother me as much as it might have had it been fresh in my mind. All in all, it was a fun watch, I give it a good 8/10. I’ll try to see the next film sooner this time, hehe.

M.

Nov 28 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Dream House

Dream House
(2011) Daniel Craig, Rachel Weisz, Naomi Watts, Marton Csokas, Elias Koteas, Taylor Geare, Claire Geare, Rachel G Fox, and Jane Alexander

Dream-House

Despite the excellent performances, I just didn’t get into this film. I’d been expecting a generic haunted house film, so when the big reveal happened mid-way through the film, I was genuinely surprised. Unfortunately, my interest took a pretty sharp nose dive right after, since I figured out exactly what was going to happen at the end. I had to fight myself not to skip to the end just to see if I was right. It was an interesting idea, but the final product ultimately failed to impress. I just spent a lot of time bored, even allowing myself to play a little game on my phone while I watched. Never a good sign. But I made it to the end, which, it turns out, I was right about. Yay me. I give this film an uninspired 6/10.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix.

 

M.

Nov 26 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Last Days on Mars

The Last Days on Mars
(2013) Liev Schreiber, Elias Koteas, Romola Garai, Olivia Williams, Johnny Harris, Goran Kostic, and Tom Cullen

last-days-of-mars

I’m not the biggest fan of indie sci-fi, but I’d been pleasantly surprised by Europa Report, so I decided to go ahead and give this one a try. What an awful, awful mistake that was. The film starts, and already everyone is on edge and acting strange. One of the leads keeps getting weird flashbacks, another is a mega-bitch who doesn’t even blink when the first body is found, asking instead if they will announce their findings. After 31 minutes of having characters telling each other to fuck off, still having no explanation as to how this crack team got to Mars in the first place (guess they went to the same Academy as the Prometheus crew), and a ridiculous amount of heavy breathing, I couldn’t do it anymore. I don’t often stop movies before they’re done, but I really couldn’t subject my brain to any more of this crap. 0/10.

This movie is currently streaming on Netflix, but do yourself a favour and don’t bother. Watch Europa Report instead. I’m not even going to go look for a trailer :-p

M.

Nov 16 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Hellbound – Hellraiser II

Hellbound: Hellraiser II
(1988) Ashley Laurence, Clare Higgins, Kenneth Cranham, Imogen Boorman, Sean Chapman, William Hope, Barbie Wilde, and Doug Bradley

Hellbound-Hellraiser-II

I was sure I had seen this film ages ago, at around the same time that I saw the first one. But about 30 minutes in, after not recognizing anything, I realized that I had never seen it after all. And really, I wasn’t missing all that much. It wasn’t bad, it had some good plot devices and some cool practical effects, but man, what on earth were the film makers smoking?? From the moment Kirsty enters the Hell dimension, things start to get weird, and they just keep getting stranger as the film goes on. There’s a sadistic doctor who wants to see the Hell dimension, there’s a very Escher-like labyrinth, crazy looking Cenobytes, an incestuous uncle, and no one can seem to keep their skin on. Everything is very, err, moist. Those who like blood (and other fluids usually regulated to the inside of the body) will appreciate this. Those that don’t will likely spend a lot of the time with wrinkled noses, like I did. All in all, it wasn’t a complete waste of time, I don’t want my 97 minutes back, but I won’t ever be spending another 97 minutes on it. It gets a not bad 5.5/10.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. There’s also a version on YouTube, but it’s dubbed in Spanish.

M.

Nov 14 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Hellraiser – HellWorld

Hellraiser: HellWorld
(2005) Katheryn Winnick, Christopher Jacot, Lance Henriksen, Henry Cavill, Khary Payton, Anna Tolputt, Stelian Urian, and Doug Bradley

Hellraiser Hellworld

So, I’m not sure what exactly prompted me to watch this film. I’ve never really been a Hellraiser fan, and, until recently, I’ve always hated it, save for the fourth installment, Bloodline. But I decided to give the first film a try again after many years, and I found that it isn’t all that bad. It’s still not as great as a lot of people say, but it’s not bad. That said, I’ve seen one or two of the other sequels, number 3 and number 5, if I’m not mistaken, and they were god awful. Beyond god awful. So I really had no intention of ever watching another one. And yet, here I am. The good? It had a slightly more intriguing story, different from the “usual”. Lance Henriksen does a good, creepy job, as usual, although to be honest, he’s more than a little wasted in this picture. And there’s plenty of eye candy, including a very young Henry Cavill. The bad? Everything else. Almost all the actors are dreadfully bad, the characters make the stupidest decisions, and Pinhead, who should be one of the main players, is relegated to a few hazy scenes. It tries to play the “is it real, or isn’t it?” card, but it doesn’t manage very well. The ending was rather interesting, reminding me of Criminal Minds and Hannibal, but then they kinda ruined it by “ending” the film like four times. Just when you’re sure the credits are going to start rolling, there’s one more scene. Then another. And another. It was quite aggravating. All in all, it wasn’t completely awful, but it wasn’t very good, either. I give it a mediocre 4.5/10. And that’s mainly for the eye candy :-p

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy, at your own risk, hehe.

M.