Tag Archives: horror

Dec 4 2013

The Dirty Dozen (aka The Worst Horror Movies Ever Made)

So, I hadn’t originally intended for this entry to be about horror films. This was supposed to be a “worst movies” list, period, not just horror. But after I was done making the list, I realized that every single film on it was horror. Horror’s a very special kind of genre, home to not only some of the very best film has to offer, but some of the very worst as well. It’s that kind of genre that, when done well, is absolutely perfect, chilling and able to get the old adrenaline pumping. But when done wrong, as it lamentably often is, it’s sometimes spectacularly awful. Now, I haven’t seen all the horror films in the world, so I can’t speak for the volumes and volumes of crap that I’m sure is out there. I generally stay away from stuff that looks like it’s going to be horrible, so I can spare myself the horror of having to sit through something like, say, Troll 2. Also, a word of warning: I will be crapping all over some people’s favorite films, so if you can’t handle that, there’s the door *points to the browser’s X*. There’s no particular order to the films in the list, either. They all suck, so putting them in order of suckiness just seems a little redundant.

 

The ABC’s of Death

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If I were taking the time to put all the films in order of suckiness, I’d have to put this one at the top (or would that be bottom?) because it truly is a colossal piece of shit. The idea was cool: 26 different directors got a letter of the alphabet, and they have to make a short horror film about a word that starts with that letter (A is for Apocalypse, B is for Bigfoot, C is for Cycle, etc). Unfortunately, there isn’t a single good segment of the whole thing. I sat through the whole thing, but I admit to fast forwarding through a good part of the segments. If a 5 minute film isn’t good within the first 2, chances are doubtful that it’ll get any better.

 

Night Watch (Nochnoi Dozor)

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This was one of the biggest disappointments on this list. By this I mean I was really looking forward to seeing the movie, and when I was finally able to, it sucked so hard that it almost made me cry. It’s based on the novel of the same title by Russian author Sergei Lukyanenko, and the book is marvelous. It’s got awesome new twists to add to the horror genre, the writing was great, as was the story. When I heard they were making a film of the books, I was super excited, and the trailer looked awesome. Imagine my surprise when I was finally able to watch the damned thing and it sucks. Like sucks bad. The story was very different and the acting… oh my god, the acting. The scene where our hero sees the girl for the first time on the train was so spectacularly bad that I just laughed. I made it about halfway through before I gave up.

 

Mirrors

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It took me a while to finally rent this film when it came out because I hate mirrors. There are none in my house except for the one in the bathroom, and the small one on a pedestal in the office I use for makeup. They make me so uncomfortable that I even have trouble sleeping if there’s a naked mirror in the room. All this to say that I was already afraid of this film before I saw it. Eventually, I collected all my nerves, and put it in the machine. And then my fear turned to boredom, very very quickly. And it’s too bad, because the idea was interesting (a malevolent force hiding in the mirrors, using reflections to cause harm, insanity, even death), but the film itself was just so very dull. It’s got a few cool visual effects, but other than that, this film is a total dud.

 

House of the Dead

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I’ve never openly scorned a film, loudly, in a cinema before this one. But I felt I had to join in the chorus all around me. The only reason I didn’t demand a refund is that I didn’t pay for this. I feel sorry for anyone that did. This film should be the course material for a class called “How to Fail at Movie-Making 101”. Implausible story (even for a story including the living dead), completely unlikable cast, boring action and on top of it all everyone is so dumb that you wonder how they made it this far in life without loosing a limb or some other vital thing. Once one of the characters laments his life being over after getting a scratch on his cheek (oh, no, my beauty! Why didn’t they kill me??), that was it for me. Much booing and throwing of popcorn happened after that.

 

House of 1000 Corpses

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So Rob Zombie‘s making a movie?? That’ll be awesome!! *puts it in the dvd player* Oh, I’m sure it just starts slow… *waits* Any time now… *waits more* Oh look, gore… *waits* And, oh, more gore… *sighs* Maybe I’ve got some email to check… oh look, it’s over.

 

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

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I know a lot of people love this film and consider it one of the great classics. What I don’t know is WHY. There is nothing special about this film, at all. It’s slow, badly acted and, really, just plain boring. I sat there feeling I’d have more fun getting a lobotomy than watching this movie. No, I didn’t see it when it came out (mostly because I wasn’t alive yet) so I didn’t get that atmosphere that came with it, I guess, that this was something new and shocking to see at the cinema. But still, I doubt that would have changed my enjoyment (or lack thereof) in the movie.

 

Halloween

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Another entry sure to furrow a few brows (furrow? Is that even a word? Anyways…) Again, I have no idea why this one is considered a classic. Maybe it was a 70’s thing? Boring horror movies were bitchin’? I appreciate movies with a nice slow burn, but at some point, preferably before the last 10 minutes, something has to happen. This movie bored me so much, I think I got some permanent brain damage…

 

The Blair Witch Project

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Blair Witch Project was brilliant in so many ways. It was well thought out, a great idea, well marketed and groundbreaking. That being said, I hated it. I don’t know if I would have liked it more had I seen it not knowing it was fake. I sat there watching, waiting, hoping it would get better, and when it ended with never having done anything, I threw my remaining popcorn at the tv. I’ve seen a lot of horror films in my day. Like A LOT. And not many of them bored me quite as much as Blair Witch did.

