Category Movies

Apr 8 2015

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Deliver Us From Evil

Deliver Us From Evil
(2014) Eric Bana, Édgar Ramírez, Olivia Munn, Sean Harris, Lulu Wilson, Mike Houston, Olivia Horton, Chris Coy, Joel McHale, and Dorian Missick

Deliver-Us-from-Evil

What a great watch this was! I wasn’t sure I was going to enjoy it, since great possession films are few and far between these days, but then I saw Scott Derrickson’s name, and I was already sold. I’ve only seen two of his films (The Exorcism of Emily Rose and Sinister), but they’re both incredible. And, to stay true to form in my eyes, this film was no less awesome. It was more tense than scary, but still incredibly well done. I imagine folks who scare easier than I do will find it much, much more frightening. The story was very interesting, just different enough to stay interesting throughout. It boasts the tagline “Inspired by actual events”, which to me means that there was a cop, his family was abducted by an unsub, and… well that’s it. I’m of the same opinion that Bana’s character has at the beginning: we don’t need demons, humanity does well enough on their own. The acting was mostly all top notch, the two leads were especially good. And the priest was almost disturbingly attractive (except when he was pulling on a cig, ick). So all in all, this was a pretty great piece of film, and gets an 8.5/10.

This film is not currently streaming on Netflix, but it is playing on TMN and On Demand. Enjoy!

M.

Mar 18 2015

The Most Beautiful Men

This was one of the first posts I ever did, and it still remains one of my most popular. I’m reblogging it now, though, to join in the chorus of my fellow bloggers who have recently been making or commenting on the “beautiful peoples” list being made, and just in case they haven’t had the chance to see it yet. I’m sure Zoe, Abbi, and Emma might be especially interested… 😉

VampirePlacebo's avatarVampirePlacebo * Mel's Entertainment Page

It’s no secret: I like beautiful men. I have a pretty specific genre that I like, and if there’s anyone who I find beautiful that’s not in my usual criteria, you can imagine that he’s as damn near perfect as a person can get, hehe. There isn’t really much else to say, this post is pure visual candy. I’m oogling them, and unashamed. Care to join me? Here they are, in alphabetical order (since that’s how they’re ordered in my pictures file :-p ), the men in the entertainment industry that I find the best looking. (For those who prefer women, worry not! I shall do another post like this about the ladies!)

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I’ve known who Alexander is for a good while now, but I hadn’t seen anything that he’d done until True Blood. And really, they couldn’t have picked a better actor to portray the thousand year old…

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By VampirePlacebo • Posted in Movies
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Feb 8 2015

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Quiet Ones

The Quiet Ones
(2014) Jared Harris, Sam Claflin, Olivia Cooke, Erin Richards, Rory Fleck-Byrne, and Laurie Calvert

quiet ones

I do love me a good haunting or possession story, so I was really looking forward to this film. So imagine my disappointment when I put this on and discovered it was one of the most boring possession films I’ve ever seen. It wasn’t scary at all, most of the characters are thoroughly unlikable jerks, and it just takes forever to get anywhere. It feels like a (bad) ripoff of Richard Matheson’s Hell House. Jared Harris is usually pretty good, but all I wanted to do is smack him upside the head (with a chair). And the constant smoking… ugh. I know it takes place in the 70’s, and it was a thing, but ugh. Even just seeing it onscreen disgusts me. I stopped the film about 25 minutes before it ended because I was tired and needed a nap, telling myself that I’d finish it some other time. Over a week later, and I still haven’t gotten around to it, nor do I feel the need to. Dull and pointless (and “based on a true story”, yeah right), it barely merits the 3/10 I gave it.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix UK, and is also on YouTube. But don’t say I didn’t warn you :-p

M.

