One of these days, this project is going to get off the ground, I know it will. But really, they’ve got to stop yanking our chains and get this ball rolling before all the directors on the planet attach and detach themselves from the project. David Yates (of Harry Potter fame) was originally set to direct, but he dropped out because he felt the story should be told as a mini-series on tv, not a movie. Then Ben Affleck signed on, and I was very happy with that. Because as crappy as he is as an actor, the man is brilliant behind the camera. He should stay there. That was in late 2011. When absolutely nothing moved forward by August 2013, Ben dropped out to play Batman (which made me and every other geek on the planet cringe horribly, I’m sure). Scott Cooper (Crazy Heart) then joined himself to the project, just to drop out a little while later over “creative differences”.
So while the studios are scrambling around trying to find someone to write and direct the thing, I’ve been thinking of the cast. Now I’m a big fan of the original mini-series, but even I can admit that not all the actors were very good. In fact a few of them downright stank. And the style of filming, of acting, dress, talk, music and everything else is very, very 90’s, so everything would need a good updating (Baby, Can You Dig Yo’ Man? may need a little tweeking :-p ).
So, while thinking of all this, I did what every person with way too much time on their hands would do: I made a list of the actors I would love to see in each of the roles (and a few extras, just in case my first choice is busy, hehehe).
STU REDMANÂ (originally played by Gary Sinise)
Stu isn’t described much beyond being a “quiet man from Texas”. King seems to like us to make our own images of what the characters look like by what they say and do. I liked Gary Sinise in the role, but something was off. I’m not sure what.
MY PICK: Timothy Olyphant
Ok, so he’s much prettier than I’d ever imagined Stu being, but I’m sure Timothy could handle looking scruffy. Plus he’s good at accents, so I’m sure he’d pull off Stu’s creamy southern drawl well.
Other choices: Colin Farrell, Nathan Fillion or Josh Brolin.
RANDALL FLAGGÂ (originally played by Jamey Sheridan)
Flagg is described as “He looks like anybody you see on the street. But when he grins, birds fall dead off telephone lines.” Flagg was one of the characters I didn’t like all that much. The actor did a good job with what he was given, but he came across as too humourous. Flagg is supposed to be fucking creepy in a scary way, not a funny way.
MY PICK: Viggo Mortensen
Viggo’s a damn fine actor, and can be creepy as hell. Remember him in The Prophecy? I still get goosebumps.
Other choices: Karl Urban, Guy Pearce, or Willem Dafoe.
FRANNIE GOLDSMITHÂ (originally played by Molly Ringwald)
Frannie is described as a pregnant, red-headed college student. She was my least favorite character in the mini-series. Molly Ringwald was so wrong for the role.
MY PICK: Emily Blunt
She’s beautiful, and can actually act.
Other picks: Alyson Hannigan, Megan Good, or Ellen Page.
MOTHER ABIGAILÂ (originally played by Ruby Dee)
Mother Abigail is described as being a tiny, black, 108 year old woman (who still bakes her own bread). Ruby Dee did an amazing job, and I wouldn’t dream of seeing anyone else in the role.
LARRY UNDERWOODÂ (originally played by Adam Storke)
Larry’s described as a young, cocky singer. Adam was great in the role, but unfortunately too old to do it again.
MY PICK: Jared Leto
Not only is he disgustingly beautiful, he’s got an amazing voice, and can really act. Bitch. I’m not digging his current Jesus thing he’s got going on right now (I much preferred the all dark, or black and red), but he’s still gorgeous. And he’s FINALLY getting the recognition he deserves (with both a Golden Globe and an Oscar for his role in Dallas Buyer’s Club). But anyways, I’m rambling here. The point is, he’d be perfect for this part. I’m sure he’d come up with a bitchin’ version of Baby, Can You Dig Yo’ Man?, hehehe.
Other picks: Orlando Bloom, Casey Affleck or Cillian Murphy.
