Mel’s 5 Second Review: Walking with Dinosaurs

Walking with Dinosaurs
(2013) John Leguizamo, Justin Long, Tiya Sircar, Skyler Stone, Charlie Rowe, Angourie Rice and Karl Urban

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I read that the makers of the film had originally intended for it to be like the show, animation with a voice-over telling the story of how the dinos lived, but they decided that it would be a better idea to make it like a cartoon, and have the dinos talking. It wasn’t a good idea. I absolutely love the show, and while the animation of the film is beautiful, the product as a whole is lacking. I was expecting a real documentary film, like the shows were (Walking with Monsters, Dinosaurs, Beasts, Cavemen, in that order), and I was unfortunately sadly disappointed. The Disney-like story was cute, if a little over-long, and lost most of it’s steam coming into the 2nd half. My 4 year old son will probably like it, since he adores all things dinosaur, but I’d probably not reccomend it for adults, it may bore you. And if you’re a big fan of dinosaurs like me, it’ll disappoint because there’s hardly any real info in the film, it really is just a story. They could have replaced the dinosaurs with any other animal and it wouldn’t have changed the film one bit. I give it a 6/10, and really, that’s mostly for the animation.

This film is not on Netflix yet, but if you’re really interested in dinosaurs, I’d suggest watching the Walking with.. series instead (which, all 4 series’ combined, has 17 episodes, narrated by Kenneth Branagh), even though a lot of the info is now outdated, and the BBC’s newest dinosaur show, Planet Dinosaur, which has 6 episodes and is narrated by John Hurt. It’s awesome.

 

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: The Frozen Ground

The Frozen Ground
(2013) Nicolas Cage, John Cusack, Vanessa Hudgens, Radha Mitchell, Kevin Dunn, Kurt Fuller, 50 Cent and Jodi Lyn O’Keefe

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Pretty decent serial killer flick, if a little drawn out. The acting is a little sketchy at times, even from John Cusack, surprisingly, he’s usually so good, but never down-right bad, not enough to turn me off to the film. The fact that’s it’s a true story ups the ick factor, and I’d previously read about the case in one of my serial killer books. I’d have probably liked it more if were someone other than Nicolas Cage who was the lead, he’s not exactly the best actor out there. Little Vanessa Hudgens was doing s better than him, but anyways… :-p My score? 7/10, there’s an extra point in there just for seeing John Cusack as a serial killer.

The film is not currently on Netflix, but is well worth a watch if you can get a hold of it.

 

M.

Top 10 Cartoons for Adults

I love cartoons. I always have. I’m like a big kid sometimes. My son and I love to snuggle together to watch cartoons. He likes a lot of the same kinds of shows that I do. But then there are those cartoons that just aren’t made for kids, despite the fact that they’re animated. Some of them are so bloody, so violent, and sometimes they even have nudity and foul language. I’m not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, but that doesn’t mean that I want my kid to watch a demon crawling it’s way out of hell to eat a naked girl. Not at 4 years old, hehe. Those kinds of cartoons are definitely made for adults. Some cartoons have jokes aimed at adults (like Shrek), but on the whole, the movie is still very kid friendly, and generally aimed at them. The cartoons in this list, however, were never intended for children at all. You’ll notice that there’s only one anime on this list, despite the fact that I could fill 10 lists, or more, with animes, since they’re often very violent. But I’ve never really been a fan of anime, I’ve only seen a handful of them, and even if the story is interesting, I just can’t seem to stay interested long enough to finish it. But anyways, I’m veering away from the topic at hand here. Let’s get this list going.

 

10 – Heavy Metal
(1981) Richard Romanus, Jackie Burroughs, John Candy, Don Francks, Eugene Levy, Susan Roman, Harold Ramis, Rodger Bumpass and Marilyn Lightstone

heavy metal

This film came out the year I was born, so obviously I didn’t see it right when It came out. I saw it sometime in my teens, I think, and only once, so I don’t remember much of it. But I do remember enjoying it, even if I don’t remember the details, and really, I can’t have a list of cartoons for adults without this one. It’s the one most people think of first when they hear “cartoons for adults”, so even if I’d never seen it, I’d still have to put it in, hehe.

