Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Black Dahlia

The Black Dahlia
(2006) Josh Hartnett, Scarlett Johansson, Aaron Eckhart, Hilary Swank, Mike Starr, Fiona Shaw, and Mia Kirshner

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Halfway through the film, and I was already super disappointed by it. It’s really quite boring, and the acting is pretty shaky all round. After debating on whether or not I was going to finish it at all, I decided on not once it had gotten so boring that my eyes crossed. And, I’m not sure, but there might have been some drool. And, I know it was set in the 40’s and it was a thing, but god, so many cigarettes! It’s nauseating. If I took a shot for every cigarette lit in the first 55 minutes of this film, I’d get alcohol poisoning and die. Twice. I give it 1/10, and that’s purely for the eye candy. The film itself gets a big, fat zero.

The film isn’t currently on Netflix, but do yourself a favour: don’t bother.

 

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: World War Z

World War Z
(2013) Brad Pitt, Mireille Enos, Daniella Kertesz, Fana Mokoena, James Badge Dale, Ludi Boeken, Peter Capaldi, Pierfrancesco Favino, Ruth Negga, Abigail Hargrove and Fabrizio Zacharee Guido

WorldWarZ

Hollywood blockbuster or not, I truly enjoyed this film. It was fast paced, never dull (despite it’s 2 hour running time) and well acted. Zombie films aren’t generally my favorite genre, but since this (much like 2010’s The Crazies) isn’t “really” a zombie film, I guess that explains it. I also haven’t read the book yet (my to-read list is even longer than my to-watch list, if that’s even possible…), so I can’t comment on how different the film and book are. A lot of people seem to be unhappy with how it translated to the screen, that it was hardly even the same story, but since I went into it completely ignorant, maybe I enjoyed it more than I would have if I’d read the book? I don’t know. All I know is that much enjoyment was had on my part, and that’s the whole point of a film right, right? It gets a solid 9/10 from me.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy!

M.

ps – There seems to be more than one version of the film floating around. The copy I, err, “acquired” was not the same copy that was on the dvd my mother bought. My copy seemed to have a few extra scenes in it.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Iceman

The Iceman
(2013) Michael Shannon, Winona Ryder, Chris Evans, Ray Liotta, David Schwimmer, John Ventimiglia, James Franco, Stephen Dorff, Robert Davi, McKaley Miller, Danny A Abeckaser and Megan Sherrill

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Amazing performances saved this films’ stars. Without it, I may have had to give it a lower rating, because in some places, the tempo slowed down to almost a crawl. If the performances hadn’t been as good as they were, I probably would have gotten too bored sometime during the film, and turned it off. But Michael Shannon is such a strong actor that he was able, along with Winona Ryder, to keep even the dullest parts of the film above water. 7/10

This film is currently on Netflix, and is worth a look despite it’s slow pace. Enjoy! 

 

M.

Top 15 Onscreen Vampires

Before I do any big list-like post, I always sit and jot down in my notebook the things (in this case, vampires) that will be in the list, and what order they’ll be in, if any. And then I go Google hunting for the pictures that will be in the post, and do the editing, if needed. This step (especially for edited pictures, like there’ll be in this post) is long, so I’ll often do the post itself on another day. So anyways, I got my notebook and started to write the names of my favourite movie and tv vampires. Once I was done, I counted and groaned. 18. This was supposed to be a top 10 list, not top 18! And I’m a little OCD about certain things, so I can’t have a top 18. I just can’t. So I had three choices. Cut 8 for a top 10, cut 3 for a top 15, or add two for a top 20. There was no way I was going to be able to choose 8 characters to delete, and top 20 would just take much too long to do, so I decided to do a top 15. Since there’s no need for an explanation for what this post is about, let’s get right to it. Oh, and there’s no order except for the order they’re in in my pictures folder, so, alphabetical. Also, spoiler alert! Onwards!!