 

The Shining

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Oh, yes I did. I hated The Shining. Hated it a lot. I often get flack for speaking my mind about this film because, for some strange reason, this seems to be one of the most beloved horror films of all time. Despite the fact that it’s a boring-ass piece of turd. Stephen King himself hates the film (not that what the author thinks is what should sway you to like something or not, but since he’s backing my idea here, I’ll use it :-p ). The acting ranges from ok to WAY over the top to laughably bad (the bad being mostly from Duvall, her huge horse teeth doing nothing to soften the blow. Every time she was onscreen I had to cringe). Jack Nicholson acting like a deranged maniac for 2 hours does not make a film great.

 

Suspiria

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Yes, yet another fan favorite that I’m going to crap on. I warned you! :-p  A lot of my friends loved this so-called classic, and hail it as a masterpiece. Me? I could barely stay awake. The acting was so bad, I felt bad for the lead actress. And it just seemed to drag on and on. I’d rather have a tooth pulled then have to watch this again. Like Kubrick up there, I’ve never understood the appeal of Dario Argento. Sure, he made good use of the brand new Technicolour, but just because something looks pretty doesn’t make it automatically good. In fact, if you spend all your time on the pretty, you end up with Suspiria: a beautifully filmed piece of crap.

 

The Human Centipede

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So, I knew going into it that something called The Human Centipede wasn’t going to be a quality film. But there are limits to human stupidity, come on now. Your car gets a flat on a lonely stretch of road surrounded by woods. You get out and start walking to find someone to help. And you do this by… walking through the woods?? Why the hell would you even consider leaving the road? And these girls just have the worst luck on the planet. Flat tire, disgusting pervert, lost in the woods, heavy rain, and now crazy doctor guy. Who they tell they’re alone. (The correct answer to the “are you alone?” question posed by a creepy stranger, kids, is “no, 2 friends stayed with the car in case someone else drives by”.) And unfortunately, this was the best part of the film. It was disgusting, stupid and then asks us to care about these stupid people who basically had “serial killer bait” tattooed on their faces. Oh, and that inspiring speech the Japanese man gave about “going out as a human being!” and then slicing his throat open? Yes, yes, very touching… until you realize that he’s speaking Japanese. To a German and two American girls. No one understood a word of what he said. Maybe that would explain the shockingly hilarious look on the doctor’s face while he’s talking… So, no, no stars for this one. It’s nauseating, and doesn’t even have the grace to at least be interesting to apologize for it.

 

Drag Me to Hell

Drag Me to Hell

So this is probably the best of the films on this list, not that that’s really an honour of any kind. I went into this film expecting something really scary, I’d heard some good things. Then, almost as soon as it started, I regretted my purchase. I stared at the screen, face all screwed up in “are you serious?” incredulity. I understand the director’s love of practical effects, but at the same time, it’s not the 70’s anymore. More can be done with less. And, besides the dated effects, it was just… silly. The horror, instead of being scary, made me laugh, and really not in a good way. The old woman going all tae-kwon-do in the back of the girl’s car? And then getting stapled? And the thing with the goat? And the arm in the mouth? Ugh, I could go on, but I’d rather not. I’m trying to cut back on stuff that’s bad for me :-p

So, there’s my dirty dozen. Agree? Disagree? What are your most-hated horror films of all time? Let me know! And see you again soon 🙂

M.

Nov 27 2013

Top 15 Episodes of Supernatural

Supernatural is one of my favourite shows, but I came into it surprisingly late. Season 5 was well under-way before I decided to give the show a chance, and that was just because my husband had borrowed the first 4 seasons on dvd from his brother. I had heard of it before then, but, even despite it being exactly the kind of thing that I love, I’d never been interested enough to watch it. With the dvd’s laying around, and my husband telling me how good it was, I finally decided to watch. And from the first scene in the Pilot episode, I was hooked. I watched those first 4 seasons in a few short weeks, then lamented the injustice of having to wait for new episodes every week. It’s lost some of it’s steam over the years (it should have stopped at 6 seasons, while it was still amazing), but it’s still entertaining. I’ve fallen behind on my Supernatural, though. I have so much stuff that I want to watch that I’ve only made it a bit more than halfway through season 8. I’ve also been in a very “nature documentary” mood lately, but I digress. There were plenty of episodes to chose from, but I was finally able to whittle it down to 15. The episodes are in approximate order. I can’t really say for certain which episode is my all-time favourite, so I just quickly put them in an order that looked about right. So without further ado, here are the top 15 episodes of Supernatural.

 

15 – Changing Channels, season 5 episode 8

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The Trickster traps Sam and Dean in a TV world where they have to act out their roles to make it out. They navigate through a bunch of different genres from doctor and cop dramas to sitcoms and genital herpes commercials. At the end they find out that Loki isn’t Loki at all, but the Archangel Gabriel, and he wants the brothers to accept their fate as vessels for his brothers. I loved Gabriel, and was very, very upset to see him go. I keep hoping the writers will find a way to bring him back. This is Supernatural, after all. Nothing really stays dead.

 

14 – Monster Movie, season 4 episode 5

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A small town celebrating Oktoberfest is under assault from several different monsters; or so it would seem. Sam and Dean investigate a “vampire attack” that looks like a classic Dracula did the job. Knowing that vampires have a full row of fangs, and not just 2 as the victim showed, the brothers are perplexed. Things get even weirder as more deaths occur, each molded after a classic horror movie monster. They find the culprit is a shapeshifter, who’s loneliness drove him to try recreate his favorite films, complete with victims and a damsel in distress. Great, fun episode. Filmed in black and white, for that authentic old movie feel, hehe.