 

9 – Rocko’s Modern Life
(1993-1996) Carlos Alazraqui, Tom Kenny, Charles Adler, Mr Lawrence and Linda Wallem

rocko's modern life

Rocko’s Modern Life is a crazy cartoon that was on YTV when I was a kid. The show wasn’t technically aimed at adults, but it’s so weird and a lot of the jokes are adult themed, so, even though I watched it as a kid, I may not want my own kid to watch it until he’s well into his teens. Re-watching it as an adult, I understood the “nudge nudge wink wink” of the Chokey Chicken, which, at 12 or 13 years old, flew right over my head. It’s kind of in the same vein as cartoons such as Ren & Stimpy and Beavis and Butthead, except that this one is actually funny and entertaining, and not just stupid and gross.

 

8 – Hellsing
(2001) Crispin Freeman, KT Gray, Victoria Harwood, Steven Brand, Ralph Lister, Michael Parker and JB Blanc

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As one of the very few animes I’ve even seen, never mind liked, it’s unsurprising that it’s about vampires. In fact, all the animes I like best are about vampires, or at least demons. I saw this when it first came out, so I don’t actually remember a whole lot of what was going on, but I do remember that it was bloody, violent and awesome. And that’s all I need to know :-p

 

7 – The Nightmare Before Christmas
(1993) Chris Sarandon, Catherine O’Hara, William Hickey, Glenn Shadix, Paul Reubens, Ken Page, Ed Ivory, Susan McBride and Danny Elfman

nightmare before christmas

When I first saw this film as a kid, I’ve got to admit that I was less than impressed. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t quite like it either. But when I saw it again years later, I realized that, as an adult now, I was enjoying it much more then when I’d seen it when I was 12. So either my tastes changed over the years, or it really was an animated film aimed at a slightly older audience, hehe. It’s still not one of my absolute favourites, but quite enjoyable all the same.

 

6 – Invader Zim
(2001 – 2006) Richard Steven Horvitz, Andy Berman, Rosearik Rikki Simons, Melissa Fahn, Rodger Bumpass, Lucille Bliss, Mo Collins and Jhonen Vasquez

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From the incredibly twisted mind of Jhonen Vasquez (who also brought us such gems as Squee and Johnny the Homicidal Maniac), this insanely funny cartoon can only be described as exactly that: crazy. I saw it for the first time at a friend’s house party. We were all pretty wasted by the time the host decided to put this cartoon on, and I don’t think I’ve laughed so hard in my life. And re-watching it again when I was sober proved that it really is good, and not just something to laugh at while drunk. Gir has to be one of the cutest and most hilarious little cartoons to ever hit the screen. He’s not stupid, he’s advanced!

 

5 – Cool World
(1992) Kim Basinger, Brad Pitt, Gabriel Byrne, Michele Abrams, Deirdre O’Connell, Charlie Adler, Carrie Hamilton and Maurice LaMarche

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Until a few years ago, I was sure that this film was one of those classics that everyone loved, in the same vein as Who Framed Roger Rabbit? and other zany films. But over time of seeing it talked about online, I’ve come realize that there are a heck of a lot more people who hate this film than those that like it. And I don’t really understand why. I think it’s awesome! No, it’s not a “perfect” film, but I had lots of fun watching it, and that’s the whole point, right?

 

4 – Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
(1988) Bob Hoskins, Charles Fleischer, Christopher Lloyd, Kathleen Turner, Joanna Cassidy, Stubby Kaye, Alan Tilvern, Lou Hirsch, Mae Questel and Mel Blanc

roger rabbit

And speak of the devil… This film wasn’t necessarily made for adults, and I’m sure many kids have seen it. But I remember being traumatized as a kid by Judge Doom’s final scene, and a few others, so I’m not entirely sure I’d allow my kid to see it till he’s a little older then I was at the time of my first viewing, which was probably about 8 or 9 years old. One thing I’ve always wondered about this film (always being after the internet was available in homes, lol) is why Kathleen Turner’s performance as Jessica Rabbit is uncredited. It’s not like it’s a cameo or bit part, she’s one of the main characters. I find that so weird.

 

3 – Twice Upon a Time
(1983) Lorenzo Music, Marshall Efron, Julie Payne, James Cranna, Hamilton Camp, Judith Kahan and Paul Frees

twice upon a time

Strange little film that just showed up in my house one day, and I have no idea where it came from. We were 12 people living at home at the time, so it really could have come from anywhere. I was almost the only one in the bunch who enjoyed it, though. It’s admittedly very strange, but so awesome at the same time. The drawings are “badly done” (I’m sure the animators of the film would call the style “creative” or “modern” or “avant garde” or some such nonsense, hehe), and there are a few instances of the action taking place in our world, when our heroes need something from our world to stop the bad guy from making the entire world one giant nightmare. If you haven’t seen it, and like things that are slightly strange, then I definitely reccomend this film. Plus, the lead character is voiced by Garfield (Lorenzo Music). Can’t get much cooler than that!

