Jan 16 2014

My Favourite Restaurants (Montreal edition)

It’s no secret: I love food. I love to cook, I love to eat, and I love restaurants. I especially love eating out with friends or family. Good food and company without the hassle of cooking and cleaning is the ultimate for a good time. Well, cooking’s not really a hassle, if I’m up for it, but cleaning? That sucks donkey balls. I’ve hated doing the dishes since I was a kid. So, I eat out, probably more than I should, but meh. Life is short, eat where you want :-p

Now the places in this post aren’t necessarily the best food in town, but they’re the places I love to go. Maybe they have one dish that I absolutely adore and will order every time I go. Maybe they’re the least expensive in their genre. Maybe I don’t really have a reason other than the most important one: I just like it. Montreal, like every other big metropolis, has tons of restaurants to chose from, and a good many of them are those fancy-schmancy places that costs over 100$ per person, and yes the food there is usually incredible, but I’m not in a position to go to places like that often, so they don’t really have a chance to become favourites. So most of the places on my list are mostly small, dinky places that just happen to have great food. So here are my top 10 favourite places to eat in and close to Montreal, in no particular order.

The 3 Amigos

1657 Rue Sainte-Catherine Ouest, Montreal 5605 Boulevard Taschereau, Brossard

The 3 Amigos is a fun Mexican restaurants with a few different locations. The two I go to are the addresses I captioned under the picture (and that one in the picture is the Montreal location). I doubt it’s authentic Mexican food, but it’s still very good. They have specials during the week for taco platters and fajita plates (which is what I usually end up ordering. They have everything you’d expect a standard Mexican place to have, tacos, fajitas, burritos, nachos, enchiladas and the like, and they have a few things you might not expect, like lamb steaks or pasta platters. Their frozen drinks (margaritas, pina coladas and daiquiris) are amazing and huge. The large is made with two ounces of rum and is served in what I like to call a fish bowl. Seriously, the thing is fucking huge. I always get the strawberry daiquiri. I’m sure everything else is good too (I’ve been tempted by the mango a few times) but ultimately I always opt for the strawberry daiquiri. I’m a creature of habit, what can I say. As soon as we’re seated in the restaurant, even before getting water, we’re offered a basket of tortilla chips and fresh salsa. We have to be careful, since these are all-you-can-eat, that we don’t stuff our faces full of these before even ordering. But they’re really, really good. That salsa wouldn’t last long in my house. I went recently with my sister, and that little basket was empty before we even received our drinks. We were good, and didn’t order more to leave room for our meals (I broke my routine this one time, and ordered soft shelled tacos instead of my usual beef-chicken fajitas). I’m not sure where all that willpower came from! hehe

Guido & Angelina

690 Rue Sainte-Catherine Ouest, Montreal

Guido & Angelina is a nice little Italian place in heart of downtown Montreal. Don’t be put off by the place’s seemingly shabby architecture, it’s a really good place. The outside is a little run-down, and even the interior is starting to fall apart in some places, but the food, what I’ve had anyways, is very, very good. I generally have the linguine with seafood (pictured here), which I’m hardly ever able to finish because the plate is so huge. Plus we get nice, warm bread to start the meal with (served, as it should be, with olive oil and balsamic vinegar), and I usually order the calamari appetizer. It’s freaking ginormous though, so unless you’re having only that, get it for at least two people. They’re served with the usual red sauce, and are really yummy. On the less-awesome side of things, the drinks aren’t all that good, and are pretty pricey, especially for what they are. I’ve tried the long island iced tea a few times, but now I generally stick to just water, unless I happen to really want some booze, hehe. My sister and I often end up there when we have our “sister’s night out” since we usually end up seeing a film at the Paramount, and this restaurant is literally right next door. Who wants to try locate parking downtown twice, really?? We’re very much due for a sister’s night out, so chances are good that I’ll be paying this place another visit sometime in the near future! 🙂

Mr Steer

1198 Sainte Catherine Quest, Montreal

Mr Steer’s is the place to go if you want a really tasty burger. It’s almost the only thing on the menu (with other varieties of hot dogs and sandwiches), so that makes picking what to eat easy. I always get the two burger platter, with curly fries (they call then Suzie Q fries), sometimes with cheese, sometimes without. The burger itself is quite small, but very thick, so the two burger platter is more than enough food, even with no appetizers or dessert, which I never get there. Their meat is all graded A+ angus beef, and boy can you taste the difference. A McDonald’s burger, this is not. On the down side, the drinks are pretty meh, so unless you like stuff that comes in it’s own bottle, like beer or coolers (although I’m not even sure they have coolers), I’d say stick to non-alcoholic drinks. Since this is a burger joint, I usually have a coke. I tried a daiquiri once, and was totally grossed out. Don’t think I’ve had another one quite that bad before. So if you want an amazing, juicy burger cooked to the doneness you like, this is definitely the place for you. If you don’t like burgers, I don’t think we can be friends anymore… 😉

Chez Manuel

3993, boul. Grande Allée, Saint-Hubert

After much hunting about, I was unable to find a single picture of this place anywhere online. And they say you can find everything online! Anywho.. Chez Manuel is one of those little breakfast and lunch places (which I’ve never had lunch at) that closes at 3. But they make the best breakfast around, even better than those well known places like Chez Cora or Eggsquis, and only at about half the price (ok, maybe not half the price, but much less, that’s for sure). And their pancakes are ridiculously good. I always get the crepes, those are the big, huge super thin pancakes. I generally get the Crepes Supreme platter, unless I’m not hungry enough. You have to be starving for this plate. It’s two pancakes, one egg, two sausages, two slices of ham (which I always trade for more bacon), three strips of bacon, a cup of baked beans, home fries (which are awesome, sprinkled with bbq seasoning), two toasts (which I never take, cause holy crap, that’s a lot of food), several slices of fruit and coffee (or, in my case, tea). If I’m not hungry enough for all that, I only take the pancakes and bacon. Cause you can’t go to a breakfast place and not have bacon. It’s just not done.

Bières et Compagnie

4350 St Denis, Montreal

Bières et Compagnie is a nice little restaurant that specialises in draft beers and mussels. At any given time they’ll have about 120 brands of beer on tap, and each one will be served in it’s own logo’d glass. I would really hate being the busboy in a place like this! Imagine having to put all those away, and in the right spot! Ugh! But, since I hate beer, that’s not the appeal of this place for me. Me, I love their all-you-can-eat mussels, sunday to wednesday. They have a good 40 different flavours of mussels, and I’ve tried a good half of them. Diablo is still one of my favourites, it’s just a little spicy. On non-all-you-can-eat nights, and as the first course on the all-you-can-eat nights, you’re served a bucket of 1kg (2.2lbs). All mussels are served with a basket of (very good) french fries, with special homemade mayos. I don’t like mayo on my fries though (even special mayos like these), so I get ketchup. Following orders on all-you-can-eat nights are served in a large bowl, probably somewhere between 3/4 to 1lb. It’s a bit of a pain if you’re really, really hungry, you can’t get two buckets, and since you can’t order too far in advance, you’ll have to wait awhile between servings, but that’s usually ok for the regular clientèle, they’ll just have more beer. The long island iced tea and bloody ceasers are both very good, so if I’m drinking with my meal, I’ll have one of those. If I don’t, it’ll be water. There’s a good amount of other things on the menu as well, if you’re not into mussels. Burgers range from the normal beef to the special ostrich burger. I keep on meaning to try it, but every time I go, I’m swayed away by the mussels. There’s also a grill where they cook everything from beef steaks (A+ angus beef, of course) to duck and caribou. Everything looks pretty yummy, actually, but I’ve never had anything but the mussels, I don’t think. I love them so much, I always take the same thing. The only thing that changes is the flavour of the juice they’re cooked in, and what I’m drinking. If you love mussels (and/or beer) this is definitely a great place for you to try!

Just Noodles

3711, boul. St-Laurent, Montreal 3244, rue Masson, Montreal

In no universe is Just Noodles the best Asian restaurant in town. It’s what I like to call “fast food Asian style”. But I’ll be damned if it doesn’t make some of the best noodle plates I’ve ever had. Yummy AND huge! It happen(ed) regularly that I wasn’t able to eat the whole thing, and I can eat! The picture is of the location on St-Laurent, that’s the one I always went to. When I was with my ex, he lived close enough to the one on Masson that we could have it delivered, so we often did that on nights neither of us wanted to cook. The one on St-Laurent was open till 4am (sometimes 5, depending on how many people there were), and was right next to the nightclub I always used to go to, Saphir. Just Noodles saw lots and lots of drunk Mel. I even passed out in the bathroom once or twice (but you don’t need to know that story, just that I was very young and not always responsible :-p ). I barely go there at all any more (Saphir’s not even open anymore, so I have no reason to go to that part of town any more), but every so often I’ll make a special trip, just for those noodles. Om nom nom…

Scotyz

3979, boul. Taschereau, Saint-Hubert

Scotyz is more of a bar, but it has surprisingly good food. I haven’t had much diversity (I always order the Philly steak sub with fries, and steal a few bites of calamari, which is what my step-father or mother always order, and I pretty much only go with them, separate or together), but the things I have had are all super good. Especially the sub. I can say, hands down, that it’s the best sub I’ve ever had in my life, from anywhere. Tons of steak, not over-cooked, thickly sliced mushrooms, still nice and firm, not those mushy gross things you see in most subs, slathered in a ton of moz (hold the onions). It’s ridiculously good. It comes with fries, which are also amazing, but I can usually only eat about half of them, sometimes less, cause they’re huge and they give lots of them. The drinks are good, and not very expensive. I usually either have a long island iced tea, or a Rev. When I lived in St-Hubert, Mom and I used to go out here about once a week. She loves the long island iced teas as well, and always has the calamari to eat. She, like me (or I, like her?), is a creature of habit, and always takes the same thing. We’ve had many a good night at Scotyz, sometimes with a whole pitcher of long island iced tea in front of us. Oh yeah. (I couldn’t find, for my second picture, any food, so here’s some booze instead. This looks to be a long island and a screwdriver, although their drinks are often served in mason jars. It’s real cute.) They have themed nights as well, like Poker Mondays and Karaoke Wednesdays and Saturdays. The rest of the time, I think, it’s just the radio. Not really a radio, cause there’s no commercials, but something like that Sirius radio thing. I don’t remember ever seeing a real DJ. The karaoke is fun, I’ve been a few times. On quieter nights you get to sing more, and that’s always fun. I’m terrified of singing in public, so I always look like a deer caught in the headlights when I’m up on stage, but I love singing, so I do it anyways. Conquer that fear!!