 

13 – The Curious Case of Dean Winchester, season 5 episode 7

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Dean plays poker with a warlock where the chips aren’t worth money, they’re worth years of life. While trying to win Bobby back his life, Dean looses 50 years, and ends up almost 80 years old. While the much aged Dean and Bobby try find the warlock’s DNA for a spell, Sam puts it all on the line, playing the warlock for Dean’s years. I liked this episode not just for the fun of seeing Dean react to his current state (which is pretty awesome by itself), but that the “bad guy” isn’t really bad. He’s not exactly good, but he’s not evil. He doesn’t cheat at poker, but let’s just say 900 years of playing has made him damn near unbeatable. I liked that they portrayed him like that, not evil, just a guy.

 

12 – Hollywood Babylon, season 2 episode 18

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Posing as PA’s, the brothers investigate a death and ghostly sighting on the set of a horror film. After the first sighting is proved to be a hoax publicity stunt, a real death occurs, and Sam hits the Net hoping to find any links to the set. I’m not sure why I like this one so much, but I do. I guess I like the idea of a haunted horror film.

 

11 – Dark Side of the Moon, season 5 episode 16

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Sam and Dean are shot and killed. You’d think that would be the end of the series, but of course, this being Supernatural, it’s not. The brothers end up in Heaven, where they find Ash and Pamela. On the run from Zachariah, they try to find the angel Joshua, who is rumoured to be the only one who’s able to talk directly to God. Once they find him, they are deflated to find out that God won’t help, that he doesn’t really care. Any opportunity to see the boys happy is a good episode. I miss good old Sam and Dean stuff. They’ve had so much stuff happen to them and they keep creating wedges between the brothers, it’s a wonder that they speak to each other at all anymore.

 

10 – Heart, season 2 episode 17

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Sparks fly when Sam is assigned guard duty to the lovely Madison, who the brothers believe is in danger of a werewolf attack. The ending of this episode is absolutely abysmal, I still can’t believe they did that to poor Sam. It has me in tears every time I watch it.

 

9 – Mystery Spot, season 3 episode 11

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You wouldn’t think that Dean dying would make for perfect comedy material, but it does. This is both one of the funniest and one of the tensest episodes of the whole series. While investigating a so-called “Mystery Spot”, Dean is shot and killed. After he dies in Sam’s arms, Sam snaps awake, only to find himself waking to the day that just happened. He goes through the day again, increasingly confused, and makes a different call for investigating the mystery spot, one that won’t get Dean killed. Dean dies again, however, and as soon as he does, Sam is once again back in bed, waking up on tuesday morning. The montage of Dean’s deaths, despite the subject matter, is freaking hilarious. He gets killed by everything from a dog to a falling piano to a “funky” tasting sandwich. Turns out the Trickster is behind this, to show Sam that he’ll have to go it alone, after Dean’s deal ends.

 

8 – Bitten, season 8, episode 4

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This is the only entry from the last two seasons (well three now, I guess, since season 9’s well underway). I’ve been less than impressed with the last seasons. There have a been a few good stand-alone episodes, but the seasons as a whole are pretty meh. But still, pretty meh Supernatural is still better than most of the drivel that’s on TV now. I’ve seen some of the stuff my mom tapes and ugh! It ranges from “meh” to “horrifying”. Anyways… I’m getting side-tracked again. So here they decided to tackle the “found-footage” genre that’s so popular right now (and this needs to stop. No really, we’ve had enough.) I’m not a huge fan of this, unless it’s done right. And this one was. We follow a cute geek, Brian, and his roommate / best friend, Michael. They meet a cute girl, Kate, and both fall for her, she picks Michael. Being film students, they’re making a film about life in a small town, and they’re bringing their cameras wherever they go, filming everything. Michael is bitten one night while walking through a park. He tells Brian and Kate, but no one else. Sam and Dean are seen in the film through the students’ eyes; two FBI agents investigating the recent deaths in the area, where the heart had been removed. Brian gets jealous of Michael’s newfound “powers”, and begs him to bite him too. They really hit the nail on the head with this one. Both the drama and the horror were very effectively done. They found some good little actors to play the students, which is good. Good acting is always important, but even more so in a found-footage film.

 

7 – Dead Man’s Blood, season 1 episode 20

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Supernatural‘s take on vampires, of course it’s on this list! I don’t particularly like the rows of fangs they’re sporting, but the rest of the mythos is great. I’m not one of those who gets offended if the vamps don’t burn in the sunlight, so that part didn’t bother me. The only thing that bothered me is the same thing that bothers me in countless other vampire films and shows: the fact that (in this episode, anyways) being turned equals automatically being evil, there’s no choice. They changed it in future vamp-centric episodes (for which I was very glad), most notably in the season 6 episode Live Free or Twi-Hard (which was thisclose to being on this list, such an awesome episode), in which Dean is vampirized. But in this episode, a woman and her husband are kidnapped by a group of vamps. The husband is killed, the wife gets turned. She’s still tied down when Sam and Dean sneak through the lair to find the Colt, but as soon as she wakes, while Sam is untying her, she yells alerting the others that there’s an intruder about. So, what, now that she’s a vampire she doesn’t care that they just murdered her husband? I don’t care if you’ve granted me the gift of eternal life, if you killed my husband, I’m not going to be on your side! I prefer the type of vampire that remains who he/she was before being turned. I like the conflict of who you used to be versus what you have to do to live now. But, of course, there are many, many more films and shows with automatically evil vamps than without, so I do like it anyways. Also, the lead vamp is extra yummy. Oh yeah.