 

2 – Wizards
(1977) Bob Holt, Mark Hamill, Richard Romanus, Jesse Wells, Steve Gravers, David Proval, James R Connell and Susan Tyrell

wizards

Wow, I had no idea this film was so old. I saw it in my early teens, which was in the mid-90’s, so when my mom bought it, I guess I assumed it was more recent then that. It’s a really great (if sometimes brutal) little film that spreads the truth about war, and about how those who don’t learn from the past are doomed to repeat it. In a post-apocalyptic world filled with mutants (some of which have gained magic), logic would dictate that they would no longer wage chemical and nuclear warfare, and yet…

 

1 – Rock & Rule
(1983) Don Francks, Susan Roman, Paul LeMat, Catherine O’Hara, Catherine Gallant, Chris Wiggins, Martin Lavut, Samantha Langevin, Dan Hennessey, Greg Duffell and Iggy Pop

rock & rule

And finally, my favourite cartoon for adults is the greatly under-rated Rock & Rule. Another post-apocalyptic film, this one sees humans extinct, but the animals have mutated into human-like beings. So think Goofy and Mickey Mouse, just… sexy :-p . It’s a musical extravaganza that has an aging rock star kidnap a beautiful young singer when he finds out that her voice is the key to opening a portal and releasing malevolent demons. The music is great, too, performed by some of rock’s greatest bands: Blondie’s Deborah Harry, Lou Reed, Iggy Pop, Earth Wind and Fire, and Cheap Trick. If you haven’t seen it yet, I reccomend it very much!

 

And so, that’s my list. Liked it? Agree? Disagree? Did I forget something? Let me know in the comments, and stay tuned for more!! 🙂

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Sinister

Sinister
(2012) Ethan Hawke, Juliet Rylance, Fred Dalton Thompson, James Ransone, Michael Hall D’Addario, Clare Foley and Nick King

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If you haven’t watched this, I highly recommend you do. Right now. Just drop what you’re doing and watch it. It was really good. Well acted, well written, awesomely atmospheric. Us horror fans are blessed that an actor of Ethan Hawke’s caliber loves doing horror films. The story is simple enough: a true crime writer moves his family into a house where the previous occupants were savagely murdered, and wouldn’t you know it, strange things start happening. But before you write this off as “just another ghost story”, think again. Very creepy, I give it a solid 9/10.

This film is currently streaming on Netflix. Enjoy, and don’t turn out the lights!! hehe

 

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Monster

Monster
(2003) Charlize Theron, Christina Ricci, Bruce Dern, Scott Wilson, Lee Tergesen, Annie Corley, Bubba Baker and Pruitt Taylor Vince

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It’d be such a sweet love story if it wasn’t about a serial killer. And why on earth did they cast such beautiful actresses in the leads? Ok, they did a great job of making Charlize look ugly (although, even with the prosthetics and makeup, she’s still not as ugly as the real woman was, and that’s saying something), but Christina Ricci, even in that horrid haircut, is still gorgeous. The woman she’s portraying was over weight and mannish, not good looking at all. She’s also being played as a sweet, naive little girl (which she wasn’t), and Charlize played the killer as a sad, tragic figure instead of the monster she really was. 5.5/10, and that’s just for the stellar acting. I was actually pretty bored through most of the film.

This film is currently on Netflix. But if you’re interested in the real woman’s story, her A&E Bio and even her segment in season 2 of Investigation Discovery’s Deadly Women (also on Netflix) are more interesting (and more accurate) than this film. The following video is an interview with the real killer, one day before her execution. She’s the definition of “crazy bitch”.

 

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: House at the End of the Street

House at the End of the Street
(2012) Jennifer Lawrence, Max Thieriot, Elizabeth Shue, Gil Bellows, Eva Link, Nolan Gerard Funk, Jordan Hayes and Allie MacDonald

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Pretty darn good. A little slow in some parts, but never so much that I got bored. Acting was top notch (especially from Jennifer Lawrence, what a rising star she is!) and the story was really good. I wasn’t surprised by the twist, unfortunately, because I already kind of knew what was going to happen (god, I hate spoilers… grrr!), but I enjoyed it nonetheless. A solid 8.5/10.