The Keg

25 St Paul E, Montreal 5 Place Ville Marie, Montreal

The Keg is the only restaurant on this list that’s one of those fancy-schmancy places I was talking about, so I don’t go very often. I used to go once a year, for some special occasion, but I haven’t been in years. I keep asking people if they want to go, and they always say it’s too pricey. It is, but damn is it ever good, too! And it’s not quite as pricey some other fancy places. I went to Modavie not too long ago, and my three-course meal and two drinks bill was 140-some-odd dollars. Just for me. That’s insane. My step-father paid for four of us (my sister, my mother, me and himself), and he said it was the most expensive meal outing he’s ever made, about $600. That’s insane for a meal. That’s groceries for a month!! But anyways, I’m getting WAY off topic here… What was I saying? Oh, right, food, good. I generally always take the same thing when I come here. I’m sure everything on the menu is amazing, but I love me my steak and shrimps, so that’s what I always take. I start with a shrimp cocktail (with 5 HUGE shrimps, cooked to perfection). Then I’ll order the filet mignon, with sides of asparagus, mushrooms and sometimes sweet potatoes. And then I’ll finish off with some of the best cheesecake in the world. It’s sooo creamy and good. There’s a very large amount of drinks to choose from as well, as well as a good sized wine and beer list, if that’s what you prefer. I often have a blue martini (I forget what they called it, or everything that’s in it, although it’s safe to assume that there is vodka and curacao blue) before, and sometimes during, the meal. I’m heading back down to Montreal in a few days to spend some time with my aunt while she’s in town. Maybe I can convince her to go, it’s been such a long time…

Caraibana

1006 Bd Curé Poirier O, Longueuil

Caraibana is one of the few places that is my go-to takeout. It’s one of the few places I try to go every time I’m in town. And often enough, when I drive back home, I’ll get some to go so my husband can have some too, he also loves it. It’s a Creole / Caribbean place. I always used to get the pork (grilot) until one day when I went and they didn’t have any ready. I was so very sad. It was the same thing that I’d been eating there for years. So with a heavy heart, I decided to be adventurous and try the goat. Best thing that ever happened to me, food wise. As good as the pork is, it’s nothing compared to the goat. It’s super good, cooked to perfection, and oh-so-tender! I always take that now, unless it happens that they don’t have any. I can’t comment on the drinks, I’ve never had one there (since I mostly take to go), but I know they have a full bar, so I imagine you can order almost anything from it. They also have a themed night on Saturdays, with Caribbean music and a pretty big dance floor. Oh, and fried plantains. I can’t get enough of those fried plantains.

Kanda

2045 Rue Bishop, Montreal 537 Rue Sainte-Catherine Ouest 2340 Bd Lapinière, Brossard 987 Bd Saint-Jean, Pointe-Claire 251 Bd Labelle, Rosemère And a few other locations

And finally, this is one of my very favourite places to eat, Kanda. It’s all-you-can-eat sushi, and it’s amazing. There’s not only sushi, as well. There’s a whole page of other stuff to choose from, including beef, chicken, noodles and squid. Most times if I have a dinner for something I’ll choose this place. I used to always go to the one on Bishop, but since they opened one in Brossard, I hardly ever go to the other one any more. They have bubble tea as well, but the one I tried was gross, so I never tried again. I don’t drink alcohol with my sushi, either, so I can’t speak for the quality of the drinks, but they do have some. It works by filling out the pages with the number of things you want, and then the items come in waves until everything has arrived. Be warned, though: order carefully, you’ll be charged extra for everything you over-order. That’s to make sure that there’s no waste, otherwise it could be ridiculous the amount of wastage people would do. I didn’t get my sushi fix last time I was in Montreal (and good sushi places here in Quebec are extremely few and far between, and none of them are all-you-can-eat), so I’ll be sure to next time!

So, those are my favourite places to eat in and around Montreal. I very much recommend them to anyone who enjoys food, and doesn’t feel the need to always eat fancy and pricey. Bon appetit, and stay tuned for more!

Jan 7 2014

The Lovey-Dovey Twelve (aka, My Favourite Chick Flicks)

So I’d been thinking of doing a “best of 2013” kind of thing, but I honestly don’t think I’ve seen enough new stuff to merit a whole list. I’ve got a bad habit of letting my stuff to watch pile up, so I’m usually years behind. This year, for example, I’ve only seen 4 or 5 films in the cinema. I love going, but not all the films I want to see play in english here, and I refuse to see dubbed films. So, anyways, all that to say that my “best of 2013” list would be too short, so I decided to not make one, and just go on with my regular programming, hehe.

Chick flicks. They’re usually either really good, or really crappy. There doesn’t seem to be a middle ground with these films. A good one will make you feel all fuzzy and schmoopy, while a bad one will usually just make you roll your eyes, and occasionally wonder if the film makers really think their target audience is that stupid. I do love a good chick flick though, under that shell of horror lover, there’s a closet romantic. So I’ve put together a list of the 12 chick flicks that I love the most. I’ve put them in order, but honestly the “points” separating the films are few, so while they’re ordered 1 to 12, it would probably be closer to three 4-way ties, or something of the sort. I’ve also kept the list to “adult” chick flicks. Teen flicks like Clueless, Pretty in Pink or 10 Things I Hate About You would definitely fit into this list too, but I’ve left all the teen films out, so if it takes place in or around a high school, it’s not here. Maybe I’ll make another post sometime for the teen flicks. But until then, here are my dozen favourite chick flicks.

12 – While You Were Sleeping
(1995) Sandra Bullock, Bill Pullman, Peter Gallagher, Peter Boyle and Jack Warden

Lucy is a lonely subway worker who admires a handsome regular traveller, Peter, from afar. One morning she sees him get mugged and pushed onto the tracks, unconscious. Without thinking, she jumps onto the tracks and pulls him to safety. At the hospital, a misunderstanding leads Peter’s family to think that Lucy is not only the woman who saved his life, but his fiancée as well. Taken in by the family, Lucy goes along with the charade because she’s tired of being so lonely. But things get complicated when she starts to fall for Peter’s handsome brother, Jack, and Peter himself wakes up. This film is just so sweet, you can’t help but love it. The characters are all so real, and you can really feel poor Lucy’s plight. It’s not anything really that special, but it somehow just sticks with you in the long run, and it’s been a favourite of mine since I first saw it.

11 – Center Stage
(2000) Amanda Schull, Zoe Saldana, Ethan Stiefel, Susan May Pratt, Sascha Radetsky and Peter Gallagher

I love dancing films. Even the crappy ones I tend to enjoy more than I should. But it’s even better when the whole movie is awesome as well, and not just cool for the dance scenes, like so many of them are. Center Stage is dancing film at it’s very best. Jody is a young dancer whose dream is to be accepted to the American Ballet Academy, and then be offered a position dancing for the company. The first part of her dream comes true, and she goes hard to work trying to please her teachers, and falls hard for the handsome new choreographer. She strives to become the best dancer she can, despite her “imperfect” feet, and she makes friendships that will last a lifetime. I love how real the characters are in this film. So many chick flicks have such totally implausible scenarios (but we love them anyways, don’t we ladies?), but this one is completely believable. And the dancing, of course, is stunning. They hired actual ballet dancers, so the dancing is all real and seamless, not chopped up and edited to look like it’s all the same person doing the dancing (but you can always tell it’s not). Not on this list, but still very much worth your time, is the sequel: Center Stage, Turn It Up.

10 – The Truth About Cats & Dogs
(1996) Janeane Garofalo, Uma Thurman, Ben Chaplin, Jamie Foxx and Hank the Dog

Abby and Noelle are best friends who live in the same building. Noelle is a beautiful model, but is rather dumb, and Abby, while not an obvious beauty, is brilliant, and has a radio talk show about animals called, you guessed it, The Truth About Cats & Dogs. She gets a caller one day asking for help getting a very upset, very large dog out of roller skates. After successful removal, the caller, Brian, asks if he could meet her to say thanks in person. She, being very insecure about her looks, goes ahead and gives her description… of Noelle. But when she sees him, she immediately falls for him, and spends most of her evenings on the phone with him. But when they meet in person, she sends Noelle in her place. I fear I’m not explaining this very well, and I think I’m making it sound more complicated than it is, but trust me, if you haven’t seen it and love chick flicks like I do, run out and get this one right away. It’s a definite winner, so sweet and romantic, and Ben Chaplin is a total hunnie, especially with that accent.

9 – Romeo + Juliet
(1996) Leonardo DiCaprio, Claire Danes, John Leguizamo, Harold Perrineau, Pete Postlethwaite and Paul Rudd

Ah, Leo. I was 15 when this film came out, and, like all the other girls, I was gaga over Leo, and this movie just solidified his standing as “ultimate heartthrob” of the 90’s. The way the movie was made, it could have just been campy and ridiculous, but thankfully they hired actors who can actually act, and it made it the best version, in my opinion anyways, of Romeo and Juliet ever put on film. I’m sure I don’t need to go over the synopsis, even those who have never seen the films nor even read the play still know what it’s about. So, instead, just scroll up and gaze lovingly at Leo for a minute or two. It’ll make your day just a little brighter :-p

8 – Little Women
(1994) Winona Ryder, Susan Sarandon, Christian Bale, Trini Alvarado, Gabriel Byrne, Claire Danes, Kirsten Dunst and Samantha Mathis

You would think something like this would be boring, because nothing really happens, but it’s not. It’s just, simply, life. Jo and her family (three sisters and their mother, father’s away at war) have fallen on some hard times. The story follows them as they grow, go to school, find work and fall in love. The movie looks gorgeous and is wonderfully acted, I especially love Gabriel Byrne, and we’re treated to a slightly geeky looking pre-fame Christian Bale. If you like sumptuous period pieces and don’t mind a slowly paced film, then this is for you. Get the kleenex out, though, this one’s a tear-jerker!