 

6 – Lazarus Rising, season 4 episode 1

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Our introduction to Castiel. Wonderful, beautiful, angelic Castiel. Pulled out of Hell, Dean wakes up in a pine box under the ground. Panicking, he’s finally able to dig himself out. He finds himself perfectly healthy and unhurt, except for a hand-shaped mark on his upper arm. He goes to find Sam, who, after the original shock of seeing Dean alive and not a demon, is over-joyed to have his brother back. But Dean doesn’t seem to have come back alone, as he’s being ambushed by an unseen entity. They consult a psychic friend of Bobby’s and she holds a seance to find out who, or what, pulled Dean out of Hell. Imagine their surprise when they find out it wasn’t a demon, but an angel who rescued Dean. The first time we see Castiel, with the lights exploding, and the lightning flashes, and those giant wings… ah, leaves me weak in the knees every time.

 

5 – What Is and What Should Never Be, season 2 episode 20

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While hunting a Djinn, Dean is transported to a world in which his mother didn’t die in that fire. His father is dead, but he died of a stroke, nothing supernatural. He’s not as close with Sam as he was, but Jessica is alive and they’re getting married. Dean has a beautiful girl of his own, who apparently loves him completely. Dean, at first, is over-joyed to live in a world with no demons. But his happiness is put on hold when, after doing some research, he finds that all the people he and Sam and their father saved are all dead now, since the Winchesters aren’t hunters here. He has to make a choice: find the Djinn to undo the “wish” so that all those people get saved, or stay in this world with his family intact.

 

4 – Sex and Violence, season 4 episode 14

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“Strippers, Sammy! An actual case, with strippers!” So says Dean at the beginning of this episode, where the brothers are following the trail of a seductive Siren. She feeds on love and devotion, and she’s making men kill their wives to show their devotion. A young FBI agent assigned to the case joins Dean on his hunt, while Sam “consults” with a local doctor. Which one is the Siren? Soon enough, of course, both brothers are under her spell and she wants them to fight over her. To the death.

 

3 – Something Wicked, season 1 episode 18

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Following their father’s directive, the brothers head to a town where children are falling into comas with no apparent cause. Dean recalls a similar case from his childhood, a Shtriga, where Sam was nearly a victim and it was able to get away. John sent Dean there because he knew Dean felt bad about letting it get away the first time, and would want to get it himself. After his little brother is hospitalized, the motel manager’s son lets Dean use him as bait for the creature.

 

2 – Asylum, season 1 episode 10

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Supernatural-does-House-on-Haunted-Hill is how I’d describe this episode. And it does it well. A boy and his girlfriend are attacked after sneaking into the supposedly haunted asylum, but lucky for them, Sam and Dean are there, too. There are spirits everywhere, but they’re only trying to help to stop the doctor who also died here. Sam is lured into the basement by a phone call from not-really-Dean, and comes face to face with the doctor. Under the doctor’s rage spell, Sam shoots Dean full of rock salt then goes for the real gun…

 

1 – Provenance, season 1 episode 19

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It’s no wonder that the top 3 episodes in the list are from season 1, it’s still the best one. Both Pilot and Bloody Mary (episodes 1 and 5) were almost in the list too, but I decided to give the other seasons a chance. After discovering that all the owners of a particular painting were killed, Sam and Dean investigate an art dealership. Sparks fly when Sam meets the dealer’s beautiful daughter, Sarah, and he asks her out on a date. Horrified when the painting they’d thought destroyed was back in one piece, the boys go to the latest owners house, with Sarah in tow, to hopefully save her. The ghost in question is the little girl in the painting, Jodelle Ferland giving us her very best “creepy dead kid”, which she does so well (see exhibits A and B, Silent Hill and Cabin in the Woods).

So, that’s it. Took me much longer than I’d anticipated to finish this one, I kept on blocking while I was trying to write. Ever happen to you that suddenly you’re just staring blankly at the screen, mind empty? Well that’s been happening to me all morning. I dunno if it’s cause I’m tired, or what, but just getting these words out was incredibly tasking. So you’d better enjoy them!! Hehe. Like I said up top, I’m not sure all the episodes are in very real order, but that’s the basic of it.

M.

Nov 13 2013

30 Day Horror Challenge (in 6 Days): Days 21 to 25

Just two days left!! Let’s go!

Day 21 – Best Horror Franchise: Scream

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So, I had a bit of trouble coming up with the answer to this one. There are franchise films that I liked a lot more than Scream, as good as it was, but the problem is, as with most franchises, the first film is great, and then the rest suck. So while Nightmare on Elm Street is still one of my favourite horror films, I can’t say that it’s the best franchise, because most of the sequels sucked. The same thing happened with Saw. Everything good about that first film was sucked dry and robbed of all life in the 3000 or so sequels that came after. So even though Scream‘s sequels were nowhere near as good as the first one (especially the second one), I can still say that I liked all the films in the franchise. I don’t think there’s a single other horror franchise that I can say the same thing of.