 

Angel, Buffy the Vampire Slayer / Angel

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“I wanna help because I don’t think people should suffer as they do. Because, if there’s no bigger meaning, then the smallest act of kindness is the greatest thing in the world”

Played by: David Boreanaz
Real name: Liam (unknown last name)
Born in: Ireland
Age when introduced: 242
Scary or sexy: Both! He’s gorgeous as a man, but his vampire face is demonic.
Good or evil: Good. Though he becomes evil in Buffy‘s season 2 after loosing his soul (and then again in a few episodes of Angel), he always gets it back.
Powers: Extra strength and stamina, awesome fighting skills, fast healing, smoldering bedroom eyes (what? It’s a power!)
Effects of sunlight: Angel go poof
Ways he can die: Stake in the heart, fire, decapitation, sunlight
Alive at the end?: Yes (I’m not counting the comics, but even if I were, he’s still alive as of the last one I read.)
If not, how did he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

 

Damon Salvatore, The Vampire Diaries

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“I like this. You… walking on egg shells around me because you think I’m going to explode. It’s very suspensable. Is Elena worried too? I bet I’m your every conversation.”

Played by: Ian Somerhalder
Real name: Damon Salvatore
Born in: Mystic Falls, a fictional town in Virginia
Age when introduced: 169
Scary or sexy: Sexy. So very sexy. His vampire face is slightly creepy (black demon eyes and dark veins under the eyes), but not enough to make him ugly.
Good or evil: Both. When we first meet him, he’s definitely evil and has no qualms about killing people. But the longer he stays with his brother Stefan and the girl they both love, Elena, he slowly becomes good. He’s such a great, complicated character.
Powers: Extra strength and stamina, fast healing, mind control (glamour), super speed, enhanced senses
Effects of sunlight: He has a ring that allows him to go out into the sun, but if he didn’t have it on, he would burn.
Ways he can die: Stake in the heart, fire, decapitation, sunlight, incredibly severe trauma (if there’s no blood around to help them heal)
Alive at the end?: Unknown, not only because the show is still on, so we won’t know the answer till the end of the series, but also because I’m STILL in season 2. I know, I know, but I have soooo much to watch! Waaaaah!
If not, how did he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

 

David Van Etten, The Lost Boys / Lost Boys: The Tribe

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“Now you know what we are, now you know what you are. You’ll never grow old, Michael, and you’ll never die. But you must feed!”

Played by: Keifer Sutherland (The Lost Boys), Tom Savini (Lost Boys: The Tribe)
Real name: David Van Etten
Born in: unknown
Age when introduced: unknown, but at least 100, since he remembers stuff from the early 1900’s
Scary or sexy: Sexy. His vampire face is the same as his human face, just with fangs and red and yellow eyes.
Good or evil: Evil
Powers: Flight, slight mind control, super strength
Effects of sunlight: David go bbq
Ways he can die: Stake in the heart, sunlight, being completely submersed in holy water
Alive at the end?: No. Although he’s apparently in the sequel (made 20 years later), so I guess that means he somehow survived? I dunno, I haven’t seen it. It looks like a giant turd. But I figured I might be called out if I ignored it, so here it is :-p
If not, how did he bite it, and by whom?: Michael impaled him on a pair of long, sharp antlers.

 

Deacon Frost, Blade

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“Maybe it’s time we forgot about discretion. We should be ruling the humans, not running around making back ally treaties with them. For fucks sake, these people are our food, not our allies.”

Played by: Stephen Dorff
Real name: Deacon Frost
Born in: Germany (according to the comics, it’s not mentioned in the film)
Age when introduced: unknown
Scary or sexy: Sexy
Good or evil: Evil
Powers: Super strength, fast healing, able to regrow severed body parts (except the head)
Effects of sunlight: Deacon go bbq (but he can go out for a while in a ridiculous amount of sun block)
Ways he can die: Stake in the heart, sunlight, EDTA injections, decapitation
Alive at the end?: No
If not, how did he bite it, and by whom?: Blade injected him multiple times with the EDTA and he ballooned out and exploded. Yum.