7 – Fried Green Tomatoes
(1991) Kathy Bates, Mary Stuart Masterson, Mary-Louise Parker, Jessica Tandy, Cicely Tyson and Stan Shaw

Another simple story of a lifelong friendship between two women, the fiery and wild Idgie and the calmer and grounded Ruth. After loosing her brother (and Ruth’s fiancée), Idgie and Ruth’s bond becomes unbreakable, and the women open a café together that soon becomes the heart of their small town. Things get rough when Ruth’s abusive ex-husband comes around looking for her and his son, but when times get tough is when you see that family means more than just blood. Kleenex will also be needed here, lots of it. Damn that duck story…

6 – Benny & Joon
(1993) Johnny Depp, Mary Stuart Masterson, Aidan Quinn, Julianne Moore, CCH Pounder and Oliver Platt

Joon is a mentally ill young woman who lives with her over-protective older brother, Benny. Benny is advised by Joon’s doctor that she should be in a home for the mentally ill, but Benny refuses to send her away, preferring instead to get home care. Benny is at the end of his rope, however, after Joon drives away yet another caretaker, and he’s not sure what to do any more. That’s when Joon “wins” Sam, an eccentric young man, in a poker game. Sam comes to live with them and he assumes the role as Joon caretaker. At least, that’s how Benny sees it. For Sam and Joon, it’s an opportunity for love, an opportunity neither has had before. This film is so sweet and so quirky, it’s impossible not to love it. Sam and Joon have such chemistry onscreen, and all the acting is amazing, so much more than your typical chick flick. And, of course, Johnny Depp is a joy to watch, both for his stellar acting and his dreamy looks.

5 – Practical Magic
(1998) Sandra Bullock, Nicole Kidman, Stockard Channing, Dianne Wiest, Aidan Quinn and Goran Visnjic

Sally and GIllian Owens are witches. Ask anyone in town, and they’ll tell you stories of the long line of Owens witches. After her husband dies, Sally goes back home to live with her two aunts with her two daughters, who she vows will never do magic. She’s convinced that her husband was killed by the “Owens curse”, and doesn’t want her children to share her fate. Gillian, in her travels, meets a heartthrob called Jimmy, who, as it turns out, is a serial killer. Sally races to her sister’s rescue, but is unable to get her away in time, and after much fuss, Jimmy ends up dead in their car. A handsome cop comes around, hunting for Jimmy, and Sally feels that old stirring of love in her heart again. This is such an amazing film, everything is perfect. I keep on meaning to read the book, but I always end up picking something else instead. But I hear it’s quite different from the movie, so maybe it’s best if I didn’t read it, since I adore the film so much.

4 – Moonstruck
(1987) Cher, Nicolas Cage, Olympia Dukakis, Vincent Gardenia, Danny Aiello and John Mahoney

Loretta is a 38 year old widow who lives in Brooklyn with her parents, grandfather and a crap load of dogs. She’s been dating a man, Johnny, for several years, and accepts when he proposes marriage. Loretta doesn’t love him, but that’s a good thing, her mother assures her, because “when you love them, they drive you crazy, cause they know they can”. Johnny has to fly home to Italy to be with his dying mother, but says that once she’s dead he’ll come home to marry her, which should be no longer than a month. As he’s leaving he asks her to contact his younger brother, Ronnie, who he hasn’t seen in years, to invite him to the wedding.When Loretta goes to Ronnie, she finds a young, turbulent man whose hand was sliced off in an accident. Loretta finds herself drawn to this man, and, after a night of passion, they’re deeply in love. I absolutely love this film. Cher is wonderful (and disgustingly beautiful) as Loretta, and Nicolas Cage is, well, young, hehe. But what I especially love about the film (or love the film despite of, depending on how you see it) is that everything is just so… damn… dramatic! Lots of heavy sighs and raised arms, it may be a caricature of Italians, but it’s a darn entertaining one.

3 – Only You
(1994) Marisa Tomei, Robert Downey Jr, Bonnie Hunt, Joaquim de Almeida, Fisher Stevens and Billy Zane

Stupidly romantic, this film is what solidified Robert Downey Jr as my favourite actor. As a teen, Faith and her friends play with a Ouija board. When asked who her soulmate was, the board told Faith it was someone named Damon Bradley. A few months later, a fortune teller tells her the same thing. Fast forward ten years, and Faith is a young teacher, engaged to be married to a podiatrist. A phone call is about to upset her whole life, though, as she writes down the name of the caller: Damon Bradley. She absolutely looses her shit (that’s the technical term) and decides to follow Damon to Venice, to see if he really is her soulmate. Films don’t get much more schmoopy than this, folks. This is the very definition of romantic. My heart flutters a little every time I see it.

2 – Ever After
(1998) Drew Barrymore, Anjelica Huston, Dougray Scott, Megan Dodds, Melanie Lynskey and Patrick Godfrey

A retelling of the classic Cinderella story, perfectly done. Danielle is a hard working young woman whose stepmother, after her father dies, treats her like one of the servants instead of like her own daughters. Danielle accidentally meets the prince, Henry, while she’s attempting to free another servant from being shipped off to the Americas. Henry takes a fancy to her, believing her to be a courtesan, and starts to court her. Danielle, having felt the same attraction, keeps up the charade to be with him, but her scheming stepmother has other plans: she wants her own daughter, the beautiful but horrible Marguerite, to marry Henry, not Danielle. The Cinderella story has never had such a glorious treatment, not before nor since. If you haven’t seen it, I strongly recommend it.

1 – The Princess Bride
(1987) Cary Elwes, Mandy Patinkin, Robin Wright, Chris Sarandon, André the Giant, Christopher Guest, Wallace Shawn and Billy Crystal

And, of course, the chick flick to beat all chick flicks is the fantastic The Princess Bride. The plot is a little twisty-turny, so I won’t go into it too much, but it’s wonderful. It’s got action, suspense, revenge and lots and lots of schmoop. Long story short, a man has to save his beloved from an evil prince who wants to use her to start a war. There’s lots more to it, but that’s the basic thing. Anyone who doesn’t like this film simply has no heart. That is all. Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. Oh yeah.

And that rounds up my list. There are a bunch more awesome films that were thisclose to being on the list, but in the end these ones on the list were just a little better. But here, in no particular order, are the honourable mentions:
Dirty Dancing
Pretty Woman
Steel Magnolias
Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day
Some Like It Hot
Wimbledon
Josie and the Pussycats
Simply Irresistible
The Cutting Edge
Three to Tango
Splash
Blow Dry
Waitress
Miss Congeniality
Ghost
I realize there are more titles in the honourable mentions than in the actual list, but oh well. Just pretend that all these films are tied for 13th place, hehe.

So what do you think? Are your favourite chick flicks here? Did I forget something? Let me know in the comments, and stay tuned for more! 🙂

Jan 4 2014

Happy New Year!

Sorry for the laze-about, but, you know, holidays. Erk. Zoom here, zoom there, and for someone like me, zooming ain’t easy. So I’ve been much too busy and tired to blog. But I still have plenty of ideas, so just hang in there, faithful readers (you guys are 12 now! Hello happy growing pile-o-readers! 😀 ), and I’ll be back once everything calms down again, hehe. Until then, I wish everyone a (belated) happy christmas, and a (also belated) happy new year!! *muah*

Dec 22 2013

The Most Beautiful Men

It’s no secret: I like beautiful men. I have a pretty specific genre that I like, and if there’s anyone who I find beautiful that’s not in my usual criteria, you can imagine that he’s as damn near perfect as a person can get, hehe. There isn’t really much else to say, this post is pure visual candy. I’m oogling them, and unashamed. Care to join me? Here they are, in alphabetical order (since that’s how they’re ordered in my pictures file :-p ), the men in the entertainment industry that I find the best looking. (For those who prefer women, worry not! I shall do another post like this about the ladies!)

I’ve known who Alexander is for a good while now, but I hadn’t seen anything that he’d done until True Blood. And really, they couldn’t have picked a better actor to portray the thousand year old Viking. He definitely looked his best in season 1, when they actually had him looking like a Viking. He hadn’t cut his hair for a thousand years, why on earth would he start now?? That’s just one of the (many) things that annoy me about the show. But I digress…

Andy Biersack is the lead singer for the rock group Black Veil Brides. I don’t like all their music, but it’s mostly pretty good, and the band is talented. Andy’s vocals are quite amazing, surprisingly deep for someone that looks so… girly :-p If I were putting this list in order, Andy would be very near the top, maybe even number one. Let’s just pretend, for skeezyness’ sake, that he’s not only 21 years old, ok…?

Dorian Gray. That’s really all I need to say here. A quite liberal take on the book, I nevertheless enjoyed the movie quite a bit. I’m sure seeing almost all of Ben’s skin had nothing to do with that… He’s got such a baby face that I was surprised (and rather relieved) that he’s the same age as me!

Before Star Trek 2, I’d never heard of Benedict. My friends have been singing the praises of Sherlock since it came out, but I’d never gotten around to watching it until recently. Before I saw him on the big screen, I’d only seen pictures, and was unimpressed. I thought he was just weird looking, like a strange elf. And then I saw him in action on-screen. And oh. My. God. I had to take back every single thing I said about him. I was so smitten that the very next day after seeing ST2, I hooked myself up to Netflix and watched Sherlock. Watching him in action as the famous sleuth literally takes my breath away. And that voice… mm.

Before Hemlock Grove, I didn’t even know Alexander had a brother (let alone the 3 other siblings he’s got besides Bill!), but after watching the show I have to ask myself, what the heck is in the water in Sweden?? I mean really.

Lead singer for the alternative band Placebo, I’ve been in love with Brian Molko (and Placebo) since I graduated high school. He’s got such a unique voice, makes such amazing, powerful, meaningful music that it’s literally impossible to not love him. He’s 40 now, but he still looks freaking fabulous!