 

Day 22 – Best Death Scene: Blind Mag, Repo! The Genetic Opera

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This category was especially hard to choose. The number of horror films I’ve seen is quite staggering, so that means that death scenes are as numerous as the stars. There have been so many cool ones, that choosing just one favorite is impossible. There have been hilarious ones (Pee Wee’s death in Buffy the Vampire Slayer gets me every time), scary ones, gross ones, quick deaths, slow deaths, messy deaths, clean deaths… the list goes on and on. So what I did was choose the first cool one that came to mind, and after flipping through the dozens of generic deaths that popped into my mind, I settled on this one: Blind Mag’s suicide/murder from Repo! The Genetic Opera (which, if you haven’t seen it already, you need to, right now). A little hard to describe, Repo is a goth musical, the story of a chronically ill girl who lives in a world where transplanted organs can be repossessed if the patient is unable to pay for them, and a world where surgery is the fashion craze. Sounds weird, I know, but it’s amazing. There are many deaths deaths in the film, but the one that stands out the most is Blind Mag’s, an opera singer who’s blind eyes were replaced with cybertronic ones years ago. But Mag has had enough being the company’s puppet, and decides to break her contract, knowing full well that her eyes will be taken from her, and not kindly. After a beautiful stage performance ending with her being lifted from the stage by a harness, she simply states that she would rather be blind, and as an ultimate “fuck you” destroys her very expensive eyes by poking them out with long claws on her fingers, effectively committing suicide before the repo man can get her. A moment after her eyes are gone, her harness is cut, and she plummets to the stage, ending up impaled on part of the scenery. It’s horrible, yet strangely beautiful, and very memorable, which is why I chose it for this list.

 

Day 23 – Best Quote from a Horror Film: From Dusk Till Dawn

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Another category that was hard to decide on. Horror movies are often known for their snappy dialogue (ok, good horror movies are often known for their snappy dialogue), so choosing just one quote was hard. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go for a classic quote or something obscure, something funny or something serious, something light or something tense. So as with the death scene, I just let my mind wander for a moment, and picked the first cool one that came to mind. This time inspiration came from Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino‘s From Dusk Till Dawn. It’s the end of the film, and our hero and the girl are the last two standing after a night-long battle with vampires in the Mexican strip club the Titty Twister. Seth’s contact finally arrives with sun, and after the doors to the club get thrown wide open, the remaining vampires burst into flame and explode. The contact, intelligent individual that he is, asks “So what were they? Psychos?” to which Seth famously answers: “Do they look like psychos? Is that what they look like? They were vampires! Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don’t give a fuck how crazy they are!”

 

Day 24 – Best Serial Killer Film: The Silence of the Lambs

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I love serial killers. I’ve got this weird, morbid fascination with them. I watch a lot of true crime stuff, read true crime books, and of course, I love serial killer fiction as well. But, to be specific, not slasher stuff, “real” serial killer fiction. Stuff like Friday the 13th, Halloween or Texas Chainsaw, while technically about serial killers, are not the kind of films I mean (those bore me). I mean films like Mr Brooks, Seven, The Frozen Ground, Psycho, Frailty, Zodiac, Copycat, The Raven, Clay Pigeons, From Hell, Identity, Natural Born Killers (even though I didn’t like it), and, of course, the TV show Dexter. But the best of the best is still, even 21 years later, The Silence of the Lambs. Hannibal Lecter and Buffalo Bill are still two of the creepiest serial killers ever to be captured on film, and it’s still, to my knowledge, the only horror film not only to be nominated for an Oscar for Best Picture, but to win it. And it was very much earned. I don’t think there’s a horror fan on the planet that hasn’t seen it, but if by chance you haven’t, do so.

 

Day 25 – Best Holiday Horror Film: Ginger Snaps

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When people think holiday horror, the first thing they think of is Christmas. So I decided to do something different and choose another holiday (mostly because I couldn’t really think of a good Christmastime horror movie :-p ). I chose Halloween, because it’s my favorite holiday of the year, and has been since I was a kid. Despite the ton of gifts you get at Christmas as a kid, I’ve always preferred Halloween. I loved dressing up (still do), even if I didn’t go trick-or-treating. And there are many more horror movies set during Halloween, for obvious reasons. After thinking about it for a while, I decided to go with the Canadian film Ginger Snaps for this category. It’s fun, it’s bloody, it’s smartly written, well acted and has cool practical effects. Werewolf films are hard to do without getting schlocky, but Ginger Snaps managed just fine. Also, Katherine Isabelle is a fox. Phew. And she loves making horror films, good news for us pervy horror fans!

 

One day left, so stay tuned!!

M.

Nov 11 2013

30 Day Horror Challenge (in 6 Days): Days 16 to 20

Alright, enough slacking. Let’s get back to business!

Day 16 – Best Horror Movie Soundtrack: Twilight

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I know what you’re thinking, so just don’t :-p While the scariest thing about Twilight is Kristen Stewart‘s acting, it’s still about vampires and werewolves, so it technically qualifies as horror. And yes, I enjoy these films. Is Bella a good role model for teenage girls? Definitely not. Do I care? Not in the slightest. The films are fun, schmoopy, and have nice eye candy. It also has one of the most beautifully haunting soundtracks I’ve ever heard. I can listen to the score over and over, and it gets to me every time. Just beautiful. In the following video, my favorite is number 9, The Skin of a Killer, which starts at about 18:11.