Feb 4 2015

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Dark

The Dark
(2005) Sean Bean, Maria Bello, Sophie Stuckey, Maurice Roëves, and Abigail Stone

dark

I actually had this one listed as “not interested” on Netflix. With the vague and uninteresting synopsis and the god-awful cover art, I had no intention of watching it. The style of the cover reminded me of those awful, older Italian horror films that some people love, lord knows why. But after reading Vinnie’s review, it actually sounded good, so I decided to go ahead and give it a try. And I have to say, I’m glad I did. It’s a strange little film, to be sure, and it took me a little while to know if I liked it or not, but in the end, I did. The acting is mostly good, except for the beginning of the film. I’m not sure what was going on, but everything for the first 5 minutes or so is awful. Really awful. In fact I almost turned the film off. But once Sean Bean appeared onscreen, it’s like the others realized they had to up their game around him. The basis of the film surrounds an old Welsh legend, something I’d never even heard of before, so it was fun to have no idea what was going on for a long time. It was more tense than scary, though, I’d have liked the fear factor to be upped a little. The ending was surprising and pretty awful. Not awful like bad, but awful as in abysmal. Not many movies these days go all out for such a dark end. It was also a little confusing, and seemed to get lost for a while, but really, that’s the only bad thing I have to say about this film. It gets a very good 7.5/10 from me.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix UK. Enjoy! 🙂

M.

Feb 3 2015

Mel’s 5 Second Review: At the Devil’s Door

At the Devil’s Door (also known as Home)
(2014) Catalina Sandino Moreno, Naya Rivera, Ashley Rickards, Mark Steger, and Ava Acres

at-the-devils-door

Pleasantly surprised by this one. I was just flipping through Netflix the other night, not sure what to watch, when on a whim, I decided to try this one out. I almost turned it off as soon as it started, but I’m glad I didn’t. The acting was surprisingly good for such an unknown cast and small production, which sadly doesn’t happen much. The story was quite interesting, and every time I thought I had it all figured out, something different happened. That also sadly doesn’t happen often. It’s a little slow at times, but the wait is well worth it, with some nice, creepy things a-happening. It’s not very scary as a whole, but there are some good suspenseful moments nonetheless. All in all, it gets a good 7.5/10 from me.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy! 🙂

M.

Jan 27 2015

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Taking of Deborah Logan

The Taking of Deborah Logan
(2014) Jill Larson, Anne Ramsay, Michelle Ang, Ryan Cutrona, Anne Bedian, Brett Gentile, Jeremy DeCarlos, Tonya Bludsworth, and Julianne Taylor

the-taking-of-deborah-logan

SPOILERS AHEAD

Let me start by stating that I had absolutely no intention of watching this film when I found out it was a found-footage style film. I can count on one hand the number of these films I’ve enjoyed, I just don’t see the appeal. They’re supposed to be more frightening since it’s “more real”, I guess, but really all it is is annoying. The shaky camera, especially when the characters are running (and they always do at some point), is nothing except nausea inducing. You can’t even see what’s happening. It’s a genre that has long over-stayed it’s welcome, and I for one will be happy to see it go away. Alright, so, this film. After reading a few reviews, here and on movie sites, saying how good it was, I decided to go ahead and give it a watch, fully expecting to turn it off halfway. And I have to admit, it was pretty good. Jill Larson turned in a marvelous and rather creepy performance as Deborah, which is good since the rest of the cast is pretty mediocre. It was a little slow in some parts, but it built good suspense, so that was ok. That was the good. Now the bad. The ending left much to be desired. It had everything I mentioned I hated about found footage films, and then some. Running, incoherent yelling, the camera light flicking on and off, the image snowing in and out, tons of static, and it lasted for a good 20 minutes. So that knocked a point off its score. The main film student, Mia, was painfully stupid sometimes, so that knocked off another point. And then there was the whole snake thing, culminating in that moronic head-eating scene, and that squeezed another point off. For a film that had been good and scary, that ending was very much a disappointment. But everything before that was quite impressive, enough that it still manages a score of 7/10.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix and, despite its problems, I still reccomend it. Enjoy!

M.