 

Dracula, various films (read various as “a crap ton of”)

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“You cannot imagine what I’ve had to endure. I have borne the very wrath of God, chosen to suffer like no man before.”

Played by: A legion of actors, including Gary Oldman, Bela Lugosi, Gerard Butler, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Christopher Lee, Rudolf Martin, Frank Langella, and Richard Roxburgh
Real name: Various, including Vlad Tepes, Count Dracula, and Judas Iscariot
Born in: Various
Age when introduced: Various
Scary or sexy: He’s been both more times than is countable, sometimes in the same film even.
Good or evil: Usually evil, but he’s been good (or at least not completely evil) a few times.
Powers: Various, depending on the film, including mind control, telepathy, the ability to transform into animals (most commonly wolves and/or bats), power over the weather and flight.
Effects of sunlight: Ranging from nothing to being burned to a crisp, depending on the movie.
Ways he can die: Stake through the heart, decapitation, sunlight, fire
Alive at the end?: Almost never, and yet, since he keeps coming back, almost always.
If not, how did he bite it, and by whom?: Various, but often by staking and decapitation or sunlight. Killed often by Van Helsing.

 

Eric Northman, True Blood

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“Your blood tastes like freedom, Sookie. Like sunshine in a pretty blond bottle. You may not know it yet, but that’s what vampires smell when they smell you.”

Played by: Alexander Skarsgård
Real name: Eric the Norseman
Born in: It’s never said exactly where he’s from, but he was a Viking and speaks Swedish, so I’m going to assume he comes from there.
Age when introduced: The exact number is never said, but he’s over 1000 years old.
Scary or sexy: Sexy. Very, very sexy (even though I’m pissed that they cut his hair. He’s a Viking for fucks sake, and hadn’t cut his hair in over 1000 years. Why would he start now??)
Good or evil: Ambiguous. He’s obviously killed a lot of people in his time, and yet it’s impossible to think of him as a villain.
Powers: Mind control (glamouring), super speed, super strength, fast healing (almost instantaneous if he drinks blood)
Effects of sunlight: Eric go bbq
Ways he can die: Stake in the heart, sunlight
Alive at the end?: As of the last episode I saw (last of season 5), yes.
If not, how did he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

 

Henry Fitzroy, Blood Ties

Henry Fitzroy

“When you turn, you don’t see people anymore. You see prey. I spent a long time learning to control my impulses. But I’m not human, Vicki. And every once in a while, somebody’s gotta die.”

Played by: Kyle Schmid
Real name: Henry FitzRoy, Duke of Richmond and Somerset
Born in: England
Age when introduced: 487
Scary or sexy: Sexy
Good or evil: Good. He doesn’t need to kill to feed, so he (usually) doesn’t.
Powers: Mind control (glamour), super speed, super strength, fast healing
Effects of sunlight: Henry go bbq
Ways he can die: Stake in the heart, sunlight, severe blood loss
Alive at the end?: Yes
If not, how did he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

 

Jasper Hale, The Twilight Saga

Jasper Hale

“I vote yes. It would be nice not to want to kill you all the time.”

Played by: Jackson Rathbone
Real name: Jasper Whitlock
Born in: Texas
Age when introduced: 145
Scary or sexy: Sexy
Good or evil: Good. He started out bad, but once he was “rescued” by Alice, he became good. Jasper is easily the most interesting character in Twilight, his story would have made for much better films. Too bad he became such a tiny part of the movies.
Powers:  super speed, super strength, mood control (which has to be the coolest power ever when you really think about it. No matter who you’re up against, no matter what their power is, all he has to do is change their mood and make them happy, or sorry, or forgetful, or anything, really. Too bad they didn’t exploit it).
Effects of sunlight: No adverse effects, but their skin shines like diamonds in the direct sunlight.
Ways he can die: Decapitation, fire
Alive at the end?: Yes
If not, how did he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

 

Jerry Dandridge, Fright Night (1985 & 2011)

Jerry Dandridge

“You don’t have to be afraid of me. I know what it’s like being different. Only they won’t pick on you anymore… or beat you up. I’ll see to that. All you have to do is take my hand.”