Colin looks good in pretty much everything he’s been in. And if he happens to be in a role that allows him use of his real accent (Irish), the hotness doubles. But if I had to choose the one film he looked best in, I’d have to go with Fright Night, even though he doesn’t have the accent. Cause he plays a vampire, and that trumps everything :-p

I’m sure any girl my age would agree with me, David was the ultimate heartthrob of the 90’s. I was in high school when Buffy the Vampire Slayer first aired, and, like every other teenaged girl with eyes, I was immediately smitten with the vampiric Angel. He plays in Bones now, which is in it’s 9th season, and he hasn’t lost any of his appeal. His few forays onto the big screen went mostly unnoticed (for good reason), but that’s ok. He doesn’t need to be in films to be awesome. TV is a good place to be.

Ah, Doctor. My beautiful, lonely, messed-up Doctor. I’ve only recently discovered Doctor Who, but I’m so very glad I did. David could look good sitting in a burlap sack while reading a phone book. Thankfully though, his roles make him look much better than that. I’m going to say, in the looks department, it’ll be a tie between Doctor Who and Fright Night. If only for the shirtless, leather-pants-clad scene alone.

Cellist in the alternative band Apocalytica, Eicca is as talented as he is beautiful. I saw them live a few years back, and I have to say it’s one of the best shows I’ve ever been to. And I’ve been to a lot. Eicca’s weight fluctuates a lot, so sometimes he looks much rounder than usual. I guess that’s when he’s been off tour for a while. Cause the way they run around the stage with their huge instruments night after night, there’s no way he’d keep on any extra pounds! hehe

I’ve loved Elijah since I was a kid. We’re almost the exact same age (he’s 7 months older) so we kinda grew up together. He was a cute kid, then he went through this horrible gawky stage in his teens, but thankfully he grew out of it, and now he’s gorgeous. He’s got the goofiest smile, I think it’s perfectly charming. And those eyes, my goodness. You could fall right into those pools. He’s a wonderful actor, too, which makes him even better!

While he’s gotten too “manly” for me, the first film I saw him in floored me. His role as Dracula in Dracula 2000 was absolutely perfect. It’s still one of my favourite Dracula performances. Taken as what it’s meant to be, Dracula 2000 is awesome.

I’d never heard of Harry before Game of Thrones, although I did just recently see him in a two-part episode of Doctor Who. And while he was cute in the episode, if I were picking favourites, it would definitely be his role as the snivelling ass-hat Prince Viserys. The character has absolutely no redeeming qualities, but my-oh-my was he beautiful. That scene with the girl in the bathtub…. *phew*

I first saw Jackson in Twilight, and while his hair was weird, his face is absolutely stunning. I haven’t seen all his movies, but I think he probably looked his best in The Last Airbender. Mediocre movie at best, but boy, did he make it worthwhile! He really is a great actor, and you can actually see it when he picks good projects to be in (like that chilling episode of Criminal Minds…)

This man seemingly has it all; looks, acting talent, and a hell of a set of pipes. I don’t know where he thinks he gets off being so talented, I mean really, save some for the rest of us! I’ve seen his band, 30 Seconds to Mars, live twice. And last time I even waited around after the show so I could get his autograph. I’ve never done that before. He’s the first celebrity that I’ve ever touched (our fingers brushed while I took my CD back, ooh :-p ), and while I’m sure it didn’t do anything life-altering to me, it was cool to meet him nonetheless, hehe.

Dean Winchester. Really, do I have to say anything more than that?? You have no idea how happy it makes me that a man this beautiful loves to do horror. It’s just a shame that, despite his looks and talent, he can’t seem to find a good film role. That’s ok, as long as he keeps doing Supernatural, it’s all good.

Beautiful and talented, Johnny’s been one of my favourite actors since I first saw him, all those years ago, in Cry-Baby, which, by rights, should be a very bad movie, and yet somehow isn’t. Or, maybe it is, and I just don’t see it, hehe. Actually, technically it would be Nightmare on Elm Street that I first saw him in, but I was so young that I hardly remember at all, and I actually didn’t know it was Johnny in the role till I saw it again somewhere in my late teens. But my favourite film of his is probably still Sleepy Hollow. Man, I love that flick… Johnny owns a club called The Viper Room in LA (where River Phoenix tragically died), and I went there on my trip to LA a few years back. Sadly, he was not in attendance :-p

I first saw Jonathan in Velvet Goldmine, and have been in love ever since. It seems unfair that someone so attractive should also be so talented, but there you have it. He’s looked amazing in almost all of his roles, but I’d have to pick Titus as the top. The combo of the long hair and tattoos just rocked me. I’m looking forward to see his portrayal of Dracula. As usual, I’m waiting till the end of the season so I can watch at my leisure. So hurry up, dammit! hehe

Jon Snow. That is all. I haven’t seen Kit in anything but Game of Thrones, but with the talent and looks he’s got, I’m sure we’ll be seeing him pop up more in time.

While Lee Pace looks good no matter what he’s doing, He was jaw-droppingly gorgeous (for all of 2 seconds) in The Hobbit. I was so happy to see that he was in this movie, and after spending the whole movie waiting to see him again, I was quite upset it never happened. Thank goodness there’s two other Hobbit films to come! I certainly hope I’ll get to see the second before it leaves cinemas!

Matthew (of the ever-changing hair) is the lead singer for alternative rock band Muse, one of my very favourite bands. I *finally* got to see them live this year (last time they came round I found out on the day of. I was not amused), and it was fan-bloody-tastic. If I believed in angels, I’d say his voice was a gift straight from the angels. As it is, I’ll just say his voice is amazing. And he sounds just as good live as he does on the CD. You’d be surprised (or not) at how many singers don’t.

I’ve just recently started watching Criminal Minds, and boy am I glad I did (and not only because of Matthew). It’s such a great show, awesome stories, solid acting all the way around, just generally a great show. Not a very realistic view of FBI procedures I’m sure, but really now, what show is? I’m at season 7 now, at the beginning, I’ve only watched the first episode. Matthew’s character, Dr Spencer Reid, is one of the best characters in the show. He’s a gorgeous geek, and a complete genius. I’ve only seen him in one film (How to be a Serial Killer), but it was pretty good, if a little weird. I don’t actually know what else he’s been in. I should probably check it out… And, yes, I just realized I spelled his name wrong in my picture, but I’m too lazy to change it. So there.

Castiel. Nuff said. Oddly enough, when Castiel first showed himself in season 4 of Supernatural, I wasn’t all that impressed. He was good looking, yes, but nothing special. But through his interaction with Dean Winchester, and the force of his personality, he got more beautiful by the second. I’m so upset at the direction that Supernatural writers took the character, especially in season 7. He just doesn’t feel like the same person any more. I know character development is important in a show, but really, did he have to “develop” that far??

My favourite Nicholas Hoult film is definitely Warm Bodies, but I can’t really say that’s the film he looks the best in. The goth/emo look is fine. Dead? Not so much. But he was absolutely breathtaking in A Single Man. And not because he was naked a whole lot near the end. Ok, not just because… :-p But holy crap, what a downer that film was, especially the ending. I was so emotionally wrung out after that, I needed to watch a cartoon afterwards, hehe.

I first saw Orlando in Lord of the Rings and he literally took my breath away. Not the best of actors, but when you look like he does, I suppose it doesn’t matter too much. To choose whether he looked better in Lord of the Rings or Pirates of the Caribbean, though, that’s impossible. So I call a tie. Looking forward to seeing him in The Desolation of Smaug, even though, from what I saw in the trailers, his face seems to be very CGI’d. Did he age that badly in just over 10 years..?

I’ve loved Robert Downey Jr since I was a kid. He’s so talented, I just can’t believe he still doesn’t have an Oscar. He was nominated twice, but never won. What a shame. But like a fine wine, Robert seems to get better with age. He’s always been good looking, but he was positively gorgeous as Tony Stark. And he still makes my heart flutter in Only You, one of my all-time favourite chick flicks.

Strangely enough, when I first saw Thor, I can’t say that I really noticed Tom. I’m not sure why, maybe I wasn’t paying enough attention. But then The Avengers came out, and my jaw literally hit the floor. That scene where Loki’s at the party, coming down the stairs, in that suit? The man couldn’t have looked more perfect than if he’d walked straight out of my dreams.

Honourable mentions for actors who have passed away

I feel a little gross including dead men in my list of beauties, so I’ll list a few off here, to remind you how good looking they were in life:

River Phoenix (The Thing Called Love, Stand By Me)
Heath Ledger (10 Things I Hate About You, The Dark Knight)
Brandon Lee (The Crow)
Brad Renfro (The Client, Apt Pupil)
Corey Haim (The Lost Boys, Just One of the Girls)
Kurt Cobain (singer of alternative band Nirvana)
Glenn Quinn (Angel)

And that’s it. What did you think? Which male celebrities make you weak in the knees? Let me know in the comments, and stay tuned for more!! 🙂

Dec 19 2013

Hospitals suck…

Hi guys. Sorry I’ve been away for a few days. I’ve just had the worst week, and spent some time in the hospital. I was able to come home yesterday evening, finally, and even though I’m still pretty weak, I’ll try churn out a post sometime in the near future. If not today, then most likely tomorrow. Laters!

Dec 9 2013

5 of the Most WTF Music Videos I’ve Ever Seen

So, I had started a longer post for today, but I really wasn’t into it. After every single line I’d just stop and stare blankly at the screen, and that’s never good. But I haven’t put a post up in a few days, and I’d set a goal for two posts a week, bare minimum. And with another week coming to a close with only one post up, I need to get my ass in gear. Writers always say that to be able to write freely and easier, you need to write often, even on days when nothing’s coming, so I figured I’d keep my long post for a day when I’m really into it (cause it’s a real good one, too) and just do a quickie post, to keep the goal I set for myself.

I enjoy music videos. Before switching to Bell’s Fibe cable, we had the channels Much More Retro and Much Loud (that Fibe doesn’t offer, makes me very upset. It’s seriously almost enough to send me back to Videotron, but anyways…) and I almost always had the TV on to one of those channels while I was doing other stuff. Videos are a good way to “get to know” the band you’re listening to, see what they look like, and what kind of message they’re trying to send with each song that has a video made for it. Some people think that music videos are “dated” and it’s ridiculous to keep making them, but I disagree. I find the visual enhances the auditory. But then, every so often, you come across a video that seems like whoever came up with the concept is not from this planet. Or, more likely, that they were on a very large quantity of drugs. For this little list, I’ve concentrated on music from more recent years. I could fill the whole Internet with a list of WTF music videos from the 80’s, for example, so I left them all out. My oldest song will be from 1995, when music videos, and the fashion and entertainment industry as a whole, actually, became a bit more “normal”. So, here we go, 5 of the most WTF music videos I’ve ever seen, in no particular order.