Jan 25 2015

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Killer Inside Me

The Killer Inside Me
(2010) Casey Affleck, Kate Hudson, Jessica Alba, Ned Beatty, Elias Koteas, Tom Bower, Simon Baker, Brent Briscoe, Liam Aiken, Matthew Maher, and Bill Pullman

killer inside me

I had such high hopes for this one. There were a few really good actors in it, the story was interesting, but damn was this movie boring. It started out well enough, but after a while it just sort of petered out, as if the story got lost in the woods. And some of the characters really had no point, like Elias Koteas’ Joe. What was his point? He did nothing to further the story, nor did anything from his story turn out to be relevant to the plot of the film. He’s just sort of… there, to remind the audience that Lou is full of shit. Bullshit, for the birds, which he repeats no less than 5 times. The story was good though, so maybe I’ll track down the book and see if it’s any better than the film. Quite disappointing, I give this film a very mediocre 5/10.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. But don’t say I didn’t warn you :-p

M.

Jan 20 2015

My Top 11 Onscreen Incarnations of the Devil

Movies featuring the devil are numerous, but there’s really only a small amount of them that are good. With such a high schlock content, a lot of films about or starring the devil are awful, either being boring or stupid, or even both. But when done right, the devil can be downright terrifying, or as is the case in a few of my entries, really funny.

I’ll only be including films in which the devil is a physical manifestation, so no possession films (there’s one exception, because there’s possession and a physical being). I’ll likely do another post dedicated to that sub-genre, since there are so many. So without any further ado, let’s get this show on the road. Oh, and spoiler alert, as usual.

NUMBER 11

The Devil, Bedazzled

11 The Devil - Bedazzled

“Fair? Who do you think you’re talking to? I don’t recall anybody ever accusing me of being fair before. I think I’m insulted.”

Played by: Elizabeth Hurley
Scary or sexy: Sexy
His Goal: Getting Elliot’s soul after granting him his 7 wishes.
Alive at the end?: Yes
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

NUMBER 10

Old Woman, Devil

10 The Devil - Devil

“You think you can make some kind of bargain?”
“Take me instead.”
“STOP SAYING THAT!!”

Played by: Jenny O’Hara
Scary or sexy: Scary
His Goal: To collect the souls of four evil-doers trapped in an elevator.
Alive at the end?: Yes
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

NUMBER 9

Hades, Hercules

9 Hades - Hercules

“We dance, we kiss, we schmooze, we carry on, we go home happy. What do you say? Come on.”

Played by: James Woods
Scary or sexy: Scary
His Goal: To kill Hercules so he can’t mess up his plan of unleashing the Titans on Olympus.
Alive at the end?: Yes, but is trapped in the River Styx.
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

NUMBER 8

Randall Flagg, The Stand

8 Randall Flagg - The Stand

“Pleased to meet you, Lloyd. Hope you guessed my name.”
“Hunh?”
“Oh. Nothing. Just a little classical reference.”

Played by: Jamey Sheridan
Scary or sexy: Both
His Goal: To kill all the remaining good people left in the world after an apocalyptic flu kills almost everyone.
Alive at the end?: No
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: Blown up by a nuclear bomb brought in by Trashcan Man, and set off by the ghostly hand of Mother Abigail.

NUMBER 7

Satan, End of Days

7 Lucifer - End of Days

“You think I came here to hurt you? I didn’t come here to hurt you. I came here to love you. Give yourself to me.”

Played by: Gabriel Byrne
Scary or sexy: Sexy
His Goal: To impregnate a chosen young woman with the Anti-Christ.
Alive at the end?: Yes, but is trapped in Hell for the next thousand years.
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

NUMBER 6

John Milton, The Devil’s Advocate

6 Milton - The Devil's Advocate

“Free will. It’s like butterfly wings: once touched, they never get off the ground. No, I only set the stage. You pull your own strings.”

Played by: Al Pacino
Scary or sexy: Scary (sorry Pacino fans, this dude’s one scary mo-fo)
His Goal: To have his son, Kevin, impregnate his daughter, Christabella, with the Anti-Christ.
Alive at the end?: Yes
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

NUMBER 5

The Beast, Doctor Who

5 The Beast - Doctor Who

“This is the darkness. This is my domain. You little things that live in the light, clinging to your feeble suns, which die in the end… only the darkness remains.”