Played by: Chris Sarandon (1985), Colin Farrell (2011)
Real name: Jerry Dandridge
Born in: unknown
Age when introduced: unknown
Scary or sexy: Both. In man form he’s gorgeous, but his vampire face is hideous.
Good or evil: Evil
Powers: Hypnotic eyes, mind control, ability to turn to a huge bat or wolf, flight, super strength
Effects of sunlight: Jerry go bbq
Ways he can die: Stake in the heart, sunlight
Alive at the end?: No
If not, how did he bite it, and by whom?: After a tense battle between him, Charley and Peter Vincent, Charley is finally able to corner him and the pair break the blacked out windows until Jerry fries in the sun.

 

Lestat de Lioncourt, Interview with the Vampire / Queen of the Damned

Lestat de Lioncourt

“Evil is a point of view. God kills indiscriminately. And so shall we.”

Played by: Tom Cruise (Interview with the Vampire), Stuart Townsend (Queen of the Damned)
Real name: Lestat de Lioncourt
Born in: France
Age when introduced: 203
Scary or sexy: Sexy (well, Stuart Townsend’s Lestat was sexy, Tom Cruise’s was… well… Tom Cruise. He did an awesome job with the role, but I personally don’t find him sexy).
Good or evil: Ambiguous. He kills to feed, but he often kills evil-doers (“Evildoers are easier, and they taste better“)
Powers: Flight, telepathy, super strength, super speed
Effects of sunlight: Sunlight would kill him until he drank Akasha’s blood in Queen of the Damned, and her ancient blood allowed him to go out in the sun.
Ways he can die: Decapitation, sunlight, fire
Alive at the end?: Yes
If not, how did he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

 

Nicolas Knight, Forever Knight

Nicolas Knight

“I learned that I have to live with the choice I made 800 years ago, and that forgiveness is not something you ask for, it’s something that you earn. Here, among the living.”

Played by: Geraint Wyn Davies
Real name: Nicolas de Brabant
Born in: France
Age when introduced: 802
Scary or sexy: Sexy
Good or evil: Trying really hard to be good, but…
Powers: Infra-red vision, enhanced hearing, super strength, super speed, flight, fast healing, immunity to cold
Effects of sunlight: Nicolas go bbq
Ways he can die: Stake in the heart, sunlight, fire, decapitation
Alive at the end?: No
If not, how did he bite it, and by whom?: Staked in the heart by LaCroix

 

Radu Vladislas, Subspecies series

Radu

“Your blood grows bitter. Soon, you’ll be mine completely.”

Played by: Anders Hove
Real name: Radu Vladislas
Born in: Romania
Age when introduced: Unknown, but he’s described as being “centuries old”.
Scary or sexy: Scary
Good or evil: Evil
Powers: Hypnotism, his blood can create mini-demons (the Subspecies)
Effects of sunlight: Radu go bbq
Ways he can die: Stake in the heart, sunlight, fire, decapitation
Alive at the end?: No. He actually “dies” at the end of each film, but is always found to be (barely) alive at the beginning of the next chapter. The fourth and final film sees him dead too, but since there are no more, I guess we’re meant to believe that he’s really gone this time.
If not, how did he bite it, and by whom?: He’s decapitated by Michelle and Ana, and his head is left out in the sun to burn.

 

Selene, Underworld series

Selene

“Lycans are allergic to silver. We have to get the bullets out quickly, or they end up dying on us during questioning.”
“What happens to them afterward?”
“We put the bullets back in.”

