Tag Archives: horror movies

Apr 27 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Absentia

Absentia
(2011) Katie Parker, Courtney Bell, Dave Levine, Morgan Peter Brown, Justin Gordon, James Flanagan, Scott Graham and Doug Jones

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This film was surprisingly good, despite its obvious independent-film-ness. I was expecting crappy acting and crappy cinematography, but the story looked really interesting, and that’s usually enough for me (to a certain point of course. Some actors are so bad that no amount of good story can save the film, hehe). But I’m happy to report that the film exceeded my expectations. It wasn’t a masterpiece, and it did get a little laggy in a part or two, but on the whole it was a well-acted, well-shot very interesting story. The only negative thing I might have to say about it is that I wish there were more explanation as to what’s really going on. I loved the vagueness of what was going on at first, but eventually I was expecting an explanation for what the thing was, not just the “this is what it’s called” segment we got, which just felt slapped on and rushed, almost as if the writers themselves couldn’t figure out what was going on, and just decided to not include a reason in the story. But, despite all that, it still gets a solid score 8/10. Well done.

The film is currently on Netflix. Enjoy! 🙂

 

M.

Apr 14 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Sinister

Sinister
(2012) Ethan Hawke, Juliet Rylance, Fred Dalton Thompson, James Ransone, Michael Hall D’Addario, Clare Foley and Nick King

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If you haven’t watched this, I highly recommend you do. Right now. Just drop what you’re doing and watch it. It was really good. Well acted, well written, awesomely atmospheric. Us horror fans are blessed that an actor of Ethan Hawke’s caliber loves doing horror films. The story is simple enough: a true crime writer moves his family into a house where the previous occupants were savagely murdered, and wouldn’t you know it, strange things start happening. But before you write this off as “just another ghost story”, think again. Very creepy, I give it a solid 9/10.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy, and don’t turn out the lights!! hehe

 

M.

Apr 10 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: House at the End of the Street

House at the End of the Street
(2012) Jennifer Lawrence, Max Thieriot, Elizabeth Shue, Gil Bellows, Eva Link, Nolan Gerard Funk, Jordan Hayes and Allie MacDonald

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Pretty darn good. A little slow in some parts, but never so much that I got bored. Acting was top notch (especially from Jennifer Lawrence, what a rising star she is!) and the story was really good. I wasn’t surprised by the twist, unfortunately, because I already kind of knew what was going to happen (god, I hate spoilers… grrr!), but I enjoyed it nonetheless. A solid 8.5/10.

This is currently on Netflix. Enjoy!! 🙂

 

M.

Apr 4 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Silent Hill, Revelation

Silent Hill, Revelation
(2012) Adelaide Clemens, Sean Bean, Kit Harington, Carrie-Anne Moss, Deborah Kara Unger, Radha Mitchell, Martin Donovan, Roberto Campanella and Malcolm McDowell

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Not as bad as I heard, but not great either. Acting was a little sloppy (even, surprisingly, from Kit Harington (aka Jon Snow), but I’m going to assume that it’s because he’s never had to mask his accent before, and he’s not very good at it). The story was decent, and the visuals were pretty amazing, but it lagged at times, and pretty badly. I caught myself being more interested in my fingernails once or twice, and that doesn’t bode well for a film’s quality. I give it a not bad 5.5/10.

This movie is currently on Netflix.

 

M.

Apr 3 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Excision

Excision
(2012) AnnaLynne McCord, Traci Lords, Ariel Winter, Roger Bart, Jeremy Sumpter, Malcolm McDowell, Marlee Matlin, Ray Wise, John Waters and Matthew Gray Gubler

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Where to even begin? Boy, this was a weird one. I’m not entirely sure I liked it, but it was interesting, if nothing else. The acting was amazing, even, surprisingly enough, from Traci Lords. It was one of those films that doesn’t really have a point, it’s just stuff happening until the character snaps, which, I guess in the end, is the whole point. It was a little laggy in some parts, a little dull in others, and a lot wtf. The main character’s fantasy sequences, while beautifully filmed with bright, bold colours, are so fucked up that you can’t help what wonder what exactly the film makers were on. But that last scene… it was so powerful and awful.. it took my breath away. I’d have given it a 5, but am bumping it up to 6/10, for that scene alone.

This film is not currently on Netflix, nor is there a full version on YouTube. But I did manage to find the short film, which was the starting point for the film. I haven’t watched it myself, but I heard it was a lot like the film, just 18 minutes long, instead of 75. I’m not sure I’d reccomend the film to people who’s tastes are like mine, but if you’re one of those people that likes disturbing films with intense imagery, definitely go and track the film down.

M.

Mar 26 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: 30 Days of Night

30 Days of Night
(2007) Josh Hartnett, Melissa George, Danny Huston, Ben Foster, Mark Boone Jr, Mark Rendall, Amber Sainsbury, Manu Bennett, Elizabeth Hawthorne and Craig Hall

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This movie could have been so good, it’s really a shame. The premise was excellent, but the final product was seriously lacking. The vampires spent half their time shrieking, even when trying to be stealthy, the blood on their faces was always wet, even when there’s supposedly no more people to eat for days at a time, the acting was occasionally painful, and the ending was way too predictable. All these things on their own might have been forgivable, but when they start piling up on top of each other, well… what a shame :-p It gets a very meh score of 5/10.