Radioactive by Imagine Dragons

So, the set-up is this: the band is captured and caged by an evil man (played in great, sleazy glory by actor Lou Diamond Phillips) who runs a fighting pit where people bet on fights between… wait for it… stuffed animals. Oh yes. A beautiful girl makes her way to the gambling arena with her challenger in tow, a small, pink teddy bear. The champion, a big, ugly, fuzzy purple thing, is making minced-meat out of all the competition, so when the tiny bear is dropped into the ring, everyone laughs. After seemingly getting his ass kicked, the pink teddy, moments before being dropped into the loser’s pit by the evil man, decides he’s had enough. He charges his paw with pink light, and knocks big purple right out of the ring. It’s really got to be seen to truly appreciate the absurdity of it. The song, though, is amazing.

Kids by MGMT

If I were putting these in order, this one would definitely be number one. I have no idea what the creators of this video for this amazing song were on but, really, can I have some? How to even start explaining it… A toddler is seeing monsters everywhere while being brought around town by his mother, who seems more interested in her phone than her son. The poor lad cries as he looks all around to see the monsters. Escaping to a little park, our tiny hero runs into the band, who are dressed in skin tight silver clothing, I imagine they’re supposed to be woodland faeries? I dunno. Despite the ridiculous getup, the singer is still delicious. After our little man is returned to his mother, the “real world” goes away, and we’re treated to some of the most psychedelic animations I’ve ever seen. Really, whoever came up with this stuff was not thinking with earth logic. MGMT‘s videos are all pretty nuts, actually, but this one really takes the cake.

Panic Station by Muse

I love Muse, and their music videos are always pretty cool and different. Bliss has (gorgeous) lead singer Matthew Bellamy falling forever through a giant structure in space. Supremacy has a bunch of people in death metal makeup going surfing. Uprising has a giant teddy bear stomping through a town. But the weirdest video is definitely one of the newest ones, Panic Station, from their latest album The 2nd Law. It doesn’t really have a story to it like a lot of cool videos do, it’s just the band, and a bunch of other weird people, dressed outlandishly (Matthew wears a giant, fuzzy pink jacket with huge shades that flash words to the song) and they’re basically just walking around Tokyo being strange. Oh, and if you watch the video, stick around after the song ends for some funny bloopers.

Paranoid Android by Radiohead

I don’t even know how to start explaining this one. It’s animated (thank goodness, given some of the things we see later in the video). There’s two friends going around town, doing stuff. There’s a chick in a tree who’ll let you look at her naked body for cash, there’s a guy in a bar that’s got a face coming out of his belly. There’s a fat man in a leather and spike-studded g-string trying to chop down a street lamp with an axe. There’s an angel who helicopters the main character (I guess) around as the fat man swings himself into exhaustion and eventually cuts all his limbs off and falls off the bridge. There are mermaids with huge, naked breasts who wrap up the now limbless fat man into a small bundle and put him in the naked lady’s tree. And then our friends go home. If any of that made any sense to you… I want what you’re on :-p

Nancy Boy by Placebo

Placebo is another band that I love that has cool and different videos (and another gorgeous lead singer, hehe). I was hesitating between Bruise Pristine and this one for the list, and I finally decided to go with this one because, despite their similarities, Nancy Boy is just a little weirder. It’s got legs moving around with no torso, or a torso with no legs. There’s stuff impaled on spikes, heads merging together, a live boy who’s bottom half is a mannequin and loads of other weird imagery. Nancy Boy’s not one of my favorite Placebo songs, but it definitely hits a 10 on the strange-o-meter!

What do you think of my picks? Too strange? Not strange enough? Let me know in the comments, and stay tuned for more! 🙂

Dec 4 2013

The Dirty Dozen (aka The Worst Horror Movies Ever Made)

So, I hadn’t originally intended for this entry to be about horror films. This was supposed to be a “worst movies” list, period, not just horror. But after I was done making the list, I realized that every single film on it was horror. Horror’s a very special kind of genre, home to not only some of the very best film has to offer, but some of the very worst as well. It’s that kind of genre that, when done well, is absolutely perfect, chilling and able to get the old adrenaline pumping. But when done wrong, as it lamentably often is, it’s sometimes spectacularly awful. Now, I haven’t seen all the horror films in the world, so I can’t speak for the volumes and volumes of crap that I’m sure is out there. I generally stay away from stuff that looks like it’s going to be horrible, so I can spare myself the horror of having to sit through something like, say, Troll 2. Also, a word of warning: I will be crapping all over some people’s favorite films, so if you can’t handle that, there’s the door *points to the browser’s X*. There’s no particular order to the films in the list, either. They all suck, so putting them in order of suckiness just seems a little redundant.

The ABC’s of Death

If I were taking the time to put all the films in order of suckiness, I’d have to put this one at the top (or would that be bottom?) because it truly is a colossal piece of shit. The idea was cool: 26 different directors got a letter of the alphabet, and they have to make a short horror film about a word that starts with that letter (A is for Apocalypse, B is for Bigfoot, C is for Cycle, etc). Unfortunately, there isn’t a single good segment of the whole thing. I sat through the whole thing, but I admit to fast forwarding through a good part of the segments. If a 5 minute film isn’t good within the first 2, chances are doubtful that it’ll get any better.

Night Watch (Nochnoi Dozor)

This was one of the biggest disappointments on this list. By this I mean I was really looking forward to seeing the movie, and when I was finally able to, it sucked so hard that it almost made me cry. It’s based on the novel of the same title by Russian author Sergei Lukyanenko, and the book is marvelous. It’s got awesome new twists to add to the horror genre, the writing was great, as was the story. When I heard they were making a film of the books, I was super excited, and the trailer looked awesome. Imagine my surprise when I was finally able to watch the damned thing and it sucks. Like sucks bad. The story was very different and the acting… oh my god, the acting. The scene where our hero sees the girl for the first time on the train was so spectacularly bad that I just laughed. I made it about halfway through before I gave up.

Mirrors

It took me a while to finally rent this film when it came out because I hate mirrors. There are none in my house except for the one in the bathroom, and the small one on a pedestal in the office I use for makeup. They make me so uncomfortable that I even have trouble sleeping if there’s a naked mirror in the room. All this to say that I was already afraid of this film before I saw it. Eventually, I collected all my nerves, and put it in the machine. And then my fear turned to boredom, very very quickly. And it’s too bad, because the idea was interesting (a malevolent force hiding in the mirrors, using reflections to cause harm, insanity, even death), but the film itself was just so very dull. It’s got a few cool visual effects, but other than that, this film is a total dud.

House of the Dead

I’ve never openly scorned a film, loudly, in a cinema before this one. But I felt I had to join in the chorus all around me. The only reason I didn’t demand a refund is that I didn’t pay for this. I feel sorry for anyone that did. This film should be the course material for a class called “How to Fail at Movie-Making 101”. Implausible story (even for a story including the living dead), completely unlikable cast, boring action and on top of it all everyone is so dumb that you wonder how they made it this far in life without loosing a limb or some other vital thing. Once one of the characters laments his life being over after getting a scratch on his cheek (oh, no, my beauty! Why didn’t they kill me??), that was it for me. Much booing and throwing of popcorn happened after that.

House of 1000 Corpses

So Rob Zombie‘s making a movie?? That’ll be awesome!! *puts it in the dvd player* Oh, I’m sure it just starts slow… *waits* Any time now… *waits more* Oh look, gore… *waits* And, oh, more gore… *sighs* Maybe I’ve got some email to check… oh look, it’s over.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

I know a lot of people love this film and consider it one of the great classics. What I don’t know is WHY. There is nothing special about this film, at all. It’s slow, badly acted and, really, just plain boring. I sat there feeling I’d have more fun getting a lobotomy than watching this movie. No, I didn’t see it when it came out (mostly because I wasn’t alive yet) so I didn’t get that atmosphere that came with it, I guess, that this was something new and shocking to see at the cinema. But still, I doubt that would have changed my enjoyment (or lack thereof) in the movie.

Halloween

Another entry sure to furrow a few brows (furrow? Is that even a word? Anyways…) Again, I have no idea why this one is considered a classic. Maybe it was a 70’s thing? Boring horror movies were bitchin’? I appreciate movies with a nice slow burn, but at some point, preferably before the last 10 minutes, something has to happen. This movie bored me so much, I think I got some permanent brain damage…

The Blair Witch Project

Blair Witch Project was brilliant in so many ways. It was well thought out, a great idea, well marketed and groundbreaking. That being said, I hated it. I don’t know if I would have liked it more had I seen it not knowing it was fake. I sat there watching, waiting, hoping it would get better, and when it ended with never having done anything, I threw my remaining popcorn at the tv. I’ve seen a lot of horror films in my day. Like A LOT. And not many of them bored me quite as much as Blair Witch did.

The Shining

Oh, yes I did. I hated The Shining. Hated it a lot. I often get flack for speaking my mind about this film because, for some strange reason, this seems to be one of the most beloved horror films of all time. Despite the fact that it’s a boring-ass piece of turd. Stephen King himself hates the film (not that what the author thinks is what should sway you to like something or not, but since he’s backing my idea here, I’ll use it :-p ). The acting ranges from ok to WAY over the top to laughably bad (the bad being mostly from Duvall, her huge horse teeth doing nothing to soften the blow. Every time she was onscreen I had to cringe). Jack Nicholson acting like a deranged maniac for 2 hours does not make a film great.