Played by: Will Thorp, Gabriel Woolf
Scary or sexy: Scary
His Goal: To get free of the planet prison that has been holding him for millennia.
Alive at the end?: No
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: The Doctor smashes the bonds holding the planet prison in orbit around a black hole so he’ll be sucked into it, at the same time Rose throws the possessed Toby out into space and towards the black hole.

NUMBER 4

Lucifer, Constantine

4 Lucifer - Constantine

“No. You will live, John Constantine. You will live so you will have the chance to prove that your soul truly belongs in hell. Oh, you will live. You will live.”

Played by: Peter Stormare
Scary or sexy: Scary
His Goal: To collect John Constantine’s soul.
Alive at the end?: Yes
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

NUMBER 3

Lucifer, The Prophecy

3 Lucifer - The Prophecy

“Little Tommy Daggett. How I loved listening to your sweet prayers every night. And then you’d jump in your bed, so afraid I was under there. And I was!”

Played by: Viggo Mortensen
Scary or sexy: A little of both, I’d say. Viggo’s an attractive man, but he’s so freaking creepy in this role!
His Goal: To stop the archangel Gabriel from stealing the Dark Soul and unleashing a second Hell. He also wants to collect Thomas and Katherine’s souls for his trouble.
Alive at the end?: Yes
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: N/A

NUMBER 2

Lucifer, Supernatural

2 Lucifer - Supernatural

“I’m sorry. It must be painful. Speaking to me in this… shape. But it had to be your brother. It had to be.”

Played by: Mark Pellegrino, Jared Padalecki
Scary or sexy: Both
His Goal: To use Sam as his vessel and bring about the apocalypse.
Alive at the end?: Yes and no
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: After allowing him into his body, Sam is able to retake control long enough to throw himself (with Lucifer still inside him) back into his Hell-prison.

NUMBER 1

Darkness, Legend

1 Darkness - Legend

“You think you have won! What is light without dark? What are you without me? I am a part of you all. You can never defeat me. We are brothers eternal!”

Played by: Tim Curry
Scary or sexy: Scary
His Goal: To kill the last remaining unicorn to envelop the world in eternal night. He also desires Lily.
Alive at the end?: No
If not, how did (s)he bite it, and by whom?: Jack impales him with the unicorn horn, and he’s sucked into the void.

And that’s my list! Which onscreen incarnations of the devil are your favourites? Let me know in the comments, and stay tuned for more! 🙂

M.

Jan 20 2015

Mel’s 5 Second Review: My Little Pony – Equestria Girls

My Little Pony: Equestria Girls
(2013) Tara Strong, Ashleigh Ball, Andrea Libman, Tabitha St Germain, Cathy Weseluck, Rebecca Shoichet, Nicole Oliver, Vincent Tong, and Britt McKillip

my-little-pony-equestria-girls

I never really got into My Little Pony as a kid, so I didn’t even give this film a second glance when it arrived on Netflix some time last year. But my 4 year old son discovered the (new) show on his Netflix about 6 months ago, so we’ve been watching them almost every day. A few episodes are pretty bad, but on the whole it’s a fun show, and the little man loves it, especially Rainbow Dash. After having gone through all 4 seasons twice, I decided to see if he’d be interested in this film. I wasn’t sure, since the plot is about the ponies becoming human girls, I didn’t think he’d be that interested. But he was, very much so, so I put it on. Surprisingly (thankfully), it was actually quite good. Gabriel loved seeing each of the ponies transform into girls, and it was very amusing to watch Twilight Sparkle try to figure out how to behave like a human. Their motto, friendship is magic, is very important in this film, and of course it has a very saccharine ending, but I was expecting that, so it’s ok. There aren’t too many songs, either, which is definitely good. I have a theory about the number of songs in a film (that’s not supposed to be a musical) is directly related to how good or bad a film is (my best example being The Land Before Time and it’s thousand sequels, in which the first film has zero songs except during the credits, and is amazing, compared to the sequels which are 70% song, and suck balls… but I’m babbling again, aren’t I?) All in all, it’s fine family fun, and gets a very good 8/10 from me.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy! 🙂

M.