 

Day 17 – Best 80’s Horror: Fright Night

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The 80’s were both awesome and awful at the same time. The decade that gave us some of the very best films, also decided to give us the worst. And the fashion… well what can be said about shoulder pads and tassels, really? The 80’s also gave us Fright Night, one of the most amazing vampire films ever to be put on celluloid. The acting is sometimes scary, the effects are “very 80’s”, the story pretty generic, but despite all that, there’s nothing you can say that will convince me that this isn’t one of the greatest things to come out of the whole decade. (Again, there was another film that would have gone here, but I’m still saving it for later. It’s worth the wait, believe me.) Fright Night is the story of teenager Charley, who becomes (rightly) convinced that his new neighbour, Jerry, is a vampire who’s murdering women. With his girlfriend Amy and best friend Evil by his side, he enlists the help of horror tv host Peter Vincent to slay the vampire (played to delicious perfection by the scrumptious Chris Sarandon). It’s campy, funny, sometimes tense and absolutely perfect.

 

Day 18 – Best Black and White Horror Film: Invasion of the Body Snatchers

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So, technically, The Last Man on Earth should go here, but I’m trying not to double up my answers. So I picked my second favorite, the 1956 alien flick Invasion of the Body Snatchers. This seemingly timeless film has a man finding that strange things are happening in his small town. People are turning into emotionless beings, who look and act like they used to, but those closest to the affected know something’s not right. One of the earliest films, to my knowledge, to have such an abysmal ending. Great, great film, that wouldn’t be out of place in cinemas today. (And that’s saying something about a 50’s film!)

 

Day 19 – Best Use of Gore: Event Horizon

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As I’ve said before, I’m not really a huge fan of the gore flick. Some is fine, even a lot is fine, if it fits in with the story, and is well done. But gore just for the sake of gore? That’s just gross for nothing, pointless splatter, and I don’t like that. Event Horizon has a good amount of gore, but the film is so good that the gore really doesn’t take away from the film at all. (Although, I’ve seen pictures of some of the deleted scenes, and I have to say I’m glad they got cut. I think it would have made the film go from amazing to pointlessly gory.) When a crew is sent to salvage a ship that’s been lost in deep space for years, they realize that it might not be as empty as it first seems. Well acted, well written and yes, well gorified.

 

Day 20 – Favorite Character in Horror: Dracula

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Is anyone really surprised here? There’s not much more to say. I love everything vampire, so it kinda goes without saying that my favorite horror movie character would be Dracula, in his many guises. The hard part was deciding which Dracula to post a picture of here, there have been so many. From the classic Bela Lugosi, the nightmare-inducing Max Schreck, the charismatic Gary Oldman, the beautiful Gerard Butler, the campy Christopher Lee, the slightly anemic looking Rudolf Martin or, most recently, the ridiculously attractive Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, there is no way to choose just one favorite. They’re all good in their own way. So I chose a picture of Gerard Butler in Dracula 2000, and a clip from Oldman’s 1992 Dracula.

 

And that’s a wrap for now! Stay tuned for Days 21 to 25, coming soon! 🙂

M.

Nov 8 2013

30 Day Horror Challenge (in 6 Days): Days 11 to 15

Alright, let’s get right into this.

Day 11 – Favorite Horror Comedy: Cabin in the Woods

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Before Cabin in the Woods came out, this spot was long occupied by Army of Darkness. As I’ve said before, I really didn’t like The Evil Dead, or it’s sequel. But Army of Darkness made me laugh so hard the first time I saw it, I almost peed myself. It was definitely the horror comedy to beat, and Cabin did it, and them some. When I originally saw the trailers, how they set it up didn’t really make me want to see it much, it looked like just another slasher flick. I figured I’d see it at some point once it was out on dvd or Netflix. But then after it came out, I noticed, on Facebook, as one by one my friends saw it and raved about it. I was told, often, that I absolutely NEEDED to go see this on the big screen. Not understanding why such a generic slasher could cause such a fuss, I went to IMDb to read up a bit on it, and that’s when I saw it: Written by Joss Whedon. So I grabbed my mom, and went to see it in the cinema as soon as I possibly could. And it was the greatest thing since, well, everything. It was absolutely hilarious, and yet still managed to be scary at the same time, something Army of Darkness wasn’t able to do. And of course, that ending… I don’t use the word “epic” much, but that’s exactly what it was. Epic. It had epicdom in spades. If you happen to be one of the three horror fans on the planet who hasn’t seen this film yet, I won’t spoil it for you. But I will say WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU WAITING FOR?? Go see it, now! No really, stop reading my silly little blog, and go see it. Schnell!!

 

Day 12 – Most Disturbing Horror Film: Stephen King’s It

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This film is occupying this slot for one reason, and one reason only. Pennywise the fucking Dancing Clown. I saw this film when it first aired as a two part mini-series in ’90 (based on the Stephen King novel of the same name), and it scared the ever-living snot out me. No, it’s not the best film, some of the acting is a little shakey, some of the dialogue is a little hokey (you have to remember that it was made for early ’90s televison), but that clown. That goddamned clown. I watch it every couple of years, and it still gets to me, 23 years later. I’ve heard whispers that they’re looking to remake it for the big screen. If they get anyone but Tim Curry to play the role, I think I may just boycott it, because he was it. No one else could fill those ridiculously big shoes. Oh yes, they float. They all float down here. Ugh, I got goosebumps just writing that…

 

Day 13 – Favorite Zombie Film: Warm Bodies

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I’m not the biggest fan of the zombie movie. I’ve seen the original Night of the Living Dead, and while I enjoyed it, it’s definitely not my favorite anything. I just find the whole genre a little dumb. It has to be really good, and contain a lot more than just shambling dead folks to keep my attention. When I saw the trailers for Warm Bodies, I almost peed myself. A zombie comedy that also has a love story? I definitely had to see this. It was way funnier than I had even expected, while still managing to have some good, tense moments, and the romance, while really being the whole point of the “humanizing” that’s happening to the shufflers, is not shoved in your face. Anyone saying that this is just Twilight with zombies needs to shut up and actually go see the movie.