Suspiria

Yes, yet another fan favorite that I’m going to crap on. I warned you! :-p A lot of my friends loved this so-called classic, and hail it as a masterpiece. Me? I could barely stay awake. The acting was so bad, I felt bad for the lead actress. And it just seemed to drag on and on. I’d rather have a tooth pulled then have to watch this again. Like Kubrick up there, I’ve never understood the appeal of Dario Argento. Sure, he made good use of the brand new Technicolour, but just because something looks pretty doesn’t make it automatically good. In fact, if you spend all your time on the pretty, you end up with Suspiria: a beautifully filmed piece of crap.

The Human Centipede

So, I knew going into it that something called The Human Centipede wasn’t going to be a quality film. But there are limits to human stupidity, come on now. Your car gets a flat on a lonely stretch of road surrounded by woods. You get out and start walking to find someone to help. And you do this by… walking through the woods?? Why the hell would you even consider leaving the road? And these girls just have the worst luck on the planet. Flat tire, disgusting pervert, lost in the woods, heavy rain, and now crazy doctor guy. Who they tell they’re alone. (The correct answer to the “are you alone?” question posed by a creepy stranger, kids, is “no, 2 friends stayed with the car in case someone else drives by”.) And unfortunately, this was the best part of the film. It was disgusting, stupid and then asks us to care about these stupid people who basically had “serial killer bait” tattooed on their faces. Oh, and that inspiring speech the Japanese man gave about “going out as a human being!” and then slicing his throat open? Yes, yes, very touching… until you realize that he’s speaking Japanese. To a German and two American girls. No one understood a word of what he said. Maybe that would explain the shockingly hilarious look on the doctor’s face while he’s talking… So, no, no stars for this one. It’s nauseating, and doesn’t even have the grace to at least be interesting to apologize for it.

Drag Me to Hell

So this is probably the best of the films on this list, not that that’s really an honour of any kind. I went into this film expecting something really scary, I’d heard some good things. Then, almost as soon as it started, I regretted my purchase. I stared at the screen, face all screwed up in “are you serious?” incredulity. I understand the director’s love of practical effects, but at the same time, it’s not the 70’s anymore. More can be done with less. And, besides the dated effects, it was just… silly. The horror, instead of being scary, made me laugh, and really not in a good way. The old woman going all tae-kwon-do in the back of the girl’s car? And then getting stapled? And the thing with the goat? And the arm in the mouth? Ugh, I could go on, but I’d rather not. I’m trying to cut back on stuff that’s bad for me :-p

So, there’s my dirty dozen. Agree? Disagree? What are your most-hated horror films of all time? Let me know! And see you again soon 🙂

Nov 29 2013

Top 10 Horror Novels of All Time

I love to read. I always have, ever since I was a little kid. At school, my teachers would always be exasperated with me for reading in class. They didn’t want to be too harsh, because reading is good, but at the same time, I was supposed to be paying attention. Which I never did anyways, even when I wasn’t reading, hehe. Even from a very young age, I always preferred horror novels. My earliest recollection of novel reading has me going through the Fear Street and Goosebumps series of teen horror by RL Stine, and the horror novels by the likes of Christopher Pike, Richie Tankersley Cusick, Caroline B Cooney (I absolutely LOVED her vampire series!), and Diane Hoh, among other teen horror writers. I practically inhaled everything I got my hands on. Some kids bought candy with their hard-earned allowance; mine went almost exclusively to building my library, as I called it (and still do, actually). Soon, I’d “outgrown” the teen books (at the ripe old age of 13), and wanted something better. So my mom introduced me to Stephen King and Dean Koontz. It was a match made in heaven (or is it hell? :-p). These books were considerably more expensive than the teen paperbacks, but the good news was that my mom already had quite the library of her own, and, since she read the books too, she bought her own copies, so I didn’t have to. I’ve read almost every single book either author has ever written, except for the new stuff of the past few years. I’ve been reading less and less lately, not sure why. I still love it, but I seem to be less motivated to read. Or it’ll come in waves. Maybe I’m watching too much TV, and my brain is starting to rot out. What? *shrug* It could happen!

Anywho… For this post I’ll be listing down the top 10 horror novels of all time, in no particular order (since asking me to actually pick an all time favorite would be like asking a momma squid which of her babies she likes best. Momma squid have about 20000 kids at a time, in case that was too vague for y’all :-p) I’ve set a guideline for this list, to make it even easier for me to pick favorites. This list will be for single books only, no series. I’ll make another post with my favorite series’, but for this one, singles only. I’ve also kept my list to modern books. We all know that Dracula and The Picture of Dorian Gray are masterpieces, so they don’t really need to be in the list, where their place could be taken by something a little less obvious. So, without any further to-do, here’s my list of favorite horror novels!

Swan Song by Robert R McCammon

I think if I did absolutely have to pick an all time favorite, this would be it. This book is so amazingly good, it’s almost unreal. I think it’s the one single book that I’ve read the most times. I don’t often re-read books. It happens, but not very much. I’ve read a few of the Anita Blake books twice, and maybe a King or Koontz book or two, but that’s it. This book, however, I must have read cover to cover at least 5 times. And there are lots of pages between those covers, over 1000 if I’m not mistaken. I’ve also bought more copies of this book than any other. I’ve bought it 3 times, I think, because I keep loaning it out to people who don’t give it back, and then, ultimately, I forget who had it. The story is simple enough at face value; the world has effectively ended after a world wide nuclear war. Survivors band together and try to rebuild a semblance of life. But they aren’t alone on the planet anymore, something evil now stirs. People’s faces are being engulfed by a scab-like mask, and when then finally break open, the truth will be known. Such a great book. I haven’t read it in a long time, I think maybe I’m due for another visit….

Faerie Tale by Raymond E Feist

I read this one a very long time ago, so a lot of the books details are lost somewhere in my memory. But while I don’t remember the exact story, I do remember the effect it had on me; it scared the pants off of me, and filled me with a wonder that lasted long after the details were forgotten. I couldn’t tell you more than the very basic premise of the book right now, but I can tell you that I adored it and it’s still one of my very favorites. How do I know if I can’t remember the story? Cause I remember the feeling I had while reading it, and that’s the most important part. But here, give me a second to go read up on the book so I can give you a clear synopsis… *brb* … Well, that didn’t help much, but here’s what I got. The Hastings family, mom, pop, twin boys and a teenaged daughter, move to a new house surrounded by wilderness. At first they’re thrilled, but something appears to be wrong in the woods, and the children are afraid of “the Bad Thing” living under the bridge… I’m really going to have to reread this book. I want to remember exactly why I love this book so much! hehe

The Witching Hour by Anne Rice

Alright, I know I said that this list is exclusively for single books, no series. But hear me out: I haven’t read the whole series, and since book 2 was pretty much a disappointment, especially after the perfection that was this first book, I probably won’t read the rest. So I can treat this book as a single book. Rowan Mayfair is a young woman who was adopted as a child, and knows nothing of her birth family. But, as she’s about to find out, she was born into a long line of witches who, as a birthright, are the guardians of a manipulative spirit called Lasher. When Rowan’s birth mother dies, and she becomes suddenly haunted by this spirit, she’s contacted by an organization called the Talamasca, and with their help she’s able to learn about the spirit, and her own heritage. Beautiful writing, but a word of warning: if you don’t like history, I wouldn’t recommend this novel. Rice is very wordy in this book, and she puts a very great deal of information in her descriptions. As a history buff, I loved it. But non-lovers of the subject will likely find the novel long-winded and boring.

Mystery Walk by Robert R McCammon

Yes, another one by McCammon. He’s an incredible writer, and so under-rated. I always hear people talking about Stephen King or Dean Koontz, but I rarely hear this man’s name, and, really, he should be mentioned in the same breath as the other two. I’ve read this one two or three times as well, and I’d be due for another reading soon, as a lot of the details have faded from my over-saturated mind, hehe. The story’s a little complex, but at the core it’s 2 young men with unique gifts; one talks to the dead, one heals the living. Both are being influenced by outside sources, and the demons growing within need to be fought. Such a great story, with a great message too: just because something looks beautiful and pure, doesn’t mean it is.

The Talisman by Stephen King and Peter Straub

Another multi-reading novel. This one I’ve read 4 times, I think. Twice when I was a kid (cause, truthfully, I didn’t get it the first time round), then again in my early twenties, then again late twenties. It was such a good story that even with multiple readings, I still stayed as interested. It’s strange, I can watch movies or shows over and over, dozens of times, sometimes more, and if it’s something I love, I’ll never get bored. But books, generally, I’ll only read once, no matter how good it was. There are exceptions, of course, like the few on this list, but mostly I read something only once. I guess with the sheer amount of stuff there is to read still, that’s a good thing, after all! Young Jack Sawyer discovers that he’s able to “travel” to a parallel universe. He goes on a quest through this strange, new land to find a cure for his dying mother. It’s also first of two books, but it was a single book for a very long time, so I think it deserves to be here anyways. The sequel, Black House, is good, but doesn’t quite reach the same calibre as this one.

The Bad Place by Dean Koontz

Here’s another book that I don’t remember the details of, but I remember that I adored it. If people ask “what’s your favourite Dean Koontz book?” I’ll usually answer with this one, even though I don’t remember it. At all, actually. I’m actively trying to remember it right now, and I’m drawing a complete blank. But, whatever, I remember I freaking loved it, lol. Goodreads says that it’s about a man, Frank, who seems to have some serious sleepwalking issues, waking up with blood on his hands and other bizarre things in the genre. Two men are hired to keep an eye on Frank, but real help comes in the form of a boy with Down’s Syndrome. I should really reread this book if I’m going to keep it on this list. I should be able to tell people what my favourite books are about without checking online, after all! :-p

The Stand by Stephen King

Another Stephen King, but solo work this time. I was hesitating which King work to include in the list, going back and forth between this one and It. I decided, in the end, on this one, just cause the flying turtle with the tongue-biting and joke-telling from It was always a bit silly for my taste, while The Stand is all terror, no silly. The story is epically simple; a man-created super-virus accidentally escapes a military lab and proceeds to kill 90% of all humans on earth. The survivors band together on separate sides of the country, where depends on who they dream of. Those who dream of Mother Abigale, a frail 106 year old black woman, are called to Boulder, while those dreaming of the dark man, Randall Flagg, congregate to Las Vegas. The ultimate showdown between good and evil is brewing in the wastes of America. As good as the mini-series they did for TV was, it only got part of the story, so if you’ve only seen that and not read the book, you need to rectify the situation, pronto! There’s also a collection of graphic novels based on the book, I’d really like to check those out sometime, too.