HAROLD LAUDERÂ (originally played by Corin Nemec)
Harold’s described as a geeky 16 year old at the start, but gradually becomes quite attractive as the book goes on. Corin Nemec did a good job acting Harold, but the look was so very wrong.
MY PICK: Jon Heder
Ok, he might be a little old for the part. But so was Corin Nemec, so meh. I think he’d be so perfect for the part. He obviously does geeky well (Napoleon Dynamite anyone?) but I think he’s also really cute. He was downright adorable in Just Like Heaven.
Other picks: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Michael Cera, or Ryan Gosling.
NADINE CROSSÂ (originally played by Laura San Giacomo)
Nadine is described as a young, virginal, private school teacher. Laura San Giacomo looked like none of those things. This has got to be one of the worst casting decisions in history. And yes, I’m including Ben Affleck’s Batman. Seriously, it’s bad.
MY PICK: Natalie Portman
She’s a wonderful actress, and great at descending into madness.
Other picks: Kat Dennings, Mila Kunis, or Genevieve Cortese (or is it Genevieve Padalecki now? Or Cortese-Padalecki? Whew, that would be a mouthful… Anyways, whatever, you know who I mean :-p )
NICK ANDROSÂ (originally played by Rob Lowe)
Nick is described as being 22, beautiful, and deaf and dumb. Rob Lowe was awesome in the role, but unfortunately too old to do it again.
MY PICK: Jackson Rathbone
Doesn’t get much more beautiful than Jackson, who is easily the best thing in every film he’s been in. Just look at those eyeballs, ah! I could drown in those pools. He doesn’t always pick the best material (*cough*Â The Last Airbender *cough*), but when given the chance to shine, he does, very bright.
Other picks: Ben Barnes, Jensen Ackles, or Ian Somerhalder.
TOM CULLENÂ (originally played by Bill Fagerbakke)
Tom is described as a big man with mild to moderate mental retardation, of indeterminate age. Bill Fagerbakke did an amazing job as Tom, and I couldn’t think of anyone else to do the job. And since he’s of “indeterminate age”, it doesn’t matter that the actor aged.
LLOYD HENREIDÂ (originally played by Miguel Ferrer)
Lloyd is described as a petty thief who ends up on a killing spree with his partner, Poke. Miguel Ferrer did a great job in the role.
MY PICK: David Duchovny
He’s a great actor, and is good at playing skeezy roles. And really, we don’t see enough of David. I don’t watch his show, Californication, so I barely see him at all. I have to watch The X Files to get my Duchovny-fix, hehe.
Other picks: Stephen Moyer, James Spader, or Brad Pitt.
TRASHCAN MANÂ (originally played by Matt Frewer)
Trash is described as a schizophrenic pyromaniac. He wanders setting whole cities ablaze until he’s recruited by Flagg.
MY PICK: Jackie Earle Haley
Creepy and crazy. Nuff said.
Other picks: Steve Buscemi, Woody Harrelson, or Gabriel Byrne.
GLEN BATEMANÂ (originally played by Ray Walston)
Glen is described as a retired sociology professor handicapped by arthritis.
MY PICK: Ian McKellan
The obvious choice for the wise old man, I know, but hey. If it ain’t broke…
Other picks: Anthony Hopkins, Christopher Walken, or Clint Eastwood.
JULIE LAWRYÂ (originally played by Shawnee Smith)
Julie is described as an unstable, sex crazed teenager. Shawnee Smith was absolutely perfect in the role, and replacing her will be crazy hard, but it must be done. As beautiful as she still looks, she definitely doesn’t look like a teenager anymore.
MY PICK: Dakota Fanning
She’s an amazing young actress. She’s got unbelievable range, especially for someone so young.
Other picks: Jennifer Lawrence, Jodelle Ferland, or Hayden Pantenierre.
There are many other characters in the book, but I’m tired now :p Maybe If I ever feel like a real big challenge, I’ll sit down with the book and make a list of the others. But, for now… The End 🙂
M.
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