 

Day 14 – Favorite Indie Horror: The Woman in Black

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From Hammer Films, the gods of indie horror, The Woman in Black is an almost perfect piece of film-making. Daniel Radcliffe ups his game, putting Harry Potter far from our minds as Arthur Kipps, a young widowed father who goes to a small town to settle the estate of an old woman who has just passed away. But things in the sprawling mansion are not as quiet as they first seems. This film is tense, atmospheric, an amazing study in gothic horror. The boo!scares are kept to a minimum, which is always a pleasant surprise. Too many films are relying on those these days. Yes, it gives you a fright, but it’s not a “real” fright. Very, very well done. I may even use the word masterpiece. Yes, I think I will. This film is a masterpiece.

 

Day 15 – Favorite Monster Movie: Watchers

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For this category, almost anything could be called a monster, so I decided to cut out everything that often has it’s own sub-genres (vampires, werewolves, ghosts, aliens, etc), and went straight to “undefined” monsters. Watchers gets a lot of flack from people who loved the novel (by Dean Koontz) for being almost nothing like it. And yes, it’s true. Book and movie don’t have a whole lot in common. But if you’re able to put the novel out of your head while watching, it’s a pretty entertaining piece of film. The acting and effects are mostly pretty crappy, but it’s still a fun, campy popcorn flick. Plus, I totally had a major crush on Corey Haim.

 

Thanks for reading and stay tuned tomorrow for Days 16 to 20! 🙂

M.

Nov 7 2013

30 Day Horror Challenge (in 6 Days): Days 6 to 10

No fanfare needed, let’s continue this list.

Day 6 – Favorite Vampire movie: Interview with the Vampire

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Anyone who knows me even just a little will be able to tell you that I love vampires. Throw a rock in my house and chances are good that it’ll hit something vampire-related. I’ve seen so many vampire films, and I’ve enjoyed almost all of them to one extent or another. For me not to like it, a vampire film has to really be a truly colossal piece of shit. So trying to pick one single favorite vampire movie is like trying to pick the prettiest star in the sky. There’s one that I would have put here without question, but I’m saving it for later. So for this category, I’ll go with Interview with the Vampire, based on the novel of the same name by Anne Rice. When I first heard of this film, I was super excited… until I heard who was playing in it. To say I’m not particularly a fan of Tom Cruise is an understatement, and Brad Pitt was definitely not the first face to come to mind when I thought of the character of Louis. And I wasn’t the only one less than thrilled by the casting. Anne Rice herself was apparently livid when she found out Tom Cruise was playing Lestat. All that changed, however (for her and for me), after the movie came out. I saw it and fell in love with it immediately. It’s so well done, beautifully acted, shot and filmed. Some movies I watch once or twice, and even if I love them don’t feel the need to watch them again. Others, like Interview, I can watch time and time again and never get bored of it.

Day 7 – Horror Film I Think No One Has Seen: The Club

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This film is so little known that doing a Google image search yielded exactly 5 pictures, all of them crappy. Even the film’s IMDb page has no pictures. During the graduating class’s high school prom, a strange man named John is amongst the students. He wants them to join his very exclusive club, you see. Initiation is simple, all you have to do is commit suicide… or murder. It’s a campy piece of film, but quite enjoyable for those who enjoy the genre. If you haven’t seen it, I recommend it.

Day 8 – Favorite Foreign Horror Film: The Eye

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Since I’m from Canada, I could have gone with any film from the States and it would technically be a foreign film. But that would be cheating. So for this category, we go to China for the Pang Brothers’ extremely creepy ghost story, The Eye. Mun is a young lady who’s been blind all her life. After a cornea transplant, she starts seeing things that she’s unsure if they’re real or not. She slowly realizes that she’s able to see things that other people can’t, and goes on a trip to Singapore to find who her new eyes used to belong to, and what this person is trying to tell her. Such an amazing film, scary, tense and very well acted. The elevator scene (that almost killed me the first time round) gets my heart pumping every time.

Day 9 – Favorite Supernatural Horror: The Sixth Sense

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Since I’m not a huge fan of the slasher flick, pretty much all the horror films I watch, and the ones I love the most, are technically in the supernatural category. But I decided to go with what the creator of this list probably meant, and that’s ghost stories. I do love me a good old haunting. I remember when I saw The Sixth Sense for the first time. I went to see it at the cinema with my cousin. And we were both so blown away by that ending, we went back to see it again right after, just to see if we could spot any mistakes that would have the twist make no sense. We didn’t see any. Too bad so many of the director’s subsequent films sucked…

Day 10 – Horror Film Everyone Loved, But I Didn’t: Suspiria

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As with the film I thought I like, but didn’t, so many films could have gone here. The Shining, Halloween, Friday the 13th, Alien, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, all boring-ass films that everyone seems to love. But the worst has to be Suspiria. Much like Kubrick, I will never understand Dario Argento‘s appeal. I’ve seen a few of his films, and they’re all horrible. Like a whole new level of horrible. Sure, they’re pretty and bright, but a good film that does not make. The acting was painful, effects laughable and the story… so… bloody… slow. I do like me a good slow burn, but at some point, something has to happen. A bright red murder after every 25 minutes of watching someone walk around doesn’t count as something happening. Really. The only thing this film has going for it is that awesome theme song by Goblin.