This is currently on Netflix. Enjoy!! 🙂

 

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Silent Hill, Revelation

Silent Hill, Revelation
(2012) Adelaide Clemens, Sean Bean, Kit Harington, Carrie-Anne Moss, Deborah Kara Unger, Radha Mitchell, Martin Donovan, Roberto Campanella and Malcolm McDowell

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Not as bad as I heard, but not great either. Acting was a little sloppy (even, surprisingly, from Kit Harington (aka Jon Snow), but I’m going to assume that it’s because he’s never had to mask his accent before, and he’s not very good at it). The story was decent, and the visuals were pretty amazing, but it lagged at times, and pretty badly. I caught myself being more interested in my fingernails once or twice, and that doesn’t bode well for a film’s quality. I give it a not bad 5.5/10.

This movie is currently on Netflix.

 

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Excision

Excision
(2012) AnnaLynne McCord, Traci Lords, Ariel Winter, Roger Bart, Jeremy Sumpter, Malcolm McDowell, Marlee Matlin, Ray Wise, John Waters and Matthew Gray Gubler

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Where to even begin? Boy, this was a weird one. I’m not entirely sure I liked it, but it was interesting, if nothing else. The acting was amazing, even, surprisingly enough, from Traci Lords. It was one of those films that doesn’t really have a point, it’s just stuff happening until the character snaps, which, I guess in the end, is the whole point. It was a little laggy in some parts, a little dull in others, and a lot wtf. The main character’s fantasy sequences, while beautifully filmed with bright, bold colours, are so fucked up that you can’t help what wonder what exactly the film makers were on. But that last scene… it was so powerful and awful.. it took my breath away. I’d have given it a 5, but am bumping it up to 6/10, for that scene alone.

This film is not currently on Netflix, nor is there a full version on YouTube. But I did manage to find the short film, which was the starting point for the film. I haven’t watched it myself, but I heard it was a lot like the film, just 18 minutes long, instead of 75. I’m not sure I’d reccomend the film to people who’s tastes are like mine, but if you’re one of those people that likes disturbing films with intense imagery, definitely go and track the film down.

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Breaking Dawn, Part 2

Breaking Dawn, Part 2
(2012) Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Peter Facinelli, Elizabeth Reaser, Ashley Greene, Jackson Rathbone. Kellan Lutz. Nikki Reed, Mackenzie Foy, Lee Pace, Billy Burke, Dakota Fanning, Michael Sheen, Chaske Spencer, Casey LaBow and Julia Jones

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I don’t see why people seem to have such a hard time with the Twilight films. No, it’s not Shakespeare, but it’s not meant to be. Is Bella a good role model for our teenage daughters? No, certainly not. Do I care? Not in the slightest. If every film that didn’t have good role models was taken off the shelves, them shelves would be empty. Taken as what it is, a teen vampire film, it’s fine and fun. The acting is a little sketchy at times, but really, it is in most teen films. The final film in the saga is the best of the lot (and not just because Lee Pace is in it, though that helps). The CGI kid growing up is a little creepy (ok, a lot creepy), but really that’s the worst thing I have to say about the movie. Nice end to a fun few films. 8.5/10.

None of the Twilight films are on Netflix, I don’t think, but you can surely find a copy on VoD or Apple TV. Give it a chance, it may surprise you.

 

M.

Mel’s 5 Second Review: Dark Skies

Dark Skies
(2013) Keri Russell, Josh Hamilton, Dakota Goyo, Kadan Rockett, JK Simmons, LJ Benet, Annie Thurman and Jake Washburn

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Slow in some parts, but overall, a pretty decent alien flick. Not very scary, but it still manages to be subtly creepy in some parts. You never see the aliens full on, only in shadows and out-of-focus behind or beside the actors, which I think, unless you’ve got HR Giger as your designer, is the best way to do it. The acting was pretty good, a little sketchy at times, but never downright bad. And the story manages to take the over-hashed abduction story and breathe some new life into it. I give it a well deserved 7/10.

The film isn’t currently on Netflix, and the only version I found on YouTube is this french version. But go ahead and track it down. It’s worth it.

M.