The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty

Most people are shocked to find out, but yes, The Exorcist was a book before it was a movie. I’d like to be all cool and say I read the book before the movie came out, but I’m not old enough to be able to make that claim. The movie came out in 1973, 8 years before I was even conceived, so alas, I can’t say that. But, I can still say that I read the book FIRST, before I watched the film. My mom was pretty lax on the rules about stuff I could watch and read. I started in the horror genre young, and she’d tried to stop me at first, but after realizing that I was going to keep watching and reading no matter what she said, and also seeing that I didn’t get the nightmares she’d threatened me with, she generally left me alone to chose what I wanted to read and watch. Except where The Exorcist was concerned. She didn’t want it in her house, and I figured she was already super nice to me about all the crap I watched, I could obey this one rule, so I didn’t see it until I moved out at 17. But the book I read (in one intense sitting) when I was 15. It was so good, so gripping, that once I picked it up, I didn’t put it down, not for a moment. I brought it with me everywhere that day, dinner table to toilet. It scared the crap out of me (not an easy feat, even back then) and made me cry like a baby at the end. A sure sign of a job well done. The story is famous, I don’t really need to do a synopsis, do I? Well, for the three or four people out there who don’t know, it’s the simple story of a child possessed by the devil, and the two priests who are trying to save her. Charming, no?

Sur le Seuil by Patrick Senécal

So this is the first, and only, french entry on this list. Actually, this is the only french author that I read at all. I’m generally not a fan of french writing, either from France or Quebec, I don’t like their particular styles. It’s like french film and TV, there’s not much of it that I like, especially the stuff from here (Quebec). But I found, like with most rules, there was an exception. I started reading him purely by chance, but he hooked me from the beginning. I was on my way to meet my boyfriend (now ex) at his work. As I was on my way, he asked me to stop by the book and magazine shop at the subway station and by the latest book by french author Patrick Senécal, called Oniria. I did, then hopped on the train to go meet him. When I got to the café where he worked, though, his boss apparently had no intention of letting him go as planned. After much yelling, they agreed on an extra hour, as I pouted prettily in the corner (:-p). So armed with a free Italian soda, I flopped down into a seat to wait, and stared at the book in my hands. I shrugged, opened it up, and started to read. What followed was some of the weirdest crap I’ve ever had the pleasure to read, but it was good weird crap. I was hooked. After I was done that one, I went and bought all his previous books, and that included this one, Sur le Seuil. The story is pretty complicated, but it begins with a famous writer trying to kill himself by cutting his fingers off then throwing himself through a window. As that’s as close to normal as this world gets. I’m not sure if his work is translated in english, but if it has, or even better, if you can read french, I highly recommend this author, and this book first. Don’t be tricked into watching the movie first, though. It’s not bad, but really crappy in comparison to the book.

Winter Moon by Dean Koontz

When it came to making a list of my 10 favourite horror novels, the first 9 just came flowing out no problem. But then I came to write down the title of the tenth and final book, and a I drew a complete blank. I stared at my little paper for a while, humming and hawing. There are a lot of books I’ve loved, but which ones along with the ones already on my list are the most memorable? So I thought for a while, going through some others that could have easily gone here; a few by Koontz, a few by King, The Amityville Horror by Jay Ansen, The Night Watch by Sergei Lukyanenko. In the end, I decided to go with another by Koontz, this time it’s his take on the vampire genre. And now that I’m sitting here thinking about it, I realize that’s all I remember from the story. How bad is that!! LoL But I remember that I was nicely creeped out while reading it, and I remember saying for months after how awesome it was. So I guess that means it was! One of these days I’ll read through all the books on this list, just to make sure they all still belong here. I’m not worried though. I’m sure they do.

And there they are, my top 10 horror novels of all time. Hope you enjoyed it, take care till next time! 🙂

Nov 27 2013

Top 15 Episodes of Supernatural

Supernatural is one of my favourite shows, but I came into it surprisingly late. Season 5 was well under-way before I decided to give the show a chance, and that was just because my husband had borrowed the first 4 seasons on dvd from his brother. I had heard of it before then, but, even despite it being exactly the kind of thing that I love, I’d never been interested enough to watch it. With the dvd’s laying around, and my husband telling me how good it was, I finally decided to watch. And from the first scene in the Pilot episode, I was hooked. I watched those first 4 seasons in a few short weeks, then lamented the injustice of having to wait for new episodes every week. It’s lost some of it’s steam over the years (it should have stopped at 6 seasons, while it was still amazing), but it’s still entertaining. I’ve fallen behind on my Supernatural, though. I have so much stuff that I want to watch that I’ve only made it a bit more than halfway through season 8. I’ve also been in a very “nature documentary” mood lately, but I digress. There were plenty of episodes to chose from, but I was finally able to whittle it down to 15. The episodes are in approximate order. I can’t really say for certain which episode is my all-time favourite, so I just quickly put them in an order that looked about right. So without further ado, here are the top 15 episodes of Supernatural.

15 – Changing Channels, season 5 episode 8

The Trickster traps Sam and Dean in a TV world where they have to act out their roles to make it out. They navigate through a bunch of different genres from doctor and cop dramas to sitcoms and genital herpes commercials. At the end they find out that Loki isn’t Loki at all, but the Archangel Gabriel, and he wants the brothers to accept their fate as vessels for his brothers. I loved Gabriel, and was very, very upset to see him go. I keep hoping the writers will find a way to bring him back. This is Supernatural, after all. Nothing really stays dead.

14 – Monster Movie, season 4 episode 5

A small town celebrating Oktoberfest is under assault from several different monsters; or so it would seem. Sam and Dean investigate a “vampire attack” that looks like a classic Dracula did the job. Knowing that vampires have a full row of fangs, and not just 2 as the victim showed, the brothers are perplexed. Things get even weirder as more deaths occur, each molded after a classic horror movie monster. They find the culprit is a shapeshifter, who’s loneliness drove him to try recreate his favorite films, complete with victims and a damsel in distress. Great, fun episode. Filmed in black and white, for that authentic old movie feel, hehe.

13 – The Curious Case of Dean Winchester, season 5 episode 7

Dean plays poker with a warlock where the chips aren’t worth money, they’re worth years of life. While trying to win Bobby back his life, Dean looses 50 years, and ends up almost 80 years old. While the much aged Dean and Bobby try find the warlock’s DNA for a spell, Sam puts it all on the line, playing the warlock for Dean’s years. I liked this episode not just for the fun of seeing Dean react to his current state (which is pretty awesome by itself), but that the “bad guy” isn’t really bad. He’s not exactly good, but he’s not evil. He doesn’t cheat at poker, but let’s just say 900 years of playing has made him damn near unbeatable. I liked that they portrayed him like that, not evil, just a guy.

12 – Hollywood Babylon, season 2 episode 18

Posing as PA’s, the brothers investigate a death and ghostly sighting on the set of a horror film. After the first sighting is proved to be a hoax publicity stunt, a real death occurs, and Sam hits the Net hoping to find any links to the set. I’m not sure why I like this one so much, but I do. I guess I like the idea of a haunted horror film.

11 – Dark Side of the Moon, season 5 episode 16

Sam and Dean are shot and killed. You’d think that would be the end of the series, but of course, this being Supernatural, it’s not. The brothers end up in Heaven, where they find Ash and Pamela. On the run from Zachariah, they try to find the angel Joshua, who is rumoured to be the only one who’s able to talk directly to God. Once they find him, they are deflated to find out that God won’t help, that he doesn’t really care. Any opportunity to see the boys happy is a good episode. I miss good old Sam and Dean stuff. They’ve had so much stuff happen to them and they keep creating wedges between the brothers, it’s a wonder that they speak to each other at all anymore.

10 – Heart, season 2 episode 17

Sparks fly when Sam is assigned guard duty to the lovely Madison, who the brothers believe is in danger of a werewolf attack. The ending of this episode is absolutely abysmal, I still can’t believe they did that to poor Sam. It has me in tears every time I watch it.

9 – Mystery Spot, season 3 episode 11

You wouldn’t think that Dean dying would make for perfect comedy material, but it does. This is both one of the funniest and one of the tensest episodes of the whole series. While investigating a so-called “Mystery Spot”, Dean is shot and killed. After he dies in Sam’s arms, Sam snaps awake, only to find himself waking to the day that just happened. He goes through the day again, increasingly confused, and makes a different call for investigating the mystery spot, one that won’t get Dean killed. Dean dies again, however, and as soon as he does, Sam is once again back in bed, waking up on tuesday morning. The montage of Dean’s deaths, despite the subject matter, is freaking hilarious. He gets killed by everything from a dog to a falling piano to a “funky” tasting sandwich. Turns out the Trickster is behind this, to show Sam that he’ll have to go it alone, after Dean’s deal ends.

8 – Bitten, season 8, episode 4

This is the only entry from the last two seasons (well three now, I guess, since season 9’s well underway). I’ve been less than impressed with the last seasons. There have a been a few good stand-alone episodes, but the seasons as a whole are pretty meh. But still, pretty meh Supernatural is still better than most of the drivel that’s on TV now. I’ve seen some of the stuff my mom tapes and ugh! It ranges from “meh” to “horrifying”. Anyways… I’m getting side-tracked again. So here they decided to tackle the “found-footage” genre that’s so popular right now (and this needs to stop. No really, we’ve had enough.) I’m not a huge fan of this, unless it’s done right. And this one was. We follow a cute geek, Brian, and his roommate / best friend, Michael. They meet a cute girl, Kate, and both fall for her, she picks Michael. Being film students, they’re making a film about life in a small town, and they’re bringing their cameras wherever they go, filming everything. Michael is bitten one night while walking through a park. He tells Brian and Kate, but no one else. Sam and Dean are seen in the film through the students’ eyes; two FBI agents investigating the recent deaths in the area, where the heart had been removed. Brian gets jealous of Michael’s newfound “powers”, and begs him to bite him too. They really hit the nail on the head with this one. Both the drama and the horror were very effectively done. They found some good little actors to play the students, which is good. Good acting is always important, but even more so in a found-footage film.