Played by: Kate Beckinsale
Real name: Selene (unknown last name)
Born in: Hungary
Age when introduced: 620
Scary or sexy: Sexy
Good or evil: Ambiguous. It’s never really said where the vampires get their blood from, if they feed from humans or not. She also blindly follows her masters orders, which means she’s killed many Lycans that may have been innocent of wrong doing.
Powers: Super speed, strength, stamina and agility, weapon mastery, able to jump crazy distances and fall from great heights without being hurt
Effects of sunlight: Selene go bbq (until the last film, apparently, but I haven’t seen that one yet)
Ways she can die: Sunlight, decapitation
Alive at the end?: After the first two films (the only ones I’ve seen), yes.
If not, how did she bite it, and by whom?: N/A

 

Severen, Near Dark

Severen

“Howdy. I’m gonna separate your head from your shoulders. Hope you don’t mind none.”

Played by: Bill Paxton
Real name: Severen (last name unknown)
Born in: unknown
Age when introduced: unknown
Scary or sexy: Sexy
Good or evil: Evil
Powers: None
Effects of sunlight: Severen go bbq
Ways he can die: Sunlight, fire
Alive at the end?: No
If not, how did he bite it, and by whom?: Caleb runs him over with his truck, then when that fails and Severen has crawled up onto the truck’s hood, Caleb jackknifes the truck and jumps out to safety just as the truck, and Severen, gets blown up.

 

Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer / Angel

Spike

“Yeah, I did a couple o’ Slayers in my time. I don’t like to brag. [laughs] Who am I kidding? I love to brag!”

Played by: James Marsters
Real name: William
Born in: London
Age when introduced: 145
Scary or sexy: Both. His human face is super hot, but his vampire face is demonic.
Good or evil: Both. He starts out evil, but through loving Buffy and eventually getting his soul back, he becomes a good man.
Powers: Super strength, fast healing, awesome fighting skills
Effects of sunlight: Spike go poof
Ways he can die: Stake in the heart, decapitation, sunlight, fire
Alive at the end?: Yes (though he died at the end of Buffy, he was resurrected in season 5 of Angel through the amulet he wore when he died).
If not, how did he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

 

Honourable mentions:
Zachary Simms (Love Bites)
Barnabus Collins (Dark Shadows)
Jeremy Cappello (My Best Friend is a Vampire)
Goodie (Vamps)
Jessica (True Blood)
Drusilla (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Luther (Supernatural)

And that’s my list! Agree? Disagree? Who are your favourite fanged friends? Let me know! 🙂

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Dead Silence

Dead Silence
(2006) Ryan Kwanten, Donnie Wahlberg, Amber Valletta, Michael Fairman, Joan Heney, Judith Roberts, Bob Gunton and Julian Richings

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I bought this movie in the bargain bin for 5$. I didn’t actually think I’d enjoy it, seeing as how I’m terrified of dolls like this. However, it’s a surprisingly good movie. Made by the team who brought us Saw, Insidious, and The Conjuring, I should have known it would be scary. Scarier even than the dolls was the old woman. I couldn’t sleep that whole night until the sun came up. A sign of a job well done. A solid 7.5/10.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy 🙂

 

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Earth Girls Are Easy

Earth Girls Are Easy
(1989) Geena Davis, Jeff Goldblum, Julie Brown, Jim Carrey, Damon Wayans, Charles Rocket, Michael McKean, Angelyne, June C Ellis, Rick Overton and Stacey Travis

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So silly, so fluffy, so utterly ridiculous. And yet I absolutely love it. It always makes me laugh when I see reviews of this film that say things like “what the hell is this ridiculous thing??” because they’ve missed the entire point of the film. It’s SUPPOSED to be ridiculous. That was the point. It’s obvious while watching it (to anyone with half a brain, anyways) that this film isn’t meant to be taken seriously. It’s a musical about horny, furry aliens who crash land in a ditzy valley-girl’s pool, and she shows them around town and stuff. Just hearing that synopsis should be enough to tell you that it’s not a serious film. But it’s great fun. Not all the songs are good (I always skip “Cause I’m a Blonde“), but there aren’t that many, most of the dialogue is spoken, so I guess it’s not a true musical, hehe. Best part of the film? When Jeff Goldblum steps out of the machine at the hair salon (after having a full body shave). Hubba hubba… Great fun, it gets a solid 8/10.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. If you haven’t seen it and are looking for a good laugh, I reccomend it 🙂