That’s it for tonight! 11 to 15 coming up tomorrow! 🙂

M.

Nov 5 2013

30 Day Horror Challenge (in 6 days): Days 1 to 5

So, I’ve already done a movie challenge like this before on my Facebook, which was pretty fun. But when I came across this one, I found it even funner, but didn’t want to stretch it out over 30 days again. So I’ll do 5 a day, for 6 days instead. So without any muss or fuss, let’s get into it.

Day 1 – First Horror Film: A Nightmare on Elm Street

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I was three years old when this film came out, so I obviously didn’t see it in theaters. But I remember seeing it, hidden in the hallway, peering from behind something, when I was 4 years old. It’s a vague memory, but it’s there. My teenaged cousins were babysitting me and, thinking I was safely tucked away in my bed, started the film. I’m not sure how much of it I got watch before they caught me, but it was a significant amount. And from that moment on, I became a fan of horror films. I watched as many as I could sneak, until my mother finally got tired of catching me at it and, seeing that they didn’t give me nightmares (or turn me into a psychopath), just let me watch (and read) what I wanted.

Day 2 – Last Horror Film Seen in the Cinema: Evil Dead

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I love going to the cinema, and I don’t get to go nearly as often as I’d like. Most of that is due to the fact that where I live they don’t always have the films in their original versions, and I refuse to see dubbed films. So I’ve only probably seen about 5 films in the last year, and only two of them were horror, I think. So the last horror film I saw in the cinema’s was this summer’s Evil Dead remake (or reboot, whatever you want to call it). Now, I wasn’t a fan of the original film. I saw it late, in either the very late 90’s or early 00’s, and I guess the magic of it was lost on me. I found it stupid and dull and not remotely scary and more than a little silly. Which was a shame because the story (while very simple) was still interesting. So when I heard that they were remaking the film, and promising that it be “the most terrifying film you ever experience”, I was looking forward to it. So while in Montreal one weekend this summer, I grabbed a friend and prepared to be terrified. Well, terrified I wasn’t, but it was still quite a good film, the acting and effects all much much better than the original. I’m not a huge fan of excessive gore, though, so I spent a good amount of time staring at my friend’s shoulder. It doesn’t scare me, it just makes me slightly sick, so I’d rather not.

Day 3 – Favorite Classic Horror: The Last Man on Earth

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I love old movies. I always have. But they have to be good old movies. I’m not a fan of the extra cheesy (unless it’s superbly done), and I need a good story to keep me interested. I can even overlook some not-so-great acting if the story is really good (which is a good thing, because unfortunately a lot of old films have pretty shabby acting). Vincent Price is, by far, my favorite old timey actor, and of all his films, my very favorite is The Last Man on Earth. (A tie might be considered for his voice acting in The Great Mouse Detective, still one of Disney’s best, in my opinion, but we’re here to talk horror, not Disney, so carrying on…) A film version of Richard Matheson‘s I Am Legend (later to remade in the dull Charleton Heston vehicle The Omega Man, and again in the Will Smith dud), The Last Man on Earth tells the story of one man’s struggle to find a cure for a malady that has wiped out the entire population and turned them into blood drinking monsters. But who’s the real monster?

Day 4 – Movie I Thought I’d Like, But Didn’t: Hellraiser

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So many films could have gone into this slot. I saw a lot of the “classics” late, most of the horror I saw were the ones my mother bought on vhs (and tried to hide) or that my cousins or other family members rented. And except for a select few, they didn’t rent or buy any of the so-called classics, so I saw them all finally after I moved out at 17, and could rent what I wanted. And, for the most part, I hated a good amount of them. Hellraiser was the most disappointing though. A movie about beings from a hell dimension of torture? Yeah! Bring it on! I made a big bowl of popcorn, put the tape into my dusty machine and prepared for a frightfest. Boy, was I woefully disappointed. I was so bored, I think I may have nodded off at one point, and that never happens. I even sat through the next 3 films, just in case it got any better, but, with the exception of the 4th which I rather enjoyed (finally), they just got worse. I haven’t bothered to watch any of the 800 subsequent sequels. I heard Clive Barker is penning a remake. It can’t be worse than the original, so I’ll likely see it. Maybe it’ll have the Evil Dead effect…

Day 5 – Favorite Horror Remake: The Ring

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People love to hate on remakes. Usually even way before the film is even in the cinema, or sometimes even before it’s made. I’m of the opinion “how about seeing a film before saying it sucks?” But more on this later. I’ve a whole post in mind about remakes, so I’ll save it for later. As we all know, Hollywood loves a good remake. Whether it’s a remake of an older film, a foreign film, a tv show, or even remakes of remakes. Sometimes they get it wrong, sometimes they get it very wrong. But sometimes, just sometimes, they get it just right. So right that it far surpasses the original material. One such film is The Ring, the 2002 remake of Japan’s Ringu, based on the novel of the same name by Kôji Suzuki (which I also read and loved, despite being as different as it could possibly get from the film). I loved it so much, in fact, that even now, 11 years later, it’s still in my top 10 favorite films of all time. And that’s all films, not just horror.

And that’s all for today! Stay tuned for days 6 to 10 tomorrow! 🙂

M.