I don’t believe this film is currently on Netflix, but apparently by clicking the link on this video, you can watch it free online. I dunno if it’s true, I’m too scared to click it. You never know where strange links will lead… dun dun DUN!! hehe

M.

Mar 24 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Evil Dead

Evil Dead
(2013) Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, Lou Taylor Pucci, Jessica Lucas, Liz Blackmore, Jim McLarty, Randal Wilson and Inca the Dog

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So, I’m not a fan of the original Evil Dead, or it’s sequel. Army of Darkness, on the other hand, I loved, but that’s off topic. I found the original silly at it’s best, and downright boring at it’s worst. Even the scenes that were supposed to shock got nothing more than a sigh and an eye-roll from me. So I wasn’t sure what to expect when I went to see this reboot. It was hard to tell from the previews if it was going to be as dumb as the original, so I decided to take a chance and saw it in the cinema. I’m glad I did. The story, what little there is, is basically unchanged. Five young people head to a cabin in the woods, they find a weird book, shit hits the fan. The difference is, this one is actually scary. It made my skin crawl at some points, and that’s not an easy thing to do. A solid 8/10.

The movie is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy!

 

M.

Mar 21 2014

Words to Live By (aka, How to Survive a Horror Movie)

Sometimes while watching a horror movie, you just have to roll your eyes at some of the choices that the characters make, or even yell at them and throw popcorn at the screen. So many horror movie deaths could have been avoided if the characters had just followed these simple rules.

 

1- If you come across a restless spirit, you need to put it to rest. Throw salt over its bones and then burn them to make sure it can’t come back.

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2- If you’ve watched a cursed videotape, just make a copy and pass it on to someone else.

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3- If someone offers you “wine” in a bejeweled bottle, don’t drink it.

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4- A scary, abandoned building that’s supposedly haunted with murderous spirits is not a good place for a party or romantic interlude.

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5- The clown in the sewer is NOT your friend.

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6- Don’t. Read. The fucking. Latin.

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7- Making a deal with the devil or a demon will always bite you in the ass. Always. Just say no.

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8- If you find two feral children in the woods, just leave them there.

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9- If your house is constantly trying to kill you, get the fuck out!

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10- Don’t buy dolls. Of any kind. Just don’t do it.

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11- Stop after the fourth “Candyman” (or second “Bloody Mary”). Don’t mess with that shit.

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12- A Ouija board is not a cute, harmless toy to give your kids.

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13- Stay out of the basement.

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14- Don’t play with hypnotism. You never know who, or what, will hitch a ride back.

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15- Playing God is a bad idea.

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16- Testing dangerous, new, untried experiments on yourself is a really bad idea.

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17- And, finally, whatever you do, don’t.. fall.. asleep.

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Follow these rules, and you should live to see another day!! 😀

M.

Mar 8 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Chernobyl Diaries

Chernobyl Diaries
(2012) Ingrid Bolsø Berdal, Dimitri Diatchenko, Olivia Taylor Dudley, Devin Kelley, Jesse McCartney, Nathan Phillips and Jonathan Sadowski

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So, I went into this not too sure what to expect. I thought it was another one of those found footage films that are all over the place these days, and was pleasantly surprised when I was wrong. And I’m happy to report that the film itself was quite good. Starts off light and fun, lags a little bit round the halfway point, then picks up again and doesn’t let up till the end of the film. The acting was surprisingly good for this genre of movie, and while the story won’t get any originality points, it was still well done and well put together. If I had to gripe about something, it would be the fact that we don’t really get an explanation for what’s going on, and why what happened at the end of the film happened. But other than that, it was quite enjoyable, and subtly creepy. I give it a 7.5/10.

The film unfortunately isn’t on Netflix, nor is there a full version on YouTube. But if you can get your hands on it, it’s well worth a gander.

 

M.

Feb 27 2014

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Unrest

Unrest
(2006) Corri English, Joshua Alba, Scot Davis, Jay Jablonski, Marisa Petroro and Derrick O’Connor

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To start with the obvious, the acting wasn’t great. The male lead wasn’t too bad, but the girl… yee. The story is interesting, yet very, very disorganized. Things just keep happening and the characters react in such a way that seems very… unhuman? I dunno. A roomful of doctors (and that psychologist in particular, where on earth she’d get her degree? Miskatonic U? jeez…) taking it at face-value that there’s an angry spirit in the hospital doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Even in a movie in which we’re actually talking about spirits to begin with. And that Aztec music, really, it was driving me nuts. So all in all, it had a few good scenes, but was mostly just a jumble of wtf. 5.5/10, the extra .5 of a point goes to the pretty boy.

The film is currently streaming on Netflix. There’s also a full version on YouTube, but it’s got (what looks like Vietnamese) subtitles.

 

M.