 

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Absentia

Absentia
(2011) Katie Parker, Courtney Bell, Dave Levine, Morgan Peter Brown, Justin Gordon, James Flanagan, Scott Graham and Doug Jones

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This film was surprisingly good, despite its obvious independent-film-ness. I was expecting crappy acting and crappy cinematography, but the story looked really interesting, and that’s usually enough for me (to a certain point of course. Some actors are so bad that no amount of good story can save the film, hehe). But I’m happy to report that the film exceeded my expectations. It wasn’t a masterpiece, and it did get a little laggy in a part or two, but on the whole it was a well-acted, well-shot very interesting story. The only negative thing I might have to say about it is that I wish there were more explanation as to what’s really going on. I loved the vagueness of what was going on at first, but eventually I was expecting an explanation for what the thing was, not just the “this is what it’s called” segment we got, which just felt slapped on and rushed, almost as if the writers themselves couldn’t figure out what was going on, and just decided to not include a reason in the story. But, despite all that, it still gets a solid score 8/10. Well done.

The film is currently on Netflix. Enjoy! 🙂

 

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Walking with Dinosaurs

Walking with Dinosaurs
(2013) John Leguizamo, Justin Long, Tiya Sircar, Skyler Stone, Charlie Rowe, Angourie Rice and Karl Urban

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I read that the makers of the film had originally intended for it to be like the show, animation with a voice-over telling the story of how the dinos lived, but they decided that it would be a better idea to make it like a cartoon, and have the dinos talking. It wasn’t a good idea. I absolutely love the show, and while the animation of the film is beautiful, the product as a whole is lacking. I was expecting a real documentary film, like the shows were (Walking with Monsters, Dinosaurs, Beasts, Cavemen, in that order), and I was unfortunately sadly disappointed. The Disney-like story was cute, if a little over-long, and lost most of it’s steam coming into the 2nd half. My 4 year old son will probably like it, since he adores all things dinosaur, but I’d probably not reccomend it for adults, it may bore you. And if you’re a big fan of dinosaurs like me, it’ll disappoint because there’s hardly any real info in the film, it really is just a story. They could have replaced the dinosaurs with any other animal and it wouldn’t have changed the film one bit. I give it a 6/10, and really, that’s mostly for the animation.

This film is not on Netflix yet, but if you’re really interested in dinosaurs, I’d suggest watching the Walking with.. series instead (which, all 4 series’ combined, has 17 episodes, narrated by Kenneth Branagh), even though a lot of the info is now outdated, and the BBC’s newest dinosaur show, Planet Dinosaur, which has 6 episodes and is narrated by John Hurt. It’s awesome.

 

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Frozen Ground

The Frozen Ground
(2013) Nicolas Cage, John Cusack, Vanessa Hudgens, Radha Mitchell, Kevin Dunn, Kurt Fuller, 50 Cent and Jodi Lyn O’Keefe

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Pretty decent serial killer flick, if a little drawn out. The acting is a little sketchy at times, even from John Cusack, surprisingly, he’s usually so good, but never down-right bad, not enough to turn me off to the film. The fact that’s it’s a true story ups the ick factor, and I’d previously read about the case in one of my serial killer books. I’d have probably liked it more if were someone other than Nicolas Cage who was the lead, he’s not exactly the best actor out there. Little Vanessa Hudgens was doing s better than him, but anyways… :-p My score? 7/10, there’s an extra point in there just for seeing John Cusack as a serial killer.

The film is not currently on Netflix, but is well worth a watch if you can get a hold of it.

 

M.