7 – Dead Man’s Blood, season 1 episode 20

Supernatural‘s take on vampires, of course it’s on this list! I don’t particularly like the rows of fangs they’re sporting, but the rest of the mythos is great. I’m not one of those who gets offended if the vamps don’t burn in the sunlight, so that part didn’t bother me. The only thing that bothered me is the same thing that bothers me in countless other vampire films and shows: the fact that (in this episode, anyways) being turned equals automatically being evil, there’s no choice. They changed it in future vamp-centric episodes (for which I was very glad), most notably in the season 6 episode Live Free or Twi-Hard (which was thisclose to being on this list, such an awesome episode), in which Dean is vampirized. But in this episode, a woman and her husband are kidnapped by a group of vamps. The husband is killed, the wife gets turned. She’s still tied down when Sam and Dean sneak through the lair to find the Colt, but as soon as she wakes, while Sam is untying her, she yells alerting the others that there’s an intruder about. So, what, now that she’s a vampire she doesn’t care that they just murdered her husband? I don’t care if you’ve granted me the gift of eternal life, if you killed my husband, I’m not going to be on your side! I prefer the type of vampire that remains who he/she was before being turned. I like the conflict of who you used to be versus what you have to do to live now. But, of course, there are many, many more films and shows with automatically evil vamps than without, so I do like it anyways. Also, the lead vamp is extra yummy. Oh yeah.

6 – Lazarus Rising, season 4 episode 1

Our introduction to Castiel. Wonderful, beautiful, angelic Castiel. Pulled out of Hell, Dean wakes up in a pine box under the ground. Panicking, he’s finally able to dig himself out. He finds himself perfectly healthy and unhurt, except for a hand-shaped mark on his upper arm. He goes to find Sam, who, after the original shock of seeing Dean alive and not a demon, is over-joyed to have his brother back. But Dean doesn’t seem to have come back alone, as he’s being ambushed by an unseen entity. They consult a psychic friend of Bobby’s and she holds a seance to find out who, or what, pulled Dean out of Hell. Imagine their surprise when they find out it wasn’t a demon, but an angel who rescued Dean. The first time we see Castiel, with the lights exploding, and the lightning flashes, and those giant wings… ah, leaves me weak in the knees every time.

5 – What Is and What Should Never Be, season 2 episode 20

While hunting a Djinn, Dean is transported to a world in which his mother didn’t die in that fire. His father is dead, but he died of a stroke, nothing supernatural. He’s not as close with Sam as he was, but Jessica is alive and they’re getting married. Dean has a beautiful girl of his own, who apparently loves him completely. Dean, at first, is over-joyed to live in a world with no demons. But his happiness is put on hold when, after doing some research, he finds that all the people he and Sam and their father saved are all dead now, since the Winchesters aren’t hunters here. He has to make a choice: find the Djinn to undo the “wish” so that all those people get saved, or stay in this world with his family intact.

4 – Sex and Violence, season 4 episode 14

“Strippers, Sammy! An actual case, with strippers!” So says Dean at the beginning of this episode, where the brothers are following the trail of a seductive Siren. She feeds on love and devotion, and she’s making men kill their wives to show their devotion. A young FBI agent assigned to the case joins Dean on his hunt, while Sam “consults” with a local doctor. Which one is the Siren? Soon enough, of course, both brothers are under her spell and she wants them to fight over her. To the death.

3 – Something Wicked, season 1 episode 18

Following their father’s directive, the brothers head to a town where children are falling into comas with no apparent cause. Dean recalls a similar case from his childhood, a Shtriga, where Sam was nearly a victim and it was able to get away. John sent Dean there because he knew Dean felt bad about letting it get away the first time, and would want to get it himself. After his little brother is hospitalized, the motel manager’s son lets Dean use him as bait for the creature.

2 – Asylum, season 1 episode 10

Supernatural-does-House-on-Haunted-Hill is how I’d describe this episode. And it does it well. A boy and his girlfriend are attacked after sneaking into the supposedly haunted asylum, but lucky for them, Sam and Dean are there, too. There are spirits everywhere, but they’re only trying to help to stop the doctor who also died here. Sam is lured into the basement by a phone call from not-really-Dean, and comes face to face with the doctor. Under the doctor’s rage spell, Sam shoots Dean full of rock salt then goes for the real gun…

1 – Provenance, season 1 episode 19

It’s no wonder that the top 3 episodes in the list are from season 1, it’s still the best one. Both Pilot and Bloody Mary (episodes 1 and 5) were almost in the list too, but I decided to give the other seasons a chance. After discovering that all the owners of a particular painting were killed, Sam and Dean investigate an art dealership. Sparks fly when Sam meets the dealer’s beautiful daughter, Sarah, and he asks her out on a date. Horrified when the painting they’d thought destroyed was back in one piece, the boys go to the latest owners house, with Sarah in tow, to hopefully save her. The ghost in question is the little girl in the painting, Jodelle Ferland giving us her very best “creepy dead kid”, which she does so well (see exhibits A and B, Silent Hill and Cabin in the Woods).

So, that’s it. Took me much longer than I’d anticipated to finish this one, I kept on blocking while I was trying to write. Ever happen to you that suddenly you’re just staring blankly at the screen, mind empty? Well that’s been happening to me all morning. I dunno if it’s cause I’m tired, or what, but just getting these words out was incredibly tasking. So you’d better enjoy them!! Hehe. Like I said up top, I’m not sure all the episodes are in very real order, but that’s the basic of it.

Nov 17 2013

30 Day Horror Challenge (in 6 Days): Days 26 to 30

All right, this is it, the last day! Sorry for the delay, my few but loyal readers, I’ve had quite the busy past few days, and have been paying for it today (so worth it though), so I haven’t had time (or energy) to take out the ol’ laptop. But, as I’m feeling better now, we can finish up this list. So let’s get to it!!

Day 26 – Best Horror Movie for a Chicken: Hocus Pocus

Ok, so technically, this isn’t really horror. But for a film that was clearly aimed at teens, it does have a surprising amount of horror-esque scenes, not to mention some of the subject matter. So for someone who is a real chicken, something like this would be perfect for them, not too scary, while still entertaining. Three witch sisters want to stay young and, err, “beautiful” forever. To do this they capture children, and suck the life-force right out of them (which we witness. See? Pretty dark already, for a kid’s movie). Standing in their way are three teens and a talking cat, who’s not really a cat, but a boy whom the witches cursed after killing his sister. One of my favorite Halloween films when I was a kid, and I still enjoy it today. If you find yourself almost peeing your pants in fright every time a horror movie is on, Hocus Pocus is the film for you. Wimp.

Day 27 – Horror Guilty Pleasure: The Covenant

I don’t really have a guilty pleasure, because that would suggest that I feel guilty about liking anything. Which I don’t. I like what I like, and I really don’t care what other people say about it. But, that said, I do know what it means. I chose The Covenant as my “guilty pleasure” because, in general, horror fans like to crap on this movie. It’s not really a very good movie. The acting is mostly sloppy, the story is a little dumb, the effects and dialogue are both cheezy, and yet I have a great time whenever I decide to watch it. It doesn’t take itself too seriously, and yes, the actors are all pretty boys with rippling abs. The movie is basically just an excuse to ogle some man-beauty, and, really, there’s nothing wrong with that.

Day 28 – Horror Film I’d Like to See Remade: Night Watch

Night Watch, by Sergei Lukyanenko, is the first in a trilogy of Russian horror novels (Day Watch and Twilight Watch are the others). It was such an amazing book, with cool and interesting ideas, that I was intensely excited when I heard they were making a movie of it. It was to be a Russian production, but I didn’t care since I’ve evolved a very special feature called “reading subtitles”. You’d be surprised to know how few humans possess such a gift. But I digress. Finally, after months of waiting, it was available for purchase here, and I scooped that shit right up and prepared to have the time of my life. About halfway through the film, I couldn’t do it any more, and turned it off. Night Watch has to be one of the worst films I’ve ever had the displeasure of seeing, and I’ve seen a lot. The story was basically the same, but the acting… oh my god, the acting. It was horrible. It made me want to laugh and cry at the same time. I was so disappointed, because the book is incredible. So if I were to choose any film to be remade, this would be it. I’m not loosing hope that they’ll do it eventually, and do it right this time *fingers crossed*

Day 29 – Worst Horror Film Ever: The ABC’s of Death

This film is so awful, I don’t even want to talk about it. But since it’s the top film in this category, I have to. So I will. Briefly. The ABC’s of Death has a cool concept: 26 directors each get a letter of the alphabet and make their own short film about a word starting with that letter. It sounded interesting, and I was looking forward to watching it. But it wasn’t interesting, it was just bad. The kind of bad that makes your eyes hurt and your nose bleed. I sat through the whole thing (although I’ll admit that I skipped forward a few times), and no matter how many times I said to myself “well, this couldn’t possibly get any worse”, wouldn’t you know it, it got worse. Not a single of the segments is worth watching, and I feel violated and slightly nauseous for having to sit through that. And yet, apparently, it was popular enough to warrant a sequel. What the hell is wrong with you people??? Ugh…

Day 30 – All Time Favorite Horror Film: The Lost Boys

So this is it, the film that could have gone into a few different categories, but I was saving the best for last. The Lost Boys has been my favourite film since I first saw it at the ripe old age of 7. My mother bought it on VHS and hid it, because it was “too scary”. I must have watched it at least a dozen times before she caught me. This film is everything a good vampire story needs to be. It’s got tense moments, funny moments, likeable characters (heroes and villains), not to mention a bitchin soundtrack. I was so in love with this movie that I could, starting from the beginning, recite the whole film. And it didn’t even have to be on. Once a friend of mine and I played out the whole film, start to finish, every single line, just for fun. I also had a major crush on Sam (played perfectly by a pre-drug-crazed Corey Haim). The film may have it’s faults, but I don’t see them. To me, it’s absolutely perfect.

And there you have it. The 30 Day Horror Challenge, accepted and completed! Thanks for reading, and stick around for even more entertaining shenanigans soon! 🙂

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