Top 10 Cartoons for Adults

I love cartoons. I always have. I’m like a big kid sometimes. My son and I love to snuggle together to watch cartoons. He likes a lot of the same kinds of shows that I do. But then there are those cartoons that just aren’t made for kids, despite the fact that they’re animated. Some of them are so bloody, so violent, and sometimes they even have nudity and foul language. I’m not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, but that doesn’t mean that I want my kid to watch a demon crawling it’s way out of hell to eat a naked girl. Not at 4 years old, hehe. Those kinds of cartoons are definitely made for adults. Some cartoons have jokes aimed at adults (like Shrek), but on the whole, the movie is still very kid friendly, and generally aimed at them. The cartoons in this list, however, were never intended for children at all. You’ll notice that there’s only one anime on this list, despite the fact that I could fill 10 lists, or more, with animes, since they’re often very violent. But I’ve never really been a fan of anime, I’ve only seen a handful of them, and even if the story is interesting, I just can’t seem to stay interested long enough to finish it. But anyways, I’m veering away from the topic at hand here. Let’s get this list going.

 

10 – Heavy Metal
(1981) Richard Romanus, Jackie Burroughs, John Candy, Don Francks, Eugene Levy, Susan Roman, Harold Ramis, Rodger Bumpass and Marilyn Lightstone

heavy metal

This film came out the year I was born, so obviously I didn’t see it right when It came out. I saw it sometime in my teens, I think, and only once, so I don’t remember much of it. But I do remember enjoying it, even if I don’t remember the details, and really, I can’t have a list of cartoons for adults without this one. It’s the one most people think of first when they hear “cartoons for adults”, so even if I’d never seen it, I’d still have to put it in, hehe.

 

9 – Rocko’s Modern Life
(1993-1996) Carlos Alazraqui, Tom Kenny, Charles Adler, Mr Lawrence and Linda Wallem

rocko's modern life

Rocko’s Modern Life is a crazy cartoon that was on YTV when I was a kid. The show wasn’t technically aimed at adults, but it’s so weird and a lot of the jokes are adult themed, so, even though I watched it as a kid, I may not want my own kid to watch it until he’s well into his teens. Re-watching it as an adult, I understood the “nudge nudge wink wink” of the Chokey Chicken, which, at 12 or 13 years old, flew right over my head. It’s kind of in the same vein as cartoons such as Ren & Stimpy and Beavis and Butthead, except that this one is actually funny and entertaining, and not just stupid and gross.

 

8 – Hellsing
(2001) Crispin Freeman, KT Gray, Victoria Harwood, Steven Brand, Ralph Lister, Michael Parker and JB Blanc

hellsing

As one of the very few animes I’ve even seen, never mind liked, it’s unsurprising that it’s about vampires. In fact, all the animes I like best are about vampires, or at least demons. I saw this when it first came out, so I don’t actually remember a whole lot of what was going on, but I do remember that it was bloody, violent and awesome. And that’s all I need to know :-p

 

7 – The Nightmare Before Christmas
(1993) Chris Sarandon, Catherine O’Hara, William Hickey, Glenn Shadix, Paul Reubens, Ken Page, Ed Ivory, Susan McBride and Danny Elfman

nightmare before christmas

When I first saw this film as a kid, I’ve got to admit that I was less than impressed. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t quite like it either. But when I saw it again years later, I realized that, as an adult now, I was enjoying it much more then when I’d seen it when I was 12. So either my tastes changed over the years, or it really was an animated film aimed at a slightly older audience, hehe. It’s still not one of my absolute favourites, but quite enjoyable all the same.

 

6 – Invader Zim
(2001 – 2006) Richard Steven Horvitz, Andy Berman, Rosearik Rikki Simons, Melissa Fahn, Rodger Bumpass, Lucille Bliss, Mo Collins and Jhonen Vasquez

zim

From the incredibly twisted mind of Jhonen Vasquez (who also brought us such gems as Squee and Johnny the Homicidal Maniac), this insanely funny cartoon can only be described as exactly that: crazy. I saw it for the first time at a friend’s house party. We were all pretty wasted by the time the host decided to put this cartoon on, and I don’t think I’ve laughed so hard in my life. And re-watching it again when I was sober proved that it really is good, and not just something to laugh at while drunk. Gir has to be one of the cutest and most hilarious little cartoons to ever hit the screen. He’s not stupid, he’s advanced!

 

5 – Cool World
(1992) Kim Basinger, Brad Pitt, Gabriel Byrne, Michele Abrams, Deirdre O’Connell, Charlie Adler, Carrie Hamilton and Maurice LaMarche

cool world

Until a few years ago, I was sure that this film was one of those classics that everyone loved, in the same vein as Who Framed Roger Rabbit? and other zany films. But over time of seeing it talked about online, I’ve come realize that there are a heck of a lot more people who hate this film than those that like it. And I don’t really understand why. I think it’s awesome! No, it’s not a “perfect” film, but I had lots of fun watching it, and that’s the whole point, right?

 

4 – Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
(1988) Bob Hoskins, Charles Fleischer, Christopher Lloyd, Kathleen Turner, Joanna Cassidy, Stubby Kaye, Alan Tilvern, Lou Hirsch, Mae Questel and Mel Blanc

roger rabbit

And speak of the devil… This film wasn’t necessarily made for adults, and I’m sure many kids have seen it. But I remember being traumatized as a kid by Judge Doom’s final scene, and a few others, so I’m not entirely sure I’d allow my kid to see it till he’s a little older then I was at the time of my first viewing, which was probably about 8 or 9 years old. One thing I’ve always wondered about this film (always being after the internet was available in homes, lol) is why Kathleen Turner’s performance as Jessica Rabbit is uncredited. It’s not like it’s a cameo or bit part, she’s one of the main characters. I find that so weird.

 

3 – Twice Upon a Time
(1983) Lorenzo Music, Marshall Efron, Julie Payne, James Cranna, Hamilton Camp, Judith Kahan and Paul Frees

twice upon a time

Strange little film that just showed up in my house one day, and I have no idea where it came from. We were 12 people living at home at the time, so it really could have come from anywhere. I was almost the only one in the bunch who enjoyed it, though. It’s admittedly very strange, but so awesome at the same time. The drawings are “badly done” (I’m sure the animators of the film would call the style “creative” or “modern” or “avant garde” or some such nonsense, hehe), and there are a few instances of the action taking place in our world, when our heroes need something from our world to stop the bad guy from making the entire world one giant nightmare. If you haven’t seen it, and like things that are slightly strange, then I definitely reccomend this film. Plus, the lead character is voiced by Garfield (Lorenzo Music). Can’t get much cooler than that!

 

2 – Wizards
(1977) Bob Holt, Mark Hamill, Richard Romanus, Jesse Wells, Steve Gravers, David Proval, James R Connell and Susan Tyrell

wizards

Wow, I had no idea this film was so old. I saw it in my early teens, which was in the mid-90’s, so when my mom bought it, I guess I assumed it was more recent then that. It’s a really great (if sometimes brutal) little film that spreads the truth about war, and about how those who don’t learn from the past are doomed to repeat it. In a post-apocalyptic world filled with mutants (some of which have gained magic), logic would dictate that they would no longer wage chemical and nuclear warfare, and yet…

 

1 – Rock & Rule
(1983) Don Francks, Susan Roman, Paul LeMat, Catherine O’Hara, Catherine Gallant, Chris Wiggins, Martin Lavut, Samantha Langevin, Dan Hennessey, Greg Duffell and Iggy Pop

rock & rule

And finally, my favourite cartoon for adults is the greatly under-rated Rock & Rule. Another post-apocalyptic film, this one sees humans extinct, but the animals have mutated into human-like beings. So think Goofy and Mickey Mouse, just… sexy :-p . It’s a musical extravaganza that has an aging rock star kidnap a beautiful young singer when he finds out that her voice is the key to opening a portal and releasing malevolent demons. The music is great, too, performed by some of rock’s greatest bands: Blondie’s Deborah Harry, Lou Reed, Iggy Pop, Earth Wind and Fire, and Cheap Trick. If you haven’t seen it yet, I reccomend it very much!

 

And so, that’s my list. Liked it? Agree? Disagree? Did I forget something? Let me know in the comments, and stay tuned for more!! 